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-- Controversial discussion inside: Theresa beware
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quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly Oh, please. Your reaction would have been quite different if you have so do us all a favor and go suck your boyfriends dick. And Bas, 5 years.

Ah shit son, I was totally kidding, sorry to hear that. Glad you made it out ok and found someone that isn't a total waste of life

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly For one, those of you who are screaming (yukii) that a girl who stays in an abusive relationship is a dumb bitch - until you've been there, shut your goddamn mouth. An abusive relationship is a touchy subject, but they usually develop over time. A person can be with someone for years before they start showing signs of abuse - and even when they do, it's so gradual you barely notice. A fight that got out of control here, words that were said there, and then *bam* it happens, you get pushed down. You're not really sure if it's an accident or not or what exactly happens and that's where it all starts. Once you're in there and that person starts getting control of your life, it is VERY hard to get out - because before the hitting starts, there's already been a lot of mental abuse. A girl who gets the shit beat out of her, ends up in the hospital, and THEN goes back is a fucking idiot. One who isn't really sure what's happening is just scared. Once you finally get out of that situation though, one of two things happen - #1 you find an equally as abusive schmuck (which at that point, you are a moron and deserve the beating) or #2 you get a little therapy to get you to understand what happened and then continue on with normal and healthy relationships (hopefully) from that standpoint on. I do think it is worth mentioning, however, how long that cycle takes to develop and how utterly terrifying it is the day that you wake up and realize what happened.

That's actually really good insight. How do you feel about what I said then? About the whole "perpetuating the woman/victim stereotype"?

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly That sucks Jenny The worst part is, you can try and talk sense into your friend again and again and again - but until she reaches her breaking point, she'll never listen. She has to come to it in her own time. :/

Ah sorry...when I said "care for" I meant a retired couple at work. I have no idea how to even approach such an issue. Which sucks, because they do fight, and I can tell he gets nasty with her. Sometimes they'll come down to the dining room and she'll clearly have been crying, and his face is all red and he's clearly angry. Shit pisses me off.

I mean I know some interventions I can implement to help her cope with the stress....but it's just too bad that it's too late for her/them. Honestly, they're in their 80s; like they're really going to talk about their marital problems now, or even acknowledge what's going on.

The guy I was with was definitely no redneck. On the surface, he was perfect on paper. An electrical engineer, shy, quiet, good family, played in a band... etc. And it wasn't about being dumb enough - It was about being confused and not understanding what was happening. It's a viscous cycle - guy does something wrong, spends x amount of time apologizing, spends x amount of time behaving perfectly, and then it happens all over again. Looking back on it now I see all the warning signs, but THEN I did not. By the time I got out of there my head was all over the place because of all the mental jedi shit that had gone on, and I had no one to turn to because he had pulled me away from everyone I knew. That person who does that has the capability to make you feel like you deserve it - even if you were a completely confident person when you met.

Thank God I found my breaking point prior to anything permanently damaging happening, is all I have to say. And found myself in a healthy and happy relationship that I never knew could exist.

//edit

the guy I'm with NOW is a redneck, and a perfect gentlemen to boot. Get your facts straight

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly Oh, please. Your reaction would have been quite different if you have so do us all a favor and go suck your boyfriends dick.

hmm.. i was with that guy for more than a year.. on & off though bc i started noticing his abusive ways & how it was wrong for me to put up with it.. so i dumped him & he pretty much stalked me afterwards for the next 2 yrs.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie That's actually really good insight. How do you feel about what I said then? About the whole "perpetuating the woman/victim stereotype"?

Until I was in that situation, I was always "women who are abused are so fucking stupid, how could they let it get to that point" - and then it happened to me, so I have a whole different perspective on it now. I think a girl IS a victim when that happens - but not because they had been abused all their life or that they have daddy issues and are insecure. I hadn't been abused, I had no daddy issues, and my family life was great. I was a secure and confident woman when I met him. The mental breakdown didn't really start until two years into the relationship... and then it didn't get physical until year 3 or so. It is SO hard to get OUT of that situation! So much harder than people think.

Once you're out though, there is NO excuse for 1. going back or 2. getting stuck in a relationship like that again.

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly The guy I was with was definitely no redneck. On the surface, he was perfect on paper. An electrical engineer, shy, quiet, good family, played in a band... etc. And it wasn't about being dumb enough - It was about being confused and not understanding what was happening. It's a viscous cycle - guy does something wrong, spends x amount of time apologizing, spends x amount of time behaving perfectly, and then it happens all over again. Looking back on it now I see all the warning signs, but THEN I did not. By the time I got out of there my head was all over the place because of all the mental jedi shit that had gone on, and I had no one to turn to because he had pulled me away from everyone I knew. That person who does that has the capability to make you feel like you deserve it - even if you were a completely confident person when you met. Thank God I found my breaking point prior to anything permanently damaging happening, is all I have to say. And found myself in a healthy and happy relationship that I never knew could exist.

yea and the guy who did it to me was a prettyboy chiropractor who drove a 120k benz. it's not a redneck thing jay. any guy can be that way.

quote:

Originally posted by yukii hmm.. i was with that guy for more than a year.. on & off though bc i started noticing his abusive ways & how it was wrong for me to put up with it.. so i dumped him & he pretty much stalked me afterwards for the next 2 yrs.

Ok dating someone who has "abusive ways" which I'm interpreting as "treated you like trash", who then "pretty much" stalked you (which I'm interpreting as internet stalking and calling and trying to get back together) is NOT the same thing as being in a several year abusive relationship where you LIVE with the person who is abusing you. Which is why you reacted the way you did - because you have NO fucking clue what you're talking about, so shut your stupid fucking mouth.

let me rephrase actually, because my comment was a bit harsh.

i don't like getting personal, but the issue hits a nerve with me big time.

My father was an uncontrollable drunk who used my mom as a punching bag(guess what, he was not like that before he had kids. My mother would justify this by saying he could be helped and stayed with it because of her 3 kids. BIG FUCKING mistake. That line of thinking lead to an escalation, exposing her children to it. I grew up as a nasty teenager who got into trouble because of it. (see fights every week, i went to 7 different high schools)

My mother knows she was a dummy now, and we don't pity her for it. Part of what helped us all get over our issues was calling her out on it. My sisters are strong independant women because of that, and i did not follow in my father's footsteps. Had the tie been cut the first time it happened, all of this unnecessary hardship would of been avoided.

In the end all that counts is that he is a homeless person who has ruined his own life without anyone that cares about him. Maybe if he had seen the door earlier he could have woken up and saved himself from this fate. I have no pity for men like this, not even for my own blood.

/rant.

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly you have NO fucking clue what you're talking about, so shut your stupid fucking mouth.

Yeah. Preferably with a dick. Silly whore.

quote:

Originally posted by elFreak let me rephrase actually, because my comment was a bit harsh. i don't like getting personal, but the issue hits a nerve with me big time. My father was an uncontrollable drunk who used my mom as a punching bag(guess what, he was not like that before he had kids. My mother would justify this by saying he could be helped and stayed with it because of her 3 kids. BIG FUCKING mistake. That line of thinking lead to an escalation, exposing her children to it. I grew up as a nasty teenager who got into trouble because of it. (see fights every week, i went to 7 different high schools) My mother knows she was a dummy now, and we don't pity her for it. Part of what helped us all get over our issues was calling her out on it. My sisters are strong independant women because of that, and i did not follow in my father's footsteps. Had the tie been cut the first time it happened, all of this unnecessary hardship would of been avoided. In the end all that counts is that he is a homeless person who has ruined his own life without anyone that cares about him. Maybe if he had seen the door earlier he could have woken up and saved himself from this fate. I have no pity for men like this, not even for my own blood. /rant.

Jay, I completely understand where you're coming from on that - and I'm sorry you had to deal with that growing up. I see what you mean about her repeatedly going back to him - and I agree with you. The minute people actually found out about the abuse (in your example, it would clearly be you and your sisters who called out your mom) and I got called out on it... it was a little more eye opening.

I feel like Danny Tanner is gonna come in at any second now and give us all a hug.

no, wasn't like anything you put it as. but i have no reason to explain myself bc that's something that's in my past & i don't talk about it.
i believe a relationship is based on honesty, trust, and respect- that's what i have found now, so i don't need to worry about this idiotic bullshit or sucking dick. if k didn't like it then im sure he could have gone back to his stripper ex who did give him head. seems like you give more of a fuck than we do about him getting head so why don't you go stuff your throat like you know best.

Bahaha, you're such a dumb cunt.

i like these kinda threads, cause in the end it all ends up like this:

quote:

person A I HAVE AN OPINION

WELL YOU ARE WRONG

quote:

person A BUT I HAVE SOURCES

BUT THEY ARE NOT VALID

quote:

person A YOUR AN IDIOT

YOU SPELLED YOU'RE WRONG

quote:

person A SO NOW YOU'RE A GRAMMAR NAZI

YOUR OPINION IS STILL WRONG

quote:

person A I'M GONNA GO DO MY BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND

SUCK HIS COCK/HER VAG FOR ME

quote:

person A OMG YOUR GROSS

YOU SPELLED YOU'RE WRONG AGAIN

etc...etc...

WTF are you talking about? We're pretty much all in agreement here.

Anyone here deduce yet that trancers don't really give a shit about Yukii's meat deficiency, and people who don't listen to trance obsessively do?

I'm not saying



i'm just saying.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie WTF are you talking about? We're pretty much all in agreement here.

BITCH DON'T MAKE ME SLAP YOU

Anyone ever see the old movie "Internal Affairs" made in 1990 with Richard Gere and Andy Garcia? It was on TV just last weekend. There's this intense scene where Garcia's character smacks the shit out of his wife played by Nancy Travis in a public place. It's ironic because he's the "good cop" LOL trying to the nail the bad cop(Gere). It may be a stereotype, but I wouldn't be surprised at all if the most notorious wife-beaters out of them all were cops.

Re: Controversial discussion inside: Theresa beware

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie This is about abuse towards women. I know that when a woman gets abused (physically, emotionally) it's not her fault, and people always say the man who does such a thing is sick...but what about the woman who stays in/seeks out abusive relationships? Clearly she has some kind of sickness as well, no?

Ya they do, abandonment issues, abusive past... Its all things that need to be treated.

Re: Re: Controversial discussion inside: Theresa beware

quote:

Originally posted by nchs09 Its all things that need to be treated.

..by a good beating AMIRITE?

girls who stay in abusive relatoinships got it at home when they were little. or they watched mommy get it. like i said, it's a vicious cycle. but at some point in your adult life, you have to be able to break the cycle and take responsibility for yourself and stop using your past abuse experiences as a scapegoat and an excuse to stay with an asshole.

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly Jay, I completely understand where you're coming from on that - and I'm sorry you had to deal with that growing up. I see what you mean about her repeatedly going back to him - and I agree with you. The minute people actually found out about the abuse (in your example, it would clearly be you and your sisters who called out your mom) and I got called out on it... it was a little more eye opening.

I'm not sorry, it is what it is and it was not by choice. I am proud of the man I am now (put elfreak aside for a second here, this is real shit) and how I got here has no importance compared to being here. I just wanted to let you understand why i don't accept justifications for reckless behaviors.

We called her out later on in life, we were too young when it happened to really understand. She felt guilty for years, and our bringing up the issue was the catalyst to help her resolve her own demons. She could not even look at another man until we did this.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie Bahaha, you're such a dumb cunt.

i thought you and me had become friends??

im gona kill myself now..

quote:

Originally posted by PressPLay Anyone ever see the old movie "Internal Affairs" made in 1990 with Richard Gere and Andy Garcia? It was on TV just last weekend. There's this intense scene where Garcia's character smacks the shit out of his wife played by Nancy Travis in a public place. It's ironic because he's the "good cop" LOL trying to the nail the bad cop(Gere). It may be a stereotype, but I wouldn't be surprised at all if the most notorious wife-beaters out of them all were cops.

yea that's true. i mean i've heard that rumor too. cops are known for being asshole cheater husbands.

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