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Posted by Muppet1969 on Apr-18-2003 10:35:

How To Shower

How To Shower Like A Woman:

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel,
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

How To Shower Like A Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her making the "woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your dick in the mirror, scratch your balls and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)
6. Wash your face
7. Wash your armpits
8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)
12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee in the shower.
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hang out of the tub the whole time.
16. Partial dry off.
17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire dick size.
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19. Leave bathroom and fan light on.
20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your dick, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.
21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed

LMFAO This is so damn hilarious...

Posted by GrimReaper on Apr-18-2003 10:59:

Yes, i've seen that a few years ago. It's great and very accurate! Hehe, i've always wanted to live dangerously, on the edge, so i showed that to my gf too..

Posted by HyPeRSoNiC on Apr-18-2003 11:27:

lol
nice!!!

Posted by DJPrototypeX on Apr-18-2003 13:35:

lol...i'll show this to my gf...see wha she thinks...looks very accuarate

Posted by DR86 on Apr-18-2003 15:16:

that was great!!! disturbingly accurate too.....

Posted by Rhythm on Apr-18-2003 17:33:

heheh good list
goes into accurate details!!

Posted by Big Lil on Apr-18-2003 21:07:

quality!!

Posted by mr. poopyhead on Apr-18-2003 23:48:

what's conditioner?? haha..

i got this same thing in an email... but it had one extra thing for the guys... i saved the email...

"> >Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off. "

SO TRUE! HAHAHA..

Posted by Rikard on Apr-19-2003 03:00:

and i thought i was the only one!!!

Posted by Stanza on Apr-19-2003 03:13:

Haha some funny shit

Posted by daydreamer on Apr-19-2003 05:10:

Posted by J.L. on Apr-19-2003 05:20:

lol good post

Posted by KilldaDJ on Apr-19-2003 14:56:

the scratching of bollocks is true

Posted by rory21 on Apr-20-2003 10:18:

quote:
Originally posted by KilldaDJ
the scratching of bollocks is true

do you have a good whiff after, haha!

Posted by KilldaDJ on Apr-20-2003 14:11:

quote:
Originally posted by djrory
do you have a good whiff after, haha!

y not?

Posted by Dr. Cfire on Apr-20-2003 22:04:

ahahhah Shampoo mohawk, its too true.

Posted by Hybrid Junkie on Apr-21-2003 15:14:

ahahahahaha the shampoo mohawk! that is sooo true... lol!

edit: wtf didn't see your post dj cfire! lol! that's freaky how similar our posts were.......

ps. like the gen13 pics and dangergirl

Posted by DJ APX on Apr-22-2003 00:13:

So funny ideed , the only thing missing is shower edition mp3 player , lol !