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BTG'S SISTER IS A NICE LADY!

quote:

Originally posted by Vivid Boy Ok I get it there are a lot of creeps out there. but its not all of us. its a very small portion of the population. I've never started a conversation by asking someone their cultural background and I usually don't even ask unless the person looks like a cool mix and I want to guess...but If I travelled a lot in asia for example and im back home in Toronto and I notice this chick might be mandarin I migbht spark up a conversation by asking what their cultural background is. Then possibly jump into the fact I was just there and if they visit back home often. I would keep the conversation going with everything I have seen and learned and act like I have an interest in what tis girl is saying back to me. I don't see the harm in that.

That's because you know you're cool. And so do I. But after a creep or two, women just build some defences up, and this is one of the red flags if you look remotely Asian (it seems to be even more irritating if you're Native American, because quite often the reply seems to be "Oh, I thought you were Asian, bye").

If I were you, I'd begin the conversation by introducing myself, and just being completely normal. Then, at some point, I might mention the trip to Asia. By then, you're not someone who's approached her because of her ethnicity - you approached her because you wanted to talk to her, and it just so happens that you travelled to a place her family might be from.

To be honest, I think I only mentioned Japan to my wife on our third date. Seems to have worked like a charm

i dont know why native americans would be irritated;

they are just asians who crossed the bering strait

people are so sensitive these days.

quote:

Originally posted by Nrg2Nfinit i dont know why native americans would be irritated; they are just asians who crossed the bering strait

No, no, it's the other way around.

As soon as they say they're Native Americans, these freaks look uninterested. They say it gets disheartening after a while when so many people get interested in you and, the moment you say your forefathers crossed the Bering strait, they just excuse themselves and go elsewhere.

I apologise if it sounded like the natives are the ones with the issues.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira No, no, it's the other way around. As soon as they say they're Native Americans, these freaks look uninterested. They say it gets disheartening after a while when so many people get interested in you and, the moment you say your forefathers crossed the Bering strait, they just excuse themselves and go elsewhere. I apologise if it sounded like the natives are the ones with the issues.

Funnily enough the class I originally posted about is a Northwest Coastal Arts class, so mostly native art, and a big part of that is Indian Identity (the class is really half art history, half sociology). The teacher is Japanese American (half Japanese descent, half white) and she said she has been mistaken for native American before too.

I use the noun n'igger as a neutral term referring to black people

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Originally posted by Kylle I use the noun n'igger as a neutral term referring to black people

Yes!

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Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Fetishism is the translation of non-sexual objects into sexual objectification. If his opening line - as in approaching a stranger - is "Hey, are you Asian?" then he would be quite directly objectifying this person he presumably wants to get to know (for whatever motives) in a manner that distills her into her race, rather than her disposition, her name, even her perfume, etc. Obviously this is an obtuse way of looking at social interaction, because I am with you guys that there's nothing terribly egregious about asking someone about their heritage. But we need to be more honest, more specific about this: as a woman, what does a dude who approaches you in a bar probably think about Asian women? Ignoring stereotypes does not mitigate them, and he'd already given notification that he's fucking 'interested in Asians'? Nah, fuck that guy. And as men - many of us white men, at that (sorrynotsorry, Karim ;P) - we have to understand that the balance of power is absolutely in our favour. No, I am not saying that women are powerless in our society, but the worst a woman is going to do is laugh at a man in rejection -and I dunno about you guys, but that has never happened to me (sorrynotsorry, Nou ;P)- whereas the worst a man, with all of his entitlements and a bit of alcohol, who feels scorned and humiliated? Think about what some men might do. Not most men, but some. Atop of all that is the extremely problematic notion that "she should have expected it". I think that most of us get what the guy in Nou's class was saying; if you're in a bar, that is a common place for people to hook up! It shouldn't surprise you to be hit on at a bar! And there's nothing wrong with that. But the wording is endemic of very real male entitlement that is no minor cause to very real problems women face, not limited to rape and assault; The implied notion that she's "free game" as if she is mere currency is the troublesome crux of -somewhat literally- untold grief in our society, because it defaults that patriarchal folkways are the potency by which to obtain reproductive rights, thereby reducing women to objects once more; and the kicker is that we're all conditioned to play into it, and women are still assaulted, still earn less on the dollar, still governed out of access to necessary healthcare, still the fulcrum by which the developing world hinges upon, and yet still ignored for it all. I know it sure must seem like I am making a mountain out of a molehill, and I don't entirely disagree when it comes to this example- Nou's class probably did overreact, and the woman in the bar probably overreacted, too. But these things matter, and they matter in the most insidious ways that we are remiss to fully grasp because us men will never quite know what it is like; still calls for a whole lot more understanding, as we stand to become much better than we are.

this is such a good post.

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