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-- Supposedly the Boy's rules; Now along with Women's rules.
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Supposedly the Boy's rules; Now along with Women's rules.
I got this in an email...
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| Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping. Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education. |
have you heard of sarcasm?
Why are women feet smaller than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink 
Common baby, its just jokes, dont take them for real
Re: Supposedly the Boy's rules
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| Originally posted by anuneventrade I got this in an email... Those are ridiculous rules. I should write up some of my own. They will blow you all away. |
Joke? Don't fuck around, that is the goddamn new testament, the bible if you will.
Re: Re: Supposedly the Boy's rules
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| Originally posted by Echo of Silence lol...those are great! Write some rules for the woman's side! |
| quote: |
| Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education. |
blaaaaaah im so sick of men vs. women jokes.
so cliche
always have something to do with the toilet, sports, the girl asking if she's fat, directions. etc etc. all the same dumb stereotypical stuff.
ahhh whatever 
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| Originally posted by montie blaaaaaah im so sick of men vs. women jokes. so cliche always have something to do with the toilet, sports, the girl asking if she's fat, directions. etc etc. all the same dumb stereotypical stuff. ahhh whatever |
heh
IF UR IN THE MARKET FOR A SLAP IN THE MOUTH THEN KEEP UP THAT GOD DANM ATTITUDE.
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| 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. |
Pure class!
Re: Supposedly the Boy's rules
| quote: |
| Originally posted by anuneventrade Those are ridiculous rules. I should write up some of my own. They will blow you all away. |
I kinda think the rules are funny....and they do hold some truth. Leave the toilet seat up for all I care...just please please please don't pee on it. You watch sports on sunday..let me go shopping. Its all a trade off. Just my opinion.
yea a bit cliched, but still good
this one is great: "A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor."
so true, lol headaches are so handy arent they?
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| Originally posted by jdjd yea a bit cliched, but still good this one is great: "A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor." so true, lol headaches are so handy arent they? |
I'll post some women's rules later on....
I was too tired from work to do it last night. 
Don't worry, they're coming.
Re: Supposedly the Boy's rules
| quote: |
| Originally posted by anuneventrade I got this in an email... Those are ridiculous rules. I should write up some of my own. They will blow you all away. |
DUMB WHINEY CHICKS SUCK!! AND SO DO PUSHY BITCH ONES!! why can't there be smart and nice ones? *i'm too inexperienced* i just see to many people in some crappy situation similar to that.. it's one of the reasons i'm staying single.
I agree with most of those rules, a lot of them are just common sense.
Rules for the Men
The Female always makes The Rules.
The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
No Male can possibly know all The Rules.
If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
The Female is never wrong.
(If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)
(If the rule above applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)
The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.
The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.
The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
The Male is expected to mind read at all times.
The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, is a wimp.
At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.
The male should not go under the assumption that he is God in bed. He is most likely not. This is why the female is particularly good at *fake* orgasms.
The male should not speak during a movie. This is the females quiet time to reflect on how the date has gone so far and whether or not to go on another one.
The male should learn how to give himself a proper pedicure. No female would like to get scratched in attempting to cuddle.
�R U a girl?� and �OMGHI2U!� are not pick up lines.
The male should never, ever, under any circumstance, lie to the female. The female always finds out. Always.
If the male�s night out is to be fun, the female should be invited.
If the male�s night out is to involve strippers, remember the Zoo Policy, �No Petting�.
The correct answer to �Do I look fat?� Is never, ever, �Yes�.
Being attentive is a good thing. Stalking is a federal crime.
The male should always, under any circumstance, answer his cell phone. If not able to because of work, head to the bathroom and call back immediately. The female knows you�re at work. There was a reason for the phone call, whether the male knows it or not.
A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer.
Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
Answering the question �Who was that on the phone� with �No one�, will never work. The conversation will not cease, and will lead to the male spending the night alone on the couch. End of story.
No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything the female feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
The females new haircut, is never bad.
The correct answer to �Is she prettier than me?� would be �No one is as beautiful as you� or something of the like. �She�s *&#$ing hot!!� is unacceptable.
Don�t touch the toothbrush. A kiss does not equal sharing of the fluids in your mouth. There is a gas station down the road.
Each and every time the female does something nice for the male, there should be an immediate �thank you�. The male should not assume that because the female does it often, that she will always do it.
The ex-female is never a good friend for the male to have. Males do not favor the chummy-ness with ex�s. Same goes for females.
Independence (paying for half of the meal) is acceptable. The female paying, should never happen.
Females like intelligent answers, not rude and perverted ones.
If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.
The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while he sits in the waiting room on his fat ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by anuneventrade The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while he sits in the waiting room on his fat ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by anuneventrade Rules for the Men The Female always makes The Rules. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. No Male can possibly know all The Rules. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules. The Female is never wrong. (If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.) (If the rule above applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.) The Female can change her mind at any given point in time. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset. The Male is expected to mind read at all times. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, is a wimp. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining. The male should not go under the assumption that he is God in bed. He is most likely not. This is why the female is particularly good at *fake* orgasms. The male should not speak during a movie. This is the females quiet time to reflect on how the date has gone so far and whether or not to go on another one. The male should learn how to give himself a proper pedicure. No female would like to get scratched in attempting to cuddle. �R U a girl?� and �OMGHI2U!� are not pick up lines. The male should never, ever, under any circumstance, lie to the female. The female always finds out. Always. If the male�s night out is to be fun, the female should be invited. If the male�s night out is to involve strippers, remember the Zoo Policy, �No Petting�. The correct answer to �Do I look fat?� Is never, ever, �Yes�. Being attentive is a good thing. Stalking is a federal crime. The male should always, under any circumstance, answer his cell phone. If not able to because of work, head to the bathroom and call back immediately. The female knows you�re at work. There was a reason for the phone call, whether the male knows it or not. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean. Answering the question �Who was that on the phone� with �No one�, will never work. The conversation will not cease, and will lead to the male spending the night alone on the couch. End of story. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything the female feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice. The females new haircut, is never bad. The correct answer to �Is she prettier than me?� would be �No one is as beautiful as you� or something of the like. �She�s *&#$ing hot!!� is unacceptable. Don�t touch the toothbrush. A kiss does not equal sharing of the fluids in your mouth. There is a gas station down the road. Each and every time the female does something nice for the male, there should be an immediate �thank you�. The male should not assume that because the female does it often, that she will always do it. The ex-female is never a good friend for the male to have. Males do not favor the chummy-ness with ex�s. Same goes for females. Independence (paying for half of the meal) is acceptable. The female paying, should never happen. Females like intelligent answers, not rude and perverted ones. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while he sits in the waiting room on his fat ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by anuneventrade Rules for the Men |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by DigiNut Most honest (and funniest) post on this I've seen in a long time. Two thumbs up! Doesn't mean I'll follow 'em though. |
most of the female rules can be added to the mens rules.. they're almost the same..
edit: I was expecting something like i heard from a female comedian "women aren't supossed to fart, burp, or sweat.. if we didnt bitch we'd explode" lol
| quote: |
| Originally posted by anuneventrade Rules for the Men to cuddle. �R U a girl?� and �OMGHI2U!� are not pick up lines. reason for the phone call, whether the male knows it or not. The females new haircut, is never bad. |
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