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-- jokes part 141

Posted by vmc on Mar-24-2004 18:09:

jokes part 141

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It is the first time they have flown together and it is obvious by the silence that they do not get along.
After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters:
- I do not like Chinese.
The First Officer replies:
- Oooooh, no likee Chinese? Why dat?
- You bombed Pearl harbor. That is why I do not like Chinese.
- Nooooo, noooo... Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese.
- Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese...it does not matter, they are all alike.
Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer says:
- No like Jew.
- Why not? Why do not you like Jews?
- Jews sink Titanic.
- No, no. The Jews did not sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg.
- Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, no mattah... all same

***

Gun Shop Owner: Hi, How can I help you?
Client: I am looking for a gun.
Owner: What kind of gun are you looking for?
Client: (pointing at the biggest handgun in the case): That one looks about right.
Owner: (very surprised): Why do you need a .44 magnum?
Client: It is for shooting at cans.
Owner: (pointing at a small handgun) Well, this is the perfect size for shooting at cans.
Client: (pointing again at the .44) Nah, I need this one.
Owner: OK, what kind of cans are you shooting at?
Client: Mexi-cans... Puerto Ri-cans... Afri-cans...

***

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus one turned to another and said ‘So what did you bring’. The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the Grandma Moses of Jail. Then he asked the first ‘What did you bring’. The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said ‘I brought cards’. I can play poker solitaire gin and any number of games. The third convict was sitting quietly aside grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked ‘Why are you so smug’, ‘What did you bring’. The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said ‘I brought these’. The other two were puzzled and asked ‘What can you do with those’ He grinned and pointed to the box and said ‘Well according to the box I can go horseback riding swimming roller-skating...’

Question:
What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer:
Princess Diana's death.
Question:
How come?
Answer:
An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a South African, using Bill Gates' technology, and you're probably reading this on one of the IBM clones, that use Taiwanese-made chips, and a Korean-made monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, trucked by Mexican illegals, and finally sold to you by Italian Mob.
That, my friend, is Globalization!

Posted by Zayatz on Mar-24-2004 21:20:

2nd one is best