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Israel To Hang Bags of Pig Fat On Buses

A clever solution to the exploding Muslim problem.

quote:

BBC News, 12 Feb 2004 Israeli police are to hang bags of pig lard on buses and in other public places to deter would-be Muslim suicide bombers, Israeli media have reported. The Maariv daily said rabbinical authorities sanctioned the plan to use the product - considered impure by Jews and Muslims - if it might save lives. According to Islamic tradition, Muslims who touch a pig before dying will be denied entry to Heaven. Hundreds of Israelis have been killed by suicide bombers in recent years. Muslim militants believe they will be rewarded with 70 virgins in paradise by carrying out suicide bombings against those they regard as enemies of Islam. Officials hope the prospect that bombers will defile their bodies by blowing up the bags of pig lard as well as themselves might discourage would-be recruits. Rabbi Eliezer Moshe Fisher, of the Jerusalem Rabbinical Court, said there was no "halachic [Jewish law] ban on using bags of lard in buses and other places" when saving lives is concerned, the newspaper reported. He said the bags would also be permitted to be placed in shopping centres, train stations, schools and other public places which might be targeted by bombers. The rabbi said if police do not enact the plan, tens of thousands of Orthodox Jews will arm themselves with guns capable of spraying liquid pig lard at suspects.

I say we just sic the big Israeli porker on them...



Lol!
[[[smoke]]]

How sad that it has come to this. I hate to say it, but I hope that this actually works, but deep down I fear that it will only make matters worse. Palestinians will blame the Israelis for making them even more angry and they will try to find new, pig-free targets. Who knows, maybe they'll start wearing latex body suits when conducting a suicide bombing.

maybe it will offer some of the mal-nourished Palestinian poppulation with some food?

now thats how ou use religion!!

See, who said religion isn't any good? Without it you wouldn't be able to devise such stupid schemes to actually stop people from blowing up themselves.

Oh wait, I forgot religion is why they are blowing up themselves.

Heh, just as israeli rabbis sanctioned this use of pork as it could save lives, I'm afraid that islamic terrorists might also circumnavigate the problem in a same way, by saying that it's acceptable to touch a pig before death if it is necessary fulfill a greater purpose for alah.

God, I can't believe I'm actually seriously discuissing this idea

This just in:

CIA Intelligence reveals Palestinian extremist groups have cloned the first winged pig in underground laboratories. This weapon is said to be able to fly into settlements and detonate upon reaching its target.

The blueprints to this WMD are said to have been found in Iraq, "these winged pigs have the ability to fly accross the Atlantic ocean in 11 minutes, and have the ability to destroy 5 city blocks" Rumsfeld solemnly told the press early Friday morning.

quote:

Originally posted by Yoepus now thats how ou use religion!! See, who said religion isn't any good? Without it you wouldn't be able to devise such stupid schemes to actually stop people from blowing up themselves. Oh wait, I forgot religion is why they are blowing up themselves.

quote:

Originally posted by rizen

what happened?? Ran out of flags with crying 'things' in front of them?

And what if the Isrealis stop riding the buses because of said lard? No one rides, no money.

Heh, think this is a pretty clever idea!

Probly wont work cos lets face it, if you blow yourself and a load of kids up, you aint gonna go to heaven anyways! (Also, isn't suicide and murder a sin, which means you cannot go to heaven? Or is that just Christians?)

Religious nutters eh? Waste of space the lot of em!

quote:

Originally posted by Yoepus what happened?? Ran out of flags with crying 'things' in front of them?

quote:

Originally posted by priveye03 And what if the Isrealis stop riding the buses because of said lard? No one rides, no money.

The rabbis have said it's okay, so I think even the Orthodox Jews won't have a problem with it.

I always had a similar idea to the pig fat. If I ever traveled to Israel, I'd wear my SPAM t-shirt all the time.

quote:

Originally posted by smokeape

oooof so this is what the Israelis have been secretly been working on

Yeah, it's trained to jam itself into narrow dank holes and root out terrorists!

rflmao!
[[[smoke]]]

quote:

Originally posted by rizen

ROFLOL! Oh you almost killed me from laughter with this one.


Screw the suicide bombing - if the Arabs had your kind of humor they could kill all the Jews from laughter.

Ii dont think that this lard exploitation will help, those idiot terrorists will be fed with more brainwashed ideology about how their act of martydom will overshadow the act of them touching this pig meat...which would therefore grant them acess to heaven.

In the end, these terrorist organization just want to kill Israeli's, to give them a taste of what they endure everyday.

quote:

Originally posted by Cyrus King Ii dont think that this lard exploitation will help, those idiot terrorists will be fed with more brainwashed ideology about how their act of martydom will overshadow the act of them touching this pig meat...which would therefore grant them acess to heaven. In the end, these terrorist organization just want to kill Israeli's, to give them a taste of what they endure everyday.

I guess the IDF will also continue to kill Palestinians, to give them a taste of what they endure everyday.

sad times for both sides

quote:

Originally posted by nic01445 I guess the IDF will also continue to kill Palestinians, to give them a taste of what they endure everyday. sad times for both sides

Israeli's dont endure what the palestinians endure DAILY. Palestinians are killed almost everyday...where there is about one suiside bombing every couple of months.

from that first quote of the poster

quote:

Muslim militants believe they will be rewarded with 70 virgins in paradise by carrying out suicide bombings against those they regard as enemies of Islam

In their minds, what is the use of having to teach 70 virgins, i would think it would be a bloody headache teaching each one of them how to do it right. Makes more sense if it were "70 hot experienced girls who enjoy a good f00king" instead of "70 virgins".





I think its quite a unique idea Why not go further and have pigs roaming Isreal. That way, you can tell a terrorist apart from an Isreali by how each responds to the presence of piggies roaming around

Israel needs to buy Babe the Sheep Pig of Australia

quote:

Originally posted by tathi Israel needs to buy Babe the Sheep Pig of Australia

Totally random, but didn't they use over 50 pigs or something like that when filming the movie? Apparently they grew so fast that they had to keep replacing them.



Hah!

lol the sheep was real?

quote:

Originally posted by Cyrus King Ii dont think that this lard exploitation will help, those idiot terrorists will be fed with more brainwashed ideology about how their act of martydom will overshadow the act of them touching this pig meat...which would therefore grant them acess to heaven. In the end, these terrorist organization just want to kill Israeli's, to give them a taste of what they endure everyday.

Yes, I've just seen them declare that at the moment of the blast the soul alrady goes to heaven, so when pieces of the corpse reach the pig lard, the soul is already saved.

quote:

Originally posted by Cyrus King Israeli's dont endure what the palestinians endure DAILY. Palestinians are killed almost everyday...where there is about one suiside bombing every couple of months.

Just when i thought you couldn't come up with a more stupid comment, you make this one! Completely and utterly pathetic Cyrus!

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