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-- The fairwell to fr0st thread (formaly The official TA joke thread...)
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The fairwell to fr0st thread (formaly The official TA joke thread...)
"Ohwell guys i tried to be funny but i guess im not. this is what it turns into when you have a bunch of people hiding behind their computers. I suppose its like talking to someone and not looking them in the eyes or something I dont know why people choose to act the way they do on a forum but i suppose this is why a majority of the people who founded these forums have all but quit posting"
Rules
1) noone talks about TA joke thread
2) Noone talks about TA joke thread..
3) only jokes here please, if offended or you wanna laugh make a new thread dont fuck with the ta joke thread.....
Dope beats to listen to while reading jokes THIS LINK IS A MUST
Here is my first joke and i hope it doesnt offend anyone..
A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot annouces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing. The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt and bra off, and throws herself on him. "Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed. So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Here you go, you crazy bitch, iron this."
PS: Remember these could be cut and paste from anywhere or something original..... Lets just keep em coming......
A nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black."
A second little boy says,"Trees are definitely green."
"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."
Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!"
Q: How do mexican parents teach their children to put their underwear on?
A: Yellow in the front, brown in the back.
so what track do you guys think pvd will open with tomorrow?
Gay
| quote: |
| Originally posted by BxNemo so what track do you guys think pvd will open with tomorrow? |
what is this...you people need to stop hanging around these boards...you guys just took an original idea/movie and screwed it all up...congrats NYTA on making urself the biggest n00bs
Saw this one awhile back on TA its SOOOO FUCKING TRUE
How to Shower Like a Woman
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Complain because your husband had been eating your gingernut and jaffa cake body wash.
11. Rinse conditioner off hair.
12. Shave armpits and legs.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower onto a floor towel. Dry with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
16. Hang floor towel on side of tub.
17. Check entire body for zits, tweeze unwanted hairs.
18. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
19. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face.
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Taste your wife's ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
14. Pee.
15. Rinse off and get out of shower. (What's a floor towel?)
16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
17. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
18. Leave shower curtain open, water on floor, light and fan on.
19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
20. Throw wet towel on bed.
i really hope that he opens with heaven.
Q. What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A. Stick his bill up his ass.
Q. Why do girls have belly-button rings?
A. So you can hang an air freshener
Q. What's the difference between medium and rare?
A. 5 to 7 inches is medium, ten to twelve is rare.
Q. What is a lesbian?
A. Just another woman trying to do a man's job!
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Al Gore?
A: Gore got screwed while the whole world watched.
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
What has 148 teeth and can hold back the incredible hulk?
My zipper!
Q. Do you know what 6.9 is?
A. A good thing screwed up by a period.
Q. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A. One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: Why do women have vaginas?
A: So men will talk to them.
Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.
Q: What do lesbians call viagra?
A: Batteries
Q.whats the useless piece of flesh around a vagina called?....
A. ...a woman
Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx....)
Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.
Q. What do Lifesavers do that a man can't?
A. Come in eight flavors.
Q. What's six inches long that women love?
A. Folding money.
Q. When does a cub become a boy scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: Why do men name their penis?
A: They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of
their decisions.
Q: Why do only 30% of men get into Heaven?
A: If it were more, it would be Hell.
Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.
Q: Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A: Because they're not going to work in the future, either.
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
A: He walks around saying, "Yo".
Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say fuck?
A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Q: What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A: A Northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..." A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.
------------------
Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade
girl's house. One day he is carrying a football, and he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!" The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football.
The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah!"
The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!" Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boy's bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his most
private of parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and
your mother can't go buy you one!"
The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl,
"Well,what do you have to say NOW?"
So she pulls up her dress and says...
"My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"
-------------------
Gun Shop Owner: Hi, How can I help you?
Client: I am looking for a gun.
Owner: What kind of gun are you looking for?
Client: (pointing at the biggest handgun in the case): That one looks about right.
Owner: (very surprised): Why do you need a .44 magnum?
Client: It is for shooting at cans.
Owner: (pointing at a small handgun) Well, this is the perfect size for shooting at cans.
Client: (pointing again at the .44) Nah, I need this one.
Owner: OK, what kind of cans are you shooting at?
Client: Mexi-cans... Puerto Ri-cans... Afri-cans...
--------------------
A little boy at a wedding looks at his mother and says, "Mommy, why is the girl wearing white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"
--------------------
Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper.
The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that?
The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean.
He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, "I wish that sucker would've tried that stuff with me!"
| quote: |
| Originally posted by djozzman1 what is this...you people need to stop hanging around these boards...you guys just took an original idea/movie and screwed it all up...congrats NYTA on making urself the biggest n00bs |
BXNemo for someone who acts like he knows me, and swears my name is john...good job u made a total ass of urself pat yourself on the back..and do it once for ur mom
to the two idiots that were standing behind me when i was at virgin....the skinny kid with his fat friend talking about how many things will sasha sign, and whether or not he will sign their asses...you two are the joke.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by BxNemo for... a record i posted that inspite of the fact that i know how pissed john gets when someone doesn't do things his way, like a pregnant woman he complains and moans about it. For further notice allways do what he says or else he'll rip you a new one with his bitching. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by djozzman1 what is this...you people need to stop hanging around these boards...you guys just took an original idea/movie and screwed it all up...congrats NYTA on making urself the biggest n00bs |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by djozzman1 BXNemo for someone who acts like he knows me, and swears my name is john...good job u made a total ass of urself pat yourself on the back..and do it once for ur mom to the two idiots that were standing behind me when i was at virgin....the skinny kid with his fat friend talking about how many things will sasha sign, and whether or not he will sign their asses...you two are the joke. |
lol this is just to good...and yes i was referring to "Fight Club" and im just ruining the thread because i feel like being an asshole...as far as bringing some much needed humor to this forum, plain and simple look at yourselves now thats funny. and further, those with the inferior brains seem to be the NYTA's i hear more dumb shit coming out of ur mouth in the past what 6 months then coming out of a shrinks mouth....i direct these to the AVB, Tiesto, and PVD whores
| quote: |
| Originally posted by BxNemo lol now this is pretty funny because frost is john and i was talking about him lol, not you lad. |
fr0st & sandstorm you little assholes. 
A woman rushes home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, she slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband says, 'Oh my gosh! No kidding? What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she says. "Just get the hell out."
----------------------------------------------
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A: They won't stop for directions.
Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.
Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.
Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.
Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.
Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by djozzman1 woops |
shit happens...just this forum pisses me off more and more and i cant help but come across more and more of these threads...you want to make a forum funny...flame the idiots on it...BXNemo finally some intelligence =)
| quote: |
| Originally posted by djozzman1 lol this is just to good...and yes i was referring to "Fight Club" and im just ruining the thread because i feel like being an asshole...as far as bringing some much needed humor to this forum, plain and simple look at yourselves now thats funny. and further, those with the inferior brains seem to be the NYTA's i hear more dumb shit coming out of ur mouth in the past what 6 months then coming out of a shrinks mouth....i direct these to the AVB, Tiesto, and PVD whores |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by fr0st way to earn my respect you little ****..... At least show some respect for what i ask you fucking tool.... Thanks lee for keeping the thread straight... |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by fr0st Sooo let people like what they like it hurts noone....Who the fuck are you to say one thing is better than something else... I may harrass the PVD fan base on ossasions but i have no problem with them for the most part I dont base my opinion on someone by the type of music they listen to... And what it fucks sake does my humour thread have to do with any of this.. You are the twat who brought it up. And look at yourself now thats funny... picking on people for the music they like or for them getting excited when i idol of theirs comes to town... You are a sad little person. Whom I hope some day accomplishes something. But with your current atitude and state of mine the only place your going is in circles... Soooo take a look at your life its time to grow up.. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by BxNemo Oh dear, forgive me john for not posting a joke, i do feel like i should be flamed for being the first fuck the thread up, umongst the tons of people that would of done it soon after. Dood, you've been cool to me but i honestly don't feel like i should earn the respect of a fuckin drama queen. Look back john, how many times have you blown up over the dumbest shit? i've lost count to be honest. |
rofl, John, you were pissed at what i did and decided to include me in one of ur jokes, Way to be a grown up 
I reply inspite of that you flame me, Way to be a grown up
You tell me that i should grow up when you cry about the dumbest shit EVER lol and i just have it in me to laugh it off but you just keep on cryin, Way to be a grown up
I'll tell you what john, i will remove my post about pvd and apologize for it and for everything i posted about you the minute you realize how much of a child you are when you don't get your way. You see i would post all the reasons that you've blown up on me but i don't wanna type 2 pages back and front with everything you've bitched to me about.
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