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-- Having kids.
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Yeah, of all the things to do unintended, kids is a pretty fuckin huge one.

quote:

Originally posted by Silky Johnson Yeah, of all the things to do unintended, kids is a pretty fuckin huge one.

I think you're being reasonable and even more important, responsible.

A friend of mine has 3 kids, makes about $35,000 a year, his wife doesn't work and he has a mountain of debt. I'm not saying he's an idiot or anything but he got married young (because of parental pressure) and never really had the opportunity to be young and have fun.

That's why young black men impregnate multiple hoe mamas but don't marry them. Who says you can't have your cake and eat it too.

My little adopted ones are a joy, I try not to spoil them too much but its hard not to.

I'm 30, no kids, win.

quote:

Originally posted by Silky Johnson I'm 33. I have a few years still. Lots of women are having kids later. Again, I still have debt and am not married yet. Two things I need finished before I even entertain the idea of kids.

If only more people kept it real like you, maybe a huge chunk of my paycheck wouldn't be buying iphones for welfare moms.

I honestly just don't even know if I am a family person. I come from a very small, single parent family - so solitariness is something I'm more comfortable with, and with making family out of friends/other relationships that aren't just genetic. My experiences have taught me that I don't really buy into the "blood is thicker than water"/family above all other relationships idea.

I really don't know how important it is for me to have and be part of a family. It's so much more than just having a kid or two and there you go. It's a whole lifestyle and way of being that I just don't connect with very strongly at the moment. Only recently (past 5-6 years) have I even felt comfortable being part of my SOs very large family, and I've known them half my life, lol.

Or maybe I'm just a loner at heart. I dunno.

quote:

Originally posted by Silky Johnson It's a whole lifestyle and way of being that I just don't connect with very strongly at the moment.

That's what scares me most about having kids.

It's not the actual taking care of and raising them; it's having to conform in some sort of way to that parental circle jerk. For example, attending birthday parties and being forced to stand there and act pleasant with that sort of demographic. Ew. Perhaps I just have a skewed view of what most parents in America are like. And sorry to say, I don't what shit to do with them.

But yea, the whole lifestyle itself. I'm not a fan.

Yup. And also the fact that, as much as I do enjoy spending time with my family and my SO's family, it still feels like an obligation more than a choice. Not that it's a bad feeling - in fact I think it's important to learn how to respect and honour obligations - but ehhhh. Do I feel obligated to my family because I genuinely enjoy my relationship with them, or do I find reasons to enjoy my relationship with them because of the obligation to them?

I hate the idea of tolerating people instead of truly enjoying them. And I hate the idea of enjoying people just because we share DNA. I think it's stupid.

All of that shit is inconsequential, once you stare into to the eyes of something you made, the second guessing is nil.

I am the least likely candidate for father of the year, but all of those worries don't mean shit. If you aren't broke, it is actually pretty easy and rewarding.

He does the shocker.

after my brother and his wife had 2 girls and my sister had a son, i def would want one or two. they brought everyone closer together and make everyone smile. don't have a set career yet so still many years away and on top of that me and my SO been having major problems this year. i think she broke up with me like 8-10x the past few months (most break ups lasted like 2 days lol and have been on her period...)

You should like totally have a kid with her.

quote:

Originally posted by planetaryplayer i think she broke up with me like 8-10x the past few months (most break ups lasted like 2 days lol and have been on her period...)

Umm, not to be an asshole, but is she emotionally stable? Not sure someone who is would do stuff like this. Or do you just mean fights.

tbh im not sure if she is. maybe a few have been fights but they genuinely feel like breakups. I've set my self where i would feel okay if we split for good, and found happiness within my self so it doesn't stress me so much. i still enjoy her when things are good but it seems the longer we stay together the more evident our morals and views are vastly different.

and she is highly emotional and self centred. also if u ever see me at any show in toronto you will notice she is NEVER there

def want to have kids but not really sure when at this point. I feel like it's better to be mentally prepared for it than financially, the rest will figure itself out and if you have no money you will work 3 jobs if you have to.

quote:

Originally posted by planetaryplayer tbh im not sure if she is. maybe a few have been fights but they genuinely feel like breakups. I've set my self where i would feel okay if we split for good, and found happiness within my self so it doesn't stress me so much. i still enjoy her when things are good but it seems the longer we stay together the more evident our morals and views are vastly different. and she is highly emotional and self centred. also if u ever see me at any show in toronto you will notice she is NEVER there

Well, as someone who has dated people who aren't remotely interested in the house music atmosphere, I understand that aspect.

But I have made a habit to stay away from very high-strung and flip-floppy relationships. Not much growth can be had and I always end up being disappointed. I never feel good, even during the good moments, as it's almost like I am walking on eggshells when I'm around them. But that's my personality. Sorry if I'm butting my head in where I shouldn't be mate.

I've just done a lot of self-realization and deep thinking this past month and I've changed my outlook significantly.

eh, its not butting if i posted it lol.

yea the past year i changed my outlook on things completely, focusing more on my self and what makes me happy and to not expect others to make me happy. IE preparing an 8h pre drink set for JOHN DIGWEED (sadly he isn't coming)

quote:

Originally posted by planetaryplayer eh, its not butting if i posted it lol. yea the past year i changed my outlook on things completely, focusing more on my self and what makes me happy and to not expect others to make me happy. IE preparing an 8h pre drink set for JOHN DIGWEED (sadly he isn't coming)

How are you going to be alive for the actual party

Tell her to go to Digweed with you and have fun or else you aren't going down on her anymore. If she's as crazy as she sounds it might actually work

quote:

Originally posted by Dykes_on_Jay All of that shit is inconsequential

Hahah, totally disagree for reasons already stated.

Nope, I don't have the patience for them, I hate them, and I love money too much.

They actually don't cost too much. I have a new appreciation for titties.

Don't you have a nanny? I get it's China, but still.

800 bucks a month plus costs. I don't need one (yes I do), but at that price....

I pay more for things like diapers, formula, and toiletries than back home. If money is what holds you back from having a kid, you need to elevate yourself from gypsy status.

It isn't expensive. It will be later for sure once education comes into to the mix, but yeah, it costs less than a meth habit.

Ok, well I'll work on elevating myself out of "gypsy status" and get back to you... yeesh.

I can't even imagine being able to afford that. I must be poor as dirt.

I've got a few years on you, that isn't what I meant.

If you can't afford to have a kid by your mid 30's, you've fucked up.

edit: The nanny is not for life. Just for the first few months so that I can keep working, and so that my wife can rehab from surgery.

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