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Posted by mute79 on Apr-14-2003 20:35:

Men's Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine - Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. No, NO, you really do have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Posted by Aled Mann on Apr-14-2003 20:49:

:haha

That's the goddam funniest thing I've read in ages!! Class!!

Posted by BacardiMan on Apr-14-2003 21:46:

haha...They problay wouldn't listin

Posted by Abscond on Apr-14-2003 21:49:

true...

Posted by bassaholix on Apr-14-2003 22:01:

LOL i feel like printing this out... its that funny...

Posted by Resnick on Apr-15-2003 00:40:

LOL

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.

Posted by Eugene on Apr-15-2003 01:05:

quote:

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.

This is sooo funny - and TRUE, hahahahahahaha

Posted by DaveSZ on Apr-15-2003 01:26:

How come all of the rules are numbered "one?"

Because they are all equally important? Anyways, I love it.

Posted by mr. poopyhead on Apr-15-2003 03:46:

hahahaha..... man... this is great... whoever write this got it DEAD on... simply brilliant...

Posted by daydreamer on Apr-15-2003 05:18:

dead on with the whole hair thing. I never really like girls with short hair. looks weird.

funny all around.

Posted by zorra on Apr-15-2003 05:25:

everything in there is totally true

Posted by J.L. on Apr-15-2003 05:43:

Re: Men's Rules

quote:
Originally posted by TranceGeek
1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

yep lol... time to get fat

Posted by brainfried on Apr-15-2003 08:33:

Its all so true, but woman just dont get it

Posted by udham on Apr-15-2003 09:07:

LMAO!! So trueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Posted by whiskers on Apr-15-2003 11:07:

lmfao, hilarious and true! i especially like the one about subtle hints

Posted by Fundamental on Apr-15-2003 11:50:

Re: Men's Rules

Hahaha.... That was brilliant stuff!

This one was my favourite...

quote:
Originally posted by TranceGeek
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Posted by RedLunatik on Apr-15-2003 12:23:

classic!!

Posted by jonnycarcinogen on Apr-16-2003 04:19:

quote:
Originally posted by DaveSaenz
How come all of the rules are numbered "one?"

Damn, I was just about to say that

Posted by Paula on Apr-18-2003 00:02:

They all say 1. because of either of a few things
- They're all supposed to be SOOOO important, none more than another
- too lazy to actually count
- dyslexia