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Re: Ok, some things got changed around from the original post... Here goes:

quote:

Originally posted by ali92 ...

Well, since I've said this to so many girls, it's only fair that I say it to the guys too...

You can't expect the world from other people. If you're unhappy, then you need to work on yourself, not expect someone else to fall into your lap who is and does everything you want her to. I'm often bitter about women and relationships too, but I still know that I need to make an effort, the perfect partner isn't just going to magically fall on my bed from space.

Honestly, it sounds like you want a bloody robot... you seem to be lacking any kind of empathy or understanding of other people, women or men. People aren't your playthings, they aren't computer programs that you can just write specifications for. You really have to accept the fact that you're never going to find another living soul who has the exact same mind as you - learn to deal with it.

Unfortunately, life doesn't come with an instruction booklet.

P.S. do you also have problems with eye contact and/or body language?

quote:

Originally posted by Delay Llama Where to go? Anywhere outside of your house. Go to a shopping mall (where they have arcade and stuff), to the city park, to a parking lot... anywhere! It doesn't matter if you don't know anyone who goes to that certain place, you can always meet people there. Even at Wall Mart! Go make a city tour! Go to a bookstore or to the library! Click here so you can find an interesting place in your city! Not willing to have a relationship with someone with whom you may break up in the future Son, if we had the gift of foreseeing how things are gonna work out, we wouldn't be using discussion forums: we would know what would happen. And you won't be wasting your time, you'll be enjoying good company AND learning things you don't seem to know. Experiences are never useless. Clubs/Raves that play music other than trance You're saying you're in Philadelphia and there are no places where you can listen to electronic music? Go outside and look for them, there has got to be something. How can you find it? Talk to people in CD stores, someone has to be flyering for a party! And no need to be worried about violence: you can be attacked anywhere, even in your house. Topics for conversation I hardly ever talk about clothing, current hit movies, Rap/R&B/Hip-hop, Rock/Pop, school-related, sporting and cars, and I still manage to have a conversation. Try to ask find out what other people like and why they like these things. That's enough topic for a conversation. Ask "how was your day?" or "how is it where you live?". How many girls who like trance have we met? Do you really think we count!? I know girls who are really into electronic music, but I've got no idea of the percentage. The Digging stuff This means you have to look for them ie have a social life. Also, no offense, but you should take whisker's advice... therapy would be nice. Most people actually need this sort of thing, it's a way to discover more about ourselves By the way, unless you change your attitude, this is gonna be my last post in this thread. We're trying to help you but you're ALWAYS seeing problems because we left something out (like, if I tell you to go to a Park you're gonna ask us which park and what you need to do there). Stop being so mathematical and try to elaborate things for yourself, it's for your own good. And you still need to make a joke

OK, no problems here, just more for me to elabourate on:

quote:

Not willing to have a relationship with someone with whom you may break up in the futureSon, if we had the gift of foreseeing how things are gonna work out, we wouldn't be using discussion forums: we would know what would happen. And you won't be wasting your time, you'll be enjoying good company AND learning things you don't seem to know. Experiences are never useless.

- I should've spelt out what I really meant here. What I was speaking about is "Why do many people 'settle for less' when they can look for someone who would appreciate them more?". I mean, it would do good for both people if they was with someone they really love and aren't in a relationship or marriage for just "convenience". Surely, you do learn from mistakes and bad experiences...

quote:

If you say this sort of conversation is boring to you, then you're really not willing to know other people and you're being extremely selfish. It can't be always about you and what you like.

I see nothing wrong with that sort of conversation. I don't want to be around someone where we BOTH don't like each other's company. I mean, it DOES happen. You may have interpreted it wrongly...

quote:

you can be attacked anywhere

- True, but depending on where you are, your situation, and wether you was involved directly or indirectly with a conflict, if any, would either increase or decrease the chances of you getting attacked by someone. I never was once involved in any physical conflicts, only because my social life is close to none. I don't just speak to anyone.

quote:

This means you have to look for them ie have a social life.

- Well, I should summarise a bit of what I'm involved with right now. I'm currently involved with the "Civil Service Career Workshop" and I'm currently taking classes & tests in attempt of getting employed with the US Government. I'm done the three classes (education phase). Lately, I've been working on ten home assignments (practice exams) and after I'm done them all, I'll be returning the answers to them for checking. If I did successfully, I'll be able to start the "testing phase", which is where I have to schedule three exams to be taken over there. After I pass those, I can begin the final "employment search" phase. I wasn't really given too much details on the last two phases during my classes there in October & November of 2003.

Among other things, I'm looking into applying to Temple University Japan for studying of the Japanese language/culture, as well as getting involved in the photography field. I'd rather study over there because that's the only way I'll learn the language (when you're forced to learn it, you'll learn much quicker), plus technology is abundant there. Photography is a big industry there.

Finally, if everything works out, I'd probably would be able to get into producing electronic music.

So, social life may be out of the question for now, as I have to worry more about studying than just staying outside day after day, as people on here may have thought so far on this thread. Please, don't say "I'm creating problems" again, because I'm not now. I'm just explaing my current situation and what I'd like to do in the future. I believe we all do that from time to time as well, right?

quote:

Also, no offense, but you should take whisker's advice... therapy would be nice. Most people actually need this sort of thing, it's a way to discover more about ourselves

- Hmmm... I never thought about this...

quote:

By the way, unless you change your attitude, this is gonna be my last post in this thread. We're trying to help you but you're ALWAYS seeing problems because we left something out (like, if I tell you to go to a Park you're gonna ask us which park and what you need to do there). Stop being so mathematical and try to elaborate things for yourself, it's for your own good.

- Maybe my attitude hasn't been shown the way it really is on here. I think it's the very fact that I'm typing up these posts so quickly that people may be interpreting them in an angry way. I'm not angry about my situation or anything. ...and no, I wouldn't ask "which park", as TA is a world-wide community and I don't expect direct answers to local names or anything here. With the case about parties/clubs, I didn't ask for names. I asked for type, etc. Not all clubs have a URL and explain EVERYTHING about what's allowed/disallowed, age minimums, genre(s) of music played, tracklistings, days/hours, etc. Even if the URL had all or even some of such information, it may not be in English, etc. So, you can't make assumptions. I never make assumptions in my life. If I don't know someone, I don't assume that they are a certain type of person, etc. It's good not to assume. About me being "mathematical", I always have been very systematic/mathematical but, it's only because I never was given negative comments for behaving like that. I've always gotten positive remarks for it because not everyone can just say there age, without thinking for a while, down to the minute or second, right when someone asks how old you are, or similar.

quote:

And you still need to make a joke

- I don't know many. I do watch the Tonight Show with Jay Leno every weeknight, though. I get some laughs out of that. :-)



I hope I didn't offend anyone here by just replying to someone's posts, quoting piece by piece and elabourating on each piece separately because isn't that the most organised way to do it?

Re: Re: Ok, some things got changed around from the original post... Here goes:

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut Well, since I've said this to so many girls, it's only fair that I say it to the guys too... You can't expect the world from other people. If you're unhappy, then you need to work on yourself, not expect someone else to fall into your lap who is and does everything you want her to. I'm often bitter about women and relationships too, but I still know that I need to make an effort, the perfect partner isn't just going to magically fall on my bed from space. Honestly, it sounds like you want a bloody robot... you seem to be lacking any kind of empathy or understanding of other people, women or men. People aren't your playthings, they aren't computer programs that you can just write specifications for. You really have to accept the fact that you're never going to find another living soul who has the exact same mind as you - learn to deal with it. Unfortunately, life doesn't come with an instruction booklet. P.S. do you also have problems with eye contact and/or body language?

All that was said there was very true and I'm very well aware of all of that. Another recent post explained if anyone interpreted my responses wrongly. I don't have much problems with either. By "body language", did you mean interpretation or usage?

Also, it's not like I never have talked to girls before, I've spoken to some before. the ones that seemed nice and that we'd be right for each other were actually taken. They even initiated the first conversation WITH ME! Oftentimes, the only girls who do initiate are the ones who are taken. I never initiate because I'm afraid of making the wrong impression (like I'm looking for sex or similar when I'm not).

I guess I was a bit harsh on my last post I'm a bit in a hurry so I'll just summarize from what I remember, not quoting and stuff because you probably know what I'm talking about If not, just tell me and I'll be glad to elaborate

1) Props for going to the Temple University, that's a very good start. Talk more to people there, make more friends and try to have a more active social life. By the way, girls usually like photography
2) I know sometimes we're too busy, but we also need some time to rest. In your case, I stronlgy recommend not spending this free time on yourself, that's what I meant.
3) You don't need URL's to go to clubs, just look for phone numbers. They'll give you all the info you need. And making an assumption is not always a bad thing. If it's a rave party, we all can assume there'll be electronic music. Hint: post in a regional forum (I don't know how many local forums TA have) and they'll give you more info on clubs in your city
4) It's not hard to know who you can talk to. If the person doesn't look friendly, don't. If (s)he seems like a nice person, why not? Don't be afraid to seem you have second intentions, because sometimes it's more in your head than in hers. It's all about your attitude. If you say "Hi, have you got the time?" and start a conversation from this, she'll hardly think you're looking for more. You just can't walk up to girls and say "Hi, are these fake? Can I touch them?"
5) When I said about the joke, I didn't expect you to say something like "There was an Irishman, a priest and a purple flaming monkey". Just get the context here and try to make fun. For example:

quote:

Demo version of a (lame) joke quote: Originally posted by igottaknow Otherwise we'll have to steal aibo. Not really, I'm not into doggy-style

This could be a start In case you didn't get it, here's aibo:


6) Sometimes it can be good to be mathematical, but not always.
7) Stop thinking that people may not like your company. The more you think of it, the more they won't enjoy it. I guess it's got something to do with attitude, body language, frequencies and body smell...
8) If you don't want to have a relationship right now, I don't understand why you're thinking of it. If that's because you're not good with people, than you should first focus on yourself (as Diginut said) and then you look for the relationship you're looking for
9) I guess Diginut was talking about how you talk to people. Do you look into their eyes, to you shake their hands when you're introduced to them, do you look like you're afraid of being bitten?
10) Diginut, nice text colour

quote:

Originally posted by Delay Llama I guess I was a bit harsh on my last post I'm a bit in a hurry so I'll just summarize from what I remember, not quoting and stuff because you probably know what I'm talking about If not, just tell me and I'll be glad to elaborate 1) Props for going to the Temple University, that's a very good start. Talk more to people there, make more friends and try to have a more active social life. By the way, girls usually like photography 2) I know sometimes we're too busy, but we also need some time to rest. In your case, I stronlgy recommend not spending this free time on yourself, that's what I meant. 3) You don't need URL's to go to clubs, just look for phone numbers. They'll give you all the info you need. And making an assumption is not always a bad thing. If it's a rave party, we all can assume there'll be electronic music. Hint: post in a regional forum (I don't know how many local forums TA have) and they'll give you more info on clubs in your city 4) It's not hard to know who you can talk to. If the person doesn't look friendly, don't. If (s)he seems like a nice person, why not? Don't be afraid to seem you have second intentions, because sometimes it's more in your head than in hers. It's all about your attitude. If you say "Hi, have you got the time?" and start a conversation from this, she'll hardly think you're looking for more. You just can't walk up to girls and say "Hi, are these fake? Can I touch them?" 5) When I said about the joke, I didn't expect you to say something like "There was an Irishman, a priest and a purple flaming monkey". Just get the context here and try to make fun. For example: Not really, I'm not into doggy-style This could be a start In case you didn't get it, here's aibo: 6) Sometimes it can be good to be mathematical, but not always. 7) Stop thinking that people may not like your company. The more you think of it, the more they won't enjoy it. I guess it's got something to do with attitude, body language, frequencies and body smell... 8) If you don't want to have a relationship right now, I don't understand why you're thinking of it. If that's because you're not good with people, than you should first focus on yourself (as Diginut said) and then you look for the relationship you're looking for 9) I guess Diginut was talking about how you talk to people. Do you look into their eyes, to you shake their hands when you're introduced to them, do you look like you're afraid of being bitten? 10) Diginut, nice text colour

1-3. I'll try all you said there...

4. Your example about the time won't work, as I always have the time on my Casio yyyy-MM-dd 24 h G-SHOCK watch. I know the general idea of you are speaking about, though. Ask basic questions about things that pop up here & there. Like about weather, work difficulty/easiness, etc.

5. I knew what an AIBO was before it was revealed in the US. I go to Japanese electronic company's Web sites a whole lot...

6. True...

7. I know my company is liked, indeed, because usually if I'm in a small crowd of people, I'm usually the reason why they DON'T walk away or speak negatively.

8. I want to be in a relationship but, I'm not ready for sexual activity yet. Did I point that out or not? If not, point where you may have interpreted wrongly...

9. Yes, I do frendly guestures when I speak to people and bow/handshake when I first meet people. I usually have a very friend attitude when I'm anywhere outside home. I show no negativity when I'm away from home, in a different environment...

I loved how you numbered this! I tend to work exactly like that, as you may tell from some of my previous posts... Please elabourate more, if you wish... Even though you don't have to...

[2004-01-10 01:33:41 UTC]

I think I've made up my mind about what to do with this situation... I may attempt to get some counselling done with someone experienced with the topic to help steer me in the right direction. From the way this thread looks, it seems that everyone has all-of-a-sudden ignored this thread after my final reply. This pretty much signals me that it has to be ME that is or has the problem. I'm well-aware that therapy/counselling/etc. does NOT cure you or anything but attempts to help you fix your own problems so, don't flame me for thinking otherwise. If anyone else on here has anything else decent to say regarding this topic that hasn't been said already, please speak up.

i don't know why you think you need counselling, from what I can see you're thinking about it too much, that's all that's wrong. In answer to your original question, what's the likelihood? I'd say if you keep attending electronic parties and if you make an effort to introduce yourself to girls at these parties the likelihood would be high.
But really I think you shouldn't be narrowing what you think you'd like to go out with. At least for a while experiment wih girls who are different to what you ideally outlined what you would like to meet.

Counselling never hurts. But as Diego said, you need to experiment instead of trying to find something so specific. You may even find a girl who meets your criteria and find that you just have no chemistry with her.

Just remember, counselling will only help you if you actually follow their advice. You're there to get help, not to justify your current strategies.

Well, I think your problem is that you're asking for the impossible. I don't think you need counseling, as you're really not that much troubled. Just relax a bit about it, don't act like you have a broomstick shoved up your ass, and be open to relationships even with girls who at the first glance don't meet all of your criteria. Now, you probably shouldn't try to be with a girl that doesn't meet any of your criteria either, but once you find one with which you can communicate easily, you should go for it.

Re: Another romance-related question here (maybe there should be a relationship forum?)

quote:

Originally posted by ali92 Does anyone on here happen to know the likelihood of me finding a girl-friend (aged 16-20 years) who's really into Electronica (all-encompassing but, mainly Trance); very technically-inclined; fluent or at least intermediate in English; well educated (I don't care if it was in college, a degree doesn't tell much (this is no lie either). It's actual knowledge that really counts); and interested in world cultures, differences, etc. that lives in Japan (preferrably the Tokyo area)? I say all of this because: A. Even though I like some other genres of music to a small degree, there's nothing like Electronica and the sweet sounds of those sythesisers & sequencers. B. My life practically has to do with computers. I'm on it all the time when I'm home and I'm very anal about having files & folders sort correctly and neatly into a catalogue-like way without any catalogueing software (it's possible to do this easily too: D:\Audio\Music\Albums\ARTIST\TITLE\CD ##\(files)). C. I know no other languages besides English and even though I plan to learn Japanese, I'd never be able to speak it the way I speak English. Two people can never fully understand each other (mainly on a higher level) if they both don't know the language they're speaking very well. Plus, I have trouble breaking certain terms down for people who don't have much of an idea at all of what's being spoken about. D. I don't plan to live in any one place for long. I'd like to be always travelling because I enjoy the different (and unique) ways of living & culture backgrounds in different areas. This can't be said about everyone, though. Some people want to settle in one place or stay where they are right now. These type of people won't be best for me as conflicts can occur. E. I plan to be producing Electronica in the future so, Electronic music & computers will be a very important aspect of my life. It makes sense that a potential romantic partner for me would appreciate this type of thing. Please get back to me on this issue...

I know a girl who i can really get really deep musical conversation with about productions and mixing the lot but she got engaged over xmas.

quote:

Originally posted by diego i don't know why you think you need counselling, from what I can see you're thinking about it too much, that's all that's wrong. In answer to your original question, what's the likelihood? I'd say if you keep attending electronic parties and if you make an effort to introduce yourself to girls at these parties the likelihood would be high. But really I think you shouldn't be narrowing what you think you'd like to go out with. At least for a while experiment wih girls who are different to what you ideally outlined what you would like to meet.

Well, probably the reason why this thread has reach 80+ posts is because the complexity of it all is that I won't be in the US for too long (~1 more year) and that if there was some chemistry made between me and some girl, in order for the relationship to progress, she'd have to think about beginning to travel on an international level very often after 2004. Japan isn't the only place I'd like to go in this decade. Many people are afraid of the unknown. Answer the following question: Would you rather date someone who at least knows what direction he/she wants to go in their life or someone who spontaneously makes decisions to just suddenly go to places here and there and never wants to 'stick to one particular area' (example: one day, after living in Japan for a year and building up a pretty solid life there, say 'hmmm, why not leave here for the Netherlands for another year?') (here's another example: 'I'd like to spend my summers in Canada & Europe and my winters in California, Australia, and HK'). Don't get me wrong about it, many people dream of this type of thing but, as many things, it comes at a [very high] price (read: double-edged sword). Wouldn't you agree here?

What one person here said about that a person can match your criteria, but have absolutely no chemistry with you is another true statement as well.

Finally, does anyone on here know if Trance parties are common in Japan? If so, what are some places that throw them very often?

quote:

Originally posted by ali92 Well, probably the reason why this thread has reach 80+ posts is because the complexity of it all is that I won't be in the US for too long (~1 more year) and that if there was some chemistry made between me and some girl, in order for the relationship to progress, she'd have to think about beginning to travel on on international level very often after 2004. Japan isn't the only place I'd like to go in this decade. Many people are afraid of the unknown. Answer the following question: Would you rather date someone who at least knows what direction he/she wants to go in his life or someone who spontaneously makes decisions to just suddenly go to places here and there and never wants to 'stick to one particular area' (example: one day, after living in Japan for a year and building up a pretty solid life there, say 'hmmm, why not leave here for the Netherlands for another year?') (here's another example: 'I'd like to spend my summers in Canada & Europe and my winters in California, Australia, and HK'). Don't get me wrong about it, many people dream of this type of thing but, as many things, it comes at a [very high] price (read: double-edged sword). Wouldn't you agree here? What one person here said about that a person can match your criteria, but have absolutely no chemistry with you is another true statement as well. Finally, does anyone on here know if Trance parties are common in Japan? If so, what are some places that throw them very often?

Dude, you're still writing out system specs for your future girlfriend. Get over it. That's why people aren't answering you anymore. You're totally refusing to listen to the advice people are giving you.

Just find someone to go out with and go out with her, it's not like one date is a serious commitment anyway.

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut [...]Just find someone to go out with and go out with her, it's not like one date is a serious commitment anyway.

How can I train my mind to NOT almost constantly think about where I'll be ~1 - 5 years from now? I know no-one else as concerned about it as me. That's giving off a sign that I think too much and have a very hard time controlling it. If I didn't have this problem, it would be as easy as you say. Think you can give some pointers out on how to deal with the situation? If you was in this situation, what would you do? I definitely see where you are coming from about 'wait and see', etc. (it only makes sense, LOL) but, I can't seem to help but think about the future way too much...

again ali, you're thinking too much.
Who care's if you meet someone and she doesn't want to travel with you, you'll find someone else. With travelling you'll meet more and more new people and the likelihood of finding someone who fits all your criteria, but until then have fun!, (the greater likelihood is you'll meet someone before then who won't fit all your criteria but who you'll really connect with) I'm in a slightly similar situation, I plan to travel the world starting next xmas for a year or 2 or 3, i'll see how it goes. I met this really cool (and hot) girl and she was into trance (and i suppose fit all my crriteria) and stuff and we started going out and when i told her i wanted to travel in a years time she went balistic ('why are you leaving me, yada yada...'). It turned out that the relationship ended bout a month ago, for reasons i'm still unsure of. Anywho what i'm trying to say is a) just cos they fit all the criteria don't mean you'll be able to suffer them for long periods of time (go out with) and b) just because you've plans in the future and they don't fit in with them or you don't fit into theirs, ignore it, just have fun together now while you can and c) stop thinking so much.

quote:

Originally posted by ali92 How can I train my mind to NOT almost constantly think about where I'll be ~1 - 5 years from now? I know no-one else as concerned about it as me. That's giving off a sign that I think too much and have a very hard time controlling it. If I didn't have this problem, it would be as easy as you say. Think you can give some pointers out on how to deal with the situation? If you was in this situation, what would you do? I definitely see where you are coming from about 'wait and see', etc. (it only makes sense, LOL) but, I can't seem to help but think about the future way too much...

I can see that you've goals in the future and i'm the same i don't want to be stuck in the same place for long periods of time, i'll get bored and stuff. But if i thought about like you think about it(correct me if i'm wrong), ie. oh why persue any relationship now cos it has no future, then why pursue any relationship at all, as i've already outlined above, none of them can be guaranteed to last no matter how compatible you are. So just have fun while they do last and don't worry about the future, just presume it be good.

quote:

Originally posted by ali92 1-3. I'll try all you said there... 4. Your example about the time won't work, as I always have the time on my Casio yyyy-MM-dd 24 h G-SHOCK watch.

hahahahah I just read that.

You really are a robot.



aaaaahahahahahahaa.

I dont think its fair to say that jsut becasue someone dislikes your taste in certain things dosent mean that they should be shrugged off. Im not being full of my self right here but i hang out with the most popular girls in my school, my older brotehr who just graduated hugn out with them adn im 4 years younger, and i play chess competitavely, listen to almost only trance, read incessiantly but still hang out with these 'normal' people on the weekend. Infact tonight i plan on getting a 12 pack of natural light and hanging out with these people. My best friend infact hates my music style, he listens to ben harper, widespread panic, and o.a.r So what im tring to say is this, just because they dont like certain parts of a person dosent mean you should dislike this person. for instance:

Person: Whats up sam
Me: not much you
Person: not a whole lot, what in gods name are you listening to
Me:Trance
Person:Trance?
Me: Techno
Girl:Whatever thats cool



so all in all you dont have to agree with them and they dont ave to agree with you.

my 2 cents

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