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-- Dating someone who has different tastes in music
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Been together around 4 years (minus a few month period of breakup, but unrelated to scene things) - and still going strong.

When both parties are very into something / passionate about it, being able to share that as a common interest can be a very strong bonding factor.

Now, lets swap out music with another interest : Writing, Reading, Movies, Art, Theater, whatever - if that is something that you are passionate about, and something that consumes a large part of your free time and interest, wouldn't you want to have a partner that shared a similar interest, or one that was compatible? Or, at the least - enjoyed it enough to indulge you in your interest.

ie: If your into theater, and involved in the theater scene (acting, producing, directing, working at a theater, whatever - some level of involvement beyond going to a show once or twice a year) - would you want to date someone who viewed theater as "arty-farty crap", only liked action movies and block-busters, and bitched and moaned every time you tried to get them involved in an aspect of your life that you take a strong interest in, and get a large amount of enjoyment from?

This thread has been very interesting to read so far, so I want to share my take on this topic as well.

I have dated a lot of men in the past before I met my current bf, and I was mostly looking to date someone out of the scene, but later realized that it's doesn't completely work for me. While I wasn't looking for a guy who goes out every single weekend, it was still very important for me to know that he could appreciate and understand my love for edm. I have brought a few "regular no edm" dudes to fw on several occasions, and I can tell that they didn't really get it, and I was classified as not relationship material and weird. Everyone has their differences, but I realized that it may cause some problems down the road. When I met my current bf it was a breath of fresh air. He is over his crazy party days and has a very good head on his shoulders. Obviously, I haven't been out that much lately, but when I do it's great to be able to go out with him and enjoy going to edm events together. So, I would agree that it's possible to date someone out of the scene, but if your partner has an understanding for your passion for music, it definitely deepens your connection, and you can have tons of fun together when u go out on occasions.

On the other hand, if a couple parties hard together all the time, it can ruin their relationship. There needs to be that balance between fun and responsobilities.

quote:

Originally posted by MissK It's simply too much a part of my life.

I think its most important that there is some common interest SOMEWHERE in the relationship(not specifically music). I say this because I am also very much so into the scene, but very few of you have ever met my boyfriend unless you have stayed with me. We have been together for six years and live together.


We find many other ways to enjoy each other but dont love each others music. You will never find my man at an EDM club (he tried once, to be nice at Roxy, and we decided not to torture him anymore!)

I think its PERFECT that we have different music interests because we spend so much time together ANYWAYS that its nice to have the independence to go out with friends separately without feeling like you have to ALWAYS be with him.

It gives us a good break (we need breaks even when we are doing perfectly fine/not fighting) because its important to keep your own life while sharing parts of it with the person you love.


Since I have dated my man I have never felt like I lost a sense of who I am, nor has he, because he gets his own freedom to hit up the bars.

Thats not to say that dating someone in the scene WONT work for someone (proven by the many many couples here...) but I just love how this works for me and him. It also makes me more excited to be with him at the end of the weekend because we werent all over each others SHIT for 24/7/365.

quote:

Originally posted by MissK Graham's statement was that girls in the scene are not dating material. No mention of drugs.

That's not what I meant though. I said that girls that I meet are not dating material for me. This is for a number of reasons:

- Lots of girls my age are still in the "honeymoon" phase of partying. As a result, it's a huge priority for them. Often, they're "caught up in it" a bit too much for my liking.

- Many girls my age have just started partying and will likely not be going to the same parties as me anyway, so there's really no benefit of them liking the same genre of music as me. (re: honeymoon phase)

- Many are not interested in dating

I keep an open mind about it, but I'm definitely not "looking" in the scene. Refer to Digi's quote:

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut Sure you need to "find the right one" - that's pretty much a universal truth - but the likelihood of finding them in a club is vanishingly small compared to, say, college/university, or mainstream social events, or, hell, even the internet in this day and age.

quote:

I disagreed with him because I can count probably twenty or more long term couples I know of alone that have met in the scene, party together and have a positive future.

This is true, but I find that the majority of couples in the scene have been together for a very long time and often they started dating before they started partying.

quote:

The common bond of the love for this music makes it easy to fall for someone with that similar love and lifestyle. I am biased though because I am a living example of someone who dates in the scene past and present. It's simply too much a part of my life.

Hmmm, I don't know about this point. While I agree that it is great to share the love of music and partying with your partner, for me personally, that bond is only secondary. Primarily, the girl has to live up to my standards of values and goals. I find that many girls I meet in the scene are not compatible with me in this respect.

quote:

Originally posted by The Highroller [color=ccff00]That's not what I meant though. I said that girls that I meet are not dating material for me. This is for a number of reasons: - Lots of girls my age are still in the "honeymoon" phase of partying. As a result, it's a huge priority for them. Often, they're "caught up in it" a bit too much for my liking. - Many girls my age have just started partying and will likely not be going to the same parties as me anyway, so there's really no benefit of them liking the same genre of music as me. (re: honeymoon phase) [color]

very, very true, I hear you G!

quote:

Originally posted by The Highroller That's not what I meant though. I said that girls that I meet are not dating material for me. This is for a number of reasons: - Lots of girls my age are still in the "honeymoon" phase of partying. As a result, it's a huge priority for them. Often, they're "caught up in it" a bit too much for my liking. - Many girls my age have just started partying and will likely not be going to the same parties as me anyway, so there's really no benefit of them liking the same genre of music as me. (re: honeymoon phase) - Many are not interested in dating I keep an open mind about it, but I'm definitely not "looking" in the scene. Refer to Digi's quote:

Totaly Agree.

But you can have a lot of fun with these girls too

quote:

Originally posted by The Highroller Hmmm, I don't know about this point. While I agree that it is great to share the love of music and partying with your partner, for me personally, that bond is only secondary. Primarily, the girl has to live up to my standards of values and goals. I find that many girls I meet in the scene are not compatible with me in this respect.

Above all mutual values, morals and goals are the most important.

But being able to share my love for the music with my partner is important to me as well.

Mainly for the lifestyle. It would take a pretty special person to understand that here and there(sometimes numerous weekends in a row, depending on the DJ) I like to party all night, sometimes taking up my whole weekend.

the music does not decipher my match, but it is nice to have.

I could care less what music she likes as long as we're happy. Relationships are about adjustments...

quote:

Originally posted by �Zm�zis I could care less what music she likes as long as we're happy. Relationships are about adjustments...

stop inhaling glue and gasoline man!!! stick to aspirin and Xanax

This thread has been really interesting to hear other people's opinions and experiences of dating in or out of the scene. So diverse.

quote:

Originally posted by *~LiSa-LoO~* This thread has been really interesting to hear other people's opinions and experiences of dating in or out of the scene. So diverse.

+1 on that
really interesting!

I havent read a single post in this thread..... but I am SOOOO glad my GF doesnt listen to the same type of music as me.... I would really rather not bring my GF out to EDM events, I would just be worrying the whole time about her and wouldnt be able to enjoy myself. Not saying that EDM events are overly sketchy (some are), but I just dont like bringing my GF to clubs in general, too many little things to worry about: drunk people, sleeze bags, sketchies, etc. Just not really a safe/secure environment overall.

Plus its nice to have my own thing where I can go out for a night and we can have some time apart. I dont like those couples who feel they need to do EVERYTHING together, its good to have your own interests and do things on your own once in a while.

EDIT: and in terms of what I look for in a girl, taste in music is pretty low on the priority list... although they should at least be into some type of music. There are actually some people out there who dont really even have a taste in music, I find this really odd!

quote:

Originally posted by teufel-man but I just dont like bringing my GF to clubs in general, too many little things to worry about : drunk people, sleeze bags, sketchies, etc. Just not really a safe/secure environment overall.

I'm not at all saying that you are, but when I read that statement it makes it sound like you'd be the type of person to forbid your gf to go to clubs b/c you don't think she can take care of herself. There are plenty of girls that go to clubs alone, with boyfriends or with their friends, that have never had a serious issue with drunks, sleezes or sketchies.

Again...not saying that that's the type of person you are, that's just it could be read IMO.

quote:

Originally posted by *~LiSa-LoO~* I'm not at all saying that you are, but when I read that statement it makes it sound like you'd be the type of person to forbid your gf to go to clubs b/c you don't think she can take care of herself. There are plenty of girls that go to clubs alone, with boyfriends or with their friends, that have never had a serious issue with drunks, sleezes or sketchies. Again...not saying that that's the type of person you are, that's just it could be read IMO.

yeah! (Lisa, stop taking words out of my mouth )

I don't understand why all these worrying should ruin a night of tunes for the two of them - if anything, worry more when she's out alone, with girls.. otherwise if she comes out with you, let her party and have fun, nothing's wrong with occasional hug and a "how're you doing?" and a bottle of water

quote:

Originally posted by The Highroller That's not what I meant though. I said that girls that I meet are not dating material for me. This is for a number of reasons: - Lots of girls my age are still in the "honeymoon" phase of partying. As a result, it's a huge priority for them. Often, they're "caught up in it" a bit too much for my liking. - Many girls my age have just started partying and will likely not be going to the same parties as me anyway, so there's really no benefit of them liking the same genre of music as me. (re: honeymoon phase) - Many are not interested in dating

Goddamn you just keep nailing those points dude, well put

why do you have to date? just do as they do.

Convert them.


I converted my ex from dancehall bullshit, and jah this and jah that to house.

quote:

Originally posted by Capo di tutti Convert them. I converted my ex from dancehall bullshit, and jah this and jah that to house.

I'm not on a fracking crusade. lol

quote:

Originally posted by Yohan I'm not on a fracking crusade. lol

lol
besided, Matty, not to step on a painful blister, but she's an ex now too, who knows what would have happened if you didn't convert her..

my two sense.......


Don't date DJ whores.


The taste in music can be a bit of an importance, you can't be at opposite ends of the spectrum. I wouldn't want to listen to Kenny Loggins and shit all the time. But they should have an open mind to your music. I can't play my Metallica CD's when Katy is home anymore so we compromise and play something like Linkin Park or Chevelle, not too hard but still got kick.

Our EDM music tastes are different for sure and we still go to separate events to see our favs, which sucks because I would like to be with her and her with me, but, independent times are needed. We do however, teach each other, like how I have gained a liking for Sasha and Diggers, that would have never happened if Katy didn't play it so often. That is the one benefit to liking different music.

I guess it all depends on how involved music is in their lives.

quote:

Originally posted by The Highroller ...the majority of couples in the scene have been together for a very long time and often they started dating before they started partying.

This is the key. I thought of mentioning it explicitly but figured people would infer it anyway (oops). I know of several (although nowhere near 20) long-term couples that occasionally went or still go clubbing together. All except one met through other means, and in most cases one or both individuals knew nothing about the scene until long after the relationship had started.

On the other hand, I know of at least twice as many couples who either met in the scene or immediately got into it together and lasted no more than a few months. I'm not even surprised by the breakups anymore. Whether it's due to drugs, the party environment, or just different social goals, doesn't really matter that much. I only mentioned the drugs because they have a way of duct-taping couples together who would ordinarily have fallen apart much sooner.

It's easy to get a skewed perspective and think it's normal when you spend week after week around the incestuous revolving-door relationships. It's actually pretty fucked up, and obviously not everyone in the scene is like that, but it's a risk.

quote:

Originally posted by Capo di tutti Convert them. I converted my ex from dancehall bullshit, and jah this and jah that to house.

I wouldn't date with a woman who would give up everything for me... I like women who are strong, self consistent, stable, hard worker, and know what to do...and can kick my ass anytime she wants...I like the feeling of that idea..

I won't change for anyone, so why my woman would change.....

quote:

Originally posted by *~LiSa-LoO~* I'm not at all saying that you are, but when I read that statement it makes it sound like you'd be the type of person to forbid your gf to go to clubs b/c you don't think she can take care of herself. There are plenty of girls that go to clubs alone, with boyfriends or with their friends, that have never had a serious issue with drunks, sleezes or sketchies. Again...not saying that that's the type of person you are, that's just it could be read IMO.

I understand your point, but no I don't forbid my GF from going to clubs, or forbid her from anything for that matter! I am definitely not a controlling person at all. My theory is, if you dont like something (or multiple things) about a girl, you shouldnt try to change her, you probably just shouldnt be dating her.... if the 'problem' is that bad.

Yeah I dont mind if my GF goes to clubs... she does sometimes and can take car of herself, but usually has some weird stories about different weird people everytime she goes out. She actually doesnt like clubs that much anyways due to the fact that the negatives usually outweigh the positives, plus shes not really into clubby music.

Its just when I go out I just wanna have fun, listen to a certain DJ... its nice not to have to worry about looking out for your GF at the same time (not that she cant take care of herself)

I would have no problem taking her to a place like FW, but Guv, and especially Zone are different stories... not that I usually go to those places anyways.

quote:

Originally posted by teufel-man I understand your point, but no I don't forbid my GF from going to clubs, or forbid her from anything for that matter! I am definitely not a controlling person at all. My theory is, if you dont like something (or multiple things) about a girl, you shouldnt try to change her, you probably just shouldnt be dating her.... if the 'problem' is that bad. Yeah I dont mind if my GF goes to clubs... she does sometimes and can take car of herself, but usually has some weird stories about different weird people everytime she goes out. She actually doesnt like clubs that much anyways due to the fact that the negatives usually outweigh the positives, plus shes not really into clubby music. Its just when I go out I just wanna have fun, listen to a certain DJ... its nice not to have to worry about looking out for your GF at the same time (not that she cant take care of herself) I would have no problem taking her to a place like FW, but Guv, and especially Zone are different stories... not that I usually go to those places anyways.

Well that's nice to know. I'm glad you're not a controlling jerk! Haha (Not that I ever thought you were)

quote:

Originally posted by Vanos my gf prefers hard techno like karakasis, delgardo, peppelino, dastin, odessa soundfreaks, kali etc.

WICKED girlfriend man! Well done mate! ^5

quote:

Originally posted by Yohan chick who likes hard techno is such a turn on

Amen to that. They absolutely are!

quote:

Originally posted by She_Fitz It is not so much about the scene for me as it is the idea of sharing things I love with my partner. I think we all know I am a bit of an excitable person and I love being able to share that excitement with Bobby.

That really sums up the way I feel too, Shells. Want/need to be able to share fully (and have her understand) my passion(s), and techno/electronic music is my biggest one. Want that connection w/ a gf. Being able to share that is critical.

quote:

Originally posted by 1dawoman I completely agree....and I think for me, it also applies to my relationships with friends. I love my friends who aren't into the same music as me but I feel an additional bond with those that can understand, and share, my excitement for the scene...

Ditto. Absolutely.

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