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Posted by Taz on Mar-07-2005 05:31:

quote:
Originally posted by Phil raa
Explosives Strapped to Your Body

Get a LOT of explosives. The more the better.
Hook up a detonator to an altimeter. Set it for 100-200 feet. That will give you good dispersion.
Mix vaseline and gasoline in a bucket.
Find a really tall building. Something like the World Trade Center (not anymore, but you get the idea) is perfect and is in a sufficiently crowded area to generate the proper sized crowd.
Get an extra large trench coat, ski mask, duct tape and a lighter.
Bring your materials to the top of your building. Liberally apply the vaseline-gasoline mixture to your entire body. Duct tape the explosives around your legs, arms, head and torso. The more you use the better. You cannot overdo this. Attach the altimeter to the explosives.
Put on the trench coat and mask so that the explosives are not visible.
Start ranting and throwing things so that you are sure to attract notice. Drag this part out as long as possible. Say anything that comes to mind but try to stay away from real problems. Your love life DOES NOT make for a good sound bite. Ask for news cameras from the major networks. Pace around a lot while waving your arms.
DO NOT let on that you have explosives on your body. The police will clear the area and you definitely don't want that.
When you've gotten the crowd to a fevered pitch, when the helicopters are hovering like vultures, whip off the jacket and set yourself on fire.
Wait until you are completely engulfed in flame then jump.
Try to steer yourself towards the crowd. That way flaming falling body parts will pelt the fleeing onlookers when you explode.

Dude, change jobs! If this is what you're capable of thinking of, it's time to get out of stressville.

That's all I have to say.

Posted by Cloudburst on Mar-07-2005 08:39:

http://darwinawards.com/

Posted by Zenchowdah on Mar-07-2005 10:19:

Materials Necesary:

Car Battery
Jumper Cables
Genitals

Instructions:

Self Explanatory

Posted by muzzybear on Mar-07-2005 10:31:

Having snow fall from the top of your building onto you, only it's ice and it cracks your skull. Ow!

Posted by Zenchowdah on Mar-07-2005 10:32:

quote:
Originally posted by muzzybear
Having snow fall from the top of your building onto you, only it's ice and it cracks your skull. Ow!

oo that happened to my dad once, he got slammed in the back by this huge icicle. hes ok now though

Posted by muzzybear on Mar-07-2005 10:49:

quote:
Originally posted by Zenchowdah
oo that happened to my dad once, he got slammed in the back by this huge icicle. hes ok now though

Geez! There are a lot of big icicles around Toronto right now with lots of snowfall, and melting and refreezing and stuff. I'm glad your dad's ok!

I've been listening to the snow fall off my building all day. It freaked the cats out, and sounded like someone was running around in the rafters!

Posted by Xenocreator_PG_ on Mar-07-2005 11:34:

Sudden urge to jump into a fire while you happen to be holding a can of petrol.

Posted by Xenocreator_PG_ on Mar-07-2005 11:35:

cock-blocked to death

Posted by Sky_Force on Mar-07-2005 12:39:

trying to get killed with cooked potato...

Posted by EarnYourKeep on Mar-07-2005 13:29:

six million ways to die so i choose
six million and one with your eyes closed

Posted by Party Monster on Mar-07-2005 15:59:

quote:
Originally posted by DarkAngel
Being tied up in a chair and being forced to listen to house and progressive.

I can imagine being tied up and being forced to spend time with you would be even worse.

Oh, the horror! My brain would collapse from all the 'nb4dalock' and stupid red capital text, not to mention the pathetic attempts to hit on 13 year olds when you're in your late 20s!

Posted by {b.s.e.} on Mar-07-2005 17:11:

can i get a

Posted by Fundamental on Mar-07-2005 17:38:

Decapitation by flying bowler hat.

Posted by {b.s.e.} on Mar-07-2005 17:52:

having worse aim than the other in a duel at 10 paces.

Posted by Tufan on Mar-07-2005 18:13:

quote:
Originally posted by Party Monster
I can imagine being tied up and being forced to spend time with you would be even worse.

Oh, the horror! My brain would collapse from all the 'nb4dalock' and stupid red capital text, not to mention the pathetic attempts to hit on 13 year olds when you're in your late 20s!

Holy crap dude you totaly sonned his ass out!

Posted by reverieX2 on Mar-07-2005 19:14:

Eating 10000 to many Dinosaurs

Posted by Jake Conlon on Mar-07-2005 19:34:

have your insides punctured after being fucked by a horse in a beastiality scene.

Posted by MarathonMan on Mar-07-2005 19:39:

Being bummed by a horny Rocco and his mates.....without any KY.

Posted by Xenocreator_PG_ on Mar-07-2005 20:37:

Death by Ear Wax.

....make sure you clean out your ears regularly kiddies!!!

Posted by Mebot on Mar-07-2005 20:52:

shotgun blast to the face like poor old Mr. Rogers... RIP

Posted by {b.s.e.} on Mar-07-2005 21:00:

quote:
Originally posted by Mebot
shotgun blast to the face like poor old Mr. Rogers... RIP

that wouldn't kill Mr. T

Posted by Mebot on Mar-07-2005 21:15:

quote:
Originally posted by {b.s.e.}
that wouldn't kill Mr. T

true..

but then again, nothing can kill Mr. T anyways..

Posted by eckmek on Mar-07-2005 23:57:

death by banana

Posted by smokeape on Mar-08-2005 00:19:

Having a wild chimp rip off your nuts at a birthday party.
...recent story.

[[[smoke]]]

Armin van Buuren - Sunburn (Extended Mix)

Posted by dj tek on Mar-08-2005 00:21:

choose one.

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