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-- Sick Jokes Thread
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i am speechless ...
| quote: |
| Originally posted by ChemEnhanced Whats Black, Green, Purple, and Blue and hangs in my backyard? He's my negro and I will paint him what ever colours I want. |
. Am I going to hell ? 
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Omega_M hahaha...this shit is funny . Am I going to hell ? |
Jesus forgives, dawg !! 
....
^^^^^
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHA
kinda off topic 
Here's a joke a heard from a guy at work the other day.
3 guys are driving down a abandoned road on a rainy night in the middle of some Hick town. Their names are Mike, Vic and John and all of a sudden their car breaks down. They try fixing it and calling for help but their cell phones are down. They look around and see a Motel. They head over to the Hotel and ask the clerk how many rooms they have, the clerk says that he only has one one bedroom at the moment with a king size bed due to plumbing. After deliborating for a while the 3 guys decide to sleep together for the night. They draw straws, Mike sleep on the right side of the bed, Vic in the middle and John on the left.
Early next morning daylight breaks and Mike is the first to wake up and taps both Vic and john and says "dude, what a wild fucking dream I had last night. This hot chic kept jerking me off non stop. "get the fuck outta here" John says. "I had the same dream , it felt so good" Vic says "you guys are lucky , my dream was lame as hell. All I dreamt about was skiing down some slopes."
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Cipha Sounds Here's a joke a heard from a guy at work the other day. 3 guys are driving down a abandoned road on a rainy night in the middle of some Hick town. Their names are Mike, Vic and John and all of a sudden their car breaks down. They try fixing it and calling for help but their cell phones are down. They look around and see a Motel. They head over to the Hotel and ask the clerk how many rooms they have, the clerk says that he only has one one bedroom at the moment with a king size bed due to plumbing. After deliborating for a while the 3 guys decide to sleep together for the night. They draw straws, Mike sleep on the right side of the bed, Vic in the middle and John on the left. Early next morning daylight breaks and Mike is the first to wake up and taps both Vic and john and says "dude, what a wild fucking dream I had last night. This hot chic kept jerking me off non stop. "get the fuck outta here" John says. "I had the same dream , it felt so good" Vic says "you guys are lucky , my dream was lame as hell. All I dreamt about was skiing down some slopes." |
true story.
page 2
page 3
Not a chop
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Cipha Sounds Here's a joke a heard from a guy at work the other day. 3 guys are driving down a abandoned road on a rainy night in the middle of some Hick town. Their names are Mike, Vic and John and all of a sudden their car breaks down. They try fixing it and calling for help but their cell phones are down. They look around and see a Motel. They head over to the Hotel and ask the clerk how many rooms they have, the clerk says that he only has one one bedroom at the moment with a king size bed due to plumbing. After deliborating for a while the 3 guys decide to sleep together for the night. They draw straws, Mike sleep on the right side of the bed, Vic in the middle and John on the left. Early next morning daylight breaks and Mike is the first to wake up and taps both Vic and john and says "dude, what a wild fucking dream I had last night. This hot chic kept jerking me off non stop. "get the fuck outta here" John says. "I had the same dream , it felt so good" Vic says "you guys are lucky , my dream was lame as hell. All I dreamt about was skiing down some slopes." |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Omega_M Not a chop |
....
..I walked into a bar and saw these two stunners, bought them a drink and got chatting.
I found out one of them had VD and one of them had TB,
made sure I f*ck*d the one who was coughing!!!!
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A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach.
He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said: "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said: "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said: "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said: "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman walked over to him and whispered in his ear:
"Have you ever been f****d?"
The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No"
She smiled and said: "You will be when the tide comes in!"
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It's world war two in a German prison of war camp. The German commandant gets all the prisoners out on parade one morning. He says, "Achtung! Today it iss sports day. Ze English vill play cricket, ze Americans vill play baseball, und ze Jews vill play hopscotch in ze minefield!"
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Bob and Joe are lost in the desert. They have not eaten in a week. They crawl over a dune, and come upon the carcass of a coyote....crawling with maggots. Bob runs towards the carcass, and is so hungry, that he gobbles down as much as he can, as fast as possible, while Joe just stands there watching. At one point, Bob has eaten so much and so fast, that he throws up all over the carcass. Joe then casually walks over to the carcass, exclaiming: "I knew if I waited long enough, I would get a hot meal out of this"
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....
Mommy Mommy or Daddy Daddy jokes::
Mommy, Mommy! can I have a bike for Christmas?
Shut up son, you already have your wheelchair.
Mommy, Mommy! Can I have tomato soup!
Shut up son, you know we can only have it once a month.
Mommy, Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?
Shut up son and help me get Grandma off the doorknob!
Mommy, Mommy! Why can't we give Daddy a decent burial?
Shut up son and keep flushing.
Mommy, Mommy!, what does "Horny" mean?
Shut up son and help me get off the gear lever.
Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much.
All right son, you can have another slice.
Daddy, Daddy!, what's a pervert?
Shut up son and keep sucking.
Mommy, Mommy! I just sucked Daddy cock and it tastes like shit!
Well son, your little brother does have diarrhea.
Mummy, Mummy!, Everyone at school calls me a pansy.
Don't worry dear, just hit them over the head with your handbag.
Mommy, Mommy!, can I have a cookie?
Yes son, the cookies are on the top shelf.
But Mommy, I haven't got any arms!
No arms, no cookie son.
Mommy, Mommy! why are you moaning?
Shut up son and keep licking.
Mommy, Mommy! Why does Daddy's cock taste so bad?
Shut up son and give your sister another tampon.
Mommy, Mommy! What's for dinner?
Shut up son and get back in the oven.
Mommy, Mommy! What's oral sex?
mmmrmmph mmhhh mmrph mmrph mmhhh.
Mommy, Mommy!, I don't want to be a Daddy!
Shut up son and get into bed.
Mommy, Mommy!, can I wear a bra now? I'm 14!
Shut up Stanley.
Mommy, Mommy! I don't want my hair braided!
Shut up son and lift the other arm.
Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
Shut up son and lift the dart board higher!
Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise!
Shut up son and eat around it.
Mommy, Mommy! I hate tomato juice!
Shut up son and drink it before it clots.
Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
Shut up son and comb your face.
Most of them are lame, but they made me laugh the first time
Re: ....
| quote: |
| Originally posted by smakmagik Bob and Joe are lost in the desert. They have not eaten in a week. They crawl over a dune, and come upon the carcass of a coyote....crawling with maggots. Bob runs towards the carcass, and is so hungry, that he gobbles down as much as he can, as fast as possible, while Joe just stands there watching. At one point, Bob has eaten so much and so fast, that he throws up all over the carcass. Joe then casually walks over to the carcass, exclaiming: "I knew if I waited long enough, I would get a hot meal out of this" |
Here's one I heard last year.
There's a little girl named Katie who decides to sleep over her dad's house for the first time, her parent's were divorced for a long time. Katie is only 13 and loves her dad. The father asks his says to his daughter "You wanna sleep with daddy tonight, daddy missed you so much" , Katie replies with "Yes daddy, I missed you too". The father slips under the sheets first and the daughter comes into the bedroom 10 minutes later. The daughter slips under the sheets next to her dad and notices he's naked. Katie asks "Daddy, why aren't you wearing anything" , The father says "Because this is how grown ups sleep all the time, this is how me and your mommy slept together" Katie asks "Do I have to take off my clothes", the dad says "no honey, you don't , you're still a little girl"
Katie says "Daddy, what is that thing between your legs", dad says "this is daddy's little toy, daddy plays with it when he's bored" Katie asks "Daddy, can I play with it" Daddy says "No honey, this toy is only for grown ups". Later on that night the father starts to fall asleep and kisses his daughter good night.
Next morning, the father wakes up with a sharp pain in his genitals. He looks to the left and sees his daughter is awake and has a sad look in her face. The dad asks "what's wrong honey" , Katie says "I'm so sorry daddy, I know I wasn't supposed to but I was playing with your toy and it spat in my face, I got so mad and bit it"
....
and since there just HAD to be racist jokes in here,
Q: Did you hear about the new Chap Stick for ******s?
A: It comes in a spray can.
Q: What do you say to a black man in uniform?
A: "I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."
Q: How do you stop five blacks from raping a white woman?
A: Thrown them a basketball.
What's the difference between a white fairy tales and a black fairy tales?
White fairy tales starts, "Once upon a time..."
Black fairy tales starts, "Yo, you motherf cuckers ain't gonna believe this shit..."
A black was walking along when he found a lamp. He rubs it and a genie appears
and says to the surprised coon that he has three wishes.
The black thinks about it for about a minute and say's, "I want to be white, rock hard
and get plenty of ass!"
The genie turned him into a toilet.
Re: ....
| quote: |
| Originally posted by smakmagik A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The first woman said: "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said: "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on. The second woman said: "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said: "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on. The third woman walked over to him and whispered in his ear: "Have you ever been f****d?" The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No" She smiled and said: "You will be when the tide comes in!" |
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