TranceAddict Forums (www.tranceaddict.com/forums)
- Political Discussion / Debate
-- The Political Humour Thread
Pages (8): « 1 2 [3] 4 5 6 7 8 »
| quote: |
| Originally posted by shaolin_Z |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by _Ocean_Drive_ Just wow! The governor actually seems intelligent!! |
may be old, but I present Black Bush
Jamie Foxx as PM BLAIR
MOS DEF as head of CIA
pure gold lol
| quote: |
| Originally posted by LazFX may be old, but I present Black Bush Jamie Foxx as PM BLAIR MOS DEF as head of CIA pure gold lol |
not really political but funny nonetheless 
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Fir3start3r LOL! Awesome MARS BITCHES! |
George Carlin, on malls
"Sauteed racoons arseholes on a stick"
George on HBO, going on a tear
"It's a big club, and you ain't in it!"
Rumsfeld at his best
It really takes a genius to come with this...
| quote: |
| Originally posted by venomX not really political but funny nonetheless |
That was great.
also since racism and homophobia runs hand in hand with the Political Scene......
diss cuss
Retarded Court Hearings
Compliments of funny.com
| quote: |
"Disorder in the court: These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts." They are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who endured the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. ... Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ... Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? ... Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ... Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. ... Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere." |
Re: Retarded Court Hearings
| quote: |
| Originally posted by shaolin_Z Compliments of funny.com |
LOL!
Qutoes from our favourite muppet
50 Dumbest Things Bush Ever Said
50. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." �at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
49. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." �Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001
48. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' �Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
47. "We both use Colgate toothpaste." �after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Camp David, Md., Feb. 23, 2001
^^^
46. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a � you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." �Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004
45. "I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." �Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003
44. "I'm the commander � see, I don't need to explain � I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." �as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War
^^^
43. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." �Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001
42. "The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." �Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003
^^^
41. "I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." �Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004
40. "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." �discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson, as quoted by Robertson
^^^
39. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." �presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
38. "Haven't we already given money to rich people? Why are we going to do it again?" �to economic advisers discussing a second round of tax cuts, as quoted by former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neil, Washington, D.C., Nov. 26, 2002
37. "We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." �Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002
36. "After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week � we will have an all-volunteer army!" �Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004
35. "Do you have blacks, too?" �to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
^^^
34. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." �as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002
^^^
33. "I got to know Ken Lay when he was head of the � what they call the Governor's Business Council in Texas. He was a supporter of Ann Richards in my run in 1994. And she had named him the head of the Governor's Business Council. And I decided to leave him in place, just for the sake of continuity. And that's when I first got to know Ken and worked with Ken." �attempting to distance himself from his biggest political patron, Enron Chairman Ken Lay, whom he nicknamed "Kenny Boy," Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2002
32. "It is white." �after being asked by a child in Britain what the White House was like, July 19, 2001
^^^
31. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." �at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001
30. "For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." �Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001
^^^
29. "I don't know why you're talking about Sweden. They're the neutral one. They don't have an army." �during a Dec. 2002 Oval Office meeting with Rep. Tom Lantos, as reported by the New York Times
28. "You forgot Poland." �to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland's contributions to the Iraq war coalition, Miami, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004
27. "I'm the master of low expectations." �aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003
^^^
26. "I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things." �aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003
25. "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe � I believe what I believe is right." �Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001
24. "We need to counter the shockwave of the evildoer by having individual rate cuts accelerated and by thinking about tax rebates." �Washington, D.C. Oct. 4, 2001
^^^
23. "People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you." �Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002
22. "I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it�I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet�.I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't � you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." �President George W. Bush, after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004
21. "The really rich people figure out how to dodge taxes anyway." �explaining why high taxes on the rich are a failed strategy, Annandale, Va., Aug. 9, 2004
20. "My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire." �radio address, Feb. 24, 2001
19. "You know, when I was one time campaigning in Chicago, a reporter said, 'Would you ever have a deficit?' I said, 'I can't imagine it, but there would be one if we had a war, or a national emergency, or a recession.' Never did I dream we'd get the trifecta." �Houston, Texas, June 14, 2002 (There is no evidence Bush ever made any such statement, despite recounting the trifecta line repeatedly in 2002. A search by the Washington Post revealed that the three caveats were brought up before the 2000 campaign � by Al Gore.)
18. "See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction." �Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003
^^^
17. "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." �State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false
16. "In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard." �repeating the phrases "hard work," "working hard," "hard choices," and other "hard"-based verbiage 22 times in his first debate with Sen. John Kerry
15. "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." �Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001
14. "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." �Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002
13. "But all in all, it's been a fabulous year for Laura and me." �summing up his first year in office, three months after the 9/11 attacks, Washington, D.C., Dec. 20, 2001
12. "I try to go for longer runs, but it's tough around here at the White House on the outdoor track. It's sad that I can't run longer. It's one of the saddest things about the presidency." �interview with "Runners World," Aug. 2002
11. "Can we win? I don't think you can win it." �after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, "Today" show interview, Aug. 30, 2004
10. "I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." �Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002
9. "I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." �to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004
^^^
8. "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed." �speaking underneath a "Mission Accomplished" banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003
7. �We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories � And we'll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them." �Washington, D.C., May 30, 2003
6. "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!" �President George W. Bush, as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents' Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 24, 2004
5. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." �Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000
^^^
4. "There's an old saying in Tennessee � I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee � that says, fool me once, shame on � shame on you. Fool me � you can't get fooled again." �Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
3. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." �Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004
^^^
2. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." �Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
^^^
1. "My answer is bring them on." �on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003
Using cows to explain economic models
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AN
AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....
meh, what can we find here today...
Amniotic stem cell find could overcome barriers to using embryos
Britain to put US priorities second
New plan to rein in Iraq death squads
Court hears tapes of plan to gas thousands of Kurds
Israel denies plan for nuclear strike on Iran
yawn
OH!
Home Video Shows 'Tigger' Character Apparently Punching Boy's Face
Orange County Sheriff's Office, Disney Launch Investigations
ORLANDO, Fla. -- Home video of a costumed Tigger character apparently punching a boy in the face and knocking him back at a Walt Disney World theme park has prompted an Orange County Sheriff's investigation into the incident and led to the suspension of the cast member, according to a Local 6 News report.
The Monaco family of New Hampshire said they were visiting a Disney theme park and posing for a photo with Tigger when the character landed a hard punch.
"You don't come here for this," father Jerry Monaco said. "Disney is supposed to be a safe place. It is supposed to be a place where you come and spend time with your family. How hard did he hit you, (son)?"
"Pretty hard," Jerry Monaco Jr. replied. "I could still feel it even though he was wearing the padded gloves."
Monaco said he noticed the alleged attack was unprovoked after looking at the video.
"At first I was upset at my son," Monaco Sr. said. "I thought he did something to Tigger. But then I review it and it is pretty clear, for no reason he just clocked him in the face."
Monaco said he did not provoke the attack and just had his arm around the costumed character when the incident happened.
"No provoking at all," Monaco said. "It was just out of the blue."
Finally! News that matters!
Unprovoked tigger attack in the US, for the rest of you, you know what this means dont you?
Yes!
Time to invade disney land!
^^ What the hell was he smoking? 
rofl. thats awesome. i hate kids. id punch em too 
| quote: |
| Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN rofl. thats awesome. i hate kids. id punch em too |
You're evil .
Give it up for Bill Hick...
Bill Hicks on Letterman
Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright © 2000-2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.