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-- funniest thing i've read all day
funniest thing i've read all day
A trio with cocaine in their car mistake a MacDill AFB gate for a highway toll booth.
By BRADY DENNIS, Times Staff Writer
� St. Petersburg Times
published September 9, 2003
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TAMPA - Carrying cocaine, drug paraphernalia and $1,000 in cash, the three young men in the 1983 Toyota Tercel thought they were entering the toll booth for the Lee Roy Selmon Expressway.
They tried to blow past it, authorities said, but didn't get far.
It turned out to be the gate to MacDill Air Force Base.
In seconds, they were swarmed by uniformed guards, military vehicles and machine guns.
"They had guards all over it. Machine guns in the windows," said Tampa police Capt. Bob Guidara. "They were surrounded."
In plain view on the car's front seat, according to authorities: rock cocaine.
"They were (messed) up," Guidara said. Any time you try to drive onto a heavily guarded military base thinking it's a highway entrance, he said, "You're playing with a few cards short of a deck."
Arrested in the incident were Matthew Dail, 19, of Ruskin; Simon Joseph, 20, of Apollo Beach; and Jason Sharp, 19, of Gibsonton.
Police officers arrived and searched the car.
Inside, they found about 1.34 ounces of rock cocaine, drug paraphernalia (including a digital scale) and more than $1,000 in cash, police said.
All three men face charges of trafficking in cocaine.
All three remained in Hillsborough County jail Monday night without bail.
And all three have previous criminal records.
State records show Sharp was arrested earlier this year on cocaine possession charges.
Joseph has been arrested three times previously, twice on cocaine and marijuana charges and once on a burglary charge.
Dail also has been arrested three previous times, on such charges as larceny, cocaine and marijuana possession, aggravated battery and armed robbery.
Dail listed Ruskin attorney Paul Carr as his lawyer, but Carr had not heard of the arrest when contacted on Monday.
"I know nothing about it," said Carr, who has represented Dail in the past. "I have not been contacted by Mr. Dail or his family."
Carr described Dail as "a pretty good kid" who once was on his high school wrestling team.
He said Dail has had problems in the past, but that "he's been acquitted in the past."
As serious as Sunday's offense was, even some law enforcement officers couldn't help but smirk at the idea that anyone would mistake a high-profile military outpost for an expressway toll booth.
"See what happens when you ignore a toll," Guidara joked. "That's what can happen."
Hmmm how about this one:
Police: Wife, 70, knifes husband because he watched TV rather than prepare for Isabel
The Associated Press
Posted September 15 2003, 11:18 PM EDT
PORT ST. LUCIE -- Police said a woman cut her husband with a butcher knife because he wanted to watch football on television instead of getting ready for Hurricane Isabel.
Joan W. Harris, 70, faces a felony aggravated battery charge in the Sunday afternoon incident, police said.
``Apparently, the argument began while the husband was watching football, and the wife was insisting he make hurricane preparations,'' police spokesman Officer Kacey Donnell said Monday. ``He refused and said that he'd get to it at halftime.''
Harris grabbed an 8-inch butcher knife, chased her husband of 51 years into the bedroom, began ``stabbing at the door before gaining entry and flinging the knife at him, catching him in the lower leg,'' Donnell said.
Harris was freed from the St. Lucie County Jail late Monday under $10,000 bond, jailers said. They had no information on her legal representation.
Hurricane forecasters in Miami said earlier in the weekend that Isabel wasn't likely to hit Florida.
I think that's the last place you want to mistake for something.
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| A man called to say that he had found the vehicle he reported stolen. The vehicle was at Fifth Avenue West and 10th Street. The caller had forgotten where he parked it. |
haha! those are both awesome
UNEMPLOYMENT PLUNGES AS J. LO REHIRES POSSE
100,000 New Jobs Created
The bust-up of Hollywood couple Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck has had a positive effect on the U.S. economy, the Labor Department reported today, as Ms. Lopez immediately rehired the bloated entourage that Mr. Affleck had earlier insisted she fire.
In the course of rehiring her extensive posse of yes-men, sycophants and hangers-on, Ms. Lopez created as many as one hundred thousand new jobs, believed to be a new one-day record, the Labor Department said.
Across the nation, unemployed workers who had given up looking for work were cheered by the news of Ms. Lopez�s staffing decision, many of them choosing to head to South Beach in Miami to seek employment as one of the extravagant diva�s leeches.
Ms. Lopez�s unexpected hiring boom was only one economic benefit of the Affleck-Lopez split-up, as news of Mr. Affleck�s single status sparked a rally in gaming and stripper-related stocks on Wall Street.
ThongWare, the nation�s largest manufacturer of thongs, g-strings and other stripper accessories, has seen its shares rise over thirty percent since Mr. Affleck reportedly backed out of his wedding with Ms. Lopez.
�Going forward, we expect the stripper-based stocks to continue building on their strength,� said Henry Coulier, an analyst at Credit Suisse First Boston. �Whether Ben Affleck decides to hang out at strip clubs every night or not, a lot of investors out there clearly believe that he will.�
In a related story, a man who mailed himself home to Texas in a box last week now says that he did so because the in-flight movie was �Gigli.�
| quote: |
| Originally posted by You aint Ninja UNEMPLOYMENT PLUNGES AS J. LO REHIRES POSSE 100,000 New Jobs Created The bust-up of Hollywood couple Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck has had a positive effect on the U.S. economy, the Labor Department reported today, as Ms. Lopez immediately rehired the bloated entourage that Mr. Affleck had earlier insisted she fire. In the course of rehiring her extensive posse of yes-men, sycophants and hangers-on, Ms. Lopez created as many as one hundred thousand new jobs, believed to be a new one-day record, the Labor Department said. Across the nation, unemployed workers who had given up looking for work were cheered by the news of Ms. Lopez�s staffing decision, many of them choosing to head to South Beach in Miami to seek employment as one of the extravagant diva�s leeches. Ms. Lopez�s unexpected hiring boom was only one economic benefit of the Affleck-Lopez split-up, as news of Mr. Affleck�s single status sparked a rally in gaming and stripper-related stocks on Wall Street. ThongWare, the nation�s largest manufacturer of thongs, g-strings and other stripper accessories, has seen its shares rise over thirty percent since Mr. Affleck reportedly backed out of his wedding with Ms. Lopez. �Going forward, we expect the stripper-based stocks to continue building on their strength,� said Henry Coulier, an analyst at Credit Suisse First Boston. �Whether Ben Affleck decides to hang out at strip clubs every night or not, a lot of investors out there clearly believe that he will.� In a related story, a man who mailed himself home to Texas in a box last week now says that he did so because the in-flight movie was �Gigli.� |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by You aint Ninja In a related story, a man who mailed himself home to Texas in a box last week now says that he did so because the in-flight movie was �Gigli.� |
ahahahaha that story about the guy who mailed himself was soo funny it turns out that for what he spent it would of been better to buy a first class ticket .....
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| Originally posted by butterfly lol... is that from the onion? |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Cuervo79 ahahahaha that story about the guy who mailed himself was soo funny it turns out that for what he spent it would of been better to buy a first class ticket ..... |
Re: funniest thing i've read all day
| quote: |
| Originally posted by butterfly A trio with cocaine in their car mistake a MacDill AFB gate for a highway toll booth. By BRADY DENNIS, Times Staff Writer � St. Petersburg Times published September 9, 2003 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TAMPA - Carrying cocaine, drug paraphernalia and $1,000 in cash, the three young men in the 1983 Toyota Tercel thought they were entering the toll booth for the Lee Roy Selmon Expressway. They tried to blow past it, authorities said, but didn't get far. It turned out to be the gate to MacDill Air Force Base. In seconds, they were swarmed by uniformed guards, military vehicles and machine guns. "They had guards all over it. Machine guns in the windows," said Tampa police Capt. Bob Guidara. "They were surrounded." In plain view on the car's front seat, according to authorities: rock cocaine. "They were (messed) up," Guidara said. Any time you try to drive onto a heavily guarded military base thinking it's a highway entrance, he said, "You're playing with a few cards short of a deck." Arrested in the incident were Matthew Dail, 19, of Ruskin; Simon Joseph, 20, of Apollo Beach; and Jason Sharp, 19, of Gibsonton. Police officers arrived and searched the car. Inside, they found about 1.34 ounces of rock cocaine, drug paraphernalia (including a digital scale) and more than $1,000 in cash, police said. All three men face charges of trafficking in cocaine. All three remained in Hillsborough County jail Monday night without bail. And all three have previous criminal records. State records show Sharp was arrested earlier this year on cocaine possession charges. Joseph has been arrested three times previously, twice on cocaine and marijuana charges and once on a burglary charge. Dail also has been arrested three previous times, on such charges as larceny, cocaine and marijuana possession, aggravated battery and armed robbery. Dail listed Ruskin attorney Paul Carr as his lawyer, but Carr had not heard of the arrest when contacted on Monday. "I know nothing about it," said Carr, who has represented Dail in the past. "I have not been contacted by Mr. Dail or his family." Carr described Dail as "a pretty good kid" who once was on his high school wrestling team. He said Dail has had problems in the past, but that "he's been acquitted in the past." As serious as Sunday's offense was, even some law enforcement officers couldn't help but smirk at the idea that anyone would mistake a high-profile military outpost for an expressway toll booth. "See what happens when you ignore a toll," Guidara joked. "That's what can happen." |
what is this world coming to :|
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| Originally posted by Aya Brea what is this world coming to :| |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Magimaster Further proof that idiots are a serious drain on society. We should just kill them all. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Cuervo79 ahahahaha that story about the guy who mailed himself was soo funny it turns out that for what he spent it would of been better to buy a first class ticket ..... |
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