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-- How Do I Get Her Back?
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quote:

Originally posted by UWM I am shocked and dismayed that I haven't seen this posted yet - Pics or STFU If I missed it in the thread I apologize, I've been up for going on 48 hours.

http://www.deviantart.com/view/3408881/


Now you can stfu.

I went out with her last night. We talked it out and I guess I'm just gonna have to let her go. She still loves me, I know this. She just wants to be kinda free again. Since I love her, I want her to be happy. But if I play my cards, she'll want me back. Because, yeh, I'm gonna play hard to get.

^

G'dammit, why do people never listen to the advice they ask for?

MOVE ON. STOP THINKING ABOUT HER. STOP TALKING ABOUT LOVE AND PLAYING YOUR CARDS RIGHT, FFS! And most importantly, DON'T GO OUT WITH HER!!!

Amazing how men in society at large have gone all the way from womanizers to pathetic desperate beggars...

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut Amazing how men in society at large have gone all the way from womanizers to pathetic desperate beggars...

So true... our society conditions them to behave this way.

The mass media glorifies women. Our history books devote entire chapters to important contributions of women which, if the same had been done by a man, would not even have received a footnote. Men are taught that they are lucky to have a girlfriend, and yet the perception is that women are entitled to have a boyfriend.

The message that is being sent is that women are better than men; that they are more valuable than men. Most men, when exposed to these phenomena, come to define their existence through their relationships with women.

Ironically, this creates the opposite type of man from what most women really want.

Whether they want to admit it or not, what most women really look for in a relationship is the feeling that they are special, that something extraordinary about them, and only them, is what makes it possible for the man to want them.

But it does not make them feel special to just be the object of the affections of an ordinary man. They want a man who believes in himself and backs up his belief with action. When someone showers them with gifts or attention, they will naturally respond positively, at first. But sooner or later, they're going to start interpreting this attention as a sign that the man does not believe he deserves her, and must compensate for his own personal deficiencies with flattery and gifts.

What ultimately satisfies women more than anything else is when you can by your behavior instill in them the belief that you have chosen them when you could have chosen any other woman instead.

When a woman asks for "space", it is usually because they feel like you have stopped being the strong, independent man who chose her, and have instead become a man who feels "lucky" to be with her. As a result, she is considering breaking up with you. Whether she realizes it or not, the "space" she is asking for is really a test to see whether you believe you are fortunate to have her, or she is fortunate to have you.

By utterly refusing to initiate any contact with her, you are sending a strong message that your belief is the latter, and, thereby, you maximize the chances that she will choose to continue her relationship with you.

I am extremely confident in my advice. Should you choose to pursue another course of action, I feel you are making a terrible mistake and sabotaging any chance you have to retain her. Ultimately, though, what you truly need to do is to believe in your own mind that she is lucky to have you, and then to behave as such. If you don't believe that, sooner or later she will realize it, and her interest in you will once again fade.

Best Wishes,

Arbiter

I've read this entire thread and agree totally with diginut, seems like we share the same view of female psychology when it comes to relationships

Nice post Arbiter!
Men constructed by women... brilliant!! Looks like the tables have turned on us guys, for years women have been cnstructed by patriarchal society now they're doing the same thing to us!

Very well said, Arbiter.

I think what this guy will probably do is stop calling her for a few days, rush to answer the phone whenever it rings, give off a disappointed sigh when it's not his g/f, and sulk for the rest of the day. Then when she calls, she'll just say something like "how's it going" or "wanna get some lunch" and he'll cave in instantly and start showering her with attention again.

And sometimes this'll work temporarily - for a few days, even a few weeks maybe - but it is an illusion. Following that course of action only proves one's worth as a doormat, and she'll get bored again very quickly.

But hey, don't take my word for it... see for yourselves... betcha this thread resurfaces in less than 5 days with a glorious story about how they worked everything out and are now happily back together... and then gets bumped another 5 days later to say she dumped him.

---
Off the record, I don't believe that women were ever oppressed or constricted by 'patriarchal' society (at least not in the 20th century). There were plenty of women who worked - it's appalling how many people believe the feminist tripe without doing any personal investigation of how society was actually structured back then. Feminism just predicated itself on the belief that women who didn't work were worthless to society. If we're going by that logic, might as well abolish maternity leave!

"im gonna play hard to get im gonna get her back just watch me" bah ur a sucker...ull never get her back..u should have grabbed her by the hair when u went out for dinner...now ur fucked

quote:

Originally posted by Vivid Boy "im gonna play hard to get im gonna get her back just watch me" bah ur a sucker...ull never get her back..u should have grabbed her by the hair when u went out for dinner...now ur fucked

Actually, you just reminded me about the dinner thing...

Dude, why didn't you break up with her then? Damn, you really are a sucka! You should've waited for the meals to be ordered, then walked off, left her to pay the bill! That would've been hilarious, and I'll bet you any money she'd have called back the next day too!

not only that but u could have taken ur meal with u...ur a sucker...u truly are a sucker... im gonna play hard to get...why dontu play hard to stand and slap the bitch around a bit

Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

quote:

Originally posted by DJ Sunburn So I've been in a relationship for a year now with a girl I love more than anything. We've been through our ups and downs, but we've had so many good moments that just couldn't ever be replaced. She's the type of girl that never leaned too much on other people. Just me. She loved the attention I gave her, and love. She never liked girls very much, because of the numerous amount of backstabs they have done to her. So she focused more on guy friends. Two weeks ago she decided she wanted some space so I gave it to her. She didn't have anybody else she was really interested in. She just wanted to boot old habits we had in our relationship (talking on the phone too much) etc... But a few days later, she met a guy named Ben. She allowed him to come over to her house and stuff and they chilled. Of course, I didn't like this very much. Ben is head over heals for Christina. Which is odd considering they just met. He tells her he loves her, gives her flowers, cards, and roses. He takes her places. He's real nice. BUT HE JUST MET HER! And looking through his online journal, it's easy to say that he's this way with every girl he friggin meets! There's another guy that takes her home in the afternoon from school. His name's Michael. Every day they hang out after school. Christina used to be all over me and adored me all the time. But this change in her happened so fast where it seems like she just doesn't care anymore. She's got this new freedom. And she's the type of person that would get mad if I hung out with other girls. I miss her terribly. She's always hanging out with her new friends, and I want my relationship back with her! She used to be the most loving person towards me. And now she tells me about how she enjoys cuddling with her new guy friends and such and its just a slap in the face to me. argh.... This is not her at all! I don't see how she could hurt me like this! What do I do? I want her back!!!

I know the feeling, experienced similar thing myself ... but it's her choice and not yours, I don't think you'd really want her back though, unless you're up for a one way street relationship. She used to be you said, but it looks like she isn't the same anymore. Sometimes people change, and nothing you can do about it but move on. I don't think it's nice of her telling you how she likes cuddling with other guys, that she should've kept to herself, because it looks like she's just trying to hurt you, or just push you away.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do, go with the flow, don't force anything ... it's never worth it

Peace

arbiter- good post! i agree and i think it is something alot of people don't realize. Of course it isn't the case for every girl but i think the majority can account for it. It is ironic because all throughout highschool and even after highschool i was the desperate one and i thought of how i could get them back and so on and so forth, so it is funny to read these threads and see how i used to think. Im glad i've over come those feelings. And another thing, if a guy buys me flowers and candy and shit often then i know there is something wrong and 99.9% of the time the guy turns out to be a freak. So dj sunshine.... you asked for the advice, now i suggest that you take some of it for what it is worth because you are looking at the experience of alot of people!

im gonna give some serious advice...and the truth is exactly what digi said u lost and u have to move on...theres nothin u can do to get her back...just learn from ur experience and if it happens again ull be able to handle it smoother... girls are messed up theres nothing u can do...they like to play games and we like shit straight up with the facts on the table...but who cares next time some girl plays games with u dont give her the reaction they want u play your game right back at her...and cut her off...like serious man...shes lookin at u like she has u wrapped around ur finger...u should have cut her off let her loose along time ago..u might have still had a chance

very true, and if you wouldn't have let her play these mind tricks or games with you in the first place then it would have been a whole lot easier. Next relationship you are in.. because you are going to move on if you know whats good for you... you will do YOURSELF a favour and not put up with that crap. And as soon as that girl starts pulling these things, pull her aside and say "LOOK, i don't play those games, so be straight up with me now, or we can't continue like this" and you will feel better about sticking up for yourself, and sparing a lifetime of confusement. if she can't handle it then you are better off looking for another girl.

- Well, you see, I love this girl, so Im really gonna try and fight for her, and really change things.. or maybe be her "Friend with Priviledge".. whatever.. im up for that, and IM sure she'll be up for it too .

but she dumped you! you have to accept it! Why would you settle for whatever scraps she can give you.I know you love her and i know you had a history with her... but now thats changed! And you have to accept it! No matter what, things WON'T go back to the way they used to be because she has CHANGED her mind. Do your self esteem a favour and move on!

quote:

Originally posted by LiquidX - Well, you see, I love this girl, so Im really gonna try and fight for her, and really change things.. or maybe be her "Friend with Priviledge".. whatever.. im up for that, and IM sure she'll be up for it too .

dont do the 'friend with priviledge' thing!!!! in the end you will only wind up getting more hurt in the end. if you do follow thru with it then she will know that she has you wrapped around her finger and can play with your head, but she really does not care about you. it is just another game for her, move on!

Yup, let it go man. These are the kind of things that happen when you don't expect it.. Most of the time if you push it too hard and just expect things to happen you're just gonna end up hitting a wall. Almost everytime I asked a couple how they met, they told me they never expected to end up together, or well at least didnt plan anything about it beforehand... It just happened out of nowhere.

Plus the time you spend focusing on that chick, youre waste opportunities to meet other girls. Think about it..

While I didn't read every reply (wayyyy too many), sounds to me like you just haveta move on. It sucks, but if she's doing this sort of shit then it's probably better this way...

quote:

Originally posted by KLINGKLANG77 dont do the 'friend with priviledge' thing!!!! in the end you will only wind up getting more hurt in the end. if you do follow thru with it then she will know that she has you wrapped around her finger and can play with your head, but she really does not care about you. it is just another game for her, move on!

There you have it, even the women in this thread have spoken.

"Love" is what I have for my mom, my dad, my sisters, my brother, maybe even my closest friends, and also whoever happens to be my girlfriend. I suppose I could say I have it for my ex too, although it doesn't signify that there's any relationship between us.

LiquidX, you're not talking about love. You're talking about desperation. Give it up, it's a turnoff, sickening to the guys around you and even more sickening to the object of your affections.

pull ur skirt up liquidX

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut There you have it, even the women in this thread have spoken. "Love" is what I have for my mom, my dad, my sisters, my brother, maybe even my closest friends, and also whoever happens to be my girlfriend. I suppose I could say I have it for my ex too, although it doesn't signify that there's any relationship between us. LiquidX, you're not talking about love. You're talking about desperation. Give it up, it's a turnoff, sickening to the guys around you and even more sickening to the object of your affections.

-LoL WoW! allright.. what I wrote I didnt really ment to sound like that. Im not desperate at all. You see, we went out for 2 years, went through alot, and even had in mind many future plans. But ever since I entered college, and we both started to get some busy life, it all changed. I was not up to leaving her just because of that, but she somehow became selfish. Whenever she needed to do something, I never bithced at her or anything, but whenever I had to kill myself studying for an exam, she would come up with stupid excuses like.. ohh thats more important then me, you barely do aything for me and bla bla bla.... not a month passed, and she started getting things in her head and stupid ideas. She works too, and gets home at like 11-12 PM at night. Theres no way I could've seen her . Have in mind that I have to wake my ass at 5AM and work till 5 PM in the afternoon. Now, when she asked to give time or change, she also got out of her job, had more time.. and I was like.. WTF? She wants to end up an awesome relationship, envied by many, because it was.. went throigh so much for some nonesense???.. If you really LOVE like couple LOVE someone, I guess you'll do anything to keep it up.. but she just dropped it. She said so many things that made me think otherwise before. She said "TE AMO" a term in spanish of saying I love you, but its stronger then that.. those who know spanish know what I mean.. so there, Im not desperate, but not willing to drop such relationship for something like that.. everyone would agree with ,e that shes acting like a real bitch for nothing. .... but desperate, no. I dont know where all that the love my parents and stuff came from.. ofcourse its a different kind of love. I love my car.. so?

<---------ur gf

quote:

Originally posted by Vivid Boy pull ur skirt up liquidX

I dont wanna scare you man.

quote:

Originally posted by LiquidX -LoL WoW! allright.. what I wrote I didnt really ment to sound like that. Im not desperate at all. You see, we went out for 2 years, went through alot, and even had in mind many future plans. But ever since I entered college, and we both started to get some busy life, it all changed. I was not up to leaving her just because of that, but she somehow became selfish. Whenever she needed to do something, I never bithced at her or anything, but whenever I had to kill myself studying for an exam, she would come up with stupid excuses like.. ohh thats more important then me, you barely do aything for me and bla bla bla.... not a month passed, and she started getting things in her head and stupid ideas. She works too, and gets home at like 11-12 PM at night. Theres no way I could've seen her . Have in mind that I have to wake my ass at 5AM and work till 5 PM in the afternoon. Now, when she asked to give time or change, she also got out of her job, had more time.. and I was like.. WTF? She wants to end up an awesome relationship, envied by many, because it was.. went throigh so much for some nonesense???.. If you really LOVE like couple LOVE someone, I guess you'll do anything to keep it up.. but she just dropped it. She said so many things that made me think otherwise before. She said "TE AMO" a term in spanish of saying I love you, but its stronger then that.. those who know spanish know what I mean.. so there, Im not desperate, but not willing to drop such relationship for something like that.. everyone would agree with ,e that shes acting like a real bitch for nothing. .... but desperate, no. I dont know where all that the love my parents and stuff came from.. ofcourse its a different kind of love. I love my car.. so?

I know how you feel man. The term love is so abused nowadays. It's like people can just turn the "love" switch on or off whenever possible.

True love never dies.

quote:

Originally posted by LiquidX -LoL WoW! allright.. what I wrote I didnt really ment to sound like that. Im not desperate at all.

Yes, you are. Just read the rest of the stuff you posted after that!

quote:

You see, we went out for 2 years, went through alot, and even had in mind many future plans. But ever since I entered college, and we both started to get some busy life, it all changed. I was not up to leaving her just because of that, but she somehow became selfish. Whenever she needed to do something, I never bithced at her or anything, but whenever I had to kill myself studying for an exam, she would come up with stupid excuses like.. ohh thats more important then me, you barely do aything for me and bla bla bla.... not a month passed, and she started getting things in her head and stupid ideas. She works too, and gets home at like 11-12 PM at night. Theres no way I could've seen her . Have in mind that I have to wake my ass at 5AM and work till 5 PM in the afternoon. Now, when she asked to give time or change, she also got out of her job, had more time.. and I was like.. WTF? She wants to end up an awesome relationship, envied by many, because it was.. went throigh so much for some nonesense???.. If you really LOVE like couple LOVE someone, I guess you'll do anything to keep it up.. but she just dropped it. She said so many things that made me think otherwise before. She said "TE AMO" a term in spanish of saying I love you, but its stronger then that.. those who know spanish know what I mean.. so there, Im not desperate, but not willing to drop such relationship for something like that.. everyone would agree with ,e that shes acting like a real bitch for nothing. .... but desperate, no. I dont know where all that the love my parents and stuff came from.. ofcourse its a different kind of love. I love my car.. so?

Blah blah blah blah blah, how utterly heartbreaking, I'm sure your relationship was so different from everyone else's, and your peers were green with envy at how utterly whipped you were. I bet you tell yourself that they're just jealous every time you decided to hang out with the girl instead of doing something with them, right?

Before you assume that the relationship between you and her was somehow special and one-in-a-million, maybe you oughta look into other people's relationships. Seems like there are several people in this very forum who have posted almost the same heartbreaking stories.

But hey, go ahead and "follow your heart" - a year down the road you'll be wishing you'd listened to us.

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