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-- wow, I am f*(&ing PISSED.
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Sounds like she took you stepping down from Maid of Honor as a personal insult despite your situation.

well, let's see.

I got diagnosed with cancer, and didn't know if A) I was going to be in surgery @ the time of the wedding, and B) if I'd be strong enough to make it through standing through the wedding.

SO yea, I think I had a pretty good fucking excuse.

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly No no, I should think about it that way. EVERYONE sees that she's angry I'm happy (since for years I was UNhappy in a bad relationship). She flat out told me "I know I'm supposed to be your best friend, but I will NEVER be happy for you just because you're happy yourself". Even my mother can tell she's trying to do ANY little thing to try and bring a riff between us.

then honestly she's no friend and you shouldn't even be thinking of going, regardless of if one or both of you are invited, and wasting money on people like that.

quote:

Originally posted by Ian then honestly she's no friend and you shouldn't even be thinking of going, regardless of if one or both of you are invited, and wasting money on people like that.

100% agree

I went through the same shit about a month ago with one of my good buddies from home. I have known the guy since we were kids, and i have known his (now wife) fiancee for the same ammount of time. I have been dating my current gf for just over 2 years now, and its pretty serious. but we both live 8 hours away from my hometown and as such dont get to go down too much as for the most part my family and friends come visit me here in ottawa because its infinitely more awesome than st thomas. so long story short, my buddy comes up with this half assed idea that unless they had met your significant other, they weren't invited. Usually i would think this is totally uncouth/rude but in their case they are both so cheap they might as well be jewish.

However i then start talking to some of my other buddies and i realize that the best man isnt alowed to bring his gf because the bride had not met her yet, the groom wouldnt let his own sister bring her boyfriend because, and i quote "well i havent met him yet so i dont care about him at all". Since the bride and groom are so tight assed about money (and they have alot more of it than i do, and i certainly never go without) they have never once come up to ottawa to visit me and last time alexa and i went home, they "couldn't afford the time" to go out for a quick lunch with us to meet alexa.

So i was a little pissed, but then i find out our friend who moved out to vancouver (complete other side of the continent) was allowed to bring her BF even tho no one had ever so much as even talked to him let alone meet him.

when i found that out i just said fuck it, called my buddy and said, "listen my girlfriend has something on that weekend that she really needs me there for, since i care alot about her, she takes precedent over your wedding. Best wishes"

actually just to add to that story, at the grooms bachelor party. there was six guys (his only guy friends, all of which from highschool) plus his fiancees dad (who knew way too much about how the politics in teh strip club worked) and his cousin.

when you only have 6 good friends, does it really take that much money to fork out 6x15$ for their dates (it was a horribly cheap wedding that took place at the keystone complex in shedden ontario) to put that in perspective, this is the venue that holds the anual tractor pull, and you can rent it for the night for 300 bucks.

$15 a person! did you have to rent chairs to sit on?

lol

i bet it went down like this

quote:

Originally posted by narcism is she marrying a jew?

u clearly do not know how jews get down when it comes to weddings, bar mitzvahs and/or family-like celebrations. it's one of the few times where they AREN'T cheap lol

Damn I've never even heard of people being stingy like this about their wedding. Where I'm from the idea is the more the merrier. I mean most people only get married what like two or three times? It's a special day. Not a time to be thinking about how you can be stingy or snub people who are supposed to be your friend.

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Originally posted by Zild I mean most people only get married what like two or three times?

First of all, when you read this, keep in mind that my thoughts and prayers are with you and I honestly wish you a speedy recovery.

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly SO yea, I think I had a pretty good fucking excuse.

For turning down being the maid of honor? Sorry, but you're wrong there. Even if you weren't sure if you can make the wedding because of your cancer treatment, you still should have accepted being Maid of Honor. If the time comes and you know for a fact that you can't make the wedding, then I'm pretty sure they'll be understanding and accommodating. I know you didn't mean to be insulting when you backed down from being the maid of honor, but it obviously rubbed them the wrong way and they felt insulted by it. If you really are one of her best friends, you would do what it takes to be in her wedding.

Just my two cents.

PS: I want to add that if you did accept the maid of honor and they didn't let your bf go, then you have a legitimate gripe. If they feel like they want to spite you by not inviting your BF, I don't blame them. Cancer or no cancer, you just really brought this upon yourself. End of story.

vern is right... cancer isnt an excuse... nor are your A and B reasons...

the $30 and the un-invite for the BF should be non issues... its her and his day


and i too wish you a speedy recovery... best regards

welp. never let your friend marry a jew. there's your lesson.

I mean thats the perfect proof that god exists. Two idiots are meant for each other and now are getting married.

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Originally posted by Meat187 Well, after all it's his wedding. It's not like she has anything to say, like invite guests she wants to come. Just call back and say you won't be coming if your bf isn't.

Why do I always think you are Yohan? Did you steal his avatar? I don't think your avatar is his avatar. This is very disconcerting. I always think you are he...

:/

Sara, I think you should do what you want to do. If you don't want to go to her wedding without your bf, let her know that. If you're okay going without your bf, just go with your mom and have a good time.

People can be so petty. Just don't let their pettiness affect you adversely.

they should just cancel the wedding reception and go to vegas to elope.

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Originally posted by Dervish My first reaction is similar to Theresas really. I mean is your BF even that worried? IF it was me I'd be thinking "yuss let off!"

Me too. But, seriously, probably your friend is going through some difficult times herself, and the guy seems to be a bastard anyway. Either you may respect her choice (and pray she will change her mind before it's too late), or you can come to the conclusion that you and your friend have become too different.

quote:

Originally posted by verndogs For turning down being the maid of honor? Sorry, but you're wrong there. Even if you weren't sure if you can make the wedding because of your cancer treatment, you still should have accepted being Maid of Honor. If the time comes and you know for a fact that you can't make the wedding, then I'm pretty sure they'll be understanding and accommodating. I know you didn't mean to be insulting when you backed down from being the maid of honor, but it obviously rubbed them the wrong way and they felt insulted by it. If you really are one of her best friends, you would do what it takes to be in her wedding. Just my two cents. PS: I want to add that if you did accept the maid of honor and they didn't let your bf go, then you have a legitimate gripe. If they feel like they want to spite you by not inviting your BF, I don't blame them. Cancer or no cancer, you just really brought this upon yourself. End of story.

quote:

Originally posted by Zewad vern is right... cancer isnt an excuse... nor are your A and B reasons... the $30 and the un-invite for the BF should be non issues... its her and his day and i too wish you a speedy recovery... best regards

Are you guys on crack? She has fucking cancer, I think if I asked a friend to be my best man and he said "I'm honored but I have cancer and my treatment may prevent me from attending or being able to participate in your wedding" I would sure as hell understand. Planning a wedding is also stressful so I would also appreciate them looking out for me so I wouldn't have to go looking for another best man at the last minute before the wedding.

Squirrelly, you are right and your friend's future husband is a douche

wow what a bunch of chumps, you know being maid of honor requires alot more work than simply showing up the day of the wedding.

And yeah it's 'their' day but its particularly and specifically rude to specifically disallow someone's boyfriend to come.

Bad beef back in the day or exs is one thing, but "because you dont know them"? Aren't wedding invitations typically +1 anyway?

If my girlfriend was not allowed to come I would tell them both I would not be attending and best of luck in the future. If you're counting nickels and dimes over dinner plates sounds like they aren't really good friendships. I can't imagine doing that myself.

quote:

Originally posted by Fibonacci Aren't wedding invitations typically +1 anyway?

typically, unless you are too poor to have a real wedding. in that case you should just go to vegas and skip the wedding with guests anyway.

While I think you should have accepted the invitation for maid of honour and given her fair warning that you may not be able to make it considering all factors, I see your side too.

Oh and I think this "friend" is a cunt. Seriously, fuck that bitch and her jackass fiancee.

just a couple of points ...

1- if she was your best friend, she would have understood about your sickness, and the uncertainty if you were able to make it that day for some odd reason due to your sickness (btw, best of luck to you). just a question. when you told her you were backing out as MOH, did you leave any hints that you were able to make it on her wedding day? if so, then you may have given her the "hmm.. maybe i'll make it maybe i can't i don't know" approach.

2- $5000 for a wedding? come on. i say they can shell out more than that. hopefully that is the post wedding money. if that is the ceremony plus reception money, then they don't deserve to have a small guest wedding. like trunks said. they should save money, and go elope. poor or not, they should go all out on their wedding day to pull out the biggest celebration ever. by not committing a good amount shows how serious they are.

3- i am not one to act upon revenge. i say give them a wedding gift to open at their ceremony. inside the gift is $30 in monopoly money inside an envelope with your friend's name on it, and a pile of poop under it.

just my 2 cents ..........

quote:

Originally posted by LeopoldStotch 2- $5000 for a wedding? come on. i say they can shell out more than that. hopefully that is the post wedding money. if that is the ceremony plus reception money, then they don't deserve to have a small guest wedding. like trunks said. they should save money, and go elope. poor or not, they should go all out on their wedding day to pull out the biggest celebration ever. by not committing a good amount shows how serious they are.

That has to be one of the most ridiculous things I have read in this thread.

Some people don't have the money, nor the desire to spend a great deal of money on a one day event. Why spend so much money for one day? A day that you're all stressed out, and don't really get the chance to enjoy much anyway? A whole whack of money out the door all in one shot that you probably had to save for years to have.

$5000 could go toward the payment of a house, or go toward a really nice honeymoon...

Weddings don't have to be super expensive to be good. It is SUPPOSED to be a gathering of friends and family to celebrate the joining of two people, not a free for all for everyone and their dog. That being said, if they are keeping it small $5000 is more than enough, and understandably they can't afford to have randoms coming too. They make the exception for one person, and then everyone gets their back up.

The ONLY thing that makes it seem a little unfair is that he had been previously invited. Unless of course the invitation was "assumed" and not actually formal. Did the invite have your name and his? Or did it have just yours? Or you plus one?

If it was assumed that he was invited, I don't see a reason to be upset. This is their special day, and they are allowed to have whoever they do or don't want to their wedding. You were invited because you're special to the bride, and she wants you to share in her excitement.

I wouldn't lose a friendship over something like this.

But the importance of putting up with appearances has not been discussed

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