Coworker sexually assaulted me; boss is angry with me that it happened.

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-- Coworker sexually assaulted me; boss is angry with me that it happened.
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Posted by Vivid Boy on Jul-10-2013 05:05:

thats because you were trying to sexually assault me. and sexual assault is not fun if we're both doing it. thats just...foolin around...eww

Posted by Banora on Jul-10-2013 05:05:

quote:
Originally posted by Vivid Boy
thats because you were trying to sexually assault me. and sexual assault is not fun if we're both doing it. thats just...foolin around...eww

Ewww consent.

Posted by Vivid Boy on Jul-10-2013 05:06:

EWWWWWWWWW

Posted by Joss Weatherby on Jul-10-2013 05:07:

Uhhh, you can't spell consent without con.

I heard thats the opening line to every single "game" books.

FUCK I MISS ORY SO MUCH.

Posted by Lira on Jul-10-2013 05:25:

quote:
Originally posted by Banora
As for health issues, I doubt it. At worst I feel a little physically gross and... I dunno, ashamed? I feel like I am an idiot and shouldn't have gone upstairs and I feel frustrated because I feel like others (like my boss) feel the same.

Don't punish yourself for a mistake that wasn't yours. Your boss is clearly just a male chauvinist who would rather blame the victim than deal with the real issue.

You trusted this guy because, up until that point, his reputation was spotless, and you thought you weren't interested in you like that. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't lead him on, based on what you said. And even if you had, you're responsible for what you do, not for his despicable behaviour.

You weren't an idiot. You had no reason to believe he'd do anything like that. Don't let this nonsense make you think otherwise!

Posted by Lagrangian on Jul-10-2013 05:29:

If it makes you feel better, my previous boss was busted by the feds and is facing 20 years in jail for running a ponzi scheme.

Posted by Banora on Jul-10-2013 05:39:

quote:
Originally posted by Lira
You weren't an idiot. You had no reason to believe he'd do anything like that. Don't let this nonsense make you think otherwise!

From the reaction I am getting at work (including that coworker, who is a female and I elaborated on the situation) they seem to think I invited it or something. The girl even said "well, you know, he is a coworker, why even go to his apartment?". I don't know. I kind of feel stupid. Actually I feel really stupid.

What I think is weird is when he lunged on me I remember thinking that he is extremely heavy and squishy (no idea where the squishy came in). That was one of my thoughts when I was also thinking 'oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck' and NOPED the hell out of there.

quote:
Originally posted by Lagrangian
If it makes you feel better, my previous boss was busted by the feds and is facing 20 years in jail for running a ponzi scheme.

I would not be surprised if my manager was in on something like that. Going off of his behavior, the way he moves and talks I think he's on a shit-ton of coke 24-7.

Posted by Joss Weatherby on Jul-10-2013 05:41:

Posted by Lira on Jul-10-2013 05:55:

quote:
Originally posted by Banora
From the reaction I am getting at work (including that coworker, who is a female and I elaborated on the situation) they seem to think I invited it or something. The girl even said "well, you know, he is a coworker, why even go to his apartment?". I don't know. I kind of feel stupid. Actually I feel really stupid.

I couldn't disagree more. You went there for the obvious reasons: He seemed friendly and you thought he meant no harm. You went there because you had something of an informal business deal. You'd help him walk his dog, so it's no wonder you went there if that's where his dog usually was.

As for him being your co-worker, it doesn't matter if he's the freaking pope - he had no right to assault you like that whatsoever. Think about it: Just because a girl is in my flat, am I allowed to do as I please? Of course not!

Your colleagues sound like those CNN reporters who thought it was a shame those teenagers ruined their football careers because they raped an unconscious girl. They crossed the line, not her!

quote:
Originally posted by Banora
What I think is weird is when he lunged on me I remember thinking that he is extremely heavy and squishy (no idea where the squishy came in). That was one of my thoughts when I was also thinking 'oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck' and NOPED the hell out of there.

This was the right thing to do... though I'm also puzzled about the squishy bit. Huh?

Posted by Banora on Jul-10-2013 06:09:

Huh. I guess I got fired. I just read the company-wide email today and it said this:

I have witnessed the highest levels and lowest levels of ownership in the 48 hours since I have been back. Thank you to everyone who pitched in today to make it work. Honestly, I have witnessed above and beyond today that would make any father proud and I thank you! For those of you that made it difficult for us to do business today take a look in the mirror and while your at it, update your resume.

Tomorrow we are hosting an open house. My intentions are to hire 3 servers, 1 dishwasher, 1 Mon through Fri AM host/hostess, , and a part time bartender.

I was moved to the Mon-Fri am hostess. Well. Shit.

Posted by Joss Weatherby on Jul-10-2013 06:14:

Move back to Denmark hippy.

Posted by Lira on Jul-10-2013 06:27:

quote:
Originally posted by Banora
above and beyond

If they fire you though, can you sue them for cuntlike behaviour?

Posted by Banora on Jul-10-2013 06:29:

quote:
Originally posted by Lira
If they fire you though, can you sue them for cuntlike behaviour?

I don't know? I don't really have any evidence or witnesses.

quote:
Originally posted by Joss Weatherby
Move back to Denmark hippy.

I wish.

Posted by Spacey Orange on Jul-10-2013 06:29:

quote:
Originally posted by Banora
Huh. I guess I got fired. I just read the company-wide email today and it said this:

I have witnessed the highest levels and lowest levels of ownership in the 48 hours since I have been back. Thank you to everyone who pitched in today to make it work. Honestly, I have witnessed above and beyond today that would make any father proud and I thank you! For those of you that made it difficult for us to do business today take a look in the mirror and while your at it, update your resume.

Tomorrow we are hosting an open house. My intentions are to hire 3 servers, 1 dishwasher, 1 Mon through Fri AM host/hostess, , and a part time bartender.

I was moved to the Mon-Fri am hostess. Well. Shit.

in which state are you? You can probably sue. Sounds like your boss is an idiot by the way he is handling this.

Posted by Lira on Jul-10-2013 06:33:

quote:
Originally posted by Banora
I don't know? I don't really have any evidence or witnesses.

People will know they fired you for complaining you were sexually assaulted. That sounds like a case.

Posted by Banora on Jul-10-2013 06:38:

quote:
Originally posted by Spacey Orange
in which state are you? You can probably sue. Sounds like your boss is an idiot by the way he is handling this.

Kentucky. I don't know if I can sue, as there isn't any witnesses or evidence. I know he has been pretty pissed at me since I took my second job (they only gave me 4 days notice to the start time, and he was mad. Really he gets mad in general whenever I tried to get a second job but he only gave me at most 20-hours per week). Once, according to him, I no-called no-showed, but in the schedule he sent out I was not scheduled for that day, then got a nasty email from him saying he'd given away the rest of my shifts to people who are more responsible. I emailed him back with a screen shot of the schedule, my part and day in question highlighted and apologized, but he didn't let me come back to work or never apologized. He gets angry because I get bored standing for hours next to a door, staring out the window waiting for people (I usually stand at the desk and reorganize the menus, doodle on paper, etc). He could easily say I was a bad employee.

Also, when I mentioned his hostile behavior to the prosecutor and detective they didn't comment.

quote:
Originally posted by Lira
People will know they fired you for complaining you were sexually assaulted. That sounds like a case.

Will they? I mean in the email he has obviously let the dishwasher go too. Maybe this is the reason he doesn't want me to talk to the staff about this.

Posted by Joss Weatherby on Jul-10-2013 06:46:

I thought you were getting out of Kentucky?

GET OUT OF KENTUCKY!

Posted by Banora on Jul-10-2013 06:49:

quote:
Originally posted by Joss Weatherby
I thought you were getting out of Kentucky?

GET OUT OF KENTUCKY!

I'm trying! I need money to get out of Kentucky which I am sadly very very short on. I am attempting to move to Boston in the fall but that just keeps looking further and further away.

Posted by FuzzQi on Jul-10-2013 07:23:

This thread

I hope you get a better job soon

Posted by Sykonee on Jul-10-2013 08:12:

quote:
Originally posted by Banora

Will they? I mean in the email he has obviously let the dishwasher go too. Maybe this is the reason he doesn't want me to talk to the staff about this.

It's all been an elaborate set-up to remove staff, making the work environment as sucky as possible so you'll leave with no huss and fuss!

(probably not)

Posted by pkcRAISTLIN on Jul-10-2013 08:59:

even if nothing happens, make some fucking noise. people (the assaulter or your boss) rely upon victims just going away quietly and then they do it again.

then again i live for revenge.

Posted by narcism on Jul-10-2013 09:22:

Surely, there are some laws to protect you in this case, re: being fired.

Everyone in oz complains about the "unfair dismissals" law but it is there to protect you in cases like this.

Posted by Ted Promo on Jul-10-2013 10:31:

I work for an ethics and compliance company. The best route would be to look for employment elsewhere, as roughy as it is to say. It is apparent that the culture there is not conducive to reprimanding those who commit unethical acts unless there is an unreasonable and exhaustive amount of evidence. Rather than attempting to change the culture of all the employees there it would be far easier (and probably healthier) for you to seek employment elsewhere. Provided your company has an ethics hotline, I would then file a report about the incident subsequent to your solidifying a position elsewhere. Chances are nothing will come of the report, but you will have something on record, and the employee in question will have more of an extensive record, making his employment less tenable. Unfortunately, your story is rather common.

Posted by FuzzQi on Jul-10-2013 12:22:

quote:
Originally posted by Ted Promo
I work for an ethics and compliance company. The best route would be to look for employment elsewhere, as roughy as it is to say. It is apparent that the culture there is not conducive to reprimanding those who commit unethical acts unless there is an unreasonable and exhaustive amount of evidence. Rather than attempting to change the culture of all the employees there it would be far easier (and probably healthier) for you to seek employment elsewhere. Provided your company has an ethics hotline, I would then file a report about the incident subsequent to your solidifying a position elsewhere. Chances are nothing will come of the report, but you will have something on record, and the employee in question will have more of an extensive record, making his employment less tenable. Unfortunately, your story is rather common.

Holy shit that is the most coherent thing I've ever seen you write... I agree with you though.

Posted by Ted Promo on Jul-10-2013 12:50:

Haha. It happens I guess.

In reference to your supervisor, upon you securing a position elsewhere and filing a report regarding the incident, make sure to include your name. The actions you describe thus far do not technically constitute retaliation unless there is a paper trail. You must make sure you have a record of everything. If you have the capability of submitting an official report through a third party ethics hotline, maintain the case number. If you can only report the incidents internally, ask about a case number, or about securing a copy of the report. If you face further reprisal subsequent to the lodging of a formal complaint, then you can begin to proclaim you are suffering retaliation. If you make enough noise and document incidents diligently, you may be able to get both people terminated (or severely reprimanded). Although my company works primarily with Fortune 500 companies that have dedicated compliance divisions (or large Human Resource divisions that could encompass impartial associates). In your specific case it seems as though there may be favoritism between the supervisor and employee which may be impeding impartial judgment. If you work at some mom and pop place without an extensive compliance infrastructure, it may behoove you to just leave while you can, forget about it, and leave them a bad yelp review or something.

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