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-- Did I Fuck Up? [another girl advice thread]
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well there is also that whole thing about morals too lol

I kind of see Orbax's point. For some people, it's hard to make love to a girl you don't love. And in this day and age, it seems like all kinds of people just expect the love to come after the sex, like we're just gonna do it and then suddenly we'll have feelings for each other. Well it doesn't work that way for all of us.

People here are so sexually obsessed. By all means, if it's someone I'm attracted to and care about and she wants it, I'll give it to her, any time, any place. But the situation suddenly becomes uncomfortable when sex is supposed to be the stepping stone into the relationship. It's like these girls are just using sex as a tool to force a guy into a relationship and to give himself over emotionally - and many of the ones that don't do that consciously, do it unconsciously. Sex becomes some sort of validation for them, an act of desperation rather than an act of love.

I have guy friends that just go out for sex, no strings attached. After the sex, the girl suddenly refers to him as her boyfriend (and yes, guys may do this to girls too). That's crap, it says that the person was just using sex to gain something - perhaps to gain something intangible, but that's not the point. It's almost whorish. And it sets a foundation for a relationship that will ultimately not last very long, because as soon as the sex diminishes, so does the love.

Maybe I'm idealistic... I don't care. I agree, people shouldn't put out so damn easily. It's weird. Take your time. Let things develop. Don't try to push it so hard. That's just my opinion, though.

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut

Basically hehe. There is *no* way I would be a virgin right now if those girls had been more attractive to me. I have morals, but...yeah...when they are hot: uNF

and im a huge fan of developing relationships over periods of time. Im not buying into this "wait until the 3rd date to fuck" rule that people hail as the model of restraint. I dont like dates, i dont like dating. I like hanging out and hiking and playing X box and drinkin, and talking until 4 am. One of those nights something usually starts to kick in and you know whats going on.

I think the "game" of love these days is pretty twisted. and people try to meld their physical attractions into emotional ones when it should be a 180 of that. Then again im old fashioned.

Well, it's not like I'm going out and trying to sleep with some new girl every time I go out. Not even close. My standards are MUCH too high (which I suppose is good and bad).

But I wouldn't have a problem if I was intersted in a girl and we were both having fun with each other and it ended up coming to that. It's nothing I would EVER push or make an issue unless the girl felt comfortable first, and that's how it will always be.

But if she's hot and wants to party, game on.

quote:

Originally posted by UWM But if she's hot and wants to party, game on.

yep. my standards are insanely high as well. Too many people settle for less and end up miserable. Cute girls dont exist in my reality at the moment though. Im not going to school, im not 21, and I work at an electronics super store.

Europe was interesting though but my morality wouldnt allow the ive known you for 1 hour but lets fuck before you go thing.

in 3 months I turn 21 and move into my apartment in Seattle as I start my Pre-Law classes. Did you know that 80% of people in law school and prelaw are women? *insane laughter*

quote:

Originally posted by Orbax in 3 months I turn 21 and move into my apartment in Seattle as I start my Pre-Law classes. Did you know that 80% of people in law school and prelaw are women? *insane laughter*

Well when you are hooking up with 0% of them it doesn't really matter what % is female now does it?

quote:

Originally posted by UWM Well when you are hooking up with 0% of them it doesn't really matter what % is female now does it?

0 can also represent infinite :P

edit* and I have to say that I am very happy where I am relationship wise. I mean itd be great to find a girl who can hike and run, likes working out, is smart, attractive, and is going somewhere in life, but Im not going to settle for someone who cant fit into my lifestyle. And I refuse to limit myself. When I was 19 I was able to buy a $24,000 by myself because I had saved my money instead of blowing it on stupid shit. Im getting myself an apartment in a few months. Too many people end up in dorms or student loans riding the bus because theyve dropped untold thousands on various clubs, bars, drinks, and women, and ended up with nothing to show for it.

Not to be getting all serious of course, but I look back on the opportunities I have had and I would not change a single thing that I did. But I gotta go to work. More on this later.

Well, lim x->0 1/x can represent infinity, but not zero.

Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

quote:

Originally posted by Orbax Basically hehe. There is *no* way I would be a virgin right now if those girls had been more attractive to me. I have morals, but...yeah...when they are hot: uNF and im a huge fan of developing relationships over periods of time. Im not buying into this "wait until the 3rd date to fuck" rule that people hail as the model of restraint. I dont like dates, i dont like dating. I like hanging out and hiking and playing X box and drinkin, and talking until 4 am. One of those nights something usually starts to kick in and you know whats going on. I think the "game" of love these days is pretty twisted. and people try to meld their physical attractions into emotional ones when it should be a 180 of that. Then again im old fashioned.

Yes, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

The trick is finding a cute girl who understands it too!

I don't disagree with UWM or anyone else either - I mean, everybody can view relationships how they want, it's a personal thing - I just don't think people like us should be bashed because we're old-fashioned/idealistic/whatever.

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut Yes, this is exactly what I'm talking about. The trick is finding a cute girl who understands it too! I don't disagree with UWM or anyone else either - I mean, everybody can view relationships how they want, it's a personal thing - I just don't think people like us should be bashed because we're old-fashioned/idealistic/whatever.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions about how they approach relationships and sex, and I respect that. I just personally would find it hard to turn over and go to sleep if some girl I had a vested interest in was propositioning me.

Mind you every girl I have slept with (minus one, we'll not speak of her ever again) I have established a relationship with before it happened.

quote:

Originally posted by Orbax I am very happy where I am relationship wise. I mean itd be great to find a girl...

doesn't it take two ppl to have a relationship?

this whole your wasting ur life doing (fill in the blank) has been debated b4. Who's to say spending $ on things that make you happy such as social events that have no material value are a waste and accumulating wealth that you can't use when you die is a better investment.

quote:

Yeah, I wasn't thinking of DJMikeyP and his situation when I responded to Aaron (Diginut). I went off topic. I do that, especially when I'm a little sleepy. Sorry, Ralf_c

EOS, its all good, no need to apologize.

quote:

Maybe I'm idealistic... I don't care. I agree, people shouldn't put out so damn easily. It's weird. Take your time. Let things develop. Don't try to push it so hard. That's just my opinion, though.

now there is something we agree on

quote:

Originally posted by UWM Mind you every girl I have slept with (minus one, we'll not speak of her ever again) I have established a relationship with before it happened.

So the one that was sex-before-relationship is the one you'll not speak of again... I think that fits in well with what we've been saying, don't you?

i have to disagree with a bunch of you here. i dont think there is anything wrong with casual sex (except STDs and such) if you dont want to be in a relationship of for whatever reason. i think you all are being unrealistically wholesome.

quote:

Originally posted by butterfly i have to disagree with a bunch of you here. i dont think there is anything wrong with casual sex (except STDs and such) if you dont want to be in a relationship of for whatever reason. i think you all are being unrealistically wholesome.

None of us ever said that there was anything wrong with casual sex. I respect other people's views on it, but it's just not my style - what's wrong with that? I don't think it's unrealistic.

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut So the one that was sex-before-relationship is the one you'll not speak of again... I think that fits in well with what we've been saying, don't you?

We choose not to speak of her again because after I got to know her she turned out to be a raging psycho.

And I found out she later slept with like 10 other people I know.

In the words of Van Wilder:

"Don't be a fool, wrap your tool."

Besides the fact this girl seems melo-dramatic, and in need of some serious help, you did make a mistake. Two days in a womans world means two days of "is it me" "wasn't I any good" "was it a one night stand" kind of thoughts. Although you did slip up it wasn't so serious as to the outcome your not suffering, sorry guy!

Personally, I think the only reason we have all these problems with people using sex in place of feelings, or sex ruining relationships is because of god damn male hormones. I think you all know what I'm talking about - the second you get turned on by her or think you have a chance in bed you convince yourself how into her you are, when in reality you're not. Then, after you get laid, you realize how little you liked her, and then feel guilty and its ruined.

I personally am aware of this at all times, so I just keep telling myself I'm only 'on' about her because of my dick. Another thing I do is get jiggy with internet porn right before a date, so I have a clear head, and can feel how I really feel about her.... Also if I F-up and convince myself I really like her, then screw her, then remember how I actually felt, I try to remember this is a typical stupid guy thing, and not to let it ruin it - in other words, after the sex, instead of throwing it away, I just take it where it actually is - not too deep but not pulling away.

By the way, you guys DO realize something right? Its in the male DNA to want to sleep with everything that walks... Its our mission to control that urge. Its also in the female DNA to try and build a bond with the person they're F-ing, which is an urge also not easily controlled.

This goes back to darwinism - if a man sleeps with 1 woman, how many babies does he have? 1.. if he sleeps with 100 women, how many babies, and thus how many chances of passing his DNA along does he have? 100.

If a woman sleeps with a man, how many babies? 1 .... if she sleeps with 100? still just the one... So theres not any real genetic benefit to sleeping around for a girl... Now theres the question of survival... Since typically in the 'olden' days or the caveman days, the woman depended on the man for survival, whats better for her and her young? Sleep with 100 men, none of which would feel tooo strongly about her, and thus none of which feeling toooo eager to protect her? How about if she builds a bond with just one - don't you think that one will be more likely to want to fight for her and her young?

This is just a theory. I mean I feel i have to try and understand the quirks or both genders - because the more you understand something, the more you can work with/around it. I kind of like my sex drive, but I'm to the point now where I can definitely settle down, IF the right girl comes along. Other than that I'm still up for the fun of it all.

Am I babbling?

Layla thanks for the post BTW

quote:

Originally posted by DJMikeyP Personally, I think the only reason we have all these problems with people using sex in place of feelings, or sex ruining relationships is because of god damn male hormones. I think you all know what I'm talking about - the second you get turned on by her or think you have a chance in bed you convince yourself how into her you are, when in reality you're not. Then, after you get laid, you realize how little you liked her, and then feel guilty and its ruined.

I totally disagree. There's a huge difference between wanting to get jiggy with a girl and actually liking her. If you haven't figured that out yet, you've got some growing up to do.

Yes, we have hormones, and our dicks may tell us things that our brains do not, but not every guy actually thinks with his dick. Women have the same wants and similar hormones - if there are women out there who want a real relationship before sex, why shouldn't there be men?

quote:

Originally posted by DJMikeyP I personally am aware of this at all times, so I just keep telling myself I'm only 'on' about her because of my dick. Another thing I do is get jiggy with internet porn right before a date, so I have a clear head, and can feel how I really feel about her....

Good to see you're taking the advice in 'Something about Mary.'

But at least you aren't beating off to shitty lingerie catalogs. Good work.

Oh, and TMI.

at least he did not send the letter.

quote:

Originally posted by butterfly i have to disagree with a bunch of you here. i dont think there is anything wrong with casual sex (except STDs and such) if you dont want to be in a relationship of for whatever reason. i think you all are being unrealistically wholesome.

Thats merely a simple difference of morals and principals

quote:

Originally posted by igottaknow ^--- I'm a guy but i have to take the girl's side on this one. You have sex with her in a hotel wakeup in the morning and tell her its too bad you couldn't knock another one out b4 checking out. Jesus did u give her some money to complete the whole transaction, making her feel like a complete whore? They say u remember ur first for the rest of your life, poor girl.

Wow!! Wait a moment, if were talking about a girls absolute first time all together, boy did you f**k up!!! Thats not kool at all.

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