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How Do I Get Her Back?

So I've been in a relationship for a year now with a girl I love more than anything.
We've been through our ups and downs, but we've had so many good moments that just couldn't ever be replaced.

She's the type of girl that never leaned too much on other people. Just me. She loved the attention I gave her, and love. She never liked girls very much, because of the numerous amount of backstabs they have done to her. So she focused more on guy friends.

Two weeks ago she decided she wanted some space so I gave it to her. She didn't have anybody else she was really interested in. She just wanted to boot old habits we had in our relationship (talking on the phone too much) etc...

But a few days later, she met a guy named Ben. She allowed him to come over to her house and stuff and they chilled. Of course, I didn't like this very much.
Ben is head over heals for Christina. Which is odd considering they just met. He tells her he loves her, gives her flowers, cards, and roses. He takes her places. He's real nice.
BUT HE JUST MET HER! And looking through his online journal, it's easy to say that he's this way with every girl he friggin meets!

There's another guy that takes her home in the afternoon from school. His name's Michael. Every day they hang out after school.

Christina used to be all over me and adored me all the time. But this change in her happened so fast where it seems like she just doesn't care anymore. She's got this new freedom.

And she's the type of person that would get mad if I hung out with other girls.

I miss her terribly. She's always hanging out with her new friends, and I want my relationship back with her! She used to be the most loving person towards me. And now she tells me about how she enjoys cuddling with her new guy friends and such and its just a slap in the face to me. argh....
This is not her at all! I don't see how she could hurt me like this!


What do I do? I want her back!!!

you gotta show ben whos in charge, you

try kicking his ass or something :]

Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

quote:

Originally posted by DJ Sunburn She never liked girls very much, because of the numerous amount of backstabs they have done to her.

well, mate, i think she turned out to be one of those girls she hated herself and you have been backstabbed. it's a pity.

of course, you can't do much, IMO. she's free to do what she wishes and you can't stop her. of course you could try talking to her, talking some sense into her, but i'm not sure that would work...

but you should try because you said she has no girl friends and if something happens (say Ben turns out to be a real asshole), she'll have no shoulder to cry on - girls tend to need that kind of thing. then she might do something stupid....

Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

quote:

Originally posted by DJ Sunburn And now she tells me about how she enjoys cuddling with her new guy friends and such and its just a slap in the face to me. argh.... This is not her at all! I don't see how she could hurt me like this!

It seems to me like she's trying to get back at you for something you carefully avoided in your little story

sorry to hear that she left you to be a new person..i don't know how old this girl is but looks like she want to move on and have some changes in her life....maybe she wasn't content with your relationship..and like you said this ben guy is giving her lot's of attention. sad to say, but guys do that in the beginning...they put on there "o, i'am a great guy mask" and takes it off in the long run...ffs...

anyways...if she said that she wants her space, let her have it..and if it's really meant to be for her to get back with you ...it will happen...just don't be up her ass and beg coz that would be too pathetic....there is nobody in this world worth someones pleading...IMO...i guess i'am just bitter now lol


good luck hun

indy

Re: Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

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Originally posted by GelatinPufF It seems to me like she's trying to get back at you for something you carefully avoided in your little story

Actually. There isn't anything that I've done.

I was always a good guy to her. Never hurt her or anything. I don't see why she's like this.

I think you gave her her selfesteem back. This because you treated her like a real guy. And now she's totally happy with herself again she tried to move on.

And believe me once a girl says she needs time off it means 99% of 100% she's gone. For you you can't blame yourself. You did what you had to do. And if she decides to move on just be happy that she did it now. The sooner or later it would have happened.

Advice: stay who you are and don't force her with calling and stuff I she doesn't comeback on her own, she wasn't worth it.

And remember it's saturday today. WOOOOT

Cheers!

When you say school do you mean high school?

If so don't get yourself all worked up over this. Just find something to occupy your time and the pain will subside. If you continue to obsess about getting her back it will end up causing you more harm than good. I know from experience.

There are many fish in the toiletbowl of love.

If you are obsessive about getting her back it will probably freak her out and drive her away.

MrS

quote:

Originally posted by politicsofdancin sad to say, but guys do that in the beginning...they put on there "o, i'am a great guy mask" and takes it off in the long run...ffs...

for some guys THAT IS SOO TRUE... a few times this has happened to me and i get showered with romance and cheesy shit and then after 3 weeks they turn into complete psychos! ladies, watch out for these guys... and guys watch out for those girls for that matter.

anyhow

Maybe your relationship was a bit overwhelming for her, and she needed to move on and start new ones or maybe she is just being a bitch. it sounds like you are rather screwed, and i mean this in the nicest way. I have been in your situation a few times when i was in highschool and i tryed EVERYTHING to change it but it just seemed the effort i made, made it worse! So even though it really sucks, i think you just have to sit back and re-evaluate the situation yourself, and maybe cuddle with some girls to let her have a taste of her own medicine.

Re: Re: Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

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Originally posted by DJ Sunburn Actually. There isn't anything that I've done. I was always a good guy to her. Never hurt her or anything. I don't see why she's like this.

Just because she hasn't told you you've hurt her doesn't mean you havn't that's the fuckin problem with girls they never tell you what's wrong

Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

quote:

Originally posted by DJ Sunburn ... What do I do?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don't call her, don't talk to her, don't even act like she exists.

Give her her "space", like Indy so aptly put it, which is what all girls think they want but really can't stand for more than a week.

Cut her out, and give it a week or two. If she ends up going hardcore with the new guy, then you're far better off without her anyway. If she comes crawling back, then you've got a choice, either tell her to fuck off and get your vengeance, or lay down the law before you say "ok".

Just remember, there is nothing, yes NOTHING you can do to lower her interest in the other guys. However, I'm guessing that if the other dude is constantly sending her flowers and telling her he loves her, her interest in him will die out very fast - in fact, I'd go so far as to say she's just using him even now.

It bears repeating, don't make any moves and if she makes a move, don't let her get you involved in any mushy or emotion-related or relationship-related discussions for the next little while. Just make up an excuse and say you've gotta go when that starts. If she really 'loves' you, she'll realize how much she hates you being "inaccessible" and will come crawling back in no time. If she doesn't care about you, she'll take off, and that's of no loss to you anyway in that situation. Oh, and if you can, it wouldn't hurt to go out with a few other girls (preferably hotter than she is), and make sure she knows about it. You don't want the g/f to think she can do whatever the f*ck she wants with you because you 'need' her.

Trust me, if she has any interest in this other guy, his constant sucking-up will make it fizzle out soon enough. The worst thing you can do is be on her tail throughout the process, because that will make her associate it with you ("you messed it up with my friends") rather than the absence of you ("holy fuck this guy is lame, what happened to my b/f anyway?")

Oh and one other thing: don't listen to relationship advice from women. Trust me on this.

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Re: Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut Oh and one other thing: don't listen to relationship advice from women. Trust me on this.

thats a rather shitty thing to say considering you basically elaborated on what i previously posted! Besides, believe it or not, all women are not evil or pscyco or two faced. Thats an awful generalization. sounds like your mom weened you off the teet too soon!

Re: Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don't call her, don't talk to her, don't even act like she exists. Give her her "space", like Indy so aptly put it, which is what all girls think they want but really can't stand for more than a week. Cut her out, and give it a week or two. If she ends up going hardcore with the new guy, then you're far better off without her anyway. If she comes crawling back, then you've got a choice, either tell her to fuck off and get your vengeance, or lay down the law before you say "ok". Just remember, there is nothing, yes NOTHING you can do to lower her interest in the other guys. However, I'm guessing that if the other dude is constantly sending her flowers and telling her he loves her, her interest in him will die out very fast - in fact, I'd go so far as to say she's just using him even now. It bears repeating, don't make any moves and if she makes a move, don't let her get you involved in any mushy or emotion-related or relationship-related discussions for the next little while. Just make up an excuse and say you've gotta go when that starts. If she really 'loves' you, she'll realize how much she hates you being "inaccessible" and will come crawling back in no time. If she doesn't care about you, she'll take off, and that's of no loss to you anyway in that situation. Oh, and if you can, it wouldn't hurt to go out with a few other girls (preferably hotter than she is), and make sure she knows about it. You don't want the g/f to think she can do whatever the f*ck she wants with you because you 'need' her. Trust me, if she has any interest in this other guy, his constant sucking-up will make it fizzle out soon enough. The worst thing you can do is be on her tail throughout the process, because that will make her associate it with you ("you messed it up with my friends") rather than the absence of you ("holy fuck this guy is lame, what happened to my b/f anyway?") Oh and one other thing: don't listen to relationship advice from women. Trust me on this.

Re: Re: Re: How Do I Get Her Back?

quote:

Originally posted by wienerschnitzel thats a rather shitty thing to say considering you basically elaborated on what i previously posted! Besides, believe it or not, all women are not evil or pscyco or two faced. Thats an awful generalization. sounds like your mom weened you off the teet too soon!

Oh, you misunderstand. I did not for a moment mean to say that women are psycho or two-faced. Some of them are just bitches, yes, but I contend that most of them actually really love the guys they end up with.

The problem lies in actually knowing what they want in a relationship. Most women I know, when pressed, have admitted that they aren't really sure what their ideal relationship is, or who their ideal guy is. They know when they're happy with someone, but that's about as much info as they can give.

For some reason, women in North America have a fantasy image of "chivalry" - they claim to love a guy who does sweet things for them, compliments them all the time, talks about his feelings, goes to chick flicks, etc. Unfortunately, it's been shown countless times that guys who conform to this stereotype end up being cast as the proverbial "nice guy" and end up getting nothing.

I've taken advice from women myself, and seen others do the same, and it almost invariably leads to getting dumped or walked on. It's not because the women are evil - in fact, I really don't hold it against them that they gave bad advice and I'm still very good friends with some of them - they just simply don't know.

Allow me to present a little sound bite: Men work on cars, women work on relationships. Guys love "project cars", they want to be constantly getting new stereo components and engine tweaks and computer tweaks and fancy spoilers and massive rims... well you get the idea. Girls want "project relationships". They don't want their guys to be too damn easy. Their "upgrades" are getting him to talk about his feelings and getting him to remember her birthday and getting him to hang out with her friends without hitting on any of them. Because they know that guys hate this, and it's a pleasure to see him making those sacrifices for her. To put it bluntly, you can't be happy ALL the time with someone/something, you have to be unhappy or frustrated sometimes, because otherwise there's no basis of comparison and the happiness will turn to boredom. If there's nothing to want, there's nothing to do, and thus there is no fun.

You give someone everything they want from the start, and they'll just throw it in the closet. What would a hotrod buff do if the market for auto parts suddenly dried up?

Maybe you never did anal with her.

I concur with DigiNut's recommendation.

fuck that dont listen to anyone here...put on ur shit kickers and go kick some shit.... u fuckin stalk her and kick the shit out of anyone shes with...for 1 week straight u do this till they understand that this is ur grass and ur the only one who can cut it... then grab her by the hair and toss her in ur trunk and drive to mississipi and leave her there with no money and a phone....then go screw her sister...



take my advice and ull have no problems

quote:

Originally posted by You aint Ninja Maybe you never did anal with her.

lol, im sure he drove home on the dirt road a few times, id start chatting to other women m8, u cant impress women, if she wants you then she would be with you no matter, what. When you meet the right one you will understand.

Well Mr. DJ Sunburn ... here is what you do. Do something to her that you know will make her feel bad, ie. find another person of the opposite gender and show that person off around her (if you can).

That is solution 1, that should make her jealous and MAYBE take you back. But it could also piss of her and never talk to you again, so use with caution.

Solution 2: The guys she hangs around with, beat the shit of them, take their money and pocket change, and send it to me.

Problem solved.

se the trick is that u got to kidnap her and trap her in an abusive relationship where u take away all that self esteem and she feels she could never do better then u.....u must mentally abuse her...and pull her hair( this is the key to every relationship problem)

diginut... you make some very valid points and i agree with you on many things.. however, i think you need to get out and meet more girls! Because it is true, girls can't help but be girls and have crazy horomones and want relationship stuff while guys just want it nice and simple and want it black and white. Being a girl, i know first hand what it is like to be a girl and have these qualities. However, some of us girls are also able to step aside and notice we have these qualitys and make conclusions based on them. In other words, some of us girls know that we have crazy hormones that makes our needs and wants diffrent from guys. Since some of us have this ability, we can rationalize what is unreasonable and what not to expect from guys. Im not suggesting that i am a perfect girl who knows the best of both worlds, but i think you would be surprised that some girls aren't like others and can see and understand the diffrences between the sexes and therefore make advice accordingly. I don't know if your buying in to this, but i stand by it. I think your absolutely right when it comes to alot of women getting swept up with the 'knight in shining armour' crap and therefore become unsatisfied with a relationship that is more than healthy. I blame media for this because of soap opera's and chick flicks and all the rest that create this unrealistic image of how guys are. I think this results in the high divorce rate in North America because women who eat this stuff up become convinced that their man isn't good enough for them because he isn't like so and so on "cheesy soap or movie" and so decide they deserve better and then they abandon their marrige and so on and so forth. ANyways.. don't doubt all women, we don't all wear the rose coloured glasses.

I wish people would make better use of paragraphs!

Ok, but anyway...

It works on varying levels. Some women (as some men) have better powers of reasoning than others, and some are better able to step back and not see the forest through the trees. Not knowing you personally, I'm not making any claims whatsoever about you - solely by virtue of the fact that you posted what you just posted, I don't doubt that you're probably more rationally-minded than a lot of women I've met.

Point being, of course it's unfair (and also logically incorrect) to generalize for all women based on a few (well, based on several, but still a small sample compared to ALL). And it's not black-and-white either, some people are more impulsive than others. But I would say that it's true to some extent, for the vast majority. It's not just personal experience - some of it's been shown by detailed studies of brain chemistry, I remember someone made a post a while back about books on those things (aptly called "The male brain" and "The female brain").

If in doubt, allow me to point out further evidence of the fundmentally different ways men and women handle relationships.

Take a close look at the replies to this thread from both the men and women, and think carefully about the actual questions that each have answered.

The question he asked was, "What should I do?"

The men, with one exception, answered, "This is what you should do, maybe it'll work."

The women all answered the question, "what's she thinking and why did she do it?"

Think about it! 'Tis not an insult, just an observation. If these fundamental differences didn't exist, life wouldn't be any fun.

quote:

Originally posted by Vivid Boy take my advice and ull have no problems

'Cept for fending off all the other prisoners trying to make you their bitch after you get arrested...

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut The men, with one exception, answered, "This is what you should do, maybe it'll work." The women all answered the question, "what's she thinking and why did she do it?" Think about it!

yeah thats why i say u trap her into an busive relationship until u milk all the self esteem out of her and shes stuck with u...then u grab her by the hair and throw to the streets and say "wheres ur lil boys now!"

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