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-- I Am Scared Outta My Mind
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Posted by mindshooter on Jan-27-2002 00:35:

I dont know about you guys but for me this thread kinda changed my life a bit to. I can really feel that i can apreciate everyday even more then i did. Why worry about homework when i could be in Tiesto14�s situation? I think we all will think twice about safe sex and about really getting the most out of youre life!

And if even 1 person feels that way. Then YOU (Tiesto14) can be proud for what YOU did for us!

Peace


Posted by magicsushi on Jan-27-2002 01:34:

Tiesto14, I've been in a very similar situation myself regarding my health and I can totally relate to you being scared out of your mind. Whatever the results, you will come out a changed man, and that change can be for the good.

I was lucky with my situation and I now have a new view of life and I feel I am now a better person for it.

I'll be thinking of you

Keep ya chin up!


Posted by tiesto14 on Jan-27-2002 05:26:

to mellankali
....those are beautiful lyrics....where are they from??...those are words one can live by...thanks for your thoughts...


to **Joe_86**
.....each and every post regardless of the length means so much to me...thanks you

to Fatboy
.......your right if i dont have all the support i just might flip out if the reulsts dont go in my favor.....i just hope i dont go crazy..

to mindshooter
........WOW thanks.....i never thought that i could be helping others with my problem....what you said made me really think....i hope this does help someone...just one person....i know i was a moron and dint use a condom and now have to deal with this problem...but like you said if it makes just 1 person start to use condoms all the time or be more careful then i feel HONORED....sometimes someones misfortune is anothers fortune....you made a VERY good point....thanks for your concern....

to magicsushi
........i am sorry to hear that u have gone through a health problem....and am glad everything seemed to of turned out ok for you.....i agree that after all is said and done one way or another i will be a better person....i can see the changes already in me....thanks for thinking of me.


Posted by hypronix on Jan-27-2002 09:02:

The song is Kai Tracid - Life is too short

oh so true...

wait for better days Tiesto114... for when you will wake up in love and harmony... sweet days shall arrive for thou, my friend

hyp


Posted by Tranzmit on Jan-27-2002 11:31:

Hey Tiesto14

Keep your chin up champ and don't worry too much as it'll all turn out for good no matter what happens. I just saw this post now as i don't get on-line much anymore unfortunately!

I wouldn't normally bring this up but I actually found out when i was 19 that I had a Terminal disease. It's not HIV but a rare hereditary genetic disease called HD that's 100% fatal. It's not something i can pass on except to my kids maybe. So i know i have a time bomb ticking in the back of my mind. When i first found out about it i was Severely depressed about it for about 3 or 4 months (yeah and suicidal) but i guess I've kinda gotten used to the idea now and thats just gonna be my life. Hell I know i can't be wasting time so i'm living life to the fullest (or trying to) LOL

I know how scary this is to go through and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. So yeah what can i say, if you ever need anyone to talk to about any of this please give me a PM or e-mail me K?



Posted by mindshooter on Jan-27-2002 20:14:

quote:
Originally posted by tiesto14

to mindshooter
........WOW thanks.....i never thought that i could be helping others with my problem....what you said made me really think....i hope this does help someone...just one person....i know i was a moron and dint use a condom and now have to deal with this problem...but like you said if it makes just 1 person start to use condoms all the time or be more careful then i feel HONORED....sometimes someones misfortune is anothers fortune....you made a VERY good point....thanks for your concern....


Well you made me think at least So be proud of that!

This is something ive heard many times and im sure most of you have heard it but its true:

What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger

(Think its the right translation)

Its really true and as many of us said you (Tiesto14) will be so happy when you perhpas wake up that day after you got the "negative" test results. Imagine how happy you will be and how much you have grown on the inside!


Posted by RTP on Jan-27-2002 21:03:

It's not good to hear that you have sorts of nightmares or bad dreams in the night ... but I'm wondering that you can sleep anyhow! I hope all will be okay for you and that your fears are unfounded...

I have a story for U ... it doesn't fit very perfect into your case, but it just came to my mind ... may be U know it already, but lemme tell it ... maybe it could help ya

There was a girl, who lived in a flat with her mother. One day she became very ill and got high fever and shivering all over her body. She had to lie down and rest in bed, but it did not seem to get better. It was rather the opposite, she got weaker and weaker. One day she told her mother that she won't eat anything anymore ... she was too weak. Three days later she said she couldn't drink anymore ... she didn't even want it. Her face grew paler and paler and the doctor said it she would certainly die of this illness. The winter was coming and the doctor said that she won't even survive christmas. One day the girl looked out of the window from her bed and saw, that the leaves of the ivy at the wall of the opposite house are getting less and less. He said to her mother: "If there is are no more leaves on the ivy I'm gonna die. I don't want to live anymore."
Her neighbour was an old painter and the mother has told him what the girl said. The painter wanted to comfort the mother, but he can't. She began to cry and didn't stop for one hour. Her daughter was getting weker and weaker and the leaves on the ivy got less and less.
One morning the painter was found on the street in front of the house - dead. People said, that he just was drunk last night and didn't find the entrance to his house and broke down and died. The mother was even more sad. Now she had not even one person to comfort her. She began to cry again.
The girl looked out of the window every day to see if all leaves of the ivy were down. But it seemed to be a miracle - one leaf just didn't want to fall down! The girl said: "If that leaf falls down I'll die!" But the leaf didn't fall down! One night there was a terrible storm but when the girl looked out of the window next morning the leaf was still there! So she drawed new hope out of it ... she said: "If that leaf is so strong I'll be too!" And she began to drink and eat again ... slow and little first, but every day a bit more. And it really got better with her! Three weeks later she was almost cured and the leaf was still on the ivy - it was a real miracle for both girl and mother! One week later she was cured and went out again to see the last hanging leaf on the ivy. But when she took a close look on the ivy she saw that the leaf was painted on the wall behind the ivy! Suddenly she realized that the painter died as he painted the leaf and that he has savd her life! The end.

I know ... I can't tell it very well in english, but it just came to my mind and maybe the leaf on the ivy can also you give new hope, Tiesto14!

I wish you good luck and don't forget to keep your head up


Posted by Dj O'Callaghan on Jan-28-2002 00:45:

I was actually shocked when I read this thread like wordless for 30 minutes, shit tiesto14 dude I'm sorry to hear about the situation your in, and I have never ever been through anything as worrying as what you've been so I can't really say all too much, but I know what its like to be worried and waiting for things, listen mate I hope your test turns out good, keep your head held high mate, and my thoughts are with you.


Posted by tranceaddict991 on Jan-28-2002 01:23:

i hope u don't d00d// don't know u well but ur chill... i hope u don't... and if u do make the best of your life....best of wishe's

Jay (tranceaddict991)


Posted by {b.s.e.} on Jan-28-2002 02:08:

my thoughts are with you, man. i don't even know how i'd cope with shit like that, but i'm sure you're doing better than i would.
it's scary when people you know (or may not) are affected in ways like this, please take care and know we're all backin you man.
heh i am not great in the ways of comforting words, so i'll cut myself off..

harley


Posted by fastmp3 on Jan-28-2002 04:01:

Hey Tiesto14 i just wanted to say that no matter what happens u can still count on us and trust me u will [b]ALWAYS[/] have our support . My thoughts are with you , i'm gonna pray for you , and hopefully everything is gonna be fine God willing . Keep the faith bro and be strong .

Taha


Posted by tiesto14 on Jan-28-2002 04:43:

to hypronix
.............you beleive i STILL have never heard that track....looks like its time to get it.....thanks..

to Tranzmit
..............wow i am sorry that you are terminally ill....all my thoughts and prayers are with you....i HOPE that i can have the strenght and fortitude to live life as you do IF i find out i am HIV positive....but i know you are right that no matter what the results i have to live each day to the fullest because we are all here for such a short time...so we HAVE to make every moment count...God bless you...and i might take you up on your support...

to mindshooter
................i really feel honored that i have helped you...that means alot....life is weird...maybe God had me post this here JUST to help you....lately i have been thiunking things like that...as if EVERYTHING happens for a reason....

to RTP
.........well to be honest i only had that one night of bad dreams..since then i have been sleeping OK...i have heard that if you tell people your bad dreams that you will never have that dream again...so maybe me telling you guys is the reason i am not having them...who knows....
.....I never heard that story before...but it was BEAUTIFUL....i really liked that......you told it perfectley....that story has lots of inspiration in it and i am printing it to save for ever...thanks for that...and your thoughts...

to Dj O'Callaghan
..................just posting your concern and thoughts is helpful enough....honestly thank you......i will have the results within 4 days...so not much longer.....but i am still shitten bricks...

to tranceaddict991
......................thanks....i think if i do have it...which i HOPE i dont...but IF i do i will be messed up for awhile but in time...lots of time i will make my life good....i would probally end up counselling young kids on how not to end up with it...or something.....i dunno....i am jus hope i dont have to worry about this ever again....thanks

to {b.s.e.}
............to be honest i am not really coping that well...i find myself getting so worked up oveer this that i start to cry..thanks for your thoughts....

to FASTDJMP3
..............thnaks for your prayers man.,....they mean ALOT....and you saying i will ALWAYS have support here means sooooooooo much...i couldnt even tell you how much that means.....but hopefully yours and everyone elses prayers will work and i will be OK.....we will see soon....thanks again


Posted by Jah on Jan-28-2002 05:03:

dude my heart goes out to you in more ways then one
i too have a girlfriend i love madly and some stuff has come up which isnt to crash hot i hope we can get over it so at least in that way i feel for you and understand your hurt
in regards to the hiv dude i really really really feel for you
at the end of the day however its not your fault man and as i read somewhere else people with HIV do lead very long healthy lives now in any case my heart goes out to you and everyone in your situation i hope all is well and im sure it will turn out fine... hang in there buddy
respect


Posted by tiesto14 on Jan-28-2002 05:13:

to JAH
.......sorry to hear that u are having trouble with your girl....and i hope things work out....if you need someone to talk to you can ALWAYS email or PM me and i am there for ya....thanks for your support....

good point thats it not my fault..but i have been wondering how it will be IF i am positive with all the discrimination against people with HIV....even though not one of them asked for the disease people wtill shun them...and i guess thats when you really find out who your true friends are...i guess.....thats one thing i can say i never did.....in High School there was a kid with HIV in my class and everyone stayed away from him...but i always said hi or smoked a cigarette with outside or whatever.....i mean i never was mean or stayed away from him jus cus he had HIV...even though so many people did...i guess when it comes down to it ...people are scared of the unknown...and since the disease is still till this day not very widespread like other diseases that people wtill fear it and just stay away....i hope that doesnt happen to me IF i am positive...but if it does then i know who really loves me i guess.....


Posted by Jah on Jan-28-2002 05:32:

hey man
maybe il take you up on that offer of a chat sometime eh

dude in reagard to what you said about peopl ebeing affraid of the unkown i totally agree thats where your fear is rooting from really because even with the ABT odds (i was reading the whole thread... , which is a rarity in itself! ) your fear froms that 0.00001 % of unkown and thats fair enough its human instinct, you will be fine mate
i know you will i hope all is well and i know you are gonna come out with qualities of strength, confidence and growth regardless the result. although you will be fine i know it.
my thoughts are with you...
Jah


Posted by tiesto14 on Jan-30-2002 20:15:

Well....just wanted to update ya all....not really a great update but..i have some free time and wanted to say something....

I have less then 27 hours to go till i find out the results.....and i am SHITTING BRICKS.....I have been chain smoking cigaretes one after the other all day...like i told Jah (who by the way has been a great support over the last couple days...thanks Jah)...

Well my nerves are killing me....my stomach hurts, i feel nauseaus, i have a headache and i just wanna know.....so i guess i will post tomorrow what the results are...but i think everyone can take it that IF i DONT post tomorrow...then i have it and was too upset to post...so basically if i post tomorrow i am fine..,.if i dont then i am fucked,,,,,,so we shall see....


Posted by randummboy on Jan-30-2002 20:29:

good luck man.. i'm rootin' for ya!


Posted by ABTsportsline on Jan-30-2002 21:36:

... looking forward to seeing your post tomorrow

-ABT-


Posted by Eugene on Jan-30-2002 22:01:

Wow, I only discovered this thread today.
Good God! I can imagine what you're going through.

But be advised that, like many people here have said, your chances of contracting HIV are rather small. In fact, if you have sex with an HIV-infected person you will most likely NOT get it, strange as it sounds. That's what I've heard.

Anyhow, I certainly wish you luck, and please tell us about the results.


Posted by Lazgti on Jan-30-2002 22:05:

Dunno Hope it works out

Sorry man, normally I am exceptionally verbose...this is not something I can relate to at all. All I can say is that I hope everything turns out OK.

We'll be here man...


Posted by fastmp3 on Jan-31-2002 00:26:

Tiesto14 bro i'm waiting for your post God willing


Posted by Viceroy on Jan-31-2002 00:56:

I'll be looking for your post tomorrow man, good luck.

Prayers.
Steve


Posted by JM on Jan-31-2002 03:06:

well i'm supposed to be getting my studies on, but came back to check up on you....

well i'll be back here tomorrow nite to read up on your positive results....

take care, and dont chain smoke, you're just hurting yourself.....

ok?!

>JM<


Posted by Jimykik on Jan-31-2002 04:16:

hey dude i am new here but thought i would repeat the general concensus, my thoughts and prayers are with you man. I am religous so i WILL pray for ya.

Also i want to comment on the people in this forum. I have joined a few forums and none compare to this one. Usually half the people are spewing hate but that doesn't go on in this one. You guys give me hope that there are people out there that will help in a time of need. You guys and gals are awesome!


Posted by tiesto14 on Jan-31-2002 04:29:

thanks again EVERYONE for your thoughts and prayers.....this time tomorrow i will either be happy as i have been in a long time or the WORST i will EVER be....

thats so weird.....that in a matter of 24 hours my life can be completley in shambles or GREAT.....that really bugs me out.....i am basically sitting here waiting to know whether or not i am going to die....shit thats weird....and whats even weirder is the fact that the person who did my test knows right now at this very moment whether or not i am positive or negative...thats freaky to me......i dunno i am rambling i think...its jus that i have been thinking like this lately....

anyway tomorrow is the day...and i am not prepared....AT ALL.....but there isn't shit i can do about it....NADA.....

thanks everyone and keep me in your thoughts at around 3:45 tomorrow afternoon (Thursday)...cus thats when i walk in the office and find out.......that will be the time i know.....thnaks.


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