TranceAddict Forums (www.tranceaddict.com/forums)
- Chill Out Room
-- Long distance relationships
Pages (9): « 1 2 3 4 [5] 6 7 8 9 »

someone plz shoot me now............

Humans do not transcend the Animal kingdom. Not one bit. And this is nothing to be ashamed of.

I understand where you are coming from B_man, in that there is grace in controlling your urges. Perhaps when you've had sex and began to mature as an animal you will begin to understand that there is greater grace still in controlling your lust yet indulging in its every whim - it is only a matter of understanding what you want and how you want it better. Perhaps you shall never know this however, and your very choices have lead you to a destiny with one woman you hardly know.

Come back to this thread in December sometime.

what would you do if you found out you had waited for marriage to have sex, only to marry a girl who's vagina did not work.

loljesusisntreal.

lol inexperience.

do you guys consider about an hour "long distance"? if so... yeah.

quote:

Originally posted by tortoise it�s a rough road. my girl and i have been apart for about 2.5 years. we have stages where our (Phone) relationship is really good and really bad. we love each other and wouldn�t know what to do if we didn�t have each other even though we just talk on the phone. I see her about 3- 6 times a year for 4- 10 days at a time. All I can suggest is try to keep things interesting (Cards, surprises , phone sex) and understand that your fianc�e has a life in Japan. Hope everything works out

Wow, that's quite a long time! So far, I think we won't be able to see each other more than 2 times a year, but who knows?

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Most people in sexless relationships are deluding themselves. It's not that sex is necessarily the most important thing to us, it's that sex is an act out of the fruition of relating to a member of the opposite sex in the first place. That is, we need sex just as much as we need a girl or need a boy. It's sort of the point. Some people under the boot heel of abstinent, self-loathing and shameful culture seem to think that sex is shallow or 1-dimensional; that sex is an animalistic act, a base or crude resort of sticky fingers and unsharpened minds - and those people are only a little bit right. And I doubt this conviction fulfills them so much as the indulgence of their unfocused desires would. Pity them. Lira, you said it yourself - you are going to have to search a bit for what you want. I'm not saying my views on the matter are the only right ones in the matter or anything - it is possible I suppose that this one girl is the one who makes you happiest in life or something along those lines; That the very thought of her, no matter how far away she is, no matter how far removed from your desolate loins she studies and breathes and lives her own life in foreign lands and thinks about sex with you and that one guy in her class today and that other guy who looked at her in the subway earlier and, for whatever reason, that older man who lives 6 doors down from her... that *this* girl is the only one for you. Then I suppose it would and should be impossible for someone like me to even attempt to change your mind in the matter. Just hope you don't end up squandering some of the prime years of your sexual being idly waiting for something that may not even exist.

Interesting post, Hal. I think it would be fair to give my two cents about this matter as well, since I'm in this situation

If I believed life had a purpose, sex would probably be central to it. I'm not entirely convinced that meaning needs a society but, given the social twists of the human condition, I'd even dare to say that it is so because sex is the most fundamental social activity there is . It's not that difficult to figure out why I've come to such an extreme view, as (1) a society needs a way to perpetuate its own existence, and (2) it's not something that can be done individually, as you've got to have a partner. But, it can be something done between individuals of different societies, which only comes to show how sex is indeed far more powerful than puny human idealism.

That's why I think sex is awesome (in the literal sense of the word). I can't think of any other multidimensional human activity that involves so much power. Physically, it's not just the result of some pleasant friction in our pee-pee holes - it can create human life (much to the aversion of some of the parties involved ). Between two individuals, it can create a bond that far exceeds any other kind of human interaction (and can easily go astray if the "will to mate" is not reciprocal ). Personally, it's a way of building confidence in the moment you're the most vulnerable.

My point? Sex is not a trivial matter. It's so complex an act that it can have direct consequences on who we are, on how we perceive both ourselves and those around us, and on what our next generation will be like. Personally, I think that's quite a lot, and it should therefore be in accordance with what we want for ourselves. I want to do this simply because that's what I want for my life.

So, I don't think you're wrong. At all. If, in 10 years time, I realised I could be having the best sex of my life right now, while I write this post and reply to an e-mail of hers, I could regret it all. Hell, a cute friend of mine told me a couple of weeks ago we could go out and get hammered if my then girlfriend broke up - I could simply break up with my girlfriend and give her the most intense drunken monkey smashing sessions of her life. But, if I decided to do this, I could regret it just as much in the future, for different reasons. Thus, I don't think it would be intelligent to act according to how I could feel in a few years.

I will, therefore, just keep listening to Clint Mansell and get back to my very own addiction. Namely, my goals.

quote:

Originally posted by B_man (Love is a verb, and ultimately transcends physical realms).

Would it be any different if it were also a noun?

And, more seriously, I fail to see how it could transcend any physical realm: there's nothing in our perception or cognition that isn't physical given the fact that we're hopelessly attached to our bodies, and I can both feel love and think about it.

quote:

Originally posted by josh rising do you guys consider about an hour "long distance"? if so... yeah.

Is the "about" more or less than 1hr? If it is less, then no, but if it is more, then it is that "short-long" that Myra mentioned.

Fantastic post, Lira. Wish you'd just said all of that in the beginning so I could have just said "good luck" and had no further involvement with this thread. :P

But seriously, if your plans are to gorge yourself in objectivity between the moments you meet with her... and rightfully fuck her stupid when you do get to see one another... I can't say you don't have your priorities in line. My point was never to make you question 'what could be' though because I really don't believe that's any way to live your life. My only point was that sex is important, far more important than seemingly postmodern society criminalizes it for being, and that people who engage in long distance relationships, or insist on maintaining them, seem to go through some sort of 'well, this will be a good test for our relationship' phase... and I needn't even mention that this almost always ends up being an utter waste of time for all parties involved.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Humans do not transcend the Animal kingdom. Not one bit. And this is nothing to be ashamed of.

To each his own. We have flesh and bone as they do, so everything else is philosophical metaphysics.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On I understand where you are coming from B_man, in that there is grace in controlling your urges. Perhaps when you've had sex and began to mature as an animal you will begin to understand that there is greater grace still in controlling your lust yet indulging in its every whim - it is only a matter of understanding what you want and how you want it better. Perhaps you shall never know this however, and your very choices have lead you to a destiny with one woman you hardly know.

Well, it sounds like you've just about got it all figured out.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Come back to this thread in December sometime.

I'll be around. I'll be busier after this January, but I enjoy a few stops here and there. I've got a few tracks that I wish I had time to finish -- maybe I will.

---

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Would it be any different if it were also a noun?

Depends on which point of view you are coming from.

In most English speaking countries, there is a catch all word called LOVE. It comprises multiple meanings:

"We made love last night..."
"I love Jenny..."
"I love my family..."
"I love volunteer service..."
"I love my son."

We see that it is easy to confuse the meaning of love when the word is applied in so many areas. The Greeks had it right when they had multiple words that other languages of compacted into a couple or less. The Greeks have these words:
Eros (ἔρως �rōs)
Agapē (ἀγάπη ag�pē
Thelema (θέλημα th�lēma)
Storge (στοργή storgē
Philia (φιλία phil�a)

Eros is often too much eluded to (It is passion). Grammatically, it is a fallacy to say that love should not be a noun, but in practice there is the need to differentiate motives behind the 'warm and fuzzies'.

English has the same problem with the word "know", but that's another bedtime story altogether.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Humans do not transcend the Animal kingdom. Not one bit. And this is nothing to be ashamed of.

I love you.

Not to each his own. You are an animal seemingly in denial of his own tendencies; willfully foregoing the point of your being which, so far as practicality is concerned, places you somewhere between awkward and useless.

You're saving your purity for ideals which supposedly "transcend" your condition as a physical being... I wonder if you will ever come to fully realize that nobody has any purity to begin with.

At least Sarah Palin would be proud of your sanctimonious endeavors. In fact, her family could probably learn something from you.

You make me feel like an animal.

if you love someone, let her go, if she comes back she loves you back, if not, you are a loser for wait for her

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Not to each his own. You are an animal seemingly in denial of his own tendencies; willfully foregoing the point of your being which, so far as practicality is concerned, places you somewhere between awkward and useless. You're saving your purity for ideals which supposedly "transcend" your condition as a physical being... I wonder if you will ever come to fully realize that nobody has any purity to begin with. At least Sarah Palin would be proud of your sanctimonious endeavors. In fact, her family could probably learn something from you.

Fuck why were you gone!

B_man: are you religious?

As someone said before, there has to be an end in sight with a plan.

I did long distance and I hated it. It was really difficult and it was sad, but there was an end in sight. I think total we spent about a year apart in the 2 1/2 years we dated before we got married. It was such a distance NY from Australia, so the time zones made it more difficult to even talk. I think you have the same time zone difference, Brazil to Japan.

Honestly I can't remember how I did it, but I did it. If you can survive a long distance relationship, your relationship will be even stronger.

Good luck to you!

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Not to each his own. You are an animal seemingly in denial of his own tendencies; willfully foregoing the point of your being which, so far as practicality is concerned, places you somewhere between awkward and useless. You're saving your purity for ideals which supposedly "transcend" your condition as a physical being... I wonder if you will ever come to fully realize that nobody has any purity to begin with. At least Sarah Palin would be proud of your sanctimonious endeavors. In fact, her family could probably learn something from you.

I appreciate your enthusiasm to uplift my uniqueness, but it is not a uniqueness that I wear as a badge of honor, it is simply something I happily chose to do on a personal level. It is my choice just as much as it is my choice to not drink. While I do not believe it is wrong to consume alcohol, I truly believe that there are more enjoyable things to do with my time -- and I also hate what alcohol did to certain people that I know or have heard about. I am happy not to drink and I'm happy to be a sexual being within the boundaries aforementioned.

You can believe that we are all animals; more power to you. Animals, however, have can have no concept of this discussion. They do not squabble amongst themselves about the finer points of distance relationships. We are like animals in many respects: Requiring the same forms of sustenance, propagating ourselves from two sexes, having instinctive behaviors, organs that follow a similar line of biological adaption, senses and electrical-chemical motor functions. If that is your guidelines to how behavior is organized, we'll happily agree to disagree. We both have better things to do with our time, so let's shake on it and listen to/compose music instead.

I never said that anybody has purity. You've got it... no one is pure by the highest defining values testing it! I'm no saint by any definition of the word. I may be a virgin, but I have lustful tendencies as anyone else that has always been a work in progress. No one is perfect and I do not claim to be better than you. In fact, there were times when I masturbated more at the same time that I was objectifying women, or having more lustful eye. That is not a coincidence, it is a sense of maleness that a man has the power to control.

Sarah Palin is a politician. I have no aspirations to please any one of them. I am a skeptic of anyone who claims to be the cure-all to society.

I have no desire to "transcend" my physical existence or attain some unique astral projection. Let me ask you a question for argument's sake: do you know anyone who claimed to 'love' someone and everything between the couple looked like a bonfire and then it quickly dissipated into a wretched breakup sometime later (he loves her, but that's what he said about the last one)? Granted some are more responsible for others, but what happened to this 'love'? Granted, there are viable reasons that one person would be unfaithful to another, and cause the relationship to disintegrate, but what do we typically see in that motivating factor by the offending party? We cannot expect our partner to do something that we would not do for them ourselves. To someone's mind, this is a shackle; to another, it is a tranquil understanding.

You see, there is nothing more unstable than emotions. They are what we live by, but society would cease to function is emotions were elevated above the mind. Emotions are best 'idealized' as the caboose of the train car.

Being responsible is the best we can do, and there are no guarantees after that. When it comes to sex, sex is the ultimate bond between two people. I would feel hurt if my wife cheated on me, and she would feel the same in the opposite respect; rightly so. Take purity to the ultimate degree, and you have yourself an unattainable work-in-progress that is one of those tasks that falls in the category of "Anything that is worth doing is worth doing well".

What you have to say is reasonable statement by today's standards. However, I come at that from a different perspective. I read that as being 'what do I get out of this relationship'? If I love my girl because in her eyes I can do nothing wrong, are we not building this relationship off the shaky ground of emotions? Emotions are a great spark, but they must be evaluated. A couple must have an agreement, a covenant, if you will. They must be realistic and forthcoming and approach marriage as the most important decision of their lives.

The girl must probably think the same thing, right? What does she get out of the relationship. There has to be something deeper to love than a business contract -- a continual cycle of supply and demand over an exchange of chemicals.

There is nothing wrong with idealism, and in some cases, you'll agree. Idealism is quite resilient. It can rescue love from the fire of emotions, prosper science, provide aid to the fellow man, kill soldiers, reflect life back in the realm of art, and live beyond a number of generations. It is one of the many things that transcends human beings from the animal kingdom. Nothing is as arcane and yet possessing so much concrete yields. Now that I've stepped out of the seventh circle of abstractness...

I do not consider myself awkward nor useless, and I know for a fact that you are not either. Every human life networks with others and creates a unique tapestry that causes this little green speck globe to glimmer. I do not have to be 'sexually' free by some standards to do anything with my life that is deemed important by another. Life is so much more than sex, that this realization in itself is quite liberating and makes life out to be an adventurous journey than a do-and-die pleasure factory.

That's my life... and I see that since I've turned myself into a spectacle that I'll respectfully thank you for your time and wish all of you the best of luck in your endeavors.

I trust this means you're done responding? Whew, that's a relief.

You are all speculation.

And you have put the pussy on a pedestal.

It seems to me that the most fatal flaw in your... ehh... argument... is that you have automatically assumed that the importance of sex to the individual is only as transcendental so far as the eternal bond that two people share in an ultimate sense, etc~ When really, it's about you. Well, not about you, obviously, but the proverbial you. Perhaps it is selfish. Maybe a bit crass, too. Perhaps it is counter to all senses of quasi-harlequin amorousness that post-Christian values have taught us as magnanimity in place of competence through television. But self-servitude is one of the most available truths there is. And until you have experienced the ugly ins and outs of people, I don't think you are qualified to argue that selfishness is a limitation.

You speak of responsibility and loyalty like you have ever had this betrayed or even established in the first place.

You speak of sex being an "ultimate bond" but you are obviously not positioned to comment on how it feels to have this supposed bond severed.

You speak of control as though you have ever lost it.

You speak of maleness as if you've ever used it.

And most fretfully of all, you speak of women as though mere agreement is as simple as being agreeable. You obviously are not aware of the depths or fluctuations of emotion if you think that your idealism has any bearing upon the world outside of your secret little Sapphic garden.

quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On Don't expect other girls to not notice you for one moment, I am sure that half of your friends have their eyes on you now that this other girl is out of the picture. And you can afford to be discerning amongst them, I'm sure.

Hell, weren't you right about that!

Anyway, I bumped this thread just to disappoint Mario... So far, nothing happened

Re: Long distance relationships

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Any other tips?

Phone sex and webcam, if it hasn't already been suggested.

Great thread. I am gonna break up with my gf for this reason. I have to leave my city Ioannina because of my studies. I am gonna move in Thessaloniki which is like 3-4 hours away.

We have been together for 7 months and if everything goes well we will be together 10 months before I leave our city. I love her and she does the same. If she studies hard she might move in Thessaloniki too for her studies, but only after 1.5 year of studying. That means I have to wait her for 1.5 years.

I told her that I can be with her all this time but she thinks that i will cheat on her because I am 18 y.o. and i need SEX! We have never done sex because she is too young to lose her virginity. I don't really care for sex to be honest. I love her and that's all that matters for me. She alsos says that she needs someone to be with her when she has troubles etc and I am not gonna be that person because I will be far.

damn..

quote:

Originally posted by Cloud Great thread. I am gonna break up with my gf for this reason. I have to leave my city Ioannina because of my studies. I am gonna move in Thessaloniki which is like 3-4 hours away. We have been together for 7 months and if everything goes well we will be together 10 months before I leave our city. I love her and she does the same. If she studies hard she might move in Thessaloniki too for her studies, but only after 1.5 year of studying. That means I have to wait her for 1.5 years. I told her that I can be with her all this time but she thinks that i will cheat on her because I am 18 y.o. and i need SEX! We have never done sex because she is too young to lose her virginity. I don't really care for sex to be honest. I love her and that's all that matters for me. She alsos says that she needs someone to be with her when she has troubles etc and I am not gonna be that person because I will be far. damn..

lol virgin.

me? no...

i have had sex with my ex.

quote:

Originally posted by Cloud me? no... i have had sex with my ex.

And you "don't care for sex much" !?!?!? I am not saying it has to be top priority or anything like that, but not care for it?!

Dunno man, i just don't care if i am gonna have sex with this girl. Well, the only thing that she is doing to me is some handjob and tha's all.

duh

ur a bitch

rip her pants off and stick it in

Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright © 2000-2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.