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-- Aspects of your personality that have a double edge.
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You guys just need to embrace your inner cunt. I can help you with that.


Also, are you *really* nice? Or do you just do it because you don't want to give people a reason to not like you? Because honestly, I find that's the real reason most "nice" people are nice.

My niceness stems from an illustrious history of low self esteem.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie You guys just need to embrace your inner cunt. I can help you with that. Also, are you *really* nice? Or do you just do it because you don't want to give people a reason to not like you? Because honestly, I find that's the real reason most "nice" people are nice.

I think I put other people first. Whether that qualifies as being "nice" or not is your call - it's just what people tell me I am.

edit: in any case, I don't do anything with the aim of being nice. In fact, I think it's kind of a personality deficiency... nice guys finish last and all that jazz.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie You guys just need to embrace your inner cunt. I can help you with that. Also, are you *really* nice? Or do you just do it because you don't want to give people a reason to not like you? Because honestly, I find that's the real reason most "nice" people are nice.

haha nah, I could careless about that.

quote:

Originally posted by bas My niceness stems from an illustrious history of low self esteem.

+1

Wouldn't that be the same thing though?

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie Wouldn't that be the same thing though?

Not really. Everyone can fucking love you, yet you still have a low self-esteem.

True. I just always think of people with low-self esteem as yes-people.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie True. I just always think of people with low-self esteem as yes-people.

There are a good number of those, but I would be hesitant to say, that a majority are that type. Maybe it is, I have no clue, but I wouldn't think it is.

cool thread.

i only read the first few replies but im going to come back later and see whats what.

all of my friends are pretty much like what you described rob, they are all highly competitive and shit like that. for everything even small 5 second talks get drawn out to hour long bullshit at times. it gets annoying times.

i myself seem to have a found a balance between both "perfectionist" and non. and im very happy with that, some things I half ass and somethings i fuckin take it to the dome - for me its just looking at the situation at hand and i guess categorize it in terms of how severe or important it is. small things i tend not to try so hard in, other things like work i'll be going the extra mile for. i mean for myself it seems like this is the middle ground of what your talking.

i wouldn't say being what you described is a negative thing as long as you are able to control it and see that "hey man, im taking this too far" and you chill. for example all of our little bullshit arguments here on ta and ph we both could have just chilled and it would have worked out for the better and shit like that but we both were really competitive (to be right / 1, ect ect) there so..

they both have their pros and cons for sure no doubt, taking the 100% route you're rewarded, shit is done very nicely, and you feel good. however like UWM said, you'll never be happy sometimes with your work, it can be time consuming, frustrating and get you into shit sometimes, which really - is it worth it? then theres the not so 100% slackish side, when you let things slide, sure it feels great, you are usually stressfree (can create stress if you are too much of a slacker) shit is easy to do, ect, i don't really need to recite the pros and cons of these two as most of you know them..

basically, i dont think neither of them are a bad thing, its all about finding that middle ground and learning/seeing when to use what the best. each have their own pros and cons and you can use both swords at once.

as for shit that i see in myself (re: your question) i'll have to think about that and come back and reply.

I really, really want to finally get into some GTA right now - but I wanted to thank pretty much everyone whose taken part in this thread. It isn't always easy to take a look at yourself in terms of something about yourself that you're both proud of, yet see can affect you adversely just as often - and a lot of what some of you have written seems intensely personal, so thank you all for making what could have wound up as just another c0r thread into something where I feel I've actually learned some things about a few of you.

quote:

Originally posted by Ang ' ela_ie Being really full of yourself is probably just as much of a curse, no?

oh snap.

quote:

Originally posted by Lebezniatnikov A lot of my friends have commented that they were initially drawn to me because I'm a "nice" guy - but that isn't necessarily always a positive, and today has been a perfect example of that for me. I'm the kind of person who rarely puts myself first, and when I'm asked to do something for someone I rarely say no. Luckily I haven't really been taken advantage on that account yet, but I definitely have put myself in situations where I don't stand to gain from helping. Today I loaned my friend a pretty substantial sum of money, and to be frank, I don't really have anything to loan. I put myself in a pretty tight spot on the assumption that his spot is tighter. I trust him to the extent that I didn't even ask any questions as to why he needed it, just one to make sure I will be repaid sometime soon. I also am slow to stand up for myself when I know I've been wronged. Some of my close friends have observed that I put up with a lot, especially from girls sometimes, and that I can be taken advantage of. In fact, the last girl that I dated used that as a reason for our breakup - that I'm too "nice" and she can never live up to that. Whether true or not, it's been a pretty consistent problem for me actually - falling into the friend zone. The positive is that I have a large number of girls that I am close to and consider very good friends... the negative of course being that many of the girls I fall for see me as just a nice guy they can talk to. Epitome of double-edge I would say.

This about sums me up as well.

quote:

Originally posted by RJT I really, really want to finally get into some GTA right now - but I wanted to thank pretty much everyone whose taken part in this thread. It isn't always easy to take a look at yourself in terms of something about yourself that you're both proud of, yet see can affect you adversely just as often - and a lot of what some of you have written seems intensely personal, so thank you all for making what could have wound up as just another c0r thread into something where I feel I've actually learned some things about a few of you.

I am glad I was able to participate. It really has been a good thread.

Re: Aspects of your personality that have a double edge.

quote:

Originally posted by RJT I had something happen today that has made me think about aspects of my life that are both beneficial as well as detrimental to me - namely that I'm competitive. This has served me well quite often, like today - I had handed in a second exam for one of my courses after receiving the first one back weeks earlier with a comment that read "I think you are capable of much better." The exam grade was a B-, but the fact that the professor thought I could do better stuck with and really bothered me. I got my second exam back today, got an A+ on it, and not only did the professor write on my exam that he thought I had a real talent for this kind of writing and that he was proud of me, but he also held me after class to let me know for sure how well he thought I did, and to try and offer some advice as far as getting into grad school. It felt great, but being challenged/competing also has a real ugly side for me, one which the majority of you are all too familiar with - I engage in arguments that are often times pointless and that would be better left alone than perpetuated. It doesn't just happen on the internets, it happens with some of my closest friends too. I don't like it when I see myself engaging in these kinds of activities, yet sometimes I find myself doing it without even thinking about what's going on. It is easily the one area of my personality in which I feel like I have the most improvement to do, and I guess just realizing how this kind of thing can be both good and bad for me was kind of an "epiphany" of sorts. So I put the question to you guys, do you have anything like this that you see in your own life (something that can both help and hurt you)? If so, is the negative aspect something you do reflexively, but the positive seem like something you really have to work at? Does it bother you that there are times when it seems like the negative aspects of the trait are reflexive, rather than rationally deliberated upon and chosen? This has been todays "Self Help" thread brought to you by RJT and Stewart Smalley - because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me.

hahahahahahaha, welcome to my world rob!! look on the bright side, whilst youre undoubtedly twice as smart as me youre only half the arrogant cvnt. which makes you 4x the person!

im at the point in my life now when people say something, and then other people look at me coz they know i can't keep my mouth shut about what was just said, ha.

i like to think im being upfront and honest, but really people say a lot of stupid shit and need to be corrected, coz most people dont have the balls to disagree vehemently with others.

quote:

Originally posted by Lebezniatnikov I also am slow to stand up for myself when I know I've been wronged. Some of my close friends have observed that I put up with a lot, especially from girls sometimes, and that I can be taken advantage of. In fact, the last girl that I dated used that as a reason for our breakup - that I'm too "nice" and she can never live up to that. Whether true or not, it's been a pretty consistent problem for me actually - falling into the friend zone. The positive is that I have a large number of girls that I am close to and consider very good friends... the negative of course being that many of the girls I fall for see me as just a nice guy they can talk to. Epitome of double-edge I would say.

Nailed it on the head. With my last gf, she told me way back that I was too nice and needed to just be an asshole a bit more often. So I did, and I embraced my inner ****, and henceforth stopped embracing hers (hiyo). Seriously guys though, that chick was crazy.

To quote waiting: girls are attracted to assholes, women are attracted to confidence.

quote:

Originally posted by RJT I really, really want to finally get into some GTA right now - but I wanted to thank pretty much everyone whose taken part in this thread. It isn't always easy to take a look at yourself in terms of something about yourself that you're both proud of, yet see can affect you adversely just as often - and a lot of what some of you have written seems intensely personal, so thank you all for making what could have wound up as just another c0r thread into something where I feel I've actually learned some things about a few of you.

If you want to be succinct about it Robbie, most of the contributors fall into the Passive, Aggressive core of peoples personality styles which doesn't necessarily have a tangible benefit to them. It's politically correct to say, "we embrace our faults and revel in the strengths that they give us" but to be honest its only halfway admitting to ourselves that we're recognising that they're there- what isn't be addressed is the education to learn from them.

Passives tend to have a decent amount of stability in their lives because they just float around where the current takes them, up until they're pushed and pushed and finally after being pushed around for long enough they just snap.
Aggressive people are quite competent at getting things done quickly, at any cost and without any regard, however as they continue to press their wants on others they also end up cutting themselves up inside to the point they end up self loathing.
If you're really unlucky, you'll meet Passive/Aggressive personality types who are fortunately very rare, they're the great manipulators for their own ends that don't particularly care who gets burnt along the way and ultimately have no redeeming qualities when it comes to much of anything, except to disrupt and get off on the power that brings over other people.

What you want to actually look at instead of thinking your passive or aggressive personality has merit, is to redefine yourself as an Assertive person.
This was something I learned very early on in my working life, to be honest its possibly been one of the most profound aspects of who I am. A lot of ignorant people look at me as being aggressive because they're completely ignorant of the assertive personality that has a completely different structure to both the passive or aggressive.
Assertive people get what they want done by simply getting other people to come around to their point of view by being part of the solution, rather than being either pushed or submitting to that solution. We're confident and respectful, goal oriented and work on respect and trust... no I'm not kidding either when I've said a couple of times 'I always win', because I do.

I'll surmise very quickly by saying-
Passive = I lose/you win
Aggressive = I win/you lose
Passive-Aggressive = Because I can
Assertive = I win/you win

Go forth and explore that part of personal development rather than try to embrace flaws, wish you well with it.

i'm a perfectionist. i do everything well... OR NOT AT ALL.

sucks for getting girlfriends, i'm never content.

quote:

Originally posted by Lilith If you want to be succinct about it Robbie, most of the contributors fall into the Passive, Aggressive core of peoples personality styles which doesn't necessarily have a tangible benefit to them. It's politically correct to say, "we embrace our faults and revel in the strengths that they give us" but to be honest its only halfway admitting to ourselves that we're recognising that they're there- what isn't be addressed is the education to learn from them. Passives tend to have a decent amount of stability in their lives because they just float around where the current takes them, up until they're pushed and pushed and finally after being pushed around for long enough they just snap. Aggressive people are quite competent at getting things done quickly, at any cost and without any regard, however as they continue to press their wants on others they also end up cutting themselves up inside to the point they end up self loathing. If you're really unlucky, you'll meet Passive/Aggressive personality types who are fortunately very rare, they're the great manipulators for their own ends that don't particularly care who gets burnt along the way and ultimately have no redeeming qualities when it comes to much of anything, except to disrupt and get off on the power that brings over other people. What you want to actually look at instead of thinking your passive or aggressive personality has merit, is to redefine yourself as an Assertive person. This was something I learned very early on in my working life, to be honest its possibly been one of the most profound aspects of who I am. A lot of ignorant people look at me as being aggressive because they're completely ignorant of the assertive personality that has a completely different structure to both the passive or aggressive. Assertive people get what they want done by simply getting other people to come around to their point of view by being part of the solution, rather than being either pushed or submitting to that solution. We're confident and respectful, goal oriented and work on respect and trust... no I'm not kidding either when I've said a couple of times 'I always win', because I do. I'll surmise very quickly by saying- Passive = I lose/you win Aggressive = I win/you lose Passive-Aggressive = Because I can Assertive = I win/you win Go forth and explore that part of personal development rather than try to embrace flaws, wish you well with it.

excellent post.

i wholeheartedly agree with everything you just mentioned. my fault would lie in the fact i dont treat my personal life the same as my professional. i can be a bit of a pushover, especially personally. but in work i can be more assertive - or at least responsible enough to work towards getting people to see things the way that works best for all.

with friends and family i dont always use those same tools, partially as it is a different environment. at work people *have* to put up with you, in life its not so serious nor as goal focused. (not that work is always as goal focused as it ought to be)

but i think that the personal experience is much more of an inner struggle. you can put up a front at work to some extent, and while your friends and family may respect or love you more, they see through the weakness easier, for good and bad|

I'm a lazy, laid back type. Pros would be that I don't get stressed up easily etc. Cons is that I don't get shit done. I'd say it's mostly a bad trade.

I'm also a bit of a perfectionist. So it doesn't help getting shit done.

quote:

Originally posted by Cloudburst I'm a lazy, laid back type. Pros would be that I don't get stressed up easily etc. Cons is that I don't get shit done. I'd say it's mostly a bad trade. I'm also a bit of a perfectionist. So it doesn't help getting shit done.

why i appreciated scandinavia so much. so many like minded individuals|

(that last sentence is funny, but i still love the people)

...being independant. i figure stuff out by myself, not really afraid of change nor do i REALLY care what other people think which helps me remain true to myself. the crappy part is sometimes i tend to put some people off because i can be blunt, i don't believe in "babying" people and i won't put in more than the minimal effort to help people on some things because if i can figure it out so can they...not saying i'm an ass but i could NEVER teach anyone anything.

quote:

Originally posted by gehzumteufel Can you temporarily leave them unfinished? If so, we have the same problem. I don't like to start something and not finish it properly.

Depends on situation, but I generally like to finish what I start.

Being self-confident has its pros and cons.

The most obvious advantage about being confident is that, if I think something is worth doing, I will try to do it, no matter what. From music production to Kantian philosophy and breakdancing, I don't think I've ever been held back by the belief that "something was too difficult". Furthermore, girls like confidence and stuff, and that's a bloody shoopdawooping benefit But, it just reflects my view that, even if I fail, at least I tried.

However, some insecure people often think that my confidence is actually an overweening arrogance. That's rarely a problem, because the more people get to know me, the more they realise I'm far from having a lofty attitude and haughty manners. If anything, I will try instil confidence into everyone around me, which is not something I'd consider to be arrogant. But when there's a backlash (i.e. someone criticises me for being too secure or punishes me for doing things my way), it can hurt me really hard, as my high self-efficacy is quite independent from my self-esteem. I'm often feeling miserable anyway, heh

Lebez: I can totally relate to this problem of "being too nice". I get that all the time, although I can't really say it bothers me.

Lücid: I'm a capricorn

quote:

Originally posted by chimera66 ...being independant. i figure stuff out by myself, not really afraid of change nor do i REALLY care what other people think which helps me remain true to myself. the crappy part is sometimes i tend to put some people off because i can be blunt, i don't believe in "babying" people and i won't put in more than the minimal effort to help people on some things because if i can figure it out so can they...not saying i'm an ass but i could NEVER teach anyone anything.

Hahaha I feel ya. I don't candy coat anything. It gets me into trouble. lol

quote:

Originally posted by Gauss Depends on situation, but I generally like to finish what I start.

Yeah same.

i get bored easily

good for deejaying/music collecting
bad for relationships


i hoard
good for deejaying/collecting
bad for wallet


i am obsessed with details
good for quality of work
bad for working with others, managing time


i am never satisfied
good for learning, work
bad for relationships, working with othrs


i am fiercely independent/resourceful
good for the hard times, for geting shit done
bad for networking and delegating, come across as arrogant


i am quiet
good for self-knowledge, contemplation, intense creative production
bad for making friends and business associates


i am very critical
good for my own work, for self improvement
bad for others, makes me seem elitist


i like to make everyone happy
good for one person
bad for the other

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