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Posted by DJ-Fuq on Oct-15-2003 10:28:

todays dd jokes 15/10/03

Theyre pretty crappy today.

Today's first joke was sent in by our old pal Advanced Materials.

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large biker who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The biker smiled and said: "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I figured we were friends."

*** *** ***

Thanks to our old pal Henry Bent for sending in today's second joke.

There is a story about a popular young rabbi, who on Sabbath eve announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.
Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands up and announces, "If the rabbi stays, I'll provide him with a new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a mini van, to transport their children!"
The congregation sighs, and applauds.
Goldstein, the entrepreneur and investor stands and says, "If the rabbi stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of his children!!"
More sighs and applause.
Mrs. Goldfarb, aged 70, stands and announces, "If the rabbi stays, I'll give him SEX!!"
There is a hush. The rabbi, blushing, asks, "Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed you to say that?"
Mrs. Goldfarb answers, "I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Screw the rabbi."

WORST JOKE OF THE DAY
Today's worst joke was sent in by our old pal Gevork20002000.

A bar.A man comes in. On his right comes a big long-legged beautiful ostrich on his left trails a wet cat.The three sit at the bar counter The man orders a beer,the ostrich- vodka and the cat-whisky.The flabbergasted bartender serves their orders.The three down their drinks then rise and head for the exit the man fumbles in the pocket and throws the money on the counter without even counting it. The bartender counts it-- the sum is exactly what was needed.
The next day the three come again with the only difference that the man orders brandy the ostrich-beer and the cat-cola.And again the sum given by the man on his way out is sharply precise.So every day the same scene with the only drink-choice difference.And when another time the three come the bartender burning with curiosity asks the man who they are.The man sighed sadly and says:"You know,I recently found a corked old bottle in the basement,opened it to sniff what was inside,when suddenly a cloud of smoke gushed out and a big genie appeared who said he'd fulfil my one wish in gratitude for his release And I ordered from him to ALWAYS have enough money and A COOL CHICK WITH WET PUSSY"
THATS IT!