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Re: Re: Getting married

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Originally posted by igottaknow she's afraid you'll be a kid in the candy store with all those japanese women this is what marriage is like

marriage is like psy-t in a cage?

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Originally posted by Slylee for me it's the comfort level. the more comfortable and trusting i am w/ a guy, the freakier i get in bed.

we know, this is like the hundredth time you've told us *sigh*

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Originally posted by l�cid shit

Ha! So you were paying attention!!!! LOL. I keed I keed.

besides you got so much more!! a family that tokes up together... or you both love pu$$y... the furry variety!!! erm, I mean the MEOW koshka variety... and your DJ duo sounds like fancy pizza cheese - c'mon TURNER & ROMANO has a certain ring to it. Like "I'd like a pizza with extra Turner & Romano cheese"

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Originally posted by igottaknow we know, this is like the hundredth time you've told us *sigh*

i vaguely remember as well..

Hay there, do joo trust me?

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Originally posted by jennypie I think marriage means a lot to people who understand and appreciate what REAL love is. It's obvious from looking at divorce rates that a lot of people have no clue what that means. Personally, I think that marriage is a declaration to your partner, and everyone else, that you understand what it means to truly love somebody. That you've chosen this person as your team-mate for all the ups and downs of the rest of your life, and that nobody else could ever possibly come close to filling their shoes. If you really do love somebody, it doesn't matter when you get married (edit: or if you get married at all) because the commitment will always exist. However, marriage (to me) is the ultimate symbol of that commitment.

that's pretty much exactly how i feel about it...

honestly i don't really expect much to change after RJT and i get married. even before we started dating, we had an amazing connection, and our commitment towards each other has been incredibly strong from the very beginning. our feelings have only grown stronger over the last 2 years, and i truly feel that they will continue to grow like that for the rest of our lives.

basically... it's not the act of getting married that makes you more committed and more in love. that kind of stuff happens naturally over time, and getting married is just one way to celebrate it.

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Originally posted by emc^2 Dunno. it's a mixed bag. definitely a lot of work. of course, each person's "mileage" may varry quite substantially. Some creatures are made to live in captivity, others are liberal minds. I am married for 7 years. First 6 years have been a rocky ride but mostly wonderful even with its ups, downs, getting adjusted to each other, etc. However, nothing prepared me for "snakes on the plane" - e.g. my wife FINDING JESUS. and I don't mean our gardener. And not your standard variety of Jesus. She happened to fancy the one from "Jews for Jesus" strain. Her being Christian, me being a Jew was already a fun mix. I'm not a religious person but I CAN'T TAKE PROLYTHESIZING (sp?) in any shape or form. With JFJ being not only offensive to my Jewish origins and traditions and beliefs but also being ONE OF THE MOST CULT-LIKE religions in existence, I was immediately without any warning under severe pressure. The quickness and depth with which situation spiraled out of control was mind-boggling. This additional friction point created too many issues to list. We now fight almost on weekly basis about religious views and how I don't want to hear that sh!t and how my child should not be brainwashed since he's too young to understand the reasons or even meaning. I must admit that person I loved very much has turned into someone I just accept for the sake of preserving a family. Our life is slowly turning to sh!t - which can be considered what many marriage are like. With a second child on the way, I'm a hostage of this situation. I would have never married my wife if I had known that she'd become such a religious zealot. So, in my eyes - this was definite "bait and switch". My advise: try living together for several years before you tie the not. Besides, just because you exchange wows doesn't mean that your relationship is less meaningful as it is right now. Many of our friends chose live-in relationship over "formal" marriage. I think it also keeps your sub-conscious at least feeling like it's free - which I think can actually help your relationship at times. Dunno. your mileage would definitely varry. Don't rush into it for all the wrong reasons - e.g. "she wants to have a wedding" or "we are both in love with tranceaddict.com and are active C0r whores"

wow dude that sucks! i hope something can be done to fix whats wrong but i also know its not always possible.

and thanks again for the vodka! im going to open it next weekend!

and the word spelling is proselytizing. i had to look it up though haha.

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Originally posted by igottaknow we know, this is like the hundredth time you've told us *sigh*

lol

my bad! sheesh. it's not like i just said it out of nowhere. we were on the subject...again


*edit* ok now i gotta go read that long post of emc's lol

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Originally posted by gehzumteufel wow dude that sucks! i hope something can be done to fix whats wrong but i also know its not always possible. and thanks again for the vodka! im going to open it next weekend! and the word spelling is proselytizing. i had to look it up though haha.

Yeah, that's the word - I couldn't find it. Thanks! Dunno. thinking about getting anti-cult councelor involved... INTERVENTION-style, as her family is up in arms about it too.

p.s. You're welcome dude, glad you get to enjoy it responsibly soon

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Originally posted by igottaknow we know, this is like the hundredth time you've told us *sigh*

for some reason reminds me of a scene in "not another teen movie" where chick comes up to some dude @ party and says "Hi, my name is (so and so)" and dude says "Yeah I know, we just had sex".

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Originally posted by gehzumteufel and the word spelling is proselytizing.

try saying that while your drunk

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Originally posted by emc^2 Ha! So you were paying attention!!!! LOL. I keed I keed. besides you got so much more!! a family that tokes up together... or you both love pu$$y... the furry variety!!! erm, I mean the MEOW koshka variety... and your DJ duo sounds like fancy pizza cheese - c'mon TURNER & ROMANO has a certain ring to it. Like "I'd like a pizza with extra Turner & Romano cheese"

That's what I'm saying.

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Originally posted by l�cid that's pretty much exactly how i feel about it... honestly i don't really expect much to change after RJT and i get married. even before we started dating, we had an amazing connection, and our commitment towards each other has been incredibly strong from the very beginning. our feelings have only grown stronger over the last 2 years, and i truly feel that they will continue to grow like that for the rest of our lives. basically... it's not the act of getting married that makes you more committed and more in love. that kind of stuff happens naturally over time, and getting married is just one way to celebrate it.

yeah this is pretty much how i feel too.. i've been married for 2 years now and it wasn't really any diffrent than when we were dating, except now we have a kid. Eli and i are somewhat religious so it had to do with god and it mostly had to do with us making a legal commitment to each other. I plan to be married for a long time.. i would like to think my love is unconditional, so if shit pops up, we could work through it. However, i don't think anyone should tolerate physical or mental abuse, and i would have a really hard time forgiving adultery, but if it stopped i might be able to, who knows.. also emc^ situation, that's rough.. anyhow, LIRA! you will know for yourself if marriage is right for you now, if you are unsure about it, it's probably not a good idea yet. I had no 'pre wedding jitters' the night before because i knew exactly what i was doing. If she can't stick it out, then she'll have to realize at some point that you did her a favour.

a mutual love of pot & kittens, and names that make pizza delicious are obviously the keys to a healthy relationship.

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Originally posted by emc^2 Yeah, that's the word - I couldn't find it. Thanks! Dunno. thinking about getting anti-cult councelor involved... INTERVENTION-style, as her family is up in arms about it too. p.s. You're welcome dude, glad you get to enjoy it responsibly soon

good luck with that.. seriously, it sounds like she choose some nutty cause over her own marriage.. and some may say that's the pot calling the kettle black, but my religion wouldn't promote causing strife in your marriage to convert someone.

so are you going to open up a pizzeria together?

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Originally posted by emc^2 Yeah, that's the word - I couldn't find it. Thanks! Dunno. thinking about getting anti-cult councelor involved... INTERVENTION-style, as her family is up in arms about it too. p.s. You're welcome dude, glad you get to enjoy it responsibly soon

be careful with that. not that i dont support it as she has obviously chosen religion over you but it could make it worse. of course you will not know unless you do it though. just make sure you get her family involved. as you already mentioned her family is up in arms about it too cause shes gone psycho about this. i hope for the best in it all but i know that theres always extenuating circumstasnces that may or may not keep this all together.

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Originally posted by wienerschnitzel good luck with that.. seriously, it sounds like she choose some nutty cause over her own marriage.. and some may say that's the pot calling the kettle black, but my religion wouldn't promote causing strife in your marriage to convert someone.

unfortunately religion is a powerful thing. its fine to have your convictions too many religious people take things wayy too far. generally religion teaches tolerance but it seems that religious people are some of the most intolerant of them all. very sad but true.

emc, oh my god, that sucks!


i'm not even joking when i tell u that i'm going through a similiar thing, only it's with my mom. she's becoming more and more religious and it's creating a huge barrier between us...just when things were starting to get healthy and mature with us (my mom and i have had a pretty unhealthy co-dependancy type of relationship for ever lol).

so yea, i just dont get into it with her, but she is so fucking blind and moronic sounding w/ the catholic bullshit. it's amazing to me how stupid she sounds despite being really smart. when she starts w/ the jesus talk, i'm just like, "uhh, i gotta go to the store, u need anything" *out the door* lol

i'll be out of there soon enough, but still...i can't stand it. and not only that, but she's a big hypocrite too. she claims she's so religious, but she's always talking shit abotu ppl and not doing very "christian like" things. i know she's human and she gets caught up in every day bullshit like we all do, but i mean cut the christian bullshit propoganda if all u do is sin. she just picks and choses which part of each religion she likes and just listens to what everyone else tells her about religion. i keep encouraging her to just do some research and make up her own mind instead of turning to her phony "born again" christian boss. she works at a law firm that is "faith based" and they are the biggest phonies ever. one of them is having an affair with his secretary and the whole office knows...and she goes to THEM for advice? it's a fucking joke. And to make things worse, she gets really irrational if I call her out and we start arguing to the point where I just give up because I don�t want it to escalate so I just change the subject.

so yea, i feel u on that and i'm sorry to hear that. i fucking hate religion and i refuse to make it a part of my child's life. id rather they do some research and studying on their own when they're old enough to realize what it is and then I�ll respect whatever decision they make. I was raised catholic with my confirmation and communion and stuff, and I�d like to think there is some sort of reason we�re all here or some sort of pretty after life, but I�m definitely not religious by any means. I�m content just being a good person in life and doing my part and not pushing my views on everyone else. it sucks because i love my mom a lot and we're really close in a lot of aspects but we're also like on different planets most of the time.

my moms a catholic.. so was i until like 14... lol

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Originally posted by Slylee i fucking hate religion and i refuse to make it a part of my child's life. id rather they do some research and studying on their own when they're old enough to realize what it is and then I�ll respect whatever decision they make.

Oddly, I am religious and feel the same way with regard to children.

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Originally posted by Moral Hazard Oddly, I am religious and feel the same way with regard to children.

me too. my mum made me go to church with her every sunday, if i didn't then i was GROUNDED! and i always thought that was total bullocks.

i think a lot of ppl gravitate to religion because they're seeking: hope and meaning to their lives. they need someone to tell them answers to life's problems. reminds me of all those fad diets and self help books out there.

sorry moral and the rest of you religious ppl out there. just don't like religion

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Originally posted by Slylee but she is so fucking blind and moronic sounding w/ the catholic bullshit. it's amazing to me how stupid she sounds despite being really smart. when she starts w/ the jesus talk, i'm just like, "uhh, i gotta go to the store, u need anything" *out the door* lol

hahahahaha! That was a conversation last night. I asked my wife to close her eyes and held up some random object and asked her to describe what I am holding. She said (with her eyes closed) - "i don't know". So I told her - it's a piece of paper, open your eyes. And I asked - "do you see that it's a piece of paper" - "yup." so I said "Now, imagine I keep telling you I'm holding a piece of paper and you are saying it's something else, without opening your eyes, and as I'm trying to tell you it's not you - refuse to either believe me or at least open your eyes and see for yourself! you keep saying it's not and just turn around instead of opening your eyes and trying to at least see. Same thing with the way you're going about your professed love for religion and God. I tell you that it's destroying our marriage, impacting our child and our respective families, meanwhile you are keeping your eyes tightly shut and keep on saying - "I don't see how my religious choices are affecting you all"".

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she claims she's so religious, but she's always talking shit abotu ppl and not doing very "christian like" things. i know she's human and she gets caught up in every day bullshit like we all do, but i mean cut the christian bullshit propoganda if all u do is sin. she just picks and choses which part of each religion she likes and just listens to what everyone else tells her about religion.

+1. Funny enough, my half-brother is the one who introduced her to this "virus". Him and his wife cheated on each other for years before they finally realized what's wrong - THEY NEEDED TO FIND GOD. And it wasn't them cheating - it was satan's doing. Yup that's it! Since he introduced this turmoil I told him that I'm cutting off all communications with him and I never want to see him in our house. Our grandparents died in Holocaust for being Jews, our great-grandparents were sent to Gulag to die for protesting demolishion of the synagogue in Stalin's times. Meanwhile, he so easily dismisses his own roots. Not that I care what he believes in, but to come into my house to preach, to convert, even to my 5 year old son???? No way, GFO and never come back. I told him him and his family is dead to me. Meanwhile, his step-daughter (formerly one of the biggest pot/shroom/x/heads) also finds Jesus and starts preaching to me via email, how I can't turn away from the family - yada yada yada.

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i keep encouraging her to just do some research and make up her own mind instead of turning to her phony "born again" christian boss.

In my case she turns to my half-brother and still talks to him, after I warned her and my half-brother with his religious psychotic wife to stop talking for the sake of preserving our marriage. Neither one listens and continues to talk on weekly basis. He still continues to poison her with this BULLSH!T. Oh, funny thing - this is a man who has enough arsenal in his house to start a WW3. "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition" never rang truer than in his house.

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And to make things worse, she gets really irrational if I call her out and we start arguing to the point where I just give up because I don�t want it to escalate so I just change the subject.

yet again, major +1 - same story here. Impossible. I spent several days (and I mean from 10am - 12am) RESEARCHING various points of argument, from number of different sources - Bible, different testament versions (Matthew, Luke, etc), Torah, etc. Laid it all out and pointed out all the things I was trying to prove... She dismissed it all without even reading and even threw it out in the trash. Quoting directly from writings she supposedly believes in, I hear a counter-argument (one of the best ever): "Well, consider the source!"... umm... what???? Those are YOUR DOCTRINE'S WRITINGS!!! WHAT OTHER SOURCE IS THERE?
pointless...

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i fucking hate religion and i refuse to make it a part of my child's life. id rather they do some research and studying on their own when they're old enough to realize what it is and then I�ll respect whatever decision they make.

That was one of our major contention points early on and we agreed that let the child decide when he/she is old enough. Guess what - that agreement is no longer in force. I now have to deal with my kid saying "God this" this and "God that". Not that I have a problem with him being aware but I don't want him turning out to be yet another mindless bible-thumper.

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I�m content just being a good person in life and doing my part and not pushing my views on everyone else.

My point exactly. George Carlin said it best: "THOU SHALL KEEP THOU RELIGION TO THYSELF".

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it sucks because i love my mom a lot and we're really close in a lot of aspects but we're also like on different planets most of the time.

replace "mom" with "wife" and again, this is identical in all aspects. Sad to see so much that we used to have just disintegrate. I'm now depressed most of the time because I feel powerless to change anything. I love my son to death, we have a baby girl on the way and I just can't walk away from them, even if it means I have to grunt and bear it for as long as they are depending on me to be there for them.

So... that's my (hahaha, irony mode fully on) cross to bear.

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Originally posted by igottaknow i think a lot of ppl gravitate to religion because they're seeking: hope and meaning to their lives. they need someone to tell them answers to life's problems. reminds me of all those fad diets and self help books out there. sorry moral and the rest of you religious ppl out there. just don't like religion

100000000% agree! That was the case for her. Alas, trying to convince her that she's strong enough on her own to overcome her problems makes absolutely no difference. It's like watching a drug junkie - you can't help them and can't get them off of it until they want to.

Re: Re: Getting married

OMG, this thread got huge

I'm at work now, so I'm just going to focus on a minor misunderstanding and I'm posting a proper reply when I get home

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Originally posted by Miss Julia What do you mean "like"? You're supposed to love her and not be ashamed to admit it if you're even thinking of getting married.

Why would I be ashamed of admitting I love her? I don't understand why I'd have a life-long commitment with her if I were ashamed of my feelings

The reason why I didn't say "love" in the original post is because I wanted to avoid most of the confusion concerning the meaning of this word - because this is an international forum, I thought I'd use a more general word (devoid of some sub-concepts people often relate to love, such as "clinging" and "jealousy"). I grew up with a neurotically possessive mother, so I know how it's easy to mess everything up when you're clingy.

I've got a gorgeous girlfriend to whom I've always been loyal and honest, who is my top priority in life, and who makes all other girls look like... erm... panda bears (i.e. even if they're cute, I'm not attractred by them or anything).　How would I know whether this translates into your concept of "love"? For simplicity sake, I just decided to choose a broader term, because it makes quite obvious that there's some affection involved.

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Originally posted by Miss Julia You're definetely NOT ready to get married.

Erm... I think it's quite obvious that I'm not going to get married before going to Japan. What I had in mind is that I could save some money while I'm studying there, and that could help us buy all the things a house needs to have.

Heh...

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