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-- Worst Situation to have to Take a Big Dump
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just in this thread
nostalgic
jivebojingles
woscar
krypton
the epicness
Some of these stories still bring tears to my eyes. 
http://www.ibstales.com/embarrassing_moments.htm
Enjoy!!!!! Non-stop Lulz
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| Originally posted by fayraree |
It has to be during sex, right?
I mean there's extreme situations where access to the toilet is almost unavailable (hand-gliding comes to mind... I suppose you just land in the woods somewhere).
But if we're talking about everyday situations - meeting, chilling with friends, driving with a car insturctor - you can always excuse yourself and go to the bathroom and come back. I mean it's human, people will understand.
But during sex, especially with a beautiful girl, you can't just be like "Ohh excuse me for a second baby..." and go to the bathroom, which always happens to be under 10 feet away. So she's sitting there, completely unsatisfied and going dry, while listening to you shitting your ass off (ironically enough getting satisfied), there's no way you come back and she's still in the mood.
Meanwhile you still got a rockhard boner and the sexdrive of a rabbit, trying to get it on, while the smell slowly drifts into the room because you forgot to turn the ceiling-exhaust on and close the door to the bathroom.
Fucking idiot.
i read somewhere that bodily urges are paused during "sexy times".
you're not supposed to want to take a dump.
this guy
Once, while I was on vacation, I had eaten some really bad food I guess, because back in the hotel (luckily.. it could have happened anywhere) I felt shit coming up as quickly as I've never had before.. but I had to vomit too. Racing into the bathroom, I had to make choice: shit or vomit? I chose to shit, and while pulling down my pants and turning around, I started vomiting all over my pants, floor and wall. Luckily I was right on time with pulling down my pants and sitting down, so I didn't shat my pants. Close call though (and still one hell of a messy situation).
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| Originally posted by malek i read somewhere that bodily urges are paused during "sexy times". you're not supposed to want to take a dump. |
I was a latchkey kid in the latter part of my elementary years and I recall one day arriving home after school and having forgotten my key. It was early spring and I remember the weather being nice so I thought to just hang out outside until my mother got home. The only problem was that I had to shit. And badly.
So my first thought was to try the sliding glass door at the back patio. Sure enough it was unlocked.....but would only slide open a small amount due to a strategically placed broom handle - the deterrent of thieves and would-be shitters everywhere. At least the door slid open enough for the family dog to join me outside. He could keep me company for the hour and half until my mother got home and keep my mind off of the giant turd in my ass. Well that worked for about 23 seconds and I realized I was just going to have to poop. So I ran down to the storage shed at the back of our yard and sought privacy behind it. Dropped my pants and pooped there in the presence of nature. I wrinkled up some notebook paper to soften it a little and used that to clean myself. It was a no wiper though! Glorious day! Anyways, I was feeling much better now and wasn't too traumatized by my neanderthalic act when my dog walks right over to the turd and just starts eating it. I couldn't avert my eyes. He ate it like a fat kid eats a Snickers bar. To this day, I've never told another family member that A. I shat outside nor B. that Ollie ate a human turd.
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| Originally posted by Ygrene I was a latchkey kid in the latter part of my elementary years and I recall one day arriving home after school and having forgotten my key. It was early spring and I remember the weather being nice so I thought to just hang out outside until my mother got home. The only problem was that I had to shit. And badly. So my first thought was to try the sliding glass door at the back patio. Sure enough it was unlocked.....but would only slide open a small amount due to a strategically placed broom handle - the deterrent of thieves and would-be shitters everywhere. At least the door slid open enough for the family dog to join me outside. He could keep me company for the hour and half until my mother got home and keep my mind off of the giant turd in my ass. Well that worked for about 23 seconds and I realized I was just going to have to poop. So I ran down to the storage shed at the back of our yard and sought privacy behind it. Dropped my pants and pooped there in the presence of nature. I wrinkled up some notebook paper to soften it a little and used that to clean myself. It was a no wiper though! Glorious day! Anyways, I was feeling much better now and wasn't too traumatized by my neanderthalic act when my dog walks right over to the turd and just starts eating it. I couldn't avert my eyes. He ate it like a fat kid eats a Snickers bar. To this day, I've never told another family member that A. I shat outside nor B. that Ollie ate a human turd. |
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| Originally posted by denys envy did you at least have some corn bits in it? |
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| Originally posted by trunks1022 this guy |
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| Originally posted by Ygrene Peanuts. There were peanuts. |
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| Originally posted by Ygrene |
Since we're bumping shitty threads...this was another epic one 
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| Originally posted by Ygrene I was a latchkey kid in the latter part of my elementary years and I recall one day arriving home after school and having forgotten my key. It was early spring and I remember the weather being nice so I thought to just hang out outside until my mother got home. The only problem was that I had to shit. And badly. So my first thought was to try the sliding glass door at the back patio. Sure enough it was unlocked.....but would only slide open a small amount due to a strategically placed broom handle - the deterrent of thieves and would-be shitters everywhere. At least the door slid open enough for the family dog to join me outside. He could keep me company for the hour and half until my mother got home and keep my mind off of the giant turd in my ass. Well that worked for about 23 seconds and I realized I was just going to have to poop. So I ran down to the storage shed at the back of our yard and sought privacy behind it. Dropped my pants and pooped there in the presence of nature. I wrinkled up some notebook paper to soften it a little and used that to clean myself. It was a no wiper though! Glorious day! Anyways, I was feeling much better now and wasn't too traumatized by my neanderthalic act when my dog walks right over to the turd and just starts eating it. I couldn't avert my eyes. He ate it like a fat kid eats a Snickers bar. To this day, I've never told another family member that A. I shat outside nor B. that Ollie ate a human turd. |
Well, im lactose intollerant. And it sucks sometimes when people make dinner for you and forget.
ANYWAY. I just had finished working and was eating on the way home, a nice chicken sandwich. It was pritty much the best thing ive eaten for weeks. It was a good thing there were lots of it to. Since there is a long way home when walking. But anyway the sandwich was devoured pritty fast. So im strutting on my way home like Leo dicaprio when i suddenly felt "the cramp". It was the fucking butter!
Ive had this "illnes" since birth so i know when im getting the shits, and how severe it is. This time...it was bad.
Anyway i was running home as fast as i could. Or jogged is maybe the right way to say it. Or hopped. Whatever.
And as soon as i got to the door to my apartment i realised that i only had one key to the door. And there is two locks. I NEVER used more than one key, mostly because there was only ONE key to the other lock.
But a friend of mine was sleeping over and had locked BOTH FUCKING LOCKS AND HAD SLIPPED BOTH KEYS INTO THE FUCKING MAILBOX SLOT IN THE DOOR!!!
I opened the mailbox slot and saw the keys on the floor in my apartment. Jesus fucking christ... I felt pale and coldsweat was pouring from the palms of my hands.
How can i get to those keys?
Instinctivly i ran down stairs (3 floors) and out. There was some construction going on and i was looking to see if they had a portopottie or something.
BUT! I found a long coppercable that was stiff enough that you could bend it! And fucking Mcguyver that i am i ran up stair again.
And started to fish for the keys.
-aaaalmost there.... ALMOST THERE, GOT THEM!!!!
And i actually said it out loud "IVE GOT THEM!"
And at the same moment i shat my self...
It must have been the excitement that i actually got the keys.
Well, anyway, this is the first place i actually talk about this, not even my gf knows this.
Edit: Sorry for bad grammar and spelling.
2 months ago or so, I hit really bad traffic on my way to school and was bumper-to-bumper for like 45 minutes. I really really had to poo and wasn't looking forward to pulling into my school's parking lot which is located at the bottom of a fucking ravine, something like 250 stairs up to the main building.
When I finally pulled into the parking lot and got my ticket, I literally felt like I was going to explode. I grabbed my laptop bag and booted it to the nearest building which happened to be a private recreation center. I walked in with a determined expression on my face because I knew it had to look like I knew where I was going and that I was supposed to be there; I really didn't have any time to answer questions or explain my presence there.
Luckily, the change rooms were right by the entrance so I headed there and realized that it was just a huge locker room leading to the pool and there was only one toilet stall. I was so relieved to see that there was no one in sight and made my way to the toilet.
I started making my nest (piling paper onto the toilet seat, and some into the toilet so that I wouldn't get any splash-back) when to my horror I heard the voices of teenage girls. Ordinarily I don't care about shitting when there are people around but I knew this was going to be a loud one.
They were laughing and talking about some party and calling eachother sluts. There was lots of "OMIGOD" and "like totally!" and one of them was assuring the other that she looked really good that night and that if Billy didn't call her he "like so wasn't worth it"
I'm dying at this point and my tummy's starting to hurt so bad so with a firm "fuck it" frame of mind, I let go and start taking the noisiest shit I have ever taken in my life.
After about 20 seconds of releasing the kraken, I realize that I have silenced the valley girls. I can hear them walking around and zipping bags but none of them are talking anymore. My shit show shocked them into silence. I think this is all fucking hilarious and burst out laughing like a crazy person. The noisy shitter is now laughing maniacally on the toilet.
I cleaned up and flushed and walked out with a smile and nod.
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| Originally posted by Ania_xox After about 20 seconds of releasing the kraken, I realize that I have silenced the valley girls. I can hear them walking around and zipping bags but none of them are talking anymore. My shit show shocked them into silence. I think this is all fucking hilarious and burst out laughing like a crazy person. The noisy shitter is now laughing maniacally on the toilet. I cleaned up and flushed and walked out with a smile and nod. |
I'm pretty sure once they saw a 7-foot central European woman run in, they already assumed you were nuts.
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| Originally posted by The17sss They stuck around in the bathroom until after you finished? I can't believe they didn't exit. |
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| Originally posted by woscar C'mon, you've never heard a noisy shitter before? After hearing one you just have to stick around and see who it is! |
And miss the walk of shame?
Never!
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