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strokwn

Whether his father beat him or not..he's an adult now...capable of love, forgiveness, and understanding. EVERYone is worthy of forgiveness, and I'm a firm believer in it. It shows maturity, strong character and a true ability to love. People always have their reasons for doing things...forgiveness doesn't justify it, but it lets that person know you at least understand where they're coming from, and it helps you to move on and be a better person than they were.

There comes a time when you have to practice some understanding, instead of playing "poor me, someone was a jerk to me". You'll never learn or grow if you can't step out of that mindset. Another person's actions towards you should NEVER dictate how you will treat other people....especially when you've reached an age where you're able to think and reflect on things.

Why would you choose to be angry and spiteful?? It's such a waste of energy.

group hug anyone?

so what did daddy do?

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Originally posted by jennypie Whether his father beat him or not..he's an adult now...capable of love, forgiveness, and understanding. EVERYone is worthy of forgiveness, and I'm a firm believer in it. It shows maturity, strong character and a true ability to love. People always have their reasons for doing things...forgiveness doesn't justify it, but it lets that person know you at least understand where they're coming from, and it helps you to move on and be a better person than they were. There comes a time when you have to practice some understanding, instead of playing "poor me, someone was a jerk to me". You'll never learn or grow if you can't step out of that mindset. Another person's actions towards you should NEVER dictate how you will treat other people....especially when you've reached an age where you're able to think and reflect on things. Why would you choose to be angry and spiteful?? It's such a waste of energy.

Jenny, I don't think the thread writer ever stated he was abused by his father, if I'm not mistaken that is an abstract example someone added to the discussion.

I fear you suffer some dillusion if you truely believe the actions of others toward you should not influance how you will treat people. We are products of our experiences. All we know is derived from what we have experienced and all we do is based on what we know. Without question how one has been treated by persons in their past not only will but must influence how they conduct their own affairs. How those past experiences influence one's behaviour is largely up to the individual but there is no way one can simply ignore their past.

BTW, I agree forgiveness is often healthy but it is by no means necessary and in some cases simply unjustifyable.

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Originally posted by Slylee Actually, my father has been the single most positive influence on me out of everyone else in my life. I love and respect him more than anything. I knew you were going to assume that I have issues with my father, but if you read, you would notice that I didn�t once say that I was speaking from personal experience. It�s just that I'm not living under a rock (as you seem to be), and I�m aware of the fact that there are millions of unfit parents out there in this world who should have never been able to enjoy the gift of a baby in the first place, and who deserve no respect at all. i was just trying to point out that no one in here seemed to think for a minute about the fact that we don�t have a clue about the thread starter�s father and what he is like. For all we know, he could be a wife beater, beating the kid�s mom every day for the last 10 years. If that was the case, would you still be lecturing him/us about how we need to respect our parents just because they gave us life? Think about what I�m saying before you respond. I don�t think you�re getting my point. While I don�t agree with emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, I also don�t think that it�s a ticket for the abused person to become a complete fuckup for the rest of his or her life, blaming the abuse, so I agree with whomever was trying to make that point. There comes a point where you need to take control again and make the decision to not let the abuse control your life any more. But I�m sure that�s easier said than done.

Ok, first of all i apologize for assuming that you had issues with your dad.

I get your point about not loving your parents just because they your parents because i say the same thing about my relatives whom i think try to stick their noses in everyones personal issues because indian tradition calls for respecting all elders no matter what.

My argument wasnt refering to people whove been beaten and abused for no reason by their parents but to the other ppl who havent had any problems yet bitch their parents out because they think they were to intelligent and grown up to be subjected to rules and regulations. Regarding those who have been abused, beaten watever, theres a difference between loving them and respecting them and i was just saying that ppl should be grown up enough now to learn from their parents mistakes and make sure not to repeat them with their kids rather than saying such horrible things like 'I wish my dad dies'.

I dont know what its like to come from a family where your abused by your parents nor to i know anyone else who does but im pretty sure that ppl sometimes overlook the fact that bad parents might have gone through some messed up things in life that fucked their heads up because they were emotionally weak deal with it. Not that its an excuse to rape your kid but people sometimes only look at one side of the story.

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Originally posted by raveed Ok, first of all i apologize for assuming that you had issues with your dad.

judging how defensive she got, she probably does but that would be an entire thread unto itself

Actually, the only issue I have with my father is his self centered, gold digging wife lol

I will admit to having problems with a stepdad though, who was very much a part of my childhood for about 5 years. He was very manipulative and physically abusive to my mom and me, but it wasn't THAT bad. I mean, we weren't tortured and beaten and raped every day, but he had his share of abusive moments and she finally left him thank god. But to be perfectly honest, I have forgiven him (Jennypie speaks the truth). I won�t get into the details of why, but he was actually at my sister�s wedding about 3 years ago, and I saw him and said hi, and I can honestly say I wasn�t like furious or anything. Mt attitude was very indifferent. My mother, on the other hand, was deeply hurt that my sister invited him. But I have completely just let that go. He has problems and I feel sorry for him. I don�t see a point in wasting so much time and energy hating this guy who was in my life for like a second, in the grand scheme of things.

I�d say most of my little �issues� are from my mom, not my dad, or even my stepdad. But that IS a whole other story that will hopefully be worked out some day.

funny all my 'issues' are from everything but my parents.. i was barely home since 13 and my pops passed away when i was 7.

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Originally posted by Minhaj same here i think im glad my dad used to beat me, cause i go to all these places and see kids running around like little shits and the perents not giving a fuck. its a shame desi perents these days dont beat there kids.

what the hell is a perent?

i don't think there's anything wrong with giving your kid a little wack on the butt or hands if they are out of control, but only till a certain age...i think maybe 5 or 6 is the cut off age for spanking.


but i'm kind of torn about that too. if you really break it down and think about it...what are you teaching your kids? you're teaching them to use physical force when someone does something wrong...and especially if you spank them out of frustration and anger, you are showing them that you deal with it by getting physical with them.

sure, sending your kid to their room where they have a TV with tivo, playstation, a computer with internet and a T-Mobile sidekick to keep them busy, won't teach them anything either, but if your kid has all of the above, you've already failed as a parent in my opion.

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Originally posted by Slylee you're teaching them to use physical force when someone does something wrong...and especially if you spank them out of frustration and anger, you are showing them that you deal with it by getting physical with them. .... you've already failed as a parent in my opion.

I'd say no to your opiOn

Seriously though, smacking shocks a child into realise they've made a serious eroor, or have done something extremely naughty. I reckon nearly all the chavs in this country were never smacked as kids.

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Originally posted by _Ocean_Drive_ I'd say no to your opiOn Seriously though, smacking shocks a child into realise they've made a serious eroor, or have done something extremely naughty. I reckon nearly all the chavs in this country were never smacked as kids.

first of all, the "failing as a parent in my opinion" wasn't meant for the part that you quoted, so why did you leave the other part out?



and if you take a few classes in early childhood development, you'll realize that spanking is actually not good for them, despite what all the people say about how, "their parents beat the shit outta them and it taught them a lesson and they turned out fine, and bla bla bla"

everyone is different and will be affected differently by physical means of punishment, and it really all depends on how sensitive the child is.

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Originally posted by _Ocean_Drive_ I'd say no to your opiOn Seriously though, smacking shocks a child into realise they've made a serious eroor, or have done something extremely naughty.

true that. The hard part is to make the child realize that what is being done is for his own good. And the physical punishment has to vary for the type of mischief done.

WHAT THE FUCK DID DADDY DO FOR FUCKS SAKES!!!!!

effective communication is the key..BUT openin up a good can of ass whoopin is a must on certain situations.

i got my ass WHOOPED by my moms when i was little.. i mean really fucked up. not no 'spankin' bs.. straight up wooden hangers and broomstick style.. when i got too big for that, my steppops at the time fucked me up too.. although all those times i deserved to get beat, i was never beat the 'normal' way. most usual style korean parents fuck you up is making you roll up your pants and hit your fucking calves until theyre black & blue...

one day i went to school with like BLACK calves and one of my friend saw it and snitched to the guidance councellor.. she called me out and asked what happened, i told her and she asked me if i wanted to press charges, all serious n shit.. i was like fuck no, you crazy ? LOL

basically, i wouldnt recommend the style of beating i got as a kid, but some dose of spanking is def. necesary.

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Originally posted by Moral Hazard Jenny, I don't think the thread writer ever stated he was abused by his father, if I'm not mistaken that is an abstract example someone added to the discussion. I fear you suffer some dillusion if you truely believe the actions of others toward you should not influance how you will treat people. We are products of our experiences. All we know is derived from what we have experienced and all we do is based on what we know. Without question how one has been treated by persons in their past not only will but must influence how they conduct their own affairs. How those past experiences influence one's behaviour is largely up to the individual but there is no way one can simply ignore their past. BTW, I agree forgiveness is often healthy but it is by no means necessary and in some cases simply unjustifyable.

That's not what I meant. I just meant that if a person wrongs you, you shouldn't make it a reason to also commit wrongdoings.


And forgivenss isn't about justifying anything.

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Originally posted by Slylee first of all, the "failing as a parent in my opinion" wasn't meant for the part that you quoted, so why did you leave the other part out? and if you take a few classes in early childhood development, you'll realize that spanking is actually not good for them, despite what all the people say about how, "their parents beat the shit outta them and it taught them a lesson and they turned out fine, and bla bla bla"

OK, so here's the whole quote so you don't get arsey. And seeing as you're incapable of having a joke (re: opion') I'll talk serisouly at you.

Childhood development classes mean crap. Until you're actually a parent, all the books and academic literature in the world cannot prepare you. I don't believe that because they tell you in 'Early Childhood Development' classes that smacking isn't good, it's true. You sound like you're speaking from personal experience of parenting, but I somehow doubt you are.

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Originally posted by Slylee ...despite what all the people say about how, "their parents beat the shit outta them and it taught them a lesson and they turned out fine, and bla bla bla"

So you presume to speak for 'everyone' now do you? I suggest you rethink that statement.

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Originally posted by Slylee everyone is different and will be affected differently by physical means of punishment, and it really all depends on how sensitive the child is.

Well you've killed your own argument in the same post there, so there's not much more for me to add. Smacking is good if used in moderation and applied appropriately, with good sound moral reasoning and explanation.

You should come over here and see the scrawny little sh*ts running causing havoc because little Johnny wasn't smacked as a kid 'cos it was 'barbaric'.

Please educate yourself before making generalising sweeping statements.

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Originally posted by _Ocean_Drive_ OK, so here's the whole quote so you don't get arsey. And seeing as you're incapable of having a joke (re: opion') I'll talk serisouly at you. Childhood development classes mean crap. Until you're actually a parent, all the books and academic literature in the world cannot prepare you. I don't believe that because they tell you in 'Early Childhood Development' classes that smacking isn't good, it's true. You sound like you're speaking from personal experience of parenting, but I somehow doubt you are. So you presume to speak for 'everyone' now do you? I suggest you rethink that statement. Well you've killed your own argument in the same post there, so there's not much more for me to add. Smacking is good if used in moderation and applied appropriately, with good sound moral reasoning and explanation. You should come over here and see the scrawny little sh*ts running causing havoc because little Johnny wasn't smacked as a kid 'cos it was 'barbaric'. Please educate yourself before making generalising sweeping statements.

if you're condoning smacking children and that early childhood development education is a bunch of horseshit, then you are clearly the ignorant one here.

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Originally posted by Slylee if you're condoning smacking children and that early childhood development education is a bunch of horseshit, then you are clearly the ignorant one here.

red herring

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Originally posted by Slylee if you're condoning smacking children and that early childhood development education is a bunch of horseshit, then you are clearly the ignorant one here.

Now come on, no one's asking you to bitch slap the child every time he commits a small mistake. But yes, smacking once in a while and for some serious issue obviously does him good than not smacking him at all. A child is not mature to take wise decisions all the time. wrong decisions need to be pointed out. It's a bit extreme to think that he doesn't need smacking at all at any point of time duing his childhood.

THere's a fine line between being an abusive parent and a parent who smacks a child. The parent himself needs be quite mature in the first place.

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Originally posted by Omega_M Now come on, no one's asking you to bitch slap the child every time he commits a small mistake. But yes, smaking once in a while and for some serious issue obviously does him good than not smaking him at all. A child is not mature to take wise decisions all the time. wrong decisions need to be pointed out. It's a bit extreme to think that he doesn't need any smaking at all at any point of time duing his childhood. THere's a fine line between being an abusive parent and a parent who smacks a child. The parent himself needs be quite mature in the first place.

Couldn't be bothered to point this out, so thank you

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Originally posted by Slylee if you're condoning smacking children and that early childhood development education is a bunch of horseshit, then you are clearly the ignorant one here.

I thought childhood development classes were a polite term for sex education

do children here actually need to take classes where they are taught how there parents are supposed to treat them???

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Originally posted by raveed do children here actually need to take classes where they are taught how there parents are supposed to treat them???

No, it's for people who aren't parents, teaching assisstants and those who want to work in nurseries for the rest of their lives, and claim to know more about parenting than the parents because they've done a course entitled as such.

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Originally posted by _Ocean_Drive_ No, it's for people who aren't parents, teaching assisstants and those who want to work in nurseries for the rest of their lives, and claim to know more about parenting than the parents because they've done a course entitled as such.

so its basically non parents teaching future parents on how to be good parents???

what nonsense ... watever happened to reading a good parenting book and giving in to your own parental instincts

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