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-- The Official Bored at 2:22am thread
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Woohoo I finished my assignment!
I think I may have used circular reasoning on the last question tho..
Noonan, you should be using that other picture of you.. its much more appropriate 
Wrong Webmeister 
Why? You used a normal picture of yourself didn't you?
you asked for it 
Got something to prove?
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Paulie Wrong Webmeister |
im not bored..but i wish i was!
im stressed out about exams 
i have 8 exams 4 practical and four theory. they are all three hours and three of the theory ones all in a row on three consectuive days and the all start at 9am.
come on brain....
| quote: |
| Originally posted by vitamin v im not bored today. im stressed out about exams i have three, three hour exams all in a row on three consectuive days and the all start at 9am. come on brain.... |
Deng Xiaoping was a pragmatic communist, widely regarded as the paramount leader of China since the late 1970s. What were his major contributions to contemporary China?
This is the last essay I ever have to write!
oh you're writing an essay..
was just gonna say... the amount of useless $H!t you know scares me sid hahahaha
2:45am!
let the race begin!
final round Brazil! its raining! Schumacher starts 18th! w00t
this should be good!
I NEED A FUCKING BEER.
p.s. thanks for the headsup re: round 18
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Huebor I NEED A FUCKING BEER. p.s. thanks for the headsup re: round 18 |
tis making good distraction from stressful things!
2004 Brazilian Grand Prix
Pos No Driver
1 3 Juan Pablo Montoya
2 6 Kimi R�ikk�nen
3 2 Rubens Barrichello
4 8 Fernando Alonso
5 4 Ralf Schumacher
6 10 Takuma Sato
7 1 Michael Schumacher
8 12 Felipe Massa
i wish it was 2.22am. at least then i wouldnt be at work. fvck work. and the real world. i wish my building would burn down. id be willing for some of my workmates to make the ultimate sacrifice as long as it gave me a few weeks off. there really is only so many envelopes one can open before you get the impulse to take to someone with the letter opener.
Well.. the night is young (12:16 is young) and I'm about to set to work on fixing every computer in this house, all network, and all died simultanously because of a bitch of a trojan.
Data recovery, formats, re-installations..
Fun Fun Fun.
Just bought GTA - San Andreas yesterday with some left over cash.. and buahahah, you can ride a bicycle, skateboard, just to name a few...
Oh gotta love the pimpin in this lol. The game follows practically the same style as the previous GTA games for PS2, but i reckon it's better with the new features... too bad there is no trance station.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Psygnosis Just bought GTA - San Andreas yesterday with some left over cash.. and buahahah, you can ride a bicycle, skateboard, just to name a few... Oh gotta love the pimpin in this lol. The game follows practically the same style as the previous GTA games for PS2, but i reckon it's better with the new features... too bad there is no trance station. |
*Drools* I love the GTA games, (Plus with the PC version, you can add your own trance)
RISE FM! hehe
It's 3.24am but we're not bored
| quote: |
| Originally posted by G`Dave *Drools* I love the GTA games, (Plus with the PC version, you can add your own trance) RISE FM! hehe |
, always wanted that on repeat.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by waXology yeah just hooked in to chef tony... man im sold on the "Miracle Blade Perfection Series" he cuts jiprock with it FFS and its till sharp its a good deal you get all this : Miracle Blade Slicer, Rock 'n Chop, Filet & Boning Knife, Chop 'n Scoop, Paring Knife, Kitchen Shears, 4 Steak & Utility Knives and Chef Tony's Recipe & Tip Guide. BONUS: Additional Miracle Blade Slicer BONUS: Perfection Juicer. thast the shit! |
Who else is bored? I'm currently on a study break, damn these pesky uni exams.
I have my first one tomorrow on "Information Systems" Most boring, pointless subject eve, i do Commerce FFS!
Anyway, here is some stuff to keep you all occupied....ENJOY!
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VIDEOS
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Download every episode from the entire second season of "Ali G in Da USA" !
Respekt!
http://www.lando.co.uk
Awesome nature video - Lions vs Hyenas...Who will win?
http://content.collegehumor.com/med...n-hyena-war.wmv
Right-click ---> Save As
Best DUI Ever!!!!
http://www.big-boys.com/articles/topdui.html
Strip Britney - i can't remember if everyone has seen this already, but check it out!
(o)(o)
http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic602.htm
Barney Shakur - check out this awesome new gangsta rapper.
http://cupogoodness.net/MP3/barney2pac.wmv
Right Click ---> Save As
Star Wars Kid meets Tony Hawk. Nice little "easter egg" for you.
http://mysite.verizon.net/vze3nvj6/...nload/hawk.html
George Bush flicks the victory salute.
http://static.vidvote.com/movies/bushuncensored.mov
Loads of fights. Check it out.
http://forum.ebaumsworld.com/showthread.php?t=24711
Star Wars Episode 3 Trailer
http://www.movie-list.com/trailers.php?id=starwars3
Remember Benny Bennassi's clip for satisfaction? Remix your favourite clips on Ministry Of Sound.
http://www.ministryofsound.com/efly...r=OLSexiestVids
Japan Is Weird, Part 23538. This week: bikini girls battle it out on
a balance beam
http://media.santoalt.com/101/103004/balance_beam.mov
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GAMES
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Chav Supermarket Game. This is like Pacman, but with pommy derros in it and
grandmas in a supermarket. Coolness.
http://www.hyperlaunch.com/glc/your...mother_fhm.html
Stick Cricket.
I can't believe we lost to india! Anyway, this game is pretty cool once you get the hang of it.
www.stickcricket.com
Space Shooter - Play this cool alien shoot-em-up to the sounds of Prodigy!
http://www.humpingfrog.com/html/Combat-Instinct-2.html
ROFLCopter Game - haha love the soundtrack to it.
http://roflcopter.com/ROFLflash.html
Paper Football - This will keep you amused for a couple of minutes
http://www.orbitzandgo.com/football/
Panda. Click through the foreign crap and play this game. It's so crap that it's good.
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=6091
Cool jumping game. Checkizzle this out...
http://www.miniusa.com/crm/jumpgame/jumpgame.jsp
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COOL STUFF
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Maddox. Damn this site is funny. Have a read, if you haven't already.
http://maddox.xmission.com/
The latest halloween costumes for kids. Gold!
http://www.thestranger.com/current/special.html
This one's for my friend James. GAMBLOR!
http://www.freeworldgroup.com/games/roul/index.html
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NEWS
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US Fighter jet shoots at school on own soil
http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitem...11/s1235379.htm
North Carolina Man gets 9 Years in Gaol for Spam. Suck shit!
http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle....storyID=6706682
In Kazakhstan wine is not made from fermented horse urine. Borat!
http://www.newyorker.com/talk/conte...0ta_talk_radosh
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THE INEXPERIENCED CHILLI TASTER - thanks to Tobias (was it him?)
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For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They
actually have a Chilli cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town. It
takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes are
from an inexperienced chilli taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas
from the East Coast:
"Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a chilli cook-off.
The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be
standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the Budweiser
truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges
(Native Texans) that the chilli wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides,
they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chilli # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chilli
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth, tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy sh-it, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames
out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chilli # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chilli
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to
give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw
the look on my face.
Chilli # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chilli
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chilli. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A bean less chilli, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like
I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more
beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is
in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh-it-faced from all of the
beer.
Chilli # 4 Bubba's Black Magic
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chilli with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a chilli.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bi-tch is starting to
look HOT-just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chilli an
aphrodisiac?
Chilli # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chilli. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chilli using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli
had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.
It really pi-sses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Scr-ew those rednecks.
Chilli # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chilli. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous,sulphuric flames. I sh-at myself when I farted and I'm worried it
will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me
except that sl-ut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my
lips anymore. I need to wipe my a-ss with a snow cone.
Chilli # 7 Susan's screaming Sensation Chilli
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chilli with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chilli peppers at the last >moment. I should take note that I am worried
about Judge 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chilli, which
slides unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like sh-it to
match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Scr-ew it; I'm not
getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the
4-inch hole in my stomach.
Chilli #8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chilli
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chilli. Not too bold
but spicy enough to declare its existence.
>Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balance chilli. Neither mild nor
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell
over and pulled the chilli pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's
going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot
chilli.
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DICTIONARY OF OBSCURE SEXUAL TERMS
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OK, i know this is old and you have probably seen it, but it's still farkin' funny!
I hope i don't get into trouble for this....i wasn't sure if this would be allowed. If it isn't, could a mod kindly edit my post and let me know.
Sorry in advance!
Angry Dragon
Immediately after you blow your load in a girls mouth, smack the back ofher head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up shell look like an angry dragon.
Arabian Goggles
A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new.
The Bait N Tackle
The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing!
Ballsacking
Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if youre able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough.
Bear Claw
A synonym for extremely large pussy lips.
Beef Curtain
The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam.
Beer Dick
This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with a pussy while experiencing beer dick.
Blumpy
You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
The Bronco
You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately
tries to buck you off.
Brown Bagging It
Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like theres no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Dont let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind.
Brown Necktie
Youre about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags.
Brunski
When a man puts his face between a womans breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying "Brunski" in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.)
The Bullwinkle
The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)
Butter Face
When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is nasty.
The Canine Special
Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf!
The Carpet Cleaner
While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.
The Chili Dog
When you take a hot dump on a girls tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.
Chocolate Pizza
Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye.
Cleveland Steamer
The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.
Cock-Stuffing
Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your "buddy" to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow!
Cold Lunch
The act of vomiting directly onto some chicks head while shes performing fellatio.
The Concoction
First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch
girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again.
The Compton Gangbang
You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when shes about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know youve got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)
Cops Delight
The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her "pastry buns", thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut.
The Corkscrew
Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, youll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks youll be able to bore through wood.
Corn
Originating from the fine campus of Cornell University comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is "Corn" means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happily eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment, for instance; "Baby, youre more Corn than Green Giant", or "Damn bitch, you are Corn!"
Couch Bombing
When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman...but no need to buy It dinner first
Coyote
This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know youve got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
Cum Dumpster
A quadriplegic whore.
Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch
The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girls throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.
Daisy Chain
Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight.
Davey Crockett
A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gals
snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partners now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights.
Dirty Sanchez
A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you
insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it
across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.
Dirty Swirly
While boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush...shell dig it.
Dog In A Bathtub
This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girls ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
Donkey Punch
Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the females ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
Duct Tape Trick
Wrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely fuck it without the
danger of a messy split.
Dutch Oven
Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by
farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if youre into that sort of thing).
Dutch Treat
The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very
messy.
DVDA
The abbreviation for "double-anal, double-vaginal". This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hard core porn industry norm.
The Electric Chair
Your psychobitch girlfriend decides she wants to try something kinky, so she props your stupid naive ass up in a chair, strips you down, and ties you up. After arousing you, she then takes a car battery and clamps two jumper cables to each nut sack. This causes you to have all sorts of synapses, spasms, and convulsions. She then mounts your Frankenstein and proceeds to get electrofucked. Warning! May cause erectile dysfunction after performed.
Felching
A gay activity which I do not condone at all. It happens when one fag fucks another fag in the ass and then sucks the jizz out with a straw. Only included for those of you who are considering going to jail. *note: never seen it done with a straw...
The Fish Eye
>From behind, you shove both fists in her ass (or his if in prison).
Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motionsignaling that she has been there and done that.
Fish-Hook
When you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
The Fire Island
This consists of telling someone youre going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they dont believe you, doing it just to prove that youre that demented.
Flaming Amazon
This ones for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighterand set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!
Flooding The Cave
Inserting the penis into a womans pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.
The Flying Camel
A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move. The Flying Dutchman. This didnt used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has
now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, "Here comes the Flying Dutchman!" This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects.
The Fountain Of You
While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like amadman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed)
Fur Ball
Youre chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs
the size of Lionel Richies afro, a mammoth hair ball gets lodged into your
throat.
Gobstopper
With two hands, spread your tramps anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie
down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the
ass when youre done, if you want.
Golden Shower
Any form of dropping piss all over your partner. Great for those who like
watersports.
Greek
The act of using your "glue stick" (if you know what Im saying) and gluing
your gals eyes closed with your man seed. E.g. "Hey guys, check it out, I
just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad
Ham And Cheese Sandwich
Eating a womans box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty
combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is
sure to appeal to anyones appetite.
Hershey Highway
When plugging your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Dont
hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend its extra
lube.
High Dive
The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partners hole and
in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole,
but can be very dangerous.
The Hindenburg
When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, youre forced to cry "Oh! The
humanity!" as her teeth scrape your man tool.
Hogging
While intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the
fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best
accomplished with large groups friends.
Hole In One
The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge
boner once its in, or youll get a nice snapparoo.
Hotdog In A Hallway
When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isnt even touching the walls of
her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently
happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if youre slinging a small
dick.
Hot Karl
The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier
was balls deep in her can.
Hot Karl Candy Cane
A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock
cleaning gives the woman a reach around.
Hot Lunch
The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girls mouth.
Hummer
The well known added variation to a blowjob in which a broad hums her
favorite tune while she sucks away. The vibrations felt against your dick
will most definitely produce a healthy orgasm.
The Hunter Gatherer
You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory.
The Indian Cock Burn
While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if
she was trying to give you an Indian burn.
The Jedi Mind Trick
When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "Im NOT fucking you, Im NOT
fucking you".
The Jelly Donut
Give some skank a facial and follow it up with a swift pimp crack in the
nose. The resulting blood and jizz that covers her face bears a
resemblance to a jelly donut.
The Juanita Special Bean Dip
While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into
her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your
brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the
full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip.
Kennebunkport Surprise
The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England clam
chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners
legs while eating her out.
Kick-Fucking
The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the
ass.
The Landshark
The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs
spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She
might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to
avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked,
walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and
raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and
begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal,
the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin
protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.
The Lorena Bobbit
Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core
booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and
start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip
his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick
for a drive and then toss it out the window.)
The Menthol
The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a
numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly
feeling on your cock.
The Mellon Dive
Headbutting a womans big fat titties. Always lots of fun.
Monkey Wrench
When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks
you off.
Monroe Transfer
When you and your partner connect each others assholes with a tube. One
defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of
the other.
The Moped
A chick thats a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what
I mean.
The Mork
Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring
fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her
****. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a
Nanoo-Nanoo!)
Moses
A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the
Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea.
The Motorboat
While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit,
thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. Shell love you forever.
Muff Teaser
Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your
stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a
banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and
finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without
saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish
bitch again.
The Mung
Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since
death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal
opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff
that comes out as you can in your mouth.
Mushy Biscuit
This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and
your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight
circle aroundthe food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one
to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food.
New Jersey Meat-Hook
The unusual method of inserting ones finger in the ass of your partner
while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most
effective from behind.
New York Style Taco
Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box.
Happy trails.
The Nixon
A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your
signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "Im
not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those
with a modicum of decorum.
Oyster
A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing ones testicles
with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp
munch on them.
Pasadena Mudslide
This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman
while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the
Cleveland Steamer.)
Pattycake
While youre nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some
head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes
you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching
your friend blow his load.
Paying The Rent
A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders,
while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.
Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich
Shit on a womans snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm
Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what youve been eating.)
Pearl Necklace
Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes
on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit.
The Pig Roast
While youre plugging some girls hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the
funhole, pick your poison) shes blowing your best friends cock at the same
time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger
Cuffs.
Pink Glove
Hate when this happens. Every so often a girl is not wet enough during sex.
When you finally pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks
to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
The Pirates Treasure
While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After
youve found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!",
like a pirate.
Plating
Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on
it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you
dont see that on any Dawn commercials.
The Popcorn Trick
First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a
tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the
bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the
bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch.
When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesnt love buttered
popcorn?
Puerto Rican Fog Bank
While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly
into her nostrils.
Purple Mushroom
This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis
in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting
impression similar to a purple mushroom.
Queef
A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when
air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting
kind of a sound while that air is released.
The Ram
When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in
a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper
penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Rear Admiral
An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners
standing), make sure you dont let her grab on to anything when she is bent
over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her
forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. Its almost as much
fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can
bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your
hands to grab onto her hips
Red Wings
Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while
discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier!
Resuscitation
When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesnt awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When thetime is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless
nights.
The Roddy Piper
When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.
The Rodeo
Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw!
The Rose Creeper
Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweethearts neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fuckher dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.
The Rusty Trombone
This is what happens when youve got a less then respectable female (AKA be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player.
Sandbag
Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before
insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and
proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.
The Screwnicorn
When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
The Seatbelt
While one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom.
Shirley Temple
Pour a can of 7-Up on a girls menstruating pussy and eat her out.
The Shocker
When you insert your index and middle fingers in the womans vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.)
Shop Vac
When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs youre entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power.
Shrimping
The term for licking or sucking your partners toes.
Skiing
While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross-country action.
Slumpbuster
When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease-ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump.
Snerd Nurgling
The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower
intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"...
Snoodling
When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of
another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, "You
Snoodler!"
Snowball
Ah yes, every mans worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guys fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses
off at you.
The Snuff
Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that youre a snuff film superstar.
Stranger
Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, giving you the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
Stranger On The Rocks
Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred.
Strangers In The Night
When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else.
Stingy Nut
When a chick isnt worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass.
Sud N Fud
When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I dont fuck on the first date.", "Im catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead.
Surfing
This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave.
Swimmers Ear
When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection.
Tea Bag
To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kind of screwed up yoga exercise.
3-Eyed Turtle
Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.
The Tortoise
When you eat out someone who doesnt have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.
Tossing Salad
A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.)
Tropical Wind
When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind.
Tuna Melt
Youre down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
Twisted Sister
Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now thats some great S&M fun.
Vegetarian Hot Lunch
A variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs.
Wake Up Call
Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. "Sweetheart, whats that on your back?"
The Walrus
After spunking in a girls mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips
together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus.
Western Grip
When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing
towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western.
Westside Glaze
Same as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face.
The Woody Woodpecker
When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead.
The Zombie Mask
While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when youre ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.
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