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That's ok, you need lots of words and explanation to understand things, whereas the keener, more abstract thinker can derive meaning out of only a few words and little explanation.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie That's ok, you need lots of words and explanation to understand things, whereas the keener, more abstract thinker can derive meaning out of only a fews and little explanation.

Keep telling yourself that.

*there there, there there*

quote:

Originally posted by Moral Hazard Indeed; however, the desire to hit dat shit doesn't mean the relationship is anything more or less then friendship.

True, but the valid existence of a friendship was never the argument.

to put it into parlimentary debate format

Be it resolved that it is impossible to have a friendship with a member of the opposite sex without one party or both having thoughts or desires of a non platonic nature.

quote:

Originally posted by Moral Hazard only for simple people.

There are times where the opposite is true, but simplicity is often more effective than being convoluted.

What is so impossible about this...think of all the women in the world that you would never want to have sex with. I mean they are simply not your type and never will be. That effectively turns those women into men. Befriending them will not eventually lead to sex if you don't want to. Especially if she feels the same way about you.

Let's say she does end up having feelings for you. Does that mean that sex will have to occur? No. Look at it this way: If you aren't gay, you wouldn't reluctantly have sex with a male friend if he happened to be a closet homosexual just because you two were good friends, would you?

I was having a chat on this topic with a female friend of mine last night (I was deeply in love with her for 3 years until I met my girlfriend.. damn I'd still do it with her). We came to a conclusion that a pure friendship between a male and a female (given both are young, attractive) is highly unlikely, especially if they are spending a lot of time together under different circumstances (university, common friends, parties etc). Most simply stay "friends" because of the inability of at least one of them to have a more intimate relationship with the other for different reasons (one is dating\married to your friend, a friend of your girlfriend etc). Moral is a complex obstacle deliberately made to rule out these issues but nature itself is pretty fucking simple - a dick belongs in a vag. I don't want to sound cynical because I don't like cynics, but I have come to realize that a lot of things in life are less romantic than I thought.

c0r version: very unlikely

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Originally posted by boris_the_bear c0r version: very unlikely

It's possible to find someone attractive and think that "it wouldn't work it for so many reasons" at the same time. Whether "it" is just having sex or upgrading the relationship. Even if both of you are single.

quote:

Originally posted by boris_the_bear I have come to realize that a lot of things in life are less romantic than I thought.

That's not a bad thing though. Once you realize that life isn't all rainbows and unicorns you start appreciating things for what they really are. Something most people still haven't figured out.

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Originally posted by Akridrot It's possible to find someone attractive and think that "it wouldn't work it for so many reasons" at the same time. Whether "it" is just having sex or upgrading the relationship. Even if both of you are single.

hypothetically, while i have some female friends that i wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole in a sexual way because they are mingas, the possibility does exist that they may want to take a ride on my pocket rocket.

The ladder theory says:

A guy and a girl can only be friends if one of these three conditions are present:

1. The guy is gay
2. The guy doesn't find the girl attractive
3. The guy finds the girl attractive, but is currently doing better

In all other cases, friendship won't work, as sex will always be in the way.

quote:

Originally posted by Moral Hazard Indeed; however, the desire to hit dat shit doesn't mean the relationship is anything more or less then friendship.

The OP defined the term "friendship" as a male and a female having a relationship without wanting to bang each other. Thus, when this relationship stops being or never was platonic and non-sexual because one party wants to bang the other, it can no longer be considered a friendship. How the relationship plays out in practice doesn't change that.

i have slept with two of my very close female friends now and honestly it has been good for the friendship since it got rid of all the sexual tension. I now know how awesome they are at playing skin flute and how good they are in bed so it is no longer a nagging question on my subconscious. Since it happened we have been better friends.

quote:

A guy and a girl can only be friends if one of these three conditions are present: 1. The guy is gay 2. The guy doesn't find the girl attractive 3. The guy finds the girl attractive, but is currently doing better

/thread

The ladder theory is a funny, scientific explanation of how men and women
are attracted to each other. It also covers such topics as why women
sometimes just want to be friends but men always want sex. It is based upon
many years of sociological field testing, and was first conceptualized in
1994 in Exeter, CA by Dallas Lynn with acknowledgements to Jared Whitson for
his role in formalizing the theory.

http://www.laddertheory.com/

quote:

A guy and a girl can only be friends if one of these three conditions are present: 1. The guy is gay 2. The guy doesn't find the girl attractive 3. The guy finds the girl attractive, but is currently doing better

Indeed.

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Originally posted by jennypie Of course it's possible. All this nonsense of "sexual attraction"...as if one doesn't have a choice in the matter, when in fact one does. You don't have to let yourself go there if you don't want to; i.e. in a relationship that is supposed to be strictly platonic. Like seriously I get that we're animals and all that, but ffs...do you really think everyone is controlled by their sex drive??

I'm not really interested in the question of "going there", because I do have female friends I am attracted to and I've never considered doing anything.

The COR logic is pretty cynical about male/female relations, because it basically posits that no man would ever find a woman worthwhile company if he wasn't attracted to her, and vice versa. It implies that men and women only interact socially because of the possibility of or the desire for sex. I find that a bit worrying because I don't think it's true, but then again I have relatively few friendships with girls who I don't find attractive.

Of course, another answer is that getting along with someone makes them attractive. I don't believe people who say "Personality matters the most" because for me it's a 50/50 split, but you obviously like the personality of your friends so why shouldn't that make them more attractive? I'm sure everyone has been in the situation where they spent a lot of time around someone they didn't initially find that attractive, but grow to like the person a lot more the more they see them.

quote:

Originally posted by SYSTEM-J I'm not really interested in the question of "going there", because I do have female friends I am attracted to and I've never considered doing anything.

Which proves my point exactly.

quote:

Originally posted by SYSTEM-J The COR logic is pretty cynical about male/female relations, because it basically posits that no man would ever find a woman worthwhile company if he wasn't attracted to her, and vice versa. It implies that men and women only interact socially because of the possibility of or the desire for sex. I find that a bit worrying because I don't think it's true, but then again I have relatively few friendships with girls who I don't find attractive.

Women do interact with men they don't find attractive for "intellectual reasons", for lack of a better term. These men are often labeled intellectual whores, a term coined by Woody Allen.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie Which proves my point exactly.

Yeah, I fully agree with you, but what worries me is the possibility that even if we have no intention of doing anything, we're still enacting an essentially fake friendship motivated ultimately by our libido. It suggests that men-women friendships are fundamentally different to men-men or women-women friendships.

I'd like to think that any attraction is just incidental and I'd still have the same number of female friends if I had no attraction to any of them.

Forgive me if someone's already said this...but I guess it depends on how you view the opposite sex to begin with. Do you see women as sex objects first? Do you see them as your equal? Or do you leave it completely open to interpretation at the time of meeting individual females?

If you view the opposite sex as a sexual partner first and foremost, you're most likely going to approach relationships with them in a corresponding manner.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie Forgive me if someone's already said this...but I guess it depends on how you view the opposite sex to begin with. Do you see women as sex objects first? Do you see them as your equal? Or do you leave it completely open to interpretation at the time of meeting individual females? If you view the opposite sex as a sexual partner first and foremost, you're most likely going to approach relationships with them in a corresponding manner.

While i do view women as individuals and equals, my dick thinks otherwise.....

lets face it, my dick is the judge and jury in most of my ethical dilemmas.

Troglodyte.

All men are not created equal and neither are women.

i've had female friends who i was just friends with,

but my serious relationships have all begun just as 'friends' and developed into something else. generally there was a lot of attraction and tension from the beginning, though.

Mmmmmmm tension.

I think it's definitely possible. I have plenty of friends who are attractive and I have never once wanted to be with them sexually and they have never wanted to be with me sexually.

Now on the other hand, if they are both attracted to each other and wanna hook up, they why the hell shouldn't they? I guess that would eliminate the whole 'platonic friends' thing...

Anyway, still possible.

...and it's possible to be platonic friends after you hook up with someone.Those feelings can change and you just kinda move on with the friendship.

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