TranceAddict Forums (www.tranceaddict.com/forums)
- Canada - Toronto & Southern Ont.
-- Can you have too many friends?
Pages (5): « 1 2 [3] 4 5 »

The more the better I say I love meeting new people.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Can you have too many friends?

quote:

Originally posted by StereoPrincess but it is easy to pick out the fakies and the real people out in just by meeting them a few times.

This so so true.

Actually, there have been a few studies on the maximum amount of friends most people can tolerate.

I believe the number was 19 or so, and beyond that, people cannot handle the social dynamic and regress by focusing their attention back on their fondest friends.

Also, these studies were extrapolated to the human resources section of some companies.

Companies that kept their employees within an optimal amount created a social dynamic that boosted employee comraderie and subsequently, productivity.

But, as with all studies and theories, they can be refuted.

quote:

Originally posted by angelgirl I too believe that there is no such thing as too many acquaintances. The problem lies in that many of us make the mistake of equating an acquaintance with a true friend...

sorry to edit the rest but I think you pefectly sum it up right there...

lots of people say "quality over quantity" and "I'd rather have a few good friends than a lot of acquaintances"...which is fine...but having a few good friends and having a lot of acquaintances need not be mutually exclusive.

I have a few very good friends...people who I would go out of my way to help...people who mean a lot to me...people who become more like family.

Then there are more peripheral friends...people I regularly see, spend time with, etc. We're not as close as I would be with my very good friends, but they're still people I consider as being much more than an acquaintance.

Acquaintances are great too...I've met a lot of TAs, for example...and seeing many familiar faces at events, being able to chat with cool people, etc...that's part of why I like the EDM scene. Plus, an acquaintance can turn into a good friend, so I enjoy meeting new people.

Really, for me, it comes down to having "boundaries" with people...friendship is a continuum...a spectrum...people fall on certain ends of it and move along it as time passes and I redraw my boundaries with them.

The only problem I see if when having a lot of acquaintances INSTEAD of having some good friends is the case...everyone should have a few people who they can count on...and who counts on them.

quote:

Originally posted by Sly_Guy I don't go by this definition. For the most part, I don't tell anyone about what's going on in my head, I'm just not that kind of kid. But that doesn't mean I don't have friends, the defining line for me would be that friends are people I make plans with, or go out of my way to spend time with while aquaintences are people I talk to or run into when I'm out and about.

Sly_Guy I don't think that any1 truly tells ppl what really goes on in their head (some ppl are far more complex than that)...but I do think that a real friend knows what your aspirations are and that is what I mean when I refer to your deepest and darkest secret. A real friend does not judge...he/she wants to see you obtain your goals and be supportive. For me, I have many acquaintances...ppl that I admire, respect and appreciate.
and....in Mark T's words...an acquaintance can turn into a good friend, so I enjoy meeting new people but it does come down to having "boundaries" with people...friendship really is a continuum...a spectrum...people fall on certain ends of it and move along it as time passes and I redraw my boundaries with them.

So in my own words....just enjoy the company you keep and don't be too reserved or judgemental with others...because you limit yourself and your own potential to learn, grew and experiance how great people can be.

My rule of thumb is to always stay real, not think of myself as better or worse than others. Never judge, lose compassion or lose empathy for others. To try and respect every1...cuz we all have some admirable skill or trait...and we need to admire that about each other, rather than concentrate on negative aspects. TOTAs are some of the most fantastic down to earth people that I've ever met...and frankly I feel my life has become much better after having met TAs like girlovingtvibe, muzzybear, Tatgirl, (the late djFuZion...who will always have a special piece of my heart)and all the TOTAs that are now in my life. I could start naming them one by one...but you get the meaning don't you

TOO many friends??? I don't know, depends on what your definition of a "friend" really is.....

Friends or aquaintances, no matter what there are to you should be treated with general human decency and kindness always.... Don't forget; you get back what you give out!!!!! (eventually)

As for me, I need an equal exchange on all levels..... that means its a give and take relationship no matter who its with. Some days may be 50 - 50, some 40 - 60 and some even 90- 10, as long as it evens out in the long run I'm happy....... You gotta take the good with the bad!!!!!

Maybe there's some theoretical number of maximum friends you can have before there simply aren't enough hours in the day to attend to them all or enough space in your memory to keep all their names and faces, but I think few if any people in this world ever actually reach that number.

If it helps you in your life to make a division between "acquaintances" and "friends", and focus your efforts more on the latter than the former, then by all means use that division. The way I see it, it has less to do with the person and more to do with the amount of time and effort you put into the relationship. You put more in, you get more out, it's that simple (that is, until you get clingy and then the law of diminishing returns starts to kick in).

Everybody is a friend when you're committing yourself to the relationship. Maybe you'll drift away for a month, or a year, and then get back in touch. They didn't stop being your friend, you just got out of touch for a while. So unless you believe that people will develop a permanent dislike for you if you temporarily stop spending time with them, then no, you can't have too many friends, or acquaintances, or whatever you want to call them.

I dont have any friends.

quote:

Originally posted by psychosomatica I dont have any friends.

that is not true, i'm sure.

I've struggled with this since I started here on TA... struggled with trying to see and be with everyone I know and have met the past couple of years. For those of you who know me, I do like to be friendly with everyone. I genuinely do care about the people around me and my smiles to all of you are definitely not fake.

But yeah... it's definitely hard to have many good friends when there's not enough hours in a day/week/month to cultivate a good friendship. When I met everyone here on TA I could not believe that there were this many cool people who liked the same music as I did and who were all nice and fun to party with, so that makes it extra-hard to have to pick-'n'-choose (for lack of better term) your friends. I know it's not a conscious decision -- it does boil down to who you really click with and who you don't.

I think the main thing is that people should understand that being an acquaintance and/or a party friend is not a bad thing either. I really do want to be good friends with everyone, but I have to accept the fact that I cannot emotionally/physically/mentally handle all of that. (But it IS nice when an acquaintance turns into a deeper friendship! And there are a few people here that I've had the pleasure of doing this with.)

.. so Margs, to answer your question... I personally believe you can definitely have too many good/close friends, but having lots of people who you like hanging with from time to time is good too.

^^^ MaxQ I luv ya... and one day, when we finally click more time in, I want you to call me a good friend too


Just get yourself out with us more often ... I knows it's hard...but I believe in ya

quote:

Originally posted by b4k-oz ^^^ MaxQ I luv ya... and one day, when we finally click more time in, I want you to call me a good friend too Just get yourself out with us more often ... I knows it's hard...but I believe in ya

yes, I definitely have to get myself out with you guys more often. (Sometimes I feel like i need to clone myself and move closer to the Tdot!)

theres this brazilian saying that goes like this

"Um amigo a mais � uma saudade a menos"

kinda means "A friend more is one less thing to miss"

kinda lame if u translate... anyways, ive been saying that since a kid

Ive never been a very popular guy, but always had really close friends. The more the merrier i find

Acquaintances are always good to have, they make a party more confortable and enjoyable, never had a problem of having too many of them tho

quote:

Originally posted by Ub3rTrancer Ive never been a very popular guy

Was that before you started dancing?

depends what you mean by friends. If you're talking true friends where the people involved actually love (in a platonic sense) one another then the answer is no. However, having too many true friends is seldom a problem because obtaining true friends is not common.
If you mean people that you call friends because you are well aquainted with them and share a common proximity then it is possible to have too many. I only say this if the demands on your time/energy are sufficient that they outweigh the benefit you receive from maintaining the friendship.
When it comes to casual friends, whom place no demand on your time or expect nothing from you except to enjoy your company when you happen to see one another, then the answer is no. I would consider all my club "friends" to be in this catagory... you are entertained by them when you see them and you're happy that they are present because they increase your pleasure in a shared experience, however, you do not make specific time for them nor do they for you.

yes to answer that question, you just have to diffrenciate them as party friends work friends etc.

I tried to keep up wioth so many names i cant, so sometimes its better to just have only a few.

quote:

Originally posted by fayraree Was that before you started dancing?

i dont do the dancing thing

quote:

Originally posted by Ub3rTrancer i dont do the dancing thing

Excuse me? Then who the hell rips the shit out of the dance floor at every event? (other than Dan and Jay)?

quote:

Originally posted by fayraree Excuse me? Then who the hell rips the shit out of the dance floor at every event? (other than Dan and Jay)?

hehe, dunno.. could be me

all i know is that a filthy dirty groove gets me going

quote:

Originally posted by angelgirl I too believe that there is no such thing as too many acquaintances. The problem lies in that many of us make the mistake of equating an acquaintance with a true friend and then we get stressed because we have so many people to please. When I was younger I used to get stressed about the fact that I just couldn't get to everyone all the time but I grew to realize that your true friends in life will always understand that life gets busy and you can't be everywhere all the time. With true friends it is all about the quality of time you spend with each other not necessarily the amount of time. My best friends who I treasure the most in this world I see only once or twice a year due to geography and that we are in different stages in our lives. Even though we rarely see each other, when we do finally get that visit in it is like we were never apart. I have learned that it is very important to understand the difference between acquiantances and friends and not to get wrapped up in treating them equally otherwise you will always be rushing about as there are just too many people to see and too much to do. I go out every day hoping to meet someone new because I just love people. I can't make a promise to be their best friend or even remember their name the next time I see them but I learn so much from each new person that I bump into that I would be missing out on so much if I didn't extend a hand and a smile. You shouldn't stress about the fact that you might not be able to talk to everyone at the club, say goodbye before you leave..etc. A smile on the dancefloor or simple wave across the crowd at an acquaintance to let them know that you are there and enjoying the party with them is enough.

Wow...you nailed it, hun! Exactly how I feel. It's nice to have friends like you

We individuals are under the notion that we should feel compelled to accommodate. The truth is as much as I relish the conversations when I'm out, and the new aquaintances that I welcome, I am there to enjoy myself; I am not there to fret about being in a visible position to greet or bid adieu to people. And frankly I doubt any of us are that important that an acquaintance will take offence, because that's what they are, an acquaintance. I think most people on this board are mature enough to realise that.

just my two francs.

quote:

Originally posted by Ub3rTrancer i dont do the dancing thing

That's not what I've heard!!!!!!!

Added questions:

Can you meet friends on the Internet? And have them become best friends?

Can you meet friends in a club and have them be your best friends?

Hmm, well it all depends on what your definition of "friend" is. Personally, I have many many acquaintances that I would never consider actual friends, and very few people that I consider my friends, and can consider me their friend. Not to say that you aren't on a friendly basis with acquaintances, but for the most part they're people you party with, see here or there, and otherwise don't give a f*** about.

As for your two added questions, I don't really see how the place or method of meeting someone can affect how good/bad friends you could be with them.

One can never be too rich in friendship.

quote:

Originally posted by StereoPrincess Added questions: Can you meet friends on the Internet? And have them become best friends? Can you meet friends in a club and have them be your best friends?

absolutely! It's really not much different that meeting someone through friends, at work, or wherever else people typically meet.

I've been roomates with a friend now for 3.5 years...we met in line at a club over six years ago.

a simple PM on TA resulted in a good friendship having begun too.

Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright © 2000-2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.