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Funniest thing I've ever heard from a homeless person

I was walking down the streets of downtown toronto last night, and this homeless guy came up to me. he said "I have no money, I wanna get drunk & I don't like fat chicks."

I was laughing so hard I gave him $5

haha thats great

id rather a homeless person tell me he needs alcohol or drug money than making up some stupid bullshit story about how they are trying to get a job or are really hungry.

if one came up to me and was like "yo man you got any extra change i need to go buy a 40 so i can get shitfaced" i'd be happy to buy him a 40 and one for my self and chill with the dude for a bit.

The homeless dogs need help too...

When i was in California last, i saw some high school kid screaming at this bum.

"DONT YOU EVER F*CKING TOUCH ME! YOU EVER F*CKING TOUCH ME AGAIN ILL F*CKING KILL YOU YOU PIECE OF SH*T"

bum - "i don' kno' wha' cho' talkin' bout..."

*CRACK*

the kid punches the bum square in the face, the bum flies backwards and hits his head against a pole, and passes out. The bum apparently tried to take the kids wallet.

quote:

Originally posted by montie haha thats great id rather a homeless person tell me he needs alcohol or drug money than making up some stupid bullshit story about how they are trying to get a job or are really hungry. if one came up to me and was like "yo man you got any extra change i need to go buy a 40 so i can get shitfaced" i'd be happy to buy him a 40 and one for my self and chill with the dude for a bit.

haha that's what i'm saying...had no time to chill though, i had to get to the club for the $2 drinks

quote:

Originally posted by FunkySimon Once I was eating a sandwich and this homeless guy comes up to me and says: can I have your sandwich I said: no man i'm hungry

LMAO!!! That's hilarious!

I've noticed very different kinds of money begging. The other day a guy asked for one quarter, I had like 5 but gave him one. Then I saw him go up to the next guy and ask for one quarter....wierd strategy but it worked apparently.

I've had detroit bums ask for much more, food, gas, dollars, crack, meth. kinda fun.

quote:

Originally posted by FunkySimon Once I was eating a sandwich and this homeless guy comes up to me and says: can I have your sandwich I said: no man i'm hungry

hahahahha ..

yea once a homeless guy came up to me, with a joint in his mouth (hell i think he was blit already) and asked to play and sing a song for change...... =p too bad i had to catch my bus

quote:

Originally posted by montie haha thats great id rather a homeless person tell me he needs alcohol or drug money than making up some stupid bullshit story about how they are trying to get a job or are really hungry. if one came up to me and was like "yo man you got any extra change i need to go buy a 40 so i can get shitfaced" i'd be happy to buy him a 40 and one for my self and chill with the dude for a bit.

thats what i'm talking about. instead of pre-game'n at the house, i'm gonna grab some 40s and find a bum to chill with. i bet they have some prettty wild stories to tell too, it might actually be fun

I was in Chicago last Christmas and this fat homeless lady asked if I had any change and I said 'no'. We really had absolutely no money on me at all. So she proceeded to start yelling at me to take my gifts back goddamnit this, fvck that, etc. etc. She was going nuts on me and my gf as we were walking by. I wanted to punch her in her fat fvckin face after that. And then we saw her yellin at two other guys when we were across the street.

Thats my story

quote:

Originally posted by dartman thats what i'm talking about. instead of pre-game'n at the house, i'm gonna grab some 40s and find a bum to chill with. i bet they have some prettty wild stories to tell too, it might actually be fun

hell yeha they do. one nite i was chilling with some friends on santa monica beach drinking and a bum comes up to us. aparently he was hiding from some peeps he had just got into a fight with because they were hanging out in his sleeping spot. we ended up talking to this guy, Charles, for 3 hours. He told us stories on his trips up to San Francisco, about his dog, about being in Jail, about the gay guys who have sex in the lifeguard towers late at nite all this crazy stuff. it was awsome.



ooh also
i remember my friend telling me about these bums up in San Fran, called wood bums. They dress up in camo gear and decorate them selves with sticks and leaves and hide in bushes along the street. When someone walks by they jump out of the bush screaming scaring the shit out of the people passing by then hold out their hands and kindly ask for money.

i was walking down town toronto, and there was this bum going on about how theres too much of the white devil in office. or somthing, and he's like vote 'my name' for mayor.

he sounded pretty angry at white people.

I heard a prostitute tell a homeless girl who was begging on the sidewalk------------

homeless person: do you have a quarter?

street ho: (screaming and obviously on speed) "Why don't you go suck a dick for it like I do?!?!?!?"

it was a moment i think everyone should witness

As I was walking down Elgin street in Ottawa, a bum says to me:

"You wouldn't happen to have an extra $350,000 to spare, would ya?"

On friday as I was walking home from school some bum came up to me and asked me if I had 5 bucks. He told me he owed it to a spirit from another dimension, and if he didnt pay up soon the spirit was going to keep his soul.

I would have given him some money, but I was broke.

A homeless guy asked if me and a mate would spare some change, my mate gave him 10p.

My mate takes 5 steps down the road and sees a �10 note on the floor, effect multiplying his generousity by a thousand. He just wish he'd given the tramp a tenner, and maybe found a crate for �1000.

funniest thing ive heard from a bum was when the leafs got owen nolan...bum approaches me and starts yelling "OWEN NOLAN HES A NUT HES A NUT !!!! U WANNA KNOW WHY HES A NUT!?!?!?!??! CAUSE HES NUTRITIOUS FOR TORONTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHH!!!"

I once saw a bum with a sign that read:
"Only need one more dollar and I can take over the world"
Neeless to say, I laughed my ass off and gave him the dollar.

LOL all funny stories..

I was waiting for the train like a year ago, when this dood was like high on sumthing, and he asks me for $2, so me wearing jeans, making it harder to get the coins out, im like hold on a sec, so im like shit, where are my coins, then the mofo has the audacity (SP?) to say.. "hurry up or ill smash yah..."

So with a smile on my face I get up and see that hes like 1 foot shorter then me, and weights like 50KG, i was like 80KG back then, then i saw the look on his face n pushed him outta my face, i didn't wanna punch him since i felt sorry for the mofo.. lol

Anyways, that was the last time i ever gave, or even attempted to give anyone $$$, no freken way anymore, call me cheap but see wat i gets... tsk tsk tsk..

quote:

Originally posted by FunkySimon Once I was eating a sandwich and this homeless guy comes up to me and says: can I have your sandwich I said: no man i'm hungry

thats funny i saw this thread....just today i see this bum comin from about a block away yelling and shit talkin to himself...when he comes up to me and asks me if i am a gangster...... wtf?.....i just started to laugh and kept walking...he didnt want any money but wanted to know if i was a gangster...LOL


*EDIT* LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!...i just saw that owned pic...LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



.dJonE.

extulas tell me wtf has that got to do with the sandwitch?

quote:

Originally posted by bassaholix extulas tell me wtf has that got to do with the sandwitch?

Because the bum was hungry and he didnt get the sandwich.

There's one bum in Madison who always says "Can anybody spare any change for marijuana research?" I'll usually give him whatever coins I have on me because at least he's honest.

Then there's another guy who always used the same line "Does anyone have 25 cents?" Then one day I saw him and he asked for a steak sandwich.

The best thing to do though is when a bum asks you for change to hand them a job application. They don't take that very kindly

Re: Funniest thing I've ever heard from a homeless person

quote:

Originally posted by Essential1 I was walking down the streets of downtown toronto last night, and this homeless guy came up to me. he said "I have no money, I wanna get drunk & I don't like fat chicks." I was laughing so hard I gave him $5

hahaha, I had a similar thing happen to me. I was walking back from Krystal with some leftovers, a homeless guy comes up to me, asks for money. I offer him a hamburger, and he said "fuck that shit man, i just wanna get drunk" hahaha, props for being honest

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