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-- I don't like my ex dating my brother.
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quote:

Originally posted by R.j. What does that translate to? And from what language?

"It already was" (meaning: "It's not relevant any more/it's already passed/too late"), and it comes from Portuguese.

Lira doesn't get it because he's probably never been in that situation or atleast a similar one. Just give up Lira.

quote:

Originally posted by Rose Lira doesn't get it because he's probably never been in that situation or atleast a similar one. Just give up Lira.

Wrong guess, Rose: I've been in similar situations, on both ends (both as the friend AND the dater).

Well then, you still don't understand 'bro code'.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira "It already was" (meaning: "It's not relevant any more/it's already passed/too late"), and it comes from Portuguese.

Fait accompli?

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Look, There's a reason why your friend and his ex are not seeing one another any more: it didn't work. It's over, já era. She's not his property, she's an independent human being old enough to make her own choices as she wishes. And, so are you. If he's really your friend he should either be happy for your new relationship, hoping you're more successful than he was with her or, if she's nothing but trouble, he should be concerned for your well-being (and tell you why). Suppose an ex of yours had a really hot friend interested on you: Wouldn't you be rather irate to find out the sole reason why she doesn't go out with you - despite the mutual attraction - is because of a failed relationship already buried in the past? This whole thing reeks of insecurity and unjustified jealousy.

You don't understand how it works for most people. If you had feelings for someone, it might disappear completely one day, but chances are you still remember some of it. Therefore it's annoying to be around your ex. It's bad enough to see an ex fucking an unknown, nevermind someone you see every day. It's like being tempted every day to get something you can't get. Maybe you're a robot and you don't get that kind of temptation, so you don't understand it, but most people are a lot more possessive.

In my particular case, my "bro" has meanwhile moved to another island, which might even be worse - people around would start drama of the kind "he's only hitting on her because her ex is away".

And obviously she isn't at all secure about it, as she's been avoiding our whole group of friends ever since they broke up 2 years ago. It's just that when I see her, I always get the feeling that things could actually work out between us, which is pretty fucking rare for a lame ass like me. Gah. :\

quote:

Originally posted by noikeee You don't understand how it works for most people. If you had feelings for someone, it might disappear completely one day, but chances are you still remember some of it. Therefore it's annoying to be around your ex. It's bad enough to see an ex fucking an unknown, nevermind someone you see every day. It's like being tempted every day to get something you can't get. Maybe you're a robot and you don't get that kind of temptation, so you don't understand it, but most people are a lot more possessive.

If someone's possessive, that's their problem. Here, let me pose you a question: You meet this attractive girl, and a friend of yours tells you he fancies her. She, however, isn't attracted to him, whereas she's head over heels about you. Would you refrain from asking her out simply because a friend that has no rights over her whatsoever has declared she's to be with him if she's to be with anyone he knows?

Are you really going to waste a golden opportunity because someone else has a problem with rejection? Wouldn't you agree that the wisest thing to say is to simply tell the person to move on instead of being stuck in a relationship that is just not going to happen?

Now, suppose this friend had an affair with the said girl. Wouldn't you rather see him move on and be happy, instead of obsessing over a girl that has apparently no interest in him?

quote:

Originally posted by noikeee In my particular case, my "bro" has meanwhile moved to another island, which might even be worse - people around would start drama of the kind "he's only hitting on her because her ex is away".

So...? Why should you care about anyone other than the girl?

quote:

Originally posted by noikeee And obviously she isn't at all secure about it, as she's been avoiding our whole group of friends ever since they broke up 2 years ago. It's just that when I see her, I always get the feeling that things could actually work out between us, which is pretty fucking rare for a lame ass like me. Gah. :\

All right, let me see if I get it: You met someone you're attracted to, and that can have a meaningful relationship with you in the near future, yet you'd rather just remain miserable about the whole thing because someone who isn't even around any more may object to your happiness?

Yeah, I'm a robot.

best thing u can do is find another chick...
the more you let it bug u, the longer its going to take for u to get over it..

im sure thats been said already but i dont feel like reading everything in this thread :P

i had an x date one of my best friends once...
bugged the hell out of me...

meh ull figure it out
dont stay home! haha

if all else fail...
hammer to the face

quote:

Originally posted by Lira If someone's possessive, that's their problem. Here, let me pose you a question: You meet this attractive girl, and a friend of yours tells you he fancies her. She, however, isn't attracted to him, whereas she's head over heels about you. Would you refrain from asking her out simply because a friend that has no rights over her whatsoever has declared she's to be with him if she's to be with anyone he knows? Are you really going to waste a golden opportunity because someone else has a problem with rejection? Wouldn't you agree that the wisest thing to say is to simply tell the person to move on instead of being stuck in a relationship that is just not going to happen? Now, suppose this friend had an affair with the said girl. Wouldn't you rather see him move on and be happy, instead of obsessing over a girl that has apparently no interest in him? So...? Why should you care about anyone other than the girl? All right, let me see if I get it: You met someone you're attracted to, and that can have a meaningful relationship with you in the near future, yet you'd rather just remain miserable about the whole thing because someone who isn't even around any more may object to your happiness? Yeah, I'm a robot.

and if it doesn't work out he can be out of a girl and a friend (and possibly some teeth).

if he plays it safe, good friends can last a long time and be invaluable. Women you might be interested in are a dime a dozen and much more easily found than a friend you can trust with your life.

quote:

Originally posted by DjWhooCares i had an x date one of my best friends once... bugged the hell out of me...

+1 and she didn't care that it bothered me or whatever and they ended up having a shitty relationship and after they broke up she came back and apologized a million times lol.

quote:

Originally posted by lenazi and if it doesn't work out he can be out of a girl and a friend (and possibly some teeth). if he plays it safe, good friends can last a long time and be invaluable. Women you might be interested in are a dime a dozen and much more easily found than a friend you can trust with your life.

Actually I'm not sure I'd trust him with my life, and women that I might have a chance with are not dime a dozen.

Just concerned things would get too awkward.

if you keep talking like a little bitch with no self confidence maybe...but trust me, even the most awkward, ugly, and whatever other type of guy have a woman out there for him. If they don't it is because they never leave the house/aren't trying.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira This whole thing reeks of insecurity and unjustified jealousy.

This is not why, for the most part, the "bro code" calls for it. The reason is because of drama. Shit comes out more often than not, and it just fucks things up between people. It is a way to avoid the unnecessary drama that is usually caused.

quote:

Originally posted by lenazi and if it doesn't work out he can be out of a girl and a friend (and possibly some teeth). if he plays it safe, good friends can last a long time and be invaluable. Women you might be interested in are a dime a dozen and much more easily found than a friend you can trust with your life.

A true friend should be happy for the good fortune of those he cares for, not having unjustified fits of jealousy. Whenever I found in similar situations, my friends were happy that the girl they once cared for now had someone they trusted.

But, maybe they're robots as well

quote:

Originally posted by Lira A true friend should be happy for the good fortune of those he cares for, not having unjustified fits of jealousy. Whenever I found in similar situations, my friends were happy that the girl they once cared for now had someone they trusted. But, maybe they're robots as well

See above.

If your friends/family are going after your leftovers, it's because you obviously didn't do a good enough job of completely besmirching her name once you two called it quits. Shame on you for leaving a job undone.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira A true friend should be happy for the good fortune of those he cares for, not having unjustified fits of jealousy. Whenever I found in similar situations, my friends were happy that the girl they once cared for now had someone they trusted. But, maybe they're robots as well

I think the robot comment was due to your trying to think this out logically. Relationships aren't a logical thing. I'm not espousing 'bro code', but whether you like it or not, people's feelings get all mixed up when these sorts of things happen and more often than not, it's best to avoid them entirely. Yes, it's a stupid and animal thing, but so is love or, more commonly, infatuation.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On I think the robot comment was due to your trying to think this out logically. Relationships aren't a logical thing. I'm not espousing 'bro code', but whether you like it or not, people's feelings get all mixed up when these sorts of things happen and more often than not, it's best to avoid them entirely. Yes, it's a stupid and animal thing, but so is love or, more commonly, infatuation.

lol, your avatar is gross.

I don't think you've ever not objected to my av/sig.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On I don't think you've ever not objected to my av/sig.

Oh shut it, once before does not constitute never.

lol I said that wrong and I'm too lazy to fix it.

TWICE! AT LEAST!!

quote:

Originally posted by gehzumteufel This is not why, for the most part, the "bro code" calls for it. The reason is because of drama. Shit comes out more often than not, and it just fucks things up between people. It is a way to avoid the unnecessary drama that is usually caused.

I've never seen that happen. Maybe I just don't hang around drama queens

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On I think the robot comment was due to your trying to think this out logically. Relationships aren't a logical thing. I'm not espousing 'bro code', but whether you like it or not, people's feelings get all mixed up when these sorts of things happen and more often than not, it's best to avoid them entirely. Yes, it's a stupid and animal thing, but so is love or, more commonly, infatuation.

I'm not saying this out of logic, but out of compassion. Is there anything more awesome than seeing someone who you really care(d) for (and with whom your relationship may not have worked out) with someone you trust?

This is not just a complete no-brainer, but it'd be a total no-hearter if such word existed

Man, I can think of a lot of things better than watching my friend hook up with something I used to love. This is obviously a very, very personal situation, but if a friend or family member decided to date somebody I used to actually care for - not talking just had sex with or 'saw for a bit' - but an actual ex-girlfriend of mine... there'd be weirdness. No matter how happy they are or how fucking fuzzy it makes you feel inside, your intimate knowledge of that other person is going to fucking haunt you every time you see them together. And to top it all off, no matter how you feel about it, you are going to have to support them and pretend to be happy for them, if but merely for ther fact that one of them is obviously still close to you. That fucking sucks.

Respect for the sexual heirarchy is maybe one of the foremost things we seek in friends. No guy is comfy keeping a friend around who is trying to constantly get his girlfriend in the sack - why is that? Yes, it's a huge insecurity, but humans were simply made to fight one another over mates. Kind of how it is being locked into a consume-death cycle.

//Objectification of the opposite sex probably has almost everything to do with it. To the members of whatever team you play for, the object sex is a product to be bought, sold, flaunted, what have you. Indeed, this is probably one of the best things our species has going for it.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On I think the robot comment was due to your trying to think this out logically. Relationships aren't a logical thing. I'm not espousing 'bro code', but whether you like it or not, people's feelings get all mixed up when these sorts of things happen and more often than not, it's best to avoid them entirely. Yes, it's a stupid and animal thing, but so is love or, more commonly, infatuation.

There's plenty of logical reasons why I shouldn't be mad and just be cool about it. It's common for people in the same circle of friends to date each other. We had a clean break and we are still friends. They really like each other...

and it fucking kills me. I'm not happy for them at all.

Oh well, I've decided to just keep quiet for now.

In the end, there's really nothing you can or should do about it.

How you feel is how you feel, sometimes you can't change that, you can just learn to cope with it, and if that doesn't work, kill them both and eat the remains so as not to leave any evidence. I recommend using coke to wash out blood stains as it is more difficult to chemically detect than, say, bleach.

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