BF/GFs who are friends with their exes

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-- BF/GFs who are friends with their exes
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Posted by Silky Johnson on Sep-03-2008 03:32:

Lol, necrophiliac.

Posted by Floorfiller on Sep-03-2008 03:33:

quote:
Originally posted by jennypie
Lol, necrophiliac.

i like them limp and cold.

Posted by Silky Johnson on Sep-03-2008 03:34:

Actually my dad was cremated. You sick fuck.

Posted by Floorfiller on Sep-03-2008 03:35:

quote:
Originally posted by jennypie
Actually my dad was cremated. You sick fuck.

ok now i don't know if we're joking or not lol...you win...sorry if you're serious

Posted by Silky Johnson on Sep-03-2008 03:39:

Lol I was never joking. My dad died 14 years ago. No worries man...I wouldn't have said it if I didn't expect lulz.

But yes, your guilt sustains me. *rubs hands together*

Posted by Slylee on Sep-03-2008 03:40:

Posted by Vlad on Sep-03-2008 03:42:

Evil and sick all at the same time.

Posted by Alex on Sep-03-2008 03:42:

My dad killed people.

Am I cool too?

Posted by Silky Johnson on Sep-03-2008 03:42:

quote:
Originally posted by Vlad
Evil and sick all at the same time.

And horny!

Posted by Vlad on Sep-03-2008 03:49:

quote:
Originally posted by jennypie
And horny!

Wheres the lover boy to lay down the butth4x?

Posted by narcism on Sep-03-2008 05:58:

i just realised i text a lot of people at 3-4am in the mornings

Posted by Fpcookie on Sep-03-2008 07:02:

Posted by narcism on Sep-03-2008 07:33:

quote:
Originally posted by Fpcookie
disrespectful homewrecker!!

yep, add that to the long list of things i already am

Posted by XaNaX on Sep-03-2008 14:00:

quote:
Originally posted by Slylee
ok but then if that's the case, then i want to know why it's worth it to him to keep her around rather than just say ah fuck it, since he's got this great new girl he is supposedly nuts about. why would he even create this whole situation?

they don't have kids together and from what i gather, they aren't like big family friends or anything. she's just a regular ol' ex gf whom he was nothing but disfunctional with and it's only been 8 months since they broke up and she is already like living with another bf. seems to me like he was rebound or something and she just jumped into the first thing after my guy broke up with her.

if i was friends with an ex and i had this great new guy i was dating, the LAST fucking thing on earth i would do is be like 'hey i want you to meet my ex bf, he is a great guy, you have nothing to worry about!"

new boyfriend > old boyfriend...i dont care what the circumstances are. i'm starting something new with the new guy, not my ex.

it's mostly just about what his priorities are and about respect. not about me thinking there is something going on. that's all.

Exactly. Your boyfriend needs to decide what is more important to him, his friendship with this girl or his relationship with you. That should be a pretty clear and easy choice, or at least it would be for me.

I'm not saying he has to never speak to her again, but to expect a relatively new girlfriend to hang out and be friends with his most recent ex is a little crazy. If it were me I would tell her that I'm not saying that we aren't friends anymore, but I have a new girlfriend who I really like and so that we have the best possible chance at working out we need to chill out hanging out for a little bit until our relationship is more established. If this girl is really just his friend and doesn't have feelings for him then she should understand.

Time fixes all of these issues if you don't force them. I wouldn't care to hang out with a girl's ex if I had been with her for a year, but I'm not gonna be buddies with her ex three months after they broke up. As long as he is respectful (no talking about fucking her and shit like that) and their relationship has been over long enough to know its really over, then I don't really care.

The issue isn't yours Jamie, it's his. He needs to get his priorities straight.

Posted by Andryuha on Sep-03-2008 14:20:

I don't know about being friends, but I've never burned any bridges with my exs.

Posted by KiNeTiC ENeRgY on Sep-03-2008 14:42:

quote:
Originally posted by Andryuha
I don't know about being friends, but I've never burned any bridges with my exs.

you don't have to burn bridges with your ex's. You can accomplish this w/o constant texting/talking on the phone or daily e-mails. You should be able to leave them alone under good standings and move on with another bf/gf. If your with a new person, you should not be communicating with the ex! There's no other reason to do so other than them being a plan B.

Posted by squirrelly on Sep-03-2008 14:52:

Jamie, haven't you only been with this guy like a month or two? Why the big deal? Most people don't even know that the person they're dating is the one they want to spend the rest of their life with until much later. Go with the flow and have fun. If he's still bff with her after a year, THEN be like "ok, now that we're very serious and exclusive, this is bothering me."

Posted by KiNeTiC ENeRgY on Sep-03-2008 14:59:

quote:
Originally posted by squirrelly
Jamie, haven't you only been with this guy like a month or two? Why the big deal? Most people don't even know that the person they're dating is the one they want to spend the rest of their life with until much later. Go with the flow and have fun. If he's still bff with her after a year, THEN be like "ok, now that we're very serious and exclusive, this is bothering me."

It's rude and a kick to the balls or ovaries to be talking about your ex with your new fling or talking to the ex on a constant basis.

Posted by Swamper on Sep-03-2008 15:01:

quote:
Originally posted by XaNaX
Exactly. Your boyfriend needs to decide what is more important to him, his friendship with this girl or his relationship with you. That should be a pretty clear and easy choice, or at least it would be for me.

The issue isn't yours Jamie, it's his. He needs to get his priorities straight.

Tricky situation. Ultimately he needs to understand that if he wants to build something with you he needs to make sure boundaries are enforced with her that are comfortable with you. Where it gets difficult is him knowing what those boundaries are without having you dictate/giving out ultimatums in the heat of the moment. You have to trust him and he has to feel that you do as well -- if not, all the insecurity red flags come up and it will just make the situation worse.

quote:
Originally posted by Slylee
ALL of my jealousy has to do with her, not him. does that make any sense? i know for a fact he would never cheat on me or anything like that, but it just bothers me that SHE may possibly have ulterior motives and that i'll never really know what's going through her head or what her intentions are for having ties to him still.

If you know for a fact he'd never cheat then you should just see this as an opportunity to re-affirm that your relationship is safe. Both of you will encounter situations like this in the future (where one can stray) and you can't keep ppl on a leash - it takes two to tango and if your bf fools around on you with his ex then your issues are with your bf, not her.

quote:
Originally posted by Slylee
i had 4 marlins/mets tickets and none of my friends could go and i asked him if any of his friends would go with us. he was like "yea but uhh..i dunno if u will want to go with them"...of course i was like "what do u mean". then he explained it was his ex and her bf and how he is still friends with them, bla bla bla. i was so filled with rage when i heard this, but i remained calm, yet distant the rest of the night.

What I don't understand here is doesn't he have other friends that would be interested in the tix? Why would the ex-gf/her bf come up first? It's even more strange if this was the first you heard of him still being friends with the ex-gf.

quote:
Originally posted by squirrelly
Jamie, haven't you only been with this guy like a month or two? Why the big deal? Most people don't even know that the person they're dating is the one they want to spend the rest of their life with until much later. Go with the flow and have fun. If he's still bff with her after a year, THEN be like "ok, now that we're very serious and exclusive, this is bothering me."

This isn't fair to him since he could then say, after a year, "why is it a problem for you now but it wasn't prior to this? What changed?" - etc.

Posted by XaNaX on Sep-03-2008 15:04:

quote:
Originally posted by KiNeTiC ENeRgY
It's rude and a kick to the balls or ovaries to be talking about your ex with your new fling or talking to the ex on a constant basis.

truth. if you actually care about and want a serious relationship with the person you are with now to me its rude. If you are just fucking them or whatever then who cares. To me its an indication that the relationship is not serious if you are constantly in contact with your ex, and from what Jamie has said I was getting the vibe that this is a serious relationship

quote:
Originally posted by Swamper
Tricky situation. Ultimately he needs to understand that if he wants to build something with you he needs to make sure boundaries are enforced with her that are comfortable with you. Where it gets difficult is him knowing what those boundaries are without having you dictate/giving out ultimatums in the heat of the moment. You have to trust him and he has to feel that you do as well -- if not, all the insecurity red flags come up and it will just make the situation worse.

this is exactly what I was saying before, to me it's common fucking sense that when you are in a new relationship you don't force your ex into it even if she is just a "friend". If you want to be with your ex then be with him/her, otherwise I don't want to hear about them constantly or hang out with them. A lot of people don't seem to get that though

Posted by squirrelly on Sep-03-2008 15:51:

quote:
Originally posted by Swamper
This isn't fair to him since he could then say, after a year, "why is it a problem for you now but it wasn't prior to this? What changed?" - etc.

That's not what I meant, I don't mean hide how you feel... I guess I said it wrong. You're right, he should have much more respect and cut ties. But he's not. So what does that say about his moral character? The first while is all about figuring out if you're even compatible for the future... so that's what she should be doing. This situation just seems like so much drama... And there's already trust issues.

IMO, if you really trust him, it shouldn't matter. I was always jealous when I didn't trust someone. So maybe you should evaluate what's causing your trust issues to begin with?

Posted by StanVoid on Sep-03-2008 16:11:

i dont think you're being disrespected at all. The only reason you may feel that way is because - in YOUR head, based on your own opinions and judgements - apparently hanging out with an ex is like a slap in the face. If you actually figure out that some people can remain friends with past romantic partners, you'll see that such a thing doesn't have to be disrespectful in the first place. Think of it this way, until something actually happens (i.e. he cheats or fools around), you should give him your trust. And if he does cheat, well then it wasn't mean to be in the first place. But if you leave him just because his ex made you feel uncomfortable, well then you're the one with the issues.

Posted by XaNaX on Sep-03-2008 16:14:

quote:
Originally posted by squirrelly
That's not what I meant, I don't mean hide how you feel... I guess I said it wrong. You're right, he should have much more respect and cut ties. But he's not. So what does that say about his moral character? The first while is all about figuring out if you're even compatible for the future... so that's what she should be doing. This situation just seems like so much drama... And there's already trust issues.

IMO, if you really trust him, it shouldn't matter. I was always jealous when I didn't trust someone. So maybe you should evaluate what's causing your trust issues to begin with?

To me its not so much about trust as respect. Hell if someone is going to cheat on me I'd rather that happen sooner rather than later so I can get the skank out of my life and move on. But even if I don't think there is a chance in hell they would get back with their ex that doesn't mean I want to hang with them and hear about all the shit they did together and sit there for their inside jokes, etc while we are in a new relationship. I have been in the situation where I was with someone for a month and she was forever on about her ex she dated for 3 years and finally I just said look I'd really rather not hear about him and what you guys did anymore if you want to date me, otherwise feel free to go back to him. Maybe too blunt but it got the point across.

quote:
Originally posted by StanVoid
i dont think you're being disrespected at all. The only reason you may feel that way is because - in YOUR head, based on your own opinions and judgements - apparently hanging out with an ex is like a slap in the face. If you actually figure out that some people can remain friends with past romantic partners, you'll see that such a thing doesn't have to be disrespectful in the first place. Think of it this way, until something actually happens (i.e. he cheats or fools around), you should give him your trust. And if he does cheat, well then it wasn't mean to be in the first place. But if you leave him just because his ex made you feel uncomfortable, well then you're the one with the issues.

Not having to hang out with a person's immediate ex when you are in a new relationship is a pretty reasonable request. If it bothers her and he cares about her he should respect that. If he doesn't then that shows something about his character that she needs to take into consideration.

Posted by Jabberwocky on Sep-03-2008 16:17:

he's just not that into you.

Posted by Slylee on Sep-03-2008 16:26:

aaahhh!! i dont even know where to start. yea our relationship is new but it kinda got serious quickly (because of him really, not me). he already tells me he loves me and he farts in front of me. lol texts me at least once a day with "thnking of u" or "miss u love u", etc...

the marlins ticket situation: yea all his other friends (it's a small group) were out of town so that's why he mentioned them. and yes it was the first time i heard about him being friends with her.

i agree with kinetic. it's kinda rude to start talking about an ex with a new girl.

i really don't know what this is all about with him and her but the only thing i know is that i'm uncomfortable with it and i'm also uncomfortable w/ the fact that there is already drama so soon. someone told me he seems like the type to create the drama. like why he said he likes it that i'm jealous and then practically force feeds me his ex gf. i really hope that's not the case. it would hurt to break up with him at this point, but i'll do what i have to do to keep my sanity and rid myself of disfunctional relationships.

should i talk to him? the last we spoke about it i told him i was going to try and work through it even though it bothered me...then 2 days later he invited me to dinner with him and her and her man and i said "no thanks". then he showed up after dinner with gifts for me and was all over me...like he knew it pissed me off. i was fine though when he came over...didn't show that i was mad. i was actually happy to see him.

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