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Girls probably wont like this one
Girls probably wont like this one:
1. How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
2. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
3. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
4. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me."
5. How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
6. Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure!
7. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at he front door, whom do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
8. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
9. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
10. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
11. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
12. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It is called wedding Cake.
13. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
14. Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
15. Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
16. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
17. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
18. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
19. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are beautiful.
20. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?
Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then, go to bed.
Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then, go the refrigerator.
21. Why do brides wear white? Men like their dishwasher to match the fridge and range.
Lol, good one arjen 
| quote: |
| Originally posted by CygnusX Lol, good one arjen |
Re: Girls probably wont like this one
| quote: |
| Originally posted by arj1o1 10. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her. |
i'm almost dyin of laughter
oh, you bad, bad man!!
LOL you getting this from entensity.net i was going to post this up but im too lazy to type all that cause you cant copy and paste
| quote: |
| Originally posted by gwrmarines LOL you getting this from entensity.net i was going to post this up but im too lazy to type all that cause you cant copy and paste |
Havent you ever wondered how you fix a dishwasher??
Slap her in the ass...
ooh!!! I got one!!!
a plane was about to crash into the middle of the sea... suddenly, a woman inside the plane jumps out of her seat and shouts: "I'm not going to let myself die untill I feel like a real woman! is anyone here man enough to make me feel like a real woman? please, do it now!"... a few seconds later, a man gets out of his seat, walks over to her, takes off his shirt, hands it over to her, and says "here. iron this..."........
lol
haha this is great
LOL! very good! *~* I read it just b/c it says girls won't like this one! I am chick andI thought they were pretty funny - except I have a dishwasher and you all can open your own god damn beers!!!! and i could probably still out drink you!
*~*
Cheers big ears!
| quote: |
| Originally posted by gwrmarines LOL you getting this from entensity.net i was going to post this up but im too lazy to type all that cause you cant copy and paste |
hah wicked.. gotta tell my gf these :P
Good stuff guys!!
Here's some more:
The Men's List:
Finally, the guys side of the story. We always hear "the
rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our
rules!
*Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just
say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is
also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answerer, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like
camping.
Heh Thats some funny shit....
well said
well said my friend. we can all learn a lesson from these teachings.
Im changing all these jokes from female to male and bugging my BF with them
ROFLMAO
great stuff!
hahahah, im really gonna annoy this feminist in my class tommorow with these jokes
Some great stuff here.
Thumbs up thread. Though the first few points of that joke were not so funny and very so much speculative and strong statements ....
| quote: |
| Originally posted by kirstolas Good stuff guys!! Here's some more: The Men's List: Finally, the guys side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! *Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answerer, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping. |
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