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Posted by butterfly on Jul-10-2003 15:38:

is it wrong (love content)

the situation:

two people are together for a while and are relatively involved. he breaks up with her and she is devestated and in the depth of her depression he gets together with a girl that she had been friends with within days. regardless of that timing, they are really meant for each other and stay together.

is it wrong? is it disrespectful to the first girlfriend?

please let me know if you want me to clarify...

Posted by predictor on Jul-10-2003 15:52:

Re: is it wrong (love content)

quote:
Originally posted by butterfly
the situation:

two people are together for a while and are relatively involved. he breaks up with her and she is devestated and in the depth of her depression he gets together with a girl that she had been friends with within days. regardless of that timing, they are really meant for each other and stay together.

is it wrong? is it disrespectful to the first girlfriend?

please let me know if you want me to clarify...

i didnt understand this in the depth of her depression he gets together with a girl that first u were talking about she... then he... cant understand

btwww.... why should it be disrespectful ?

Posted by butterfly on Jul-10-2003 16:59:

Re: Re: is it wrong (love content)

quote:
Originally posted by predictor
i didnt understand this in the depth of her depression he gets together with a girl that first u were talking about she... then he... cant understand

btwww.... why should it be disrespectful ?

k basically.... i am saying that the first girl was not over him and depressed about the breakup. and during that time the guy got together with a friend of hers.

and my question is, is it disprespectful to the first girl?

Posted by predictor on Jul-10-2003 17:12:

ah thats more clear...
i guess its not

Posted by Nabistai on Jul-10-2003 17:20:

Appearantly he wasn't as involved in their (former) relationship as the girl originally thought. It must have been devastating for her so yes I would say it is disrespectful (or rude however you would describe it). The girl now probably think that the guy has been playing with her and giving her false impressions during their relationship (to get some). She probably feels 'used' and personnaly I think the guy is a real asshole.

Posted by 44htz on Jul-10-2003 17:26:

This describes it...

Posted by Clyde77 on Jul-10-2003 17:30:

well this is what is kinda going on with my life right now! 2 girls are bestfriend, went out with the other one for 3 months then we broke up, and now im fucking her bestfriend! that's what she gets!! bitch ass mofo!

btw. new avatar again!

Posted by butterfly on Jul-10-2003 17:32:

quote:
Originally posted by Clyde77
well this is what is kinda going on with my life right now! 2 girls are bestfriend, went out with the other one for 3 months then we broke up, and now im fucking her bestfriend! that's what she gets!! bitch ass mofo!

btw. new avatar again!

which one gets ?

are you talking about your sex games with the current girl or saying you dont give a damn about the hurt of the other one?

Posted by zzleeper on Jul-10-2003 17:32:

Actually, thats quite common.. it doesnt has to be with the guy wanting to get laid again or that stuff.. it's simply that he is very depressed and needs someone so he can feels more secure emotionaly..

(its not my case btw)

Posted by Nabistai on Jul-10-2003 17:33:

quote:
Originally posted by 44htz
This describes it...

lol that actually happens alot around here, except that my cat is completely white instead of black

quote:
Originally posted by Clyde77
that's what she gets!! bitch ass mofo!

this totally proves my earlier statement about that guy being an asshole

Posted by djSlain on Jul-10-2003 17:39:

i think it is somewhat disrespectful. You think someone has fallen for u, but they have secret feelings about your friends, hiding it only until their single and ready to mingle again (which for some people would be about 4-5 hours after he breakup).

Posted by butterfly on Jul-10-2003 17:42:

quote:
Originally posted by 44htz
This describes it...

is that car sniffing shit or catfood?

Posted by Nabistai on Jul-10-2003 17:47:

quote:
Originally posted by butterfly
is that car sniffing shit or catfood?

It's cat-puke

Posted by Floorfiller on Jul-10-2003 17:57:

quote:
Originally posted by Nabistai

this totally proves my earlier statement about that guy being an asshole

well...lets just say guys aren't the only ones that do this sorta thing...but yeah he's an asshole...what can i say...i'm a good guy .

how about this situation...i went out with this girl briefly...she broke up with me...after a while i went out with her friend...and she was mad??? she broke up with me?? what the hell??? anyway, i think its a good rule not to go out with friends of ex's hehehe...

Posted by MOSCHINO on Jul-10-2003 18:08:

Men never leave if they are happy. You must have done something wrong...perhaps sex. think about it.

Posted by Nabistai on Jul-10-2003 18:10:

quote:
Originally posted by Floorfiller
well...lets just say guys aren't the only ones that do this sorta thing...but yeah he's an asshole...what can i say...i'm a good guy .

how about this situation...i went out with this girl briefly...she broke up with me...after a while i went out with her friend...and she was mad??? she broke up with me?? what the hell??? anyway, i think its a good rule not to go out with friends of ex's hehehe...

The words 'she broke up with me' and (even more important I think) 'after a while' make this situation completely different. Don't worry, you're still a nice guy

And yes, I am aware that it's not only men who do this kind of stuff (they are referred to as bitches )

Posted by butterfly on Jul-10-2003 18:13:

quote:
Originally posted by Floorfiller
well...lets just say guys aren't the only ones that do this sorta thing...but yeah he's an asshole...what can i say...i'm a good guy .

how about this situation...i went out with this girl briefly...she broke up with me...after a while i went out with her friend...and she was mad??? she broke up with me?? what the hell??? anyway, i think its a good rule not to go out with friends of ex's hehehe...

yeah i think your situation is permissible, unless there is something else you arent telling us...

Posted by davinox on Jul-10-2003 19:31:

Basically, if you are single, you can mingle.

How the hell is he supposed to know when the "depression" is over?

Posted by butterfly on Jul-10-2003 19:54:

quote:
Originally posted by davinox
Basically, if you are single, you can mingle.

How the hell is he supposed to know when the "depression" is over?

well, you could look at it the other way, as in if i said i was looking for a therapist he might be able to assume i wasnt doing so well.

or you could take the time approach. what is the appropriate amount of time before you can date under your ex's nose? is there an appropriate time?

also, being single and mingling is fine but this wasnt just that. it is dating girls who were friends that is also thrown into it...

and i still cant figure out if it was ok for him to do that or not...

Posted by davinox on Jul-10-2003 20:00:

well, the situation sounds like a mess for the both of you. the thing i would now suggest (knowing very few details) would be to go your seperate ways and not blame him.

It's a shame that it's one of your friends.

But say if you do decide it was wrong, he's not going to leave her, because people don't leave people that they truely care about. Pretty much all he can do is comfort you, but ultimately he's gone from you.
All you can do is ask him to break up with her, (which, under the best circumstances, he'll half-ass'ly say yes and not mean it) or yell at him, and little does any good.

Was what he did wrong? It's not ideal, but relationships are a big emotional ordeal, and things like this happen.

Stay strong, and you'll do fine. Best of luck to you.

Posted by butterfly on Jul-10-2003 20:10:

quote:
Originally posted by davinox
well, the situation sounds like a mess for the both of you. the thing i would now suggest (knowing very few details) would be to go your seperate ways and not blame him.

It's a shame that it's one of your friends.

But say if you do decide it was wrong, he's not going to leave her, because people don't leave people that they truely care about. Pretty much all he can do is comfort you, but ultimately he's gone from you.
All you can do is ask him to break up with her, (which, under the best circumstances, he'll half-ass'ly say yes and not mean it) or yell at him, and little does any good.

Was what he did wrong? It's not ideal, but relationships are a big emotional ordeal, and things like this happen.

Stay strong, and you'll do fine. Best of luck to you.

this post is kinda in hindsight of the real torment for me. i am doing better and i have gone my own way and i have been seeing soneone else for a while now.

my issue is that i know i havent forgiven him and i wish i could. i dont like her but i think he does love her, even though it has only been a short time for them together. as he isnt my friend anymore (losing your best friend sucks but that is a different issue) i have no right to make demands of what he does and esp not of his relationship. when we first broke up and were still talking i requested that he respect me and not date for a while but now i wouldnt ask anything like that of him cause i dont have the right to.

i guess my issue is, if he is out of my life and i respect that he is in a realtionship with someone he cares about, why cant i forgive them? was it wrong or am i stubborn? i feel very disrespected by the whole situation but i wonder if i am biased and i am not seeing it clearly. that is why i asked you all.

Posted by davinox on Jul-10-2003 20:20:

You shouldn't feel like you have to forgive him.
You were the one who got shafted.
I would deem it an unfortunate circumstance, and move on, rather than wonder who's to blame and who's stubborn.

it must me hard, but it must be done.

Posted by Clyde77 on Jul-10-2003 20:22:

quote:
Originally posted by Nabistai
lol that actually happens alot around here, except that my cat is completely white instead of black

this totally proves my earlier statement about that guy being an asshole

but me and my ex were already broken up, and she was the one who wanted some of my johnny depp so its not really my fault. she quite enjoy it too.