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-- Post your jokes here!
Post your jokes here!
This guy is at a bar, and he walks up to the bar and sits down on a stool. Than he leans over to the guy next to him and says, "I bet you $200, that I can pee into that cup from 10ft. away and not miss a single drop." So the guy unzips his pants and starts peeing, only thing is, not a single drop got into the cup. So the guy turns to him laughing, saying, "You owe me $200 fool." So the guy gives him the money, laughs, and says, but I bet that guy over there $500 that I could piss all over you and this bar and you would be happy about it.
Oldie but a goodie.
What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head?
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An all you can eat buffet under a dollar
hahahahaha um, yeah
NO OFFENCE TO BLONDS!
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up.
3 blondes were driving to Disneyland, on their trip there, there was a sign that said Disneyland left, so they went home.
What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear next to each other?
A wind tunnel.
What do blondes and the bermuda triangle have in common?
They've both swallowed alot of seamen.
3 blondes house caught on fire,so they called the fire department. the fireman said how do we get there?the blondes say "Duh big red truck!
What do you call a blond with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
Heres one for the blondes
What is black, blue, and brown all over and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.
Kailya started it!
how many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
wanna go for a bike ride?
Why wont Bill Clinton take advice on what to do with Elian Gonzalez?
Because last time somebody told him were to put a cuban they impeached him.
ezhik povesilsia!
two women are standing at the pearly gates and one asks the other, how did you die? the woman replies that she froze to death and asked the first woman how she died.
"well," the first woman said, "i knew my husband was having an affair so i came home early and ran upstairs and looked in the bedroom. nothing there. so i ran downstairs and looked in the bathroom. nothing there. so i ran upstairs and looked in the guest room. nothing there. and i ran downstairs and looked in the closet. nothing there. and i was running up the stairs again when i had a heart attack."
"well shoot," said the second woman, "you should have looked in the freezer, then we'd both still be alive."
What did the carnivore do after he dumped his girlfriend?
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Wiped!
why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory?
cause she threw away all the w's.
why did the three blondes jump off the building?
they wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings.
whats the diffrence between a blonde and a 747?
not everybody has been in a 747!
why cant a blonde dial 911?
she cant find the 11.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
lol
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The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were alone
Just she and I
'Twas late at night
we were in the barn
What could we do?
I lived on a farm
Her hair was brown
Her eyes were too
I knew just what
She wanted to do
So with my courage
I did my best
And placed my hand
Upon her breast.
I trembled and shook
And felt her heart.
Slowly she spread
Her legs apart
I knew she was ready
But I didn't know how
It was my first try
At milking a cow 
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A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when
the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!"
He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and
nailed her. When he finished he started putting his clothes back on and
saw his wife still writhing around against the door and he asked,
"What's wrong honey? Didn't you come? Do you want more?"
His wife said, "No, no, it's not that. I'm just trying to get the
doorknob out of my ass."
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here to all you *jealous* blonde haters: 
What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
What's a brunette's mating call?
"Has the blonde left yet?"
What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.
Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.
What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.
What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.
Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.
Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?
What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation.
What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage.
Who makes bras for brunettes?
Fisher-Price.
Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by amdmaxx ezhik povesilsia! |
A Definite Definition
A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt."
She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.
Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?"
Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him.
Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear."
"Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?"
Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand.
"Yes, Robert?" asks the teacher.
"Can I ask a question, teacher?" Robert replies.
"Yes."
"Do farts have lumps?"
"No. Why do you ask."
"Well, then I've definitely pooped in my pants."
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