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-- Moments that have shaped your "current self"
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quote:

Originally posted by Lilith

i hear you.

i wasn't especially close to my parents, yet when my Mother called crying about how Father was in the hospital with terminal cancer and needed help- i dropped everything- a great job and things that were going very good right after my divorce.

he was still a dick- but when your dying of cancer you get some slack.
we got close that time i was there, and him dying in my arms just made it worse.
i may not have always liked Him, but he always had my six covered.

quote:

Originally posted by Spacey Orange -watching my dad try to strangle my pet dog when i was six. -being forced to listen to my dad have sex with my mom or some shit with my mom when i was seven or eight. i used to cry in my sleep and break out in hot sweats. my parents told me it was because i drank too much 7up on night at a party. what fucken idiots. -waking up and seeing my dad fondling me when i thirteen. -watching my dad cry because my mom had cheated on him. fucked up, but some people have had it worse. why be open? it's not like anyone knows me personally anyway or ever will. one day i will go, and all that will remain as a reminder of who i am will be these words.

wow thirteen? thats pretty old, do you think he was doing it before that too?
what did you say?

quote:

Originally posted by beats and beeps wow thirteen? thats pretty old, do you think he was doing it before that too? what did you say?

"if your going to stroke it, stroke it this way!"

edit

uh that was bad. i didn't say anything. i was shocked and never mentioned it at all. when he had a stroke that same year i really didn't give a fuck if he died. he had a heart attack recently and i still don't give a fuck. he deserves it.

i'd love to post more but it's already past eleven here, i have to drive an hour home, and get up at 5:30 again. whoopie.

yeah for sure i feel that. my dad certainly wasnt sexually abusive, just liked to fuck me up and stuff, but he did seem to like to pull hair a lot too...maybe he got a boner from that?

I'm not sure whats worse physical (violent) abuse or sexual abuse. Oh well im still pretty sexually fucked up (according to stupid media and stuff) somehow lol!

oh yeah I talked to my dad on the phone for the first time since he kicked me out when i turned 18.

he threatened to do in me in lol.

but yeah i don't care if he dies...well obviously not since its never nice having someone wanting you dead. Unless he can come back as a ghost and go through walls. that would suck.

Now I see how it's possible for adults to turn out fucked up.

I've taken my violence and molestation-free upbringing for granted.

im not harmful or dangerous lol.

and spacey isnt a sex criminal...right?

quote:

Originally posted by Beat Blog Now I see how it's possible for adults to turn out fucked up. I've taken my violence and molestation-free upbringing for granted.

don't confuse the unreal for the real. i'm probably one of the most salt-of-the-earth law abiding person you'd ever meet. srsly.

but i don't hate. i feel sorrow for my dad. when i was in school i came across Buddhism in Translations by Henry Clarke Warren in which i learned:

quote:

``He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me,'' in those who harbour such thoughts hatred is not appeased. ``He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me,'' in those who do not harbour such thoughts hatred is appeased. Hate is not overcome by hate; by Love (Metta) alone is hate appeased. This is an eternal law. The others know not that in this quarrel we perish; those of them who realise it, have their quarrels calmed thereby.

right bb. gotta run or i'll never get any sleep.

Lossing my bestfriend and idol whene i was 16.

• Death of 2 close freinds - 1990 high School Prom - They tried to beat a Train and got hit. Both died on Impact.
  
• Having a complete stranger die in my arms due to a gun shot wound to the chest. trying to stop the bleeding and seeing and feeling the red blood froth oooze between my fingers while I cried.. feeling his life force leave his body will always stay in my mind.
  
• the birth of my oldest child
  
• coming home after dropping off divorce papers at court to find all of my Dj equipment, 2 TTS, 2 CDJs, Mixers, PA and about 10 crates of vinyl all gone.....later finding out the bitch sold them for a measly $500 bucks to support her coke habbit.
  
• Getting a Job with the Feds.
  
• forgiving and letting karma take care of all of the focks that every did me wrong.
  
• still spinning after 20 years
  
  

Yeh I red some responses as well and although I can't say I know how it feels to go through some harsh stuff like that, i can only imagine and I'm glad you guys mature over the years. As for me I dont have a lot of time but I'll write some quick things

- being raised by my mother alone (made me appreciate my mother more and also my father who worked out of the country to give is a better life)
- moving to america (made me appreciate the family and friends back in brazil and keep my head up no matter what, always be humble)
- learning the english language (made me understand that you have to be ambicious to be sucessful in this world)
- my strong religious teaching (whole new outlook to life, made me hopeful of a better future)
- REALLY discovering edm [pvd at cp 2006] (completely changed my dreams and plans for the future, finding my true passion was truly heartwarming and exciting)
- my younger sister's rebel phase ( she hurt my parents a lot and it made me appreciate them more and try to be the best son they could ask for)
- recently going through financial situations and having to move to my own basement ( made me appreciate the little things in life that i really did have and be able to mature each day at a speeding level)




mto bom seu t�pico, lira. abra�os.

quote:

Originally posted by VAR

all good advice, well said.

Personally, I can't bring myself to list specific moments in my life which have shaped me into the person I am today. The way I look at it is, we all go through our share of shit, and we can say the outcome would have been different/better if we did some stuff differently, but it means nothing, because we'll never know. I guess what I'm trying to say is, every second we live is a defining moment, and I don't believe the significance should lie with the immensity of the experience. (there is a better way to word this, but it is 4 in the morning, and I am still a little drunk, so pardon the lack of articulacy)


Robert Frost once said, "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

And to that end, for me, there is one central factor to which I can attribute, for the most part, all the good times and the bad that I've experienced � and that is, the girls that have walked in, and out of my life.

Looking at the future, there is always a girl there; regardless of where my aspirations take me. And consequently, much of what I've learned from life can be credited to females

I don't see why I would even bother with my academic career or any career in fact, if I didn't have a female right by my side ./emo =p

But it's true man, girls are what make life worth living, for me, but sometimes, sometimes man...it all comes back to Pandora, and that is the fucking truth.

great thread btw! I really enjoyed reading all the responses.

quote:

Originally posted by LazFX Death of 2 close freinds - 1990 high School Prom - They tried to beat a Train and got hit. Both died on Impact. Having a complete stranger die in my arms due to a gun shot wound to the chest. trying to stop the bleeding and seeing and feeling the red blood froth oooze between my fingers while I cried.. feeling his life force leave his body will always stay in my mind. the birth of my oldest child coming home after dropping off divorce papers at court to find all of my Dj equipment, 2 TTS, 2 CDJs, Mixers, PA and about 10 crates of vinyl all gone.....later finding out the bitch sold them for a measly $500 bucks to support her coke habbit. Getting a Job with the Feds. forgiving and letting karma take care of all of the focks that every did me wrong. still spinning after 20 years

For me?

Traveling.

Nothing has shaped my life more than the hundreds (thousands?) of experiences that I went through during my (almost) 3 years of solid exploring. I went wandering quite young (19) and didn't return until I was 22. 'Formative years' if you want to call them that.

Some of it certainly wasn't much fun at all, I'll readily admit. Finding myself broke and homeless in a foreign country, for example, was particularly crap. Just to get some cash, I worked as a 'flyerer' (you attack backpackers etc. at any location you can to con (read as: persuede ) them into coming back to stay at the shitty hostel you wish you get the fuck out of).

But now? I have the knowledge/confidence in myself that even in the WORST possible scenario, I can rely on myself to sort things out...That's something I wouldn't trade for the world. It gave me a strength that I wouldn't have gotten while just chilling in the relative comfortability of Australia.

It simply made me a different person.

Thank god I got to experience more electronic music types, and the associated cultures, while I was away. I literally had no idea of what was out there! I feel that my tastes and influences would be sorely lacking if I had just...Stayed here and only received one perspective.

Ah, to reminisce!

Great thread Lira!

quote:

Originally posted by Beat Blog

It seems bleak, I know, but I am a better person after all of that and am still young enough to enjoy life. I am at peace with my self now. Each of the negatives that have happened i have learned from....

I actually should of added Joining TA cause I have met a few people on here that have added to my expereince and opened my eyes to other views......
O'Call and Lilith come to mind......
even others that I have had words with, in the PDD....
all life experiences that makes a person more rounded

quote:

Originally posted by LazFX all life experiences that makes a person more rounded

Perfectly stated

quote:

Originally posted by tubularbills 5. Losing half of my family and paying for my mother's divorce. My mother has the worst luck in the world (now i know where i get it from). after having a botched hysterectomy, she could no longer work and in pain 24/7. moved back to illinois after my father's job got shat on. then after moving into a smaller place, and in a worse and more poor neighborhood, my father decided to leave her. so here she is, applying for social security/disability, can't work, and going through a divorce. and my father left her the day after i did when i up and moved to the south w/ the military. after 25 years of marriage, he did this to her right before her 50th bday too. ass. so without any means of making money, i've been paying for her lawyer and random bills that my father has decided not to pay. when the divorce is finalized, we have talked about her moving down here to live with me, simply because she's got no where else to go. and as far as my father is concerned, i haven't spoken w/ him in about 4 months now.

Mate, you have balls.

lets see..


running away from home @ 17yrs - at 17years old i ran away from home with my then gf to live on my own. things were tough as hell in the beginning but i worked my ass off and i managed to earn enough to rent ourselves a nice pad and pay for my tuition. This stage of time being out on my own with no-one to turn to except for a few close friends really taught me the importance of these few people I called my friends. these are the few people who were there to support me all the way through thick and thin. They are the brothers I never had and I am forever indebted to them. After a couple of years I finally sat down with my family and talked things out and we came away with a whole better understanding and relationship with each other.

breaking up with the ex - in 2001, i broke up with girl i had ran away and lived with for the past 5 years. It was one of those really messy breakups. The kind you tend to experience only when watching TV. Somewhere along the way I had gotten her pregnant and she didn't want to go through with an abortion. Also along the way, my then girlfriend had managed to get herself a scholarship into RMIT based solely on artwork (she was into wood carvings, paintings and metalwork) but the university wouldn't accept her because of her having a baby. One night when she wasn't around her mom came to see me and tried to persuade me to give the baby up for adoption so that her daughter could start school. I didn't agree at first but I saw the logic in the points she made. I made enough for the 2 of us but hardly enough to bring up a child. We were 21 at that time and we had no-one to turn to. My parents wanted me to give up the kid too so i couldn't turn to them either.

what finally pushed me to make my decision was when one night her mom came to see me and begged me on her knees in tears to leave her daughter as the only reason my gf wanted to keep the baby was because of me. I relented and left my gf the same night. she was then 6 months pregnant.

i have never forgave myself for what I had done. my only solace is in telling myself it was the right thing to do.

I met up with the same ex sometime back after not seeing or speaking to each other for a couple of years and was glad to find out that she was married to an ozzie dude and was in her final year @ RMIT. However, recently I got news that she had dropped out without graduating and was just bumming around. Somehow I found it all such a waste.

after going thru all this, anything crap that happens to me feels like nothing compared to what i felt when i walked out on that girl. it took me 3 fucking years to get over it. 3 years of quitting school, fucking around, dealing dope, getting into gang fights, the works. it also made me realise that if i were to ever be put in the same spot again, i would be in a position to keep the kid.

ok fuck.. that was long.
i have a couple more .. but this shit is getting emo.
i'll add later.

I'm really enjoying this thread. There are some really moving things being said.

I'd just like to say though...although the bad times are certainly forming in our lives, don't let them overshadow the good times that are equally as transforming. And I sincerely hope that everyone has those good times.

I love the Frost quote btw...I'll remember that one.

I'm lazy, so the 2 biggest influences on the current me are:

1. Having grown up in Cape Town
2. My first tab of acid
3. Moving to London at the tender age of 19

quote:

Originally posted by kr00t0n I'm lazy, so the 2 biggest influences on the current me are: 1. Having grown up in Cape Town 2. My first tab of acid 3. Moving to London at the tender age of 19

I think your counter is broken.

quote:

Originally posted by NeoPhono I think your counter is broken.

I edited to add one, and forgot I mentioned 2 initially

heh...

1. Anal Sex - If I haven't discovered anal sex I don't know what I would pursue for the rest of my life. It gave me something to concentrate on in college besides feelings and emotions and discovering myself. Any garbage like that I threw out of my head and looked forward to each time I'd get to envelop my penis in some girl's beautiful ass. It taught me to be very open-minded to other things. It also made me be less racist and prejudice - as I found an ass of any race or religious doctrine was good enough to satisfy me.

that's about it actually...

Yeah, I'm not about to start rambling about personal stuff in my life. Maybe I would have 3 years ago or 4 years ago when I first signed up on TA... but I've learned

quote:

Originally posted by Aristronica heh... 1. Anal Sex - If I haven't discovered anal sex I don't know what I would pursue for the rest of my life. It gave me something to concentrate on in college besides feelings and emotions and discovering myself. Any garbage like that I threw out of my head and looked forward to each time I'd get to envelop my penis in some girl's beautiful ass. It taught me to be very open-minded to other things. It also made me be less racist and prejudice - as I found an ass of any race or religious doctrine was good enough to satisfy me. that's about it actually...

ok.

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly Yeah, I'm not about to start rambling about personal stuff in my life. Maybe I would have 3 years ago or 4 years ago when I first signed up on TA... but I've learned

...and that is one of those moments that has shaped your current self.

ooo, lookie! I found teh irony! win!

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