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-- My Pants Deny My Existence.

Posted by Zenchowdah on Sep-18-2003 23:56:

My Pants Deny My Existence.

My pants deny my existence. I struggle with them daily, yet they insist that they are the master. Who is to settle this dispute? Lying and wheezing in my bed of potato and vinegar, I call for the princes of the boudoir, but they heed me not. I fret, and in fretting, I sprain a whim. Damn. I must go, and leave my pants behind. I spit on them as I leave, but they are not ashamed.

I stroll down the avenue, aware that in my pantslessness I am the focus of attention. I am secretly elated, but at the same time, I am worried. I do not have a spaniel, either, yet I do not experience the joy of being without one. I collapse in the street, crying bitter tears at the emotions I can only deduce, for I am too numb to experience them. I am wracked by despair as I realize I have been feeling the rapture of kazoolessness my entire life, and yet it has not moved me.

As I lie sprawled in the street, passersby stop to taunt me and throw me gnarled twigs.

I catch and eat them, for I deserve no better.

And as I crunch on my gritty repast, I feel a prod in a part of my body that only one creature dares to touch. Could it be - it is! My pants! They have come to rescue me!

No, it is only a squirrel.

When, at last, I return home, I find that my pants have locked me out and have taken my wives for their own, and are redecorating the palace. I have only myself to blame.

Posted by UWM on Sep-19-2003 00:17:

What narcotic are you under the influence of?

Posted by noikeee on Sep-19-2003 00:27:

...

wtf

Posted by Zenchowdah on Sep-19-2003 00:40:

quote:
Originally posted by UWM
What narcotic are you under the influence of?

Ah, see, it is you who are under the influence of some narcotic. This narcotic, then would be named 'Ignorance', or 'Philip', or 'Khaki'. I see all that is, for I have shedded the artificial lens of my leggings. It was these trousers that have caused me my pain, and therefore I must rebel agianst them.

Posted by Orbax on Sep-19-2003 00:42:

i say stuff like that when im drunk too.

Posted by noikeee on Sep-19-2003 00:43:

and then i take off my pants.

what does this lead to?

Posted by Orbax on Sep-19-2003 00:48:

i bet Z likes Sarte

i dont even know what I mean by that

Posted by Chris Crossland on Sep-19-2003 00:52:

Thats the funniest thing i have heard all day

Posted by Lira on Sep-19-2003 01:00:

Trousers are pants

Posted by Zenchowdah on Sep-19-2003 01:01:

quote:
Originally posted by Orbax
i say stuff like that when im drunk too.

Drunk? Ha. Your alcohol affects me not. I see clearly, I am not staggered, I have not fallen in a manner such that i would cover my rank.

Posted by Lira on Sep-19-2003 01:04:

Ever thought about buying a skirt, mate?

Posted by montie on Sep-19-2003 01:09:

Posted by DJ Chrono on Sep-19-2003 01:37:

i enjoyed reading that. funny stuff.

Posted by MrSquirrel on Sep-19-2003 01:43:

Re: My Pants Deny My Existence.

quote:
Originally posted by Zenchowdah
No, it is only a squirrel.

You can leave this squirrel out of this.

I want nothing to do with your pants issues.

MrS

Posted by eXStace on Sep-19-2003 01:48:

Oi, if I were his pants, I'd switch tags the next time he took me to the dry cleaners.

Posted by [ groovypants ] on Sep-19-2003 02:19:

What kind of pants were they?

Posted by eXStace on Sep-19-2003 02:23:

groovypants?

Posted by jinxed84 on Sep-19-2003 03:11:

is this some kind of figurative writing or what? i mean its cool if it is but if youre just drunk or something, well you need to tell me what youre drinking cause i want some

Posted by Turbotrance on Sep-19-2003 09:13:

Step away from the Crack Pipe

Posted by kr00t0n on Sep-19-2003 09:21:

HAHAHAHAHA!!

That was awesome, specially the squirrel part (sorry Mr S)

Posted by Zenchowdah on Sep-19-2003 09:54:

I cannot bear to remember what variety of pants they were, for it pains me so. And once again, I am in no way inebriated, I have just seen the light.

Tell me, when you come from darkness into light, do your eyes not hurt? In this way, you see that your confusion over my ideas is the bright light, and you do not understand them because that which you see them with, your intellectual eyes, are still adjusting to its brightness

Posted by MrSquirrel on Sep-19-2003 11:08:

quote:
Originally posted by kr00t0n
HAHAHAHAHA!!

That was awesome, specially the squirrel part (sorry Mr S)

Jerk...

MrS