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-- Sexual Assault, #MeToo, and protecting friends from themselves
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I think it's also important to evaluate where you really stand with this guy and; therefore, how you're prepared to support him, if at all. It's totally fair to ask him specifically how you can help him, if that's something he wants.

It's not cool to go to someone and tell them you're concerned, but then be like "But I can't actually help you." Words aren't gonna do shit to help him; he will need lots more than that from the people around him.

Be real with yourself and ask yourself if that's something you can give right now - you're about to start a family and that's gonna sap all of your mental and emotional resources, your time and energy. So be careful about this.

Yeah you're right. But if anything, me coming to him and saying "hey man I'm concerned about you, I think you need to re-evaluate what you are doing, get some help" is better than me not doing anything at all. I certainly won't have time to hold his hand and make sure he doesn't go around to parties stealthing other women, but anything is better than nothing.

Again, if he rejects my calls for introspection and possible professional help, then I've got no time for him, or a place for him in my life, and I will likely discard him as a friend.

Edit: it's also worth mentioning, that even if I can't be around for him in person most of the time since I will be taking care of a newborn and a postpartum wife, having him know that I've got his back is reasonably uplifting. I think if he lost me, it would be a disaster for his psyche and he could spiral even deeper. He can't snap his fingers and I'll be there, not anymore, but I can always try to carve out some time to have a beer with him and talk things over. Having a friend like that is pretty priceless.

Yeah, well that's exactly it. As long as you can say to him "I can be here for you in this way, but not that way" I think that is totally reasonable. Sort of like having a bottom line with addicts.

Agreed it's better than not doing anything at all. Hopefully he gets control of the reigns again.

These kind of threads always die early because we are all too goddamn reasonable and we end up agreeing with each other. Fuck you guys, I'm getting a divorce and me and Dave are going on a stealthing rampage across the continental US!

Your friend is a cunt and so are you!!!

quote:

Originally posted by ziptnf Again, if he rejects my calls for introspection and possible professional help, then I've got no time for him, or a place for him in my life, and I will likely discard him as a friend.

In my experience, this wouldn't be such a bad idea.

I once mentioned that I've only discarded two friends in life, and one of them was going down a similar self-destruction route and getting into all sorts of problems (from trying to write his doctoral thesis in a week, failing, and thinking the professors singled him out because his wasn't the worst thesis he had seen; to saying he didn't punch his sister in a family altercation because he only "shoved her with his closed fist"). I spent two to three years trying to talk him out of it, but there was a point he'd get so pissed off if I couldn't hang out with him because I had job interviews that he showed up at my door unannounced trying to take me to a rock concert because "friends matter more than jobs".

Last I heard from him, he had tried to emigrate to Canada illegally and had to come back once he realised you couldn't enrol at York University like you order a burger or something

quote:

Originally posted by ziptnf I'm getting a divorce and me and Dave are going on a stealthing rampage across the continental US!

What a dick move, what do you have against Hawaiians!? Racism, that's what this is!

Dave made a week-long stop in Hawaii during his trip out of the country, so I'm sure he's stealthed some Hawaiian bitches already

Good. Next up, I hope there are no more American Virgin Islands!

What did he say? Did you give up on him? How do you like your mozzarella sticks?

We're curious here!

So we got there around the same time, ordered our beer and made small talk while waiting for the beers. Once we got them I asked him to recap his last week, starting with Saturday night. I told him I was there for him and it was important to me that he be as honest and as detailed as possible.

He and this girl (let's call her Marie?) spent all day at some pirate festival with another mutual friend, drinking for like 6 hours. They went to another bar to continue drinking. At a certain point they agreed to go back to her friend's place where she was staying and fuck. They stopped at a gas station to get more condoms since he only had 2 (ironic no?). They get back to her friend's house and she doesn't have her key. They want to fuck so bad that they decide to rent a hotel room for the night. So round 1 he has the condom on, and they take a break, like I mentioned. He takes off said condom, meets her in the bathroom and starts kissing her at the sink. They move back to the bed and he *thinks* he said something to the effect of "hey the condom broke". I asked if she responded and he said he can't remember. This is a bad sign to me. They fuck again and he pulls out and busts on her chest. She notices no condom and says nothing and gets in the shower. After getting out she rips into him and calls him a lot of names and tells him she's going to tell all their friends. On Monday she texts him a long thing basically saying what I had posted in the original post, then Tuesday she tells everyone. Nobody except me and another friend had reached out to him personally.

I spent the next hour pretty much laying into him not only about how stupid that individual act was, but about his stupid decisions he's made over the last year and a half. According to him, he never hit a "panic" button with his last relationship and it was a mutual "drifting apart". He does regret breaking up with her though. He also regrets that he didn't spend more time overseas (which I learned was actually inspired by his FWB Marie), not sticking it out and continuing to travel after he got homesick. The last time we saw each other, he claims he was hung over, and not depressed. I asked about his drinking and smoking and he said that he has only gotten sick from drinking once in the past 6 months and during his time alone he has never gotten drunk to the point of passing out. His smoking habit has been an on and off thing for the last few years, something which his ex Karen hated.

I was very honest with him, I tried to relate to him as a caring friend as much as possible, because I let him know that he basically lost 50 friends in one day. I told him to distance himself from that group, and he said he already had to some degree. That wasn't good enough for me and I told him that he needed to continue to distance himself, maybe even going so far as leaving the chat channel. He didn't agree to that, which is fine, that's his choice, but it was something I recommended. I also mentioned professional help, and continuing to try to spend time getting in tune with his own self. He is looking for a place to live and looking for a new job. I told him once he gets that, he needs to buy a bag of weed and drive out into the country and spend some time just by himself, resetting his emotions and finding time to think. As far as future relationships, he's not sure. And these are some things that I certainly can't help with.

At the end of a brutal hour of interrogation, we had another hour of just normal chit chat and beer. Hugged it out afterwards (a first for us) and went our separate ways. I hope that he woke up with a renewed sense of things, knowing that we were able to hash things out in a way where pretty much nobody has ever asked him about any of this stuff before. I think he needed it, and he agreed. I told him that I had been on the receiving end of difficult conversations before and that I knew how it felt. They suck, but they are ultimately necessary. If anything, I hope that this made him stronger as an individual, and I hope he took some of my advice to heart. We will see how that pans out for him, because his future is in his own hands now.

What percentage of the busted nut came to dwell upon her tits? Did any remnants of the busted nut remain swimming in her vaginator?

I'd say we are talking like a 99.65% on her tits and 0.35% in her womb type of situation.

You're a good friend, zip. I'm proud.

Re: Re: Sexual Assault, #MeToo, and protecting friends from themselves

quote:

Originally posted by Lira I've seen drunk drivers nearly lose their lives and vow never to touch a beer again, only to make the same mistakes down the road.

It's true though

quote:

Originally posted by ziptnf So round 1 he has the condom on, and they take a break, like I mentioned. He takes off said condom, meets her in the bathroom and starts kissing her at the sink. They move back to the bed and he *thinks* he said something to the effect of "hey the condom broke". I asked if she responded and he said he can't remember.

Yeah, the story doesn't seem to add up. If he said the condom broke and they got more condoms, then why not wrap it up with another one?

Also, assuming he told her he went commando, didn't she check if the soldier had his helmet on when the infantry went all in? If they took a break, didn't she even stroke the horse's mane before the cavalry charged? Was it some kind of recon mission and she only saw the artillery when the cannons fired? His excuse makes about as little sense as my military analogies.

And Woty is right, you're a good friend, Zip. You did good

I don�t get why anyone wants a play by play of what happened. He�s sleazy and she�s a clown faced psycho skank. Who airs their motel hookup in public?

Ickity Giggity

It's because they're old enough to consent, isn't it IGK?

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Also, assuming he told her he went commando, didn't she check if the soldier had his helmet on when the infantry went all in? If they took a break, didn't she even stroke the horse's mane before the cavalry charged? Was it some kind of recon mission and she only saw the artillery when the cannons fired? His excuse makes about as little sense as my military analogies.

Arf. You're on form in this thread, Marcus.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Also, assuming he told her he went commando, didn't she check if the soldier had his helmet on when the infantry went all in? If they took a break, didn't she even stroke the horse's mane before the cavalry charged? Was it some kind of recon mission and she only saw the artillery when the cannons fired? His excuse makes about as little sense as my military analogies.

Congrats on the new recruit, Nick!

quote:

Originally posted by SYSTEM-J Arf. You're on form in this thread, Marcus.

7 years in military school have taught me a lot about... private talk

quote:

Originally posted by Sand Leaper

I approve of Scrubs references and Sand Leapers coming back from the dead. I'm glad this thread's delivered both

God dammit, Lira

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