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-- Is too much sexual experience a turnoff?
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lol i'd rather masturbate than hook up with a random i don't know or doesn't know me. i can't really get off with randoms anyway so i'd rather just do it myself.

who ever said they had to be randoms?

Re: Is too much sexual experience a turnoff?

NO WONDER I CAN'T GET ANY DATES

*gyrates hips wildly*

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Originally posted by elFreak who ever said they had to be randoms?

oh i thought u were saying that you'd rather just go get a piece of ass from whomever than masturbate.

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Originally posted by Slylee oh i thought u were saying that you'd rather just go get a piece of ass from whomever than masturbate.

that is exactly what i was saying.

you can hang out with someone once in awhile and have no strings sex with them. Its not like going out to a club and looking for it.

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Originally posted by squirrelly Who said anything about being "afraid to reveal" a number? Being comfortable with your own / your partners sexuality has nothing to do with knowing how many partners they have had. The number of people they slept with should not affect your feelings for the person at all. Chances are you were attracted to the person sexually first, personality later. So what does that say about you? How many partners you have is no indicator whatsoever about someone's commitment levels. Enjoying safe sexual activities and having a relationship are two different things. Being in the business I am, I find out a lot about personal lives. You'd be surprised how many people were very sexually active, and did not hold very many relationships because the women they met did not hold the qualities they wanted to start a relationship. So they were in their 30s, had many partners, but say only 1 or 2 serious relationships (maybe a few little ones lasting a few months but that doesn't count), but then met the right person, fell head over heels in love, and became the most wonderful, committed men. Honestly I think you're mindset is still very young if you're insisting on knowing about past sexual/relationship history. Those kind of things do not matter as much as the compatability with the person and your lifestyles once you become a little more mature relationship-wise.

I just wonder if the people who aren't comfortable telling their number are insecure. Are they afraid to be judged? Are they ashamed of their own sexual history?

Seems immature to me that someone would be so secretive of something like that. If you are comfortable with your own actions and your sexuality, your number shouldn't be something to keep under wraps.

I don't personally think anything should be kept "secret" in a relationship. Communication is vital to a relationship, and something as simple as how many partners you have had should not be something to stress over.

Part of knowing the number can help determine compatibility. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think sex is "sacred" or whatever, but I don't particularly promote free love. I think that there should be some respect for yourself and the actions you make. If you're the kind of person who is just looking for a quick fuck for instant gratification, I am probably not going to be into you.

For example, the girl I mentioned earlier has had well over 600 partners... at least. Don't you think her partner should know that? She has serious commitment issues, has serious security issues, has massive trust problems, etc. etc. She is a sweet girl, but the man who takes her on is going to have a REALLY tough job on his hands. I think it is only fair that she at least give him an idea of how many partners she has had so that he can make an informed choice as to whether a person with that kind of history is really the type of person he wants to be with.

Whether you agree or not, I am a firm believer that your previous actions and choices are good indications of your morals, values, characteristics etc., and as I said before, a good tool in evaluating if someone is a good match for you or not. That doesn't only apply to your sexual history, it applies to everything.

P.S. I am not entirely sure how being attracted to someone physically before being attracted to their personality really correlates to the discussion at hand. Care to elaborate?

EDIT: P.P.S. Just in case it wasn't obvious, I wasn't trying to come off as snarky in my post script, I am genuinely wondering.

If a guy can't sense a girl has been with 600 guys then it is his fucking problem. Trust me, you don't fuck 600 dudes by being all shy and nice. The past is the past.

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Originally posted by Theresa I just wonder if the people who aren't comfortable telling their number are insecure. Are they afraid to be judged? Are they ashamed of their own sexual history? Seems immature to me that someone would be so secretive of something like that. If you are comfortable with your own actions and your sexuality, your number shouldn't be something to keep under wraps. I don't personally think anything should be kept "secret" in a relationship. Communication is vital to a relationship, and something as simple as how many partners you have had should not be something to stress over. Part of knowing the number can help determine compatibility. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think sex is "sacred" or whatever, but I don't particularly promote free love. I think that there should be some respect for yourself and the actions you make. If you're the kind of person who is just looking for a quick fuck for instant gratification, I am probably not going to be into you. For example, the girl I mentioned earlier has had well over 600 partners... at least. Don't you think her partner should know that? She has serious commitment issues, has serious security issues, has massive trust problems, etc. etc. She is a sweet girl, but the man who takes her on is going to have a REALLY tough job on his hands. I think it is only fair that she at least give him an idea of how many partners she has had so that he can make an informed choice as to whether a person with that kind of history is really the type of person he wants to be with. Whether you agree or not, I am a firm believer that your previous actions and choices are good indications of your morals, values, characteristics etc., and as I said before, a good tool in evaluating if someone is a good match for you or not. That doesn't only apply to your sexual history, it applies to everything. P.S. I am not entirely sure how being attracted to someone physically before being attracted to their personality really correlates to the discussion at hand. Care to elaborate?

of course it's about being judged. you, yourself are being judgmental about it to begin with so you are completely contradicting yourself right now.


and jay...yea i know i've tried that and they either started liking me and wanted to be my boyfriend or they just ended up not being that in tune with me sexually so i was just like ehh this is stupid.

yeah but you can have more than one.

theresa, for the same reason that you claim to have about wanting to know the number of partners, it's kind of the same for someone like me. the number of partners i've had is my (and only mine) business. it's something people usually inquire about to pass judgement and i don't feel you should have the right to judge based on a piece of information like that.

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Originally posted by elFreak yeah but you can have more than one.

nah... one at a time is all i can handle.

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Originally posted by Slylee of course it's about being judged. you, yourself are being judgmental about it to begin with so you are completely contradicting yourself right now. and jay...yea i know i've tried that and they either started liking me and wanted to be my boyfriend or they just ended up not being that in tune with me sexually so i was just like ehh this is stupid.

Nah, I'm not being contradictory. Yes, it is about judging... but isn't the entire beginning of a relationship? You're always judging what the other person is doing/saying/acting to see if they are your match, aren't you? Why not include that variable as well?

If you're afraid of being judged based on that number, then what's the point of being in the relationship to begin with? That in itself is a sign of insecurity. You're uncomfortable with your past and therefore choose not to disclose it in fear of having someone think differently of you.

Put your cards all out on the table. The person either accepts you for who you are, or doesn't. If they don't, they obviously weren't a match for you anyway. I don't see a reason to hide anything.

the entire point of why i don't care to know or share that information is because i feel that a person's past (mainly the number of people they have been with) doesn't necessarily define them as a person.

Fact: If you believe in the informational value of someone's self-reported sexual history, then you probably already have AIDS.

I don't think it defines them as a person, but it certainly gives a good idea of how they view sex and sexual relationships.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie I don't think it defines them as a person, but it certainly gives a good idea of how they view sex and sexual relationships.

yea i can see that too. i dont know, i can't really explain it or defend it any more than i already have. i respect your views on it, but i'm just different. it's not that important to me. if im THAT concerned about STDs or whatever, then i'll make us both get tested before we start getting sexually active without condoms. and, i've actually done that before with bfs.

I don't think that anyone has said it's a big secret and they are afraid to say their number. If asked, I will tell. Simply put, I don't see how asking will benefit anything in the relationship.

If someone is super sexually active, that's something you'll figure out within 20 minutes of even speaking to that person the first time you meet them, same with if someone is very sexually reserved. I doubt that if you've had 50 partners, for example, that you're not going to blurt out sexual comments, be overly flirtatious, imply about going home with that person, etc.

Since you're all about "behavior", the way a person holds themselves and the respect they have to you will tell you more about how they are in a relationship than the number of people they have slept with. For example, a man who is concerned about whether or not you are ready to sleep together (whether it be date 2, 5, or 37), and pauses to ask if this is something you really want or if you would feel more comfortable waiting longer is probably someone who holds relationships with a little bit more respect than someone who has a condom ready in their wallet.

Person number one, who is loving and caring and patient, may have had 27 women prior to you, but holds you in higher respect and regard than the women before because you have qualities he appreciates. Person number 2 may have had 2 or 3 partners, but holds women in low regard and is only interested in you to satisfy himself.

When you're starting a relationship with someone, you are starting fresh. Day one is the first page of the first chapter of YOUR relationship with that person. To inquire about the past or judge them for what they have done, is back tracking, and showing that you might not trust that they are genuine. Chances are, if you have suspicions about their behavior, and you're inquiring, it's because something in their behavior towards YOU led you to believe they are overly sexually active and have commitment issues.

If someone is behaving the way you are comfortable with, and you feel respected and that their intentions are genuinely good, the need to ask about sexual history is diminished.

And what I was referring to before, is when you first meet someone, you are attracted to them only physically and sexually, without knowing anything about their personality. So, in short, sex is what drives you to that person to begin with. You wouldn't date anyone you weren't physically attracted to or you couldn't see yourself having sex with. So, sex IS the primary basis for the beginning of dating. To then turn around and say having sex with a lot of people is wrong, when it's what attracted you to that person in the first place (the thought of being intimate with each other), is ridiculous. To judge someone for merely acting on the same physical attraction to someone else that you were feeling towards them doesn't make sense.

edit

and I also agree with Jamie. How many people someone slept with, is THEIR business, not yours. And you're foolish if you think someone isn't going to lie to you about their number to appease you. You know about your friends number because you're their friend. Every guy I know that has had a lot of partners, lies about how many people they have been with. So asking the question in itself, is pointless, because you're never going to know the truth.

I disagree with that. I don't think everyone is a liar.

Maybe not everyone, but the majority of people are. Every last guy I know, even the most honest ones, will alter their number to appease the woman they are trying to date for fear of one thing: judgement.

Welp, sure makes it easier to weed out the people one who judges doesn't want then, doesn't it?

What a revelation. Here I was thinking Jay is a slut, now I come to find out everyone else is a slut.

This is true

I guess it all depends on your personality as well. (The person asking) Whether or not you're more laid back, or kind of high strung. (Not saying you are, though )

j00 know I lub j00 Jenny!

quote:

Originally posted by Scottaculous What a revelation. Here I was thinking Jay is a slut, now I come to find out everyone else is a slut.

I don't think anyone really has said they were especially sexually active (except the ho barbina) - they're just expressing their opinions. In no way have I had a gazillion partners, I just don't think it's relevant to relationships.

Lots of love for Barbina here I noticed ... is she the TA Bike or something?

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly j00 know I lub j00 Jenny!

Ja ja! *kiss*

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Originally posted by StellarDe Lots of love for Barbina here I noticed ... is she the TA Bike or something?

Close. She's the TA dyke.

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