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geez you bloody ukta's!
eww

bahaha, you guys are fucking funny. lol.

possibly the funniest thread ever....definately one for the classic threads page
I killed my brother on christmas day

Hello Az,

Did you really kill your brother on Christmas Day? If answer is YES then I would like some more details please.

Was the rest of the family watching you while you committed this crime? I have dreams of doing naughty things infront of my family members...maybe some sister sex.

This morning I masturbated for an hour, over a 92 lady that I killed last night. I had angry sex with her. She said she loved me before she died.

Az, do YOU have any family members that I could meet for a meal and sexy times? I promise that I will return the body in 2 pieces, not too mutilated and only a slight smell.

Please right back


blind rampage in public place
Technaughty

Ok if everyone is talking now, I decided to be open and tell my story.

At age 6 my niece came over from South Africa and stay in our house for a few weeks. She was 13 and just discovered it felt nice to insert objects into her hidden areas.

The day before Christmas I was washing myself in the bathroom. I was playing with my rubber ducky, which I named Paulus. My parents wanted to go to Ikea to buy a new lamp. They asked my niece to go with them, but she couldn't cause she just had her first period.

After my parents drove away, Tiesta (that was her name) came into the bathroom to get a new tampon. She saw me and my hairless penis, but it didn't bother her. She pulled out the bloody tampon and came to me. She forced me to suck the blood from the tampon, because otherwise she would cut my ducky into pieces.

So I had to do it. At first it was awful. I had to throw up. And again a few seconds later, but this time she French kissed me so she could swallow the puke. At that moment she got horny as hell and started sucking my tiny penis. I couldn't resist it, it started feeling good.

10 years later I saw her again, when she studied in Rotterdam. She had done an operation and was now half male. I fell in love with her, and we had the finest anal sex possible. After 3 weeks she told me she wasn't my niece, but my sister who was adopted cause my mom couldn't take care of her.

Since then we have sex 3 times a week. She's got a penis, and the doctors changed her anus into a pussy. Sometimes she puts her penis inside it, and let me watch. I collect the cum, and after 3 months she drinks all of it.

JP

quote:

Originally posted by jploveparade Ok if everyone is talking now, I decided to be open and tell my story. At age 6 my niece came over from South Africa and stay in our house for a few weeks. She was 13 and just discovered it felt nice to insert objects into her hidden areas. The day before Christmas I was washing myself in the bathroom. I was playing with my rubber ducky, which I named Paulus. My parents wanted to go to Ikea to buy a new lamp. They asked my niece to go with them, but she couldn't cause she just had her first period. After my parents drove away, Tiesta (that was her name) came into the bathroom to get a new tampon. She saw me and my hairless penis, but it didn't bother her. She pulled out the bloody tampon and came to me. She forced me to suck the blood from the tampon, because otherwise she would cut my ducky into pieces. So I had to do it. At first it was awful. I had to throw up. And again a few seconds later, but this time she French kissed me so she could swallow the puke. At that moment she got horny as hell and started sucking my tiny penis. I couldn't resist it, it started feeling good. 10 years later I saw her again, when she studied in Rotterdam. She had done an operation and was now half male. I fell in love with her, and we had the finest anal sex possible. After 3 weeks she told me she wasn't my niece, but my sister who was adopted cause my mom couldn't take care of her. Since then we have sex 3 times a week. She's got a penis, and the doctors changed her anus into a pussy. Sometimes she puts her penis inside it, and let me watch. I collect the cum, and after 3 months she drinks all of it. JP

ROFL...ROFL...so funny dude but um...you need help

quote:

Originally posted by jploveparade Ok if everyone is talking now, I decided to be open and tell my story.

So, before DJ'ing Paulus van Duck was a rubber duck then?

Yes, a little blue colored ducky in a red communist country.

With wings, cause he didn't have to buy anymore when he turned into an angel.

In 1999 he became God, creator of heavenly quack.

I just stumbled across this thread and it made me laugh out loud for about 15 minutes.

quote:

Originally posted by Technaut A women aged 92 lives across from me and she is alone from 5pm onwards each day. I have been having rude thoughts of forcefull sex with her and her cat. Tonight is the night I think, i have waited long enough for this moment. Would u like the body after I am done? Please write back. kill your family pet and eat it Technaughty

seeing as she is elderly she will be slow, one day when she goes to collect her pension, hide in her house, when she comes back break her legs with a piece of wood. they will break easy coz she is old and her crinkly holes are there for the taken, when you or done, set fire to her and escape, you will have gotten away with murder and rape, well done! the police will think she burnt herself. when you are at home you can masturbate over this rudeness and secret death sex you have committed! try enjoying this by kidnapping a feamle student (people wont notice students are easy to kidnap! but KEEP HERT ALIVE for many sexy times, if she bleed do not worry! piss in the cut and it will be ok. hope you have had good advice.

kill a swan.

quote:

Originally posted by Az possibly the funniest thread ever....definately one for the classic threads page I killed my brother on christmas day

have you tried taking photos of your genitals and posting them to your parents? and feeling the thrill of rudeness because they wont know its you!

piss kiss old men.

I recorded my parents having sex ones and added the sound to most of their porn videos.

They never even noticed.

Today i took a camcorder into work and placed it in a very sneaky place in the ladies toilets. I am going to record the footage for a while and the woman with the smelliest flange I will kill and eat her flange with some sauce I made from my sisters inside juice.

Tommorow my plans are to goto Glasgow Green and lie in wait for old women to drop there shopping. Then I will slip one in their bum and run off with no clothes on, while shouting "SEX ME SEX ME SEX ME"

That should make me feel rude enough for the start of the weekend.

I am glad that Az, Ste and JP have shown there true sexy thoughts on this board. It makes me feel moist to know that there is a ring of us on TA now.


hang around school children
Technaughty

quote:

Originally posted by DuMonde TrAnCeR have you tried taking photos of your genitals and posting them to your parents? and feeling the thrill of rudeness because they wont know its you! piss kiss old men.

Dear Ste, and Technaughty
I have taken photo's of my genitals, the lady at supasnaps was extrememly excited, and we had sexy times in a phone box, although the fone didn't quite fit her. I wrote sexy thoughts on the photo's and sent them to harold shipman, hoping for some sexy times at prison, alas this was not to be, he only plays with other inmates. I have never sent photo's to my parents, altho I have had sexy times with a friends mother and dog, whilst his father pleasured himself with the chimney sweep. I hope to hear from you all soon
Az

quote:

I am glad that Az, Ste and JP have shown there true sexy thoughts on this board. It makes me feel moist to know that there is a ring of us on TA now.

"TA sex ring member"

Let's all put that under our avatar

Once you've pushed a reasonably large blunt plastic object up your sister's rectum a few times (and both enjoyed it), it's perhaps time to reflect on the nature of my sexual pleasures.

When I'm kissing my sister's private parts, I feel no shame or guilt. It doesn't thrill with naughtiness. It just seems perfectly natural.

It's just when Tiesta and I were having sex, after a few times, we'd tell each other our dirty secrets, while the other masturbated. Then we started kissing and cuddling, and began to masturbate each other.

Making each other cum just feels good and right. So when my transsexual sister pisses in my face, I'm just as totally turned on. It's not a deep thing. It's just an acceptance of who you are, and submitting yourself to the pleasures of you desire.

Of all the subjects of sex I have explored with my sister, pissing remains my first fetish love. It is as safe and healthy as any sexual contact can be (so long as you avoid the eyes). It can be done anywhere. You can give. You can receive. You can do it naked, or clothed. Its one of the few sexual activities that you can actually do better when drunk. You can incorporate it into S & M plays, acts of voyeurism, or treat it as a normal sharing experience. You can drink it, cook with it, wash in it. It is not illegal (unless you make a public play of it). It is not immoral. You can do it on your own or with friends. And it tastes good.

Sucking off a cock or dildo that's been up my own arse holds only pleasure in my mind. Perhaps I'm eating tiny pieces of shit but that doesn't matter. Every time I look in the toilet bowl at one of my own turds, and smell the smell ... well I want to pick it up out of the water and play with it.

I'll be going to the toilet for a minute now.

JP aka Jumbo Penis

quote:

Originally posted by jploveparade JP aka Jumbo Penis

You know that lying and advertising at the same time is a crime, right?

quote:

Originally posted by jploveparade Once you've pushed a reasonably large blunt plastic object up your sister's rectum a few times (and both enjoyed it), it's perhaps time to reflect on the nature of my sexual pleasures. When I'm kissing my sister's private parts, I feel no shame or guilt. It doesn't thrill with naughtiness. It just seems perfectly natural. It's just when Tiesta and I were having sex, after a few times, we'd tell each other our dirty secrets, while the other masturbated. Then we started kissing and cuddling, and began to masturbate each other. Making each other cum just feels good and right. So when my transsexual sister pisses in my face, I'm just as totally turned on. It's not a deep thing. It's just an acceptance of who you are, and submitting yourself to the pleasures of you desire. Of all the subjects of sex I have explored with my sister, pissing remains my first fetish love. It is as safe and healthy as any sexual contact can be (so long as you avoid the eyes). It can be done anywhere. You can give. You can receive. You can do it naked, or clothed. Its one of the few sexual activities that you can actually do better when drunk. You can incorporate it into S & M plays, acts of voyeurism, or treat it as a normal sharing experience. You can drink it, cook with it, wash in it. It is not illegal (unless you make a public play of it). It is not immoral. You can do it on your own or with friends. And it tastes good. Sucking off a cock or dildo that's been up my own arse holds only pleasure in my mind. Perhaps I'm eating tiny pieces of shit but that doesn't matter. Every time I look in the toilet bowl at one of my own turds, and smell the smell ... well I want to pick it up out of the water and play with it. I'll be going to the toilet for a minute now. JP aka Jumbo Penis

thats beautiful JP, I wish I had that sort of relationship with my sister, shall I try?
bottle your piss and sell it
Az

Hello again my naughty friends

JP: I don't think that is very wise to have that under your avatar my sexy friend. As you never know who may grass us up, the ring must be internal.....forever.

Az: Bottled piss sells well in India and Mexico...I can give u contact details

Maaz: I sense u are intrigued and u want to know more, give me contact info and I can hook you up.

Now for the sexy times i've been having....

Today I masturbated for 30 mins over my boss, I think she was wearing a G string (for my pleasure) and was looking for some cock. Maybe next week I will forcefully slip her a portion while she shouts "TO THE BACK OF TEETH YEAH YEAH, TO THE BACK OF TEETH YEAH YEAH".

After that I will make her say she loves me before I kill her.

The 92 year old womens carcus is still in my house. Many times I have felt rude whilst brushing past it with no clothes on. I have re-named the body as 'Claire' as that is a very naughty name. Tonight I will cook her arm.

The paperboy here delivers my papers at about 9am each day, normally I dont have bumsex with any males under 68..but I feel special when I see him...tommorrow is the day for this attack I think.

For Saturday I plan another blind rage in public place...who knows where and who knows when...Thats the way I like it (so do they I think).


pubic hairs in my mouth
Technaughty

ROTFL

Dear Technaughty

Your story of the paperboy intrigued me, please video and send, along with one of the old ladies fingers
I felt rude with a man in shorts earlier, I pissed in his numerable cuts

Deficate in your grandmothers freshly made bed
Az

quote:

the paper boy

As you know, Ste deliveres news papers for a living and had been for ten years, first for extra pocket change and then to help get himself through college. Although he had girlfriends off and on since his teenage years, nothing to serious. In fact Ste was still a virgin. Sure he thought about it especially with his last girlfriend, Armina, she was a tight little 18 year old blonde and she was hot. But it was her mother that turned Ste on. He was so taken by her mother that he couldn't bring himself to sleeping with Armina. Instead he held out hoping that one day he would get to touch her mom's smooth skin.

Everyday Ste went past their house delivering the paper, hoping that one day he would have the chance to be with Armina's mother Paula. What a woman she was. She stood about five foot ten with long hair which she wore in a braid that went the length of her back. Her slim body was full of curves from her luscious breasts to her thin waist line and her rounded hips, she was the perfect woman in Ste's eyes and he wanted the chance to show her how much he had always wanted her. In fact he dreamed of her day and night for the past three years hoping to get his chance. Then one day it happened.

As Ste threw the paper toward Armina's house the door came open and Paula stood there dressed in a long black satin gown. She looked amazing and Ste could feel his pants growing tighter as his eyes followed the outline of her figure through the gown.

"Ste, honey, I have something I need your help with if you have a minute", Paula yelled out to him from the porch.

Ste slowly got off his bike and walked toward the house. On the inside he was bursting with excitement but he tried so hard not to show his desire for this woman. Paula was 48 but Ste didn't care she was the sexiest thing he had ever laid his eyes on and he wanted to feel her wetness.

Paula lead Ste up the stair case to her bathroom where she pointed out the leaky faucet in the tub. Ste leaned over the tub to take a closer look and when he turned to tell Paula what the problem was she stood before him totally naked. He felt his face go red and didn't know what to do. She took his hand and pulled him to her, first kissing his forhead, then placing her hands between his legs to discover he was just as excited at her. She took his hands and placed them on her breasts, which where soft and nipples erect. She moaned at his touch.

They spent thirty minutes in the bathroom explore eachother's bodys before making their way to the bedroom, where Ste picked Paula up and slowly placed her on the bed and climbed between her legs. What a sensation. He felt her warmness engulf him and it only took moments before it was over and he had filled her with his juices.

Paula smiled, reaching over to kiss him and roaming her hand down to his soft member making it swell once again. She wanted to teach him everything. He was going to be her lover, her pupil. Ste the paper boy with the nice body was going to be all hers for the playing. She smiled to herself as she lowered her head down below the blankets.

Then it happened: Technaughty came home. He's the son of Paula, Armina's older brother. "Mom, where are you?". "Shit, it's Techy, hide under the bed!". But it was already to late. Technaughty came in and saw his mom in bed with Ste. "WTF!", said Technaughty! "How could you do that with calling me first! I want a piece of the action too!"

Ste was having fun with both Paula and Technaughty when Armina came home a few hours later. She activated the explosive belt her terrorist friends gave her. Now they're all dead.

omg...this thread is still alive? hahahaha. you guys are funny as fuck.

Inject your grandmother with heroin
Az

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