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Stubert has the best stories!

I don't really have anything to do at the moment, so I'll write another one.



This was when I was 19, at a house in Toowong (the one with the 2 hardcore religious chicks, and the heroin junky). Aside from myself, there was one more flatmate, called Mike.

Mike was a fucking chill dude, most of the time. This is because Mike was nearly always wasted on any number of things. When he couldn't afford proper drugs/alcohol, he would go and spend a couple of dollars on a can of butane gas and sit out on the deck sniffing it all day.

I mentioned in a previous story that this particular household didn't last very long (for a number of reasons, really). It was on one of Mike's butane binge afternoons that really put the nail in the coffin, so to speak.

I got home at about 2pm and found that he'd drunk all my beer. Yay. So I went to buy some more. When I got home again, he was out on the deck with his butane, and absolutely fucking MASHED. Shouting and screaming all this shit about a range of topics. I left him be, hoping he'd chill out eventually, but all he seemed to do was slowly focus the object of his rage on one of the religious girls.

Mike only ever referred to them (when they weren't around) as "skinny" and "fat" since one of them was possibly the thinnest person I'd ever met, and the other was easily 130kg (about 290lbs for you American folks). It was "fat" that he seemed to have an issue with, this fine Brisbane afternoon.

The shit that came out of his mouth about this girl The most vile, disgusting, disturbing things that you could possibly say about another human being. Things that he wanted to do to her, etc.

Turns out she was home the whole time Locked in her room, crying, listening to him carry on for hours with all this despicable shit. She eventually burst out of her room with a couple of bags, and bolted out of the house to her car. Mike saw her and was running after her screaming "Run you fat ****, run! I'm fucking coming for you!"

Never saw her again. A week later, "skinny" informed us that the lease was up on the house, and that they would not be renewing it. She didn't mention anything about the other girl (and I didn't ask, lol).

I never got my bond (security deposit) back either, because of all the holes the heroin junky guy had smashed in the walls. Off to Red Hill to live with some chilled out gay dudes...

99% of Aussies under the age of 25 are utter fuckups. Confirm/Deny?

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On 99% of Aussies under the age of 25 are utter fuckups. Confirm/Deny?

Higher that that, in Queensland

TA got the only one, then? Score.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On TA got the only one, then? Score.

lol

I went to a tiny college in South Florida. The student body was close, in so many ways. Yes, that Florida. Stu's tales take absolute precedence. I've got nothing. That has to say something.

quote:

Originally posted by Sushipunk lol

I meant the only one maybe not crippled by drugs! Jeez!

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On I meant the only one maybe not crippled by drugs! Jeez!

Come on, I was a student at the time. Plenty of drugs in my life back then!

quote:

Originally posted by Spam He started eating shrooms daily (likely up to an ounce or more every day)

I'm just gonna go ahead and call bullshit on this one.

sushipunk has won this thread

Stu, how many room mates have you had?

I don't think I've had this many classmates in my life, it's like you shared a house with every other person in Australia

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Stu, how many room mates have you had? I don't think I've had this many classmates in my life, it's like you shared a house with every other person in Australia

I've lived in more than 10 share houses in Brisbane alone, many of them I moved into a household not knowing anyone else that lived there. Many more when I was travelling through the UK and Europe.

Got a pretty good story from an Amsterdam share house that I'll write up at some point And the dodgy shit from a couple of places in London, hahaha

Edit: So yeah, a lot of housemates, Lira

quote:

Originally posted by Sushipunk many of them I moved into a household not knowing anyone else that lived there.

i wanna know why the fuck you would ever do that. certainly not repeatedly. i don't need your psychology degree to tell me that's fucking nuts!

quote:

Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN i wanna know why the fuck you would ever do that. certainly not repeatedly. i don't need your psychology degree to tell me that's fucking nuts!

I think back then, I just gave way less of a fuck about things. All of the stories I've posted so far are from before I'd even turned 20

Some of it was just poor timing, or bad luck. At any given point when I needed a new place to move to, none of my friends/friends of friends had any vacant rooms to hit up. So you just go with whatever, and something cheap, and hopefully for a short time The acid party house I lived in was me moving away from home for the first time. Weird as shit, but it was so fucking awesome. Some of my best memories come from living there.

It would seem that normally, doing the random thing gets you junkies and psychos though. And gay dudes that are into group sex, lol

To be fair, I met some pretty cool people while doing the 'random' thing. Maybe 10% tops though

My tenancy agreement is up for renewal in the summer. I've been considering leaving the housemates I've lived with for almost three years, who are very boring but effortless to live with, and moving to Manchester with anyone I can find.

Stu's stories have now convinced me that would be a fucking terrible idea.

EDIT: As for the question, I've never had any room-mates that are nearly as fucked up as some of the stories in this thread. The worst was this guy called Frank who lived with us a couple of years back. He had no friends and no interests, so when he wasn't at work he was totally bored. He was out of work for a few months and basically became increasingly reclusive and weird. We had a house party one night which ended with him fucking a girl from next door. She was so drunk she could barely form a sentence and basically had no interest in him when she sobered up. He used to go over there and give her drinks until she was smashed enough to fuck him. Anyway, this girl had a history of being a bit crazy when drunk, and their "relationship" culminated in an extremely loud fight that lasted all night and ended up with the police coming round. It transpired that he'd tried locking her in her own house when she wouldn't have sex with him, and she'd retaliated by stabbing him in the hand with a bread knife.

Sounds like a swank neighbourhood.

All I can think of when reading Stu's stories is 'He Died With a Falafel in His Hand'. Lulz

Stu's stories take the cake, hands down.

Walking into the group sex room... fucking lol'd.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Stubert has the best stories!

lol true. the firecracker in the candle was awesome.

I'm trying to think of some good stories. I've had a lot of roommates whether in school or after graduation. Most were very clean and good peoples. Most were easy to get along with.

The only complaints i have is that some roommates were super messy. People who dont clean their fucking food plates, or generally clean up after themselves piss me off the most.

Although we did have this one kid who lived in the basement of our old house who was apparently too lazy to go up the stairs to use the bathroom. Every once in a while i would have to walk down there to do a quick load of laundry as that's where the wash room was and i would smell a faint urine odor. One day there was a cup by the stairs and i figured i would pick it up since i was on my way upstairs and was planning on doing dishes anyway. It was full of urine, I immediately gagged and was grossed out.

I had another roommate at one time who had a rabbit as a pet and would never clean his cage the thing smelled awful and we would always ask him why he had it since he never let the thing out and it would just suffer in its own filth. Guy was super weird.


That's pretty much it though, my current roommates are awesome there are three of us here, i just moved to chicago from NY and was a little weary of moving into a new place with new roommates but everyone here is mad chill.

quote:

Originally posted by SYSTEM-J My tenancy agreement is up for renewal in the summer. I've been considering leaving the housemates I've lived with for almost three years, who are very boring but effortless to live with, and moving to Manchester with anyone I can find. Stu's stories have now convinced me that would be a fucking terrible idea.

Come oooon. What's the worst thing that could happen?

quote:

Originally posted by Miss Pie All I can think of when reading Stu's stories is 'He Died With a Falafel in His Hand'. Lulz

Such an awesome book, lol. Have you read his second one, The Tasmanian Babes Fiasco? Also really funny, though I think the first one is a bit better. Probably because I could relate to it more

My freshman year roommate had a lofted bed with his desk under it, and he'd sit at his desk with a sheet that he hung down from the bed behind him so you couldn't see what he was doing (fapfapfapfap). I rarely saw him come out from under it.

He had never drank before, and the first time he went out and got absolutely hammered, he came back and had like a nervous breakdown in my room. Bawling his eyes out talking about how nobody on our hall liked him and everyone thought he was weird.

quote:

Originally posted by srussell0018 I rarely saw him come

Looked around on my old laptop anno 2006 that i had during the time but i think i wiped the harddrive since then.

Oh well, basically it was me, this thai-guy that worked as a chef and the brittish med-student (middle aged ~ 28ish).


He was constantly going on about the thai-guy's girlfriend, telling me(and him) how much he would like to fuck her, asking weird questions like "how's her pussy?" over and over again.



He always started the day with standing infront of the mirror for like 1 hour xD (always underlined that he was a model)


And eh, yeah the thai got fed up with him. What he did after was the whole point of the story. He peed in MY milk in the fridge, dragged MY toothbrush in his behind and peed in the thai's bed xD

well do i have to add that i drank right out of the milk the same night, threw up and then wanted to brush my teeth.


I didn't have anything to do with it ffs!

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