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Posted by BitchBoyNYC on Oct-21-2003 17:47:

Question for the ladies

If you meet a guy that you find attractive, both physically and personality wise, does it matter if he has a kid from a previous relationship?

Posted by butterfly on Oct-21-2003 17:47:

yes.

Posted by BitchBoyNYC on Oct-21-2003 17:48:

quote:
Originally posted by butterfly
yes.

why?

Posted by Misty Kitty on Oct-21-2003 17:49:

yes.

Posted by BitchBoyNYC on Oct-21-2003 17:49:

Let me re-phrase the question. Is that grounds for you not to persue a further relationship with him?

Posted by butterfly on Oct-21-2003 17:49:

quote:
Originally posted by BitchBoyNYC
why?

because you are not only getting into a relationship with the guy but his kid as well cause his love will always go to the kid but not necessarily you. and it is just more complicated.

Posted by squirrelly on Oct-21-2003 18:21:

I agree. Yes it matters. That girl that he had the kid with, will never be out of his life. Never. It will ultimately cause problems. And the bond between father and son is strong.

Posted by BitchBoyNYC on Oct-21-2003 18:53:

quote:
Originally posted by anuneventrade
I agree. Yes it matters. That girl that he had the kid with, will never be out of his life. Never. It will ultimately cause problems. And the bond between father and son is strong.

So basically, if I'm understanding you correctly, you are insinuating that a guy who has a child with another woman will ultimately end up single probably for the rest of his life?

Posted by butterfly on Oct-21-2003 18:57:

quote:
Originally posted by BitchBoyNYC
So basically, if I'm understanding you correctly, you are insinuating that a guy who has a child with another woman will ultimately end up single probably for the rest of his life?

not at all. there are just more hurdles to overcome in meeting someone.

Posted by squirrelly on Oct-21-2003 19:02:

quote:
Originally posted by BitchBoyNYC
So basically, if I'm understanding you correctly, you are insinuating that a guy who has a child with another woman will ultimately end up single probably for the rest of his life?

Nope. I'm saying (as did butterfly) that it will ultimately harder.

Posted by DigiNut on Oct-21-2003 19:06:

quote:
Originally posted by butterfly
not at all. there are just more hurdles to overcome in meeting someone.

Hurdle (h�r`dl):
1: a light movable barrier that competitors must leap over in certain races
2: an obstacle that you are expected to overcome; "the last hurdle before graduation"
3: the act of vaulting [syn: vault] v : jump a hurdle
4: a remote, dark location resistant to sound travel, such as an insulated coat closet, used to conceal small children, ex-partners, farm animals, and other potential obstacles to a current or future long-term relationship. Often consists of a locking mechanism. "quick! Hide in that hurdle before my husband walks in!"

I kid, I kid...

Posted by LIQROX on Oct-21-2003 19:23:

i think it depeneds on where you are in your life-

taking on a relationship is one thing
and you often feel obligated to do things for "him"

or her

but his child? well then you would still feel obligated no?
i mean just out of respect?

so youll need to ask yourself
can you
A) seperate your self from getting involved to that depth and do it politely
B) do you want the stress of a child about you?

Posted by skytrancegirl on Oct-21-2003 19:43:

if i meet someone i really like and they have a kid i would not let it get in the way

Posted by MERTON on Oct-21-2003 19:48:

KIDS BURN MONEY AND TIME!!! DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH KIDS!!! they take away ones life.. you see it all the time... eeeewwww!

Posted by Slylee on Oct-21-2003 20:10:

it depends on a lot of things. for me, the answer is yes because i have a lot of things i want to do in life that a kid would put limitations on. also, if things didn't work out, you might feel an obligation to stick around because of the kid if you really like it.

your best bet is to date older women...how old are you? chicks between the ages of 25-30 probably wouldn't mind and the good side of that is that women of that age are at or close to their sexual peek (i think it's a little older but close enough)!

Posted by oniaku69 on Oct-21-2003 21:29:

Cheer up, to some of us that aren't so obsessed with our own vanity, no it doesn't matter, I love children, I know that there are more of us out there that find men that are involved in their childrens life a beautiful thing.

Posted by BitchBoyNYC on Oct-22-2003 12:40:

Thanks for all the opinions, all of which have some merit. I just needed to vent a little and hear what other people had to say. The thing that irks me the most is I always hear woman saying they want a man who treats them right, is presentable to family and friends, is intelligent, has a good job and is capable of dealing with emotional stress and family matters etc, etc, etc. I think you catch my drift.
Not to sound conceited, but I fit that mold. I've been told time and time again by friends and people that I've dated that I'm what they were looking for, well, that is until I tell the dates I have a daughter. If I'm what you're looking for, than why let the fact that I have a child be a hinderance or "hurdle to overcome" No one ever said dealing with love and relationships was easy. Realistically speaking, I know a child adds a whole different chapter or branch, for lack of better word, in building a relationship, but why should it be considered a negative mark? I can understand if I were some derelect that wasn't involved in my child's life and stood out on the corner with "my niggaz and passed that blunt around". Whatever. I'll end my venting with this: I find myself telling myself that maybe some women aren't mature enough or capable of dealing with this type of situation and arn't able to accept the fact that they would have to share the spotlight and attention with my daughter, with my daughter taking priority. If that's the case, I could understand why they don't want to get involved. Again, thanks for letting me vent.

Posted by igottaknow on Oct-22-2003 16:39:

ur probably better off dating single mom, she's likely to have the same perspective as u.

Posted by Slylee on Oct-22-2003 19:06:

quote:
Originally posted by igottaknow
ur probably better off dating single mom, she's likely to have the same perspective as u.

exactly...she will most likely be on the same page as you about what she wants in life. my best friend is a guy (22) with a 5 year old son, and he's very involved with him. he finds it hard to date and never has girlfriends, but just recently started spending a lot of time with this one girl (he called her his girlfriend so i guess it's serious). anyway, she also has a kid that is 1 and i think it's working out because of the fact that they have that in common...and of course for other reasons too.