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TA Joke Thread!
Alright people. I'm bored right now and figured I'd make a funny thread that we all could add to. Post any kind of jokes you want. Remember people, they're jokes and not ment to intentionlly hurt anyone. I'll start off with a "kindergarten" style joke.
A bear & a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. The bear turned to the rabbit and said.."Excuse me, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replied "no" so the bear proceeded to wipe his ass with the rabbit. (taken from Eddie Murphy-Delerious).
that rabbit got owned bro,
ight peeps .
I just got a FUCKING 153$ speeding ticket on my way to work .. i NEEEEEEED to smile,
I know you fockers know some funny jokes
Someone?! Anyone!?
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| Originally posted by RachUCF1001 that rabbit got owned bro, ight peeps . I just got a FUCKING 153$ speeding ticket on my way to work .. i NEEEEEEED to smile, I know you fockers know some funny jokes Someone?! Anyone!? |
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| Originally posted by BitchBoyNYC That sucks Rach. Next time don't tak Brians advice about the pushing the pedal on the right!!!!! Use the pedal on the left!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Originally posted by Wazup8012 That's even funnier than your orriginal joke. Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha Sorry to hear that Rach. I hope that you either get it erased or lessen the charge. GL |
I'm thinking of a good one.
there were 3 guys taking a hike in the woods. they get captured by a canabilistic tribe so the tribe takes the hikers to their leader. the leader tells the hikers that they can go free if they can complete a 2 part task. they agree so the leader tells them the first part of the task is to go collect 10 pieces of fruit. they each go their seperate ways and the first hiker returns with 10 apples. the tribe leader tells him the second part of the task is that they are going to shove those 10 apples up his ass and he cannot make any facial expressions what-so-ever. he gets by the first one ok but flinches on the second so they chop him up and eat him and he goes to heaven. the second hiker shows back up with 10 berries. the leader tells him the second part of the task and the hiker is thinking "shit, no problem, these berries are small". he gets through the first nine no problem at all. on the tenth, he bursts out laughing so they chop him up and eat him and he goes to heaven. the first guy, after witnessing what happened, sees the second hiker in heaven and asks "what happened man, you were so close to being home free?" the second hiker says "i seen the other guy strolling up with watermelons and i just couldn't help myself!!!!"
Worst comes to worst I will just post a pic of my little man.
Then she can laugh and say things like 'awww Adam that's adorable'
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| Originally posted by Wazup8012 I'm thinking of a good one. |
something there you should know.
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| Originally posted by vtec junkie there were 3 guys taking a hike in the woods. they get captured by a canabilistic tribe so the tribe takes the hikers to their leader. the leader tells the hikers that they can go free if they can complete a 2 part task. they agree so the leader tells them the first part of the task is to go collect 10 pieces of fruit. they each go their seperate ways and the first hiker returns with 10 apples. the tribe leader tells him the second part of the task is that they are going to shove those 10 apples up his ass and he cannot make any facial expressions what-so-ever. he gets by the first one ok but flinches on the second so they chop him up and eat him and he goes to heaven. the second hiker shows back up with 10 berries. the leader tells him the second part of the task and the hiker is thinking "shit, no problem, these berries are small". he gets through the first nine no problem at all. on the tenth, he bursts out laughing so they chop him up and eat him and he goes to heaven. the first guy, after witnessing what happened, sees the second hiker in heaven and asks "what happened man, you were so close to being home free?" the second hiker says "i seen the other guy strolling up with watermelons and i just couldn't help myself!!!!" |
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| Originally posted by Wazup8012 That's even funnier than your orriginal joke. Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha Sorry to hear that Rach. I hope that you either get it erased or lessen the charge. GL |
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| Originally posted by vtec junkie there were 3 guys taking a hike in the woods. they get captured by a canabilistic tribe so the tribe takes the hikers to their leader. the leader tells the hikers that they can go free if they can complete a 2 part task. they agree so the leader tells them the first part of the task is to go collect 10 pieces of fruit. they each go their seperate ways and the first hiker returns with 10 apples. the tribe leader tells him the second part of the task is that they are going to shove those 10 apples up his ass and he cannot make any facial expressions what-so-ever. he gets by the first one ok but flinches on the second so they chop him up and eat him and he goes to heaven. the second hiker shows back up with 10 berries. the leader tells him the second part of the task and the hiker is thinking "shit, no problem, these berries are small". he gets through the first nine no problem at all. on the tenth, he bursts out laughing so they chop him up and eat him and he goes to heaven. the first guy, after witnessing what happened, sees the second hiker in heaven and asks "what happened man, you were so close to being home free?" the second hiker says "i seen the other guy strolling up with watermelons and i just couldn't help myself!!!!" |
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| Originally posted by RachUCF1001 hahaha yea, Brian says to just go to court and the piggie probably wont even show and ill be home free, im nervous to do that though, my luck he'll show up with his dunkin doughnuts and his little paper that shows he clocked me and ill end up looking like a total douche and ill be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo maddddddddddddddddd if that happens But im broke, so im considering that option, wont hurt to try, PLus im going to jail with all the tickets i fking get i swear. BTW, ADAM, welcome to the crackie boards! You are one of us now... scAaAaRyyy MWUAHahahaha |
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| Originally posted by Wazup8012 That's hilarious. Two hikers are walking through the woods. It's getting kinda late and they are getting really hungry, but nothing is in sight. They walk for a little whil longer and finally one of the hikers sees a small house. They walk over to the house and one of them knocks on the door. An old lady answers the door and lets him in. He asked her if it was possible that him and his friend could get some food as they were very hungry. The old lady(in her 80's) said "sure but you have to fuk me". He thought for a bit and then said "ok but you have to close your eyes". He then found a carrot and proceeded to give it to her with the carrot. When she was done he threw the carrot out the window and ate his meal. He decided that he was still hungry so he asked her "is it ok if we go again I'm still hungry?" She said, "sure it is". So she closed her eyes and he used another carrot. When he finished he ate his meal and walked outside. He told his buddy how amazing his dinner was. His buddy told him, "WOW that's really cool I had these two really tasty carrots" |
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| Originally posted by Wazup8012 That's hilarious. Two hikers are walking through the woods. It's getting kinda late and they are getting really hungry, but nothing is in sight. They walk for a little whil longer and finally one of the hikers sees a small house. They walk over to the house and one of them knocks on the door. An old lady answers the door and lets him in. He asked her if it was possible that him and his friend could get some food as they were very hungry. The old lady(in her 80's) said "sure but you have to fuk me". He thought for a bit and then said "ok but you have to close your eyes". He then found a carrot and proceeded to give it to her with the carrot. When she was done he threw the carrot out the window and ate his meal. He decided that he was still hungry so he asked her "is it ok if we go again I'm still hungry?" She said, "sure it is". So she closed her eyes and he used another carrot. When he finished he ate his meal and walked outside. He told his buddy how amazing his dinner was. His buddy told him, "WOW that's really cool I had these two really tasty carrots" |
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| Originally posted by Wazup8012 Brian's right. Plead not guilty and show up to court. If he doesn't show up your home free, if he does most likely if you talk to him nicely and ask nicely he will be willing to lessen the charge. It's done all the time. |
Rach, I wouldn't sweat it. Just show up in court and just hope that the trooper don't come. If he does come, most likely the judge will lessen the amount of the ticket. How fast were you going? Isn't the speed limit on the highway down there like 75mph?
There are three men that want to marry this farmers gorgeous daughter. She was the most beautifull girl anywhere. So the farmer told them that if they could sleep in the barn for one night and the one that kept their soldier could marry her. They all agreed not knowing that the farmer already put an animal trap down in her southern region. The next morning the farmer made them line up ini a straight line and pull dwn their pants and underpants. The farmer looked at the first guy and said, "you failed you can't marry her". He looked at the second man and said the same. He then got to the third man and realised that everything was still intact. He said to the man, "congratulations you are the only one who passed my test. Do you have anything to say for yourself?" The man slowly said, "mwit wmas uhn uhna swir".
ore to come later but I have to get to therapy.
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| Originally posted by BitchBoyNYC Rach, I wouldn't sweat it. Just show up in court and just hope that the trooper don't come. If he does come, most likely the judge will lessen the amount of the ticket. How fast were you going? Isn't the speed limit on the highway down there like 75mph? |
A guy walks into a bar with a one foot man sitting on his shoulder. He ordered a beer. The bartender was curious as he got the beer for the guy, but as he put the beer down on the bar, before the guy could reach it, the little man lept off his shoulder and picked up the beer and dumped it in the guys lap.
The guy sighs and asks for a shot of wisky. As soon as the glass hits the bar, the little man threw the drink in the guys face and smashed the shot glass against the wall. "I have to know.... where did you get that guy?" "Well... I'll tell you... I was walking on the beach, saw a brass lamp, rubbed it, and a geenie came out. He said I could have one wish. I asked for a twelve inch prick and this is what I got"
Little Johnny had a gambling problem so his teacher and his dad decided that they would try to find a way to break him of it. They both knew he only had $500 left. So one day Johnny goes to school and the teacher ask him to stay after class. She is going on and on about how for $250 she would raise all of his grades and clear his record in the principal's office. He wasn't paying any attention obviously because when she finally shut up he goes " you see that hair on your head?" and she goes "Uh yeah" and he goes "Well, I bet you $500 that the hair between your legs is just as red." and so she made the bet, and to his surprise it was the blackest bussle he'd ever seen. He gave up his last $500 and went home. Later that afternoon his teacher called his dad and told him that she thinks she broke his habit because she got all $500. Then the dad goes " No, bitch, because i bet him $500 this morning that he couldn't see your pussy by the end of the day!"
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| Originally posted by RachUCF1001 i wasnt on the highway, 59 in 45, and for the record, EVERYONE speeds that much on this particular road, There were like 10 cops standing on the corner with their stupid little radar guns pulling everyone over.. literally stepping out in the middle of the road , putting their arm up.. pointing at the car - and telling them to pull over. There was a line of people on the side of the road getting tickets written out for them! bunch of BULLSHIT! It was a Pullover Party.. never seen anything like it. Im so fucking pissed. But yea i think im going to plead NG |
How true is this???
Who's the Boss?
When the Lord made man/woman, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.
The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss. The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that without them man would be helpless, so they should be boss. Then the asshole applied for the job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard at this that the asshole became mad and closed up.
After a few days...
The brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the stomach got ill, and the eyes got crossed and unable to see. They all conceded and made the asshole boss.
This proved that you don't have to be a brain to be boss...
Just an Asshole.
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| Originally posted by BitchBoyNYC How true is this??? Who's the Boss? When the Lord made man/woman, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss. The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss. The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that without them man would be helpless, so they should be boss. Then the asshole applied for the job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard at this that the asshole became mad and closed up. After a few days... The brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the stomach got ill, and the eyes got crossed and unable to see. They all conceded and made the asshole boss. This proved that you don't have to be a brain to be boss... Just an Asshole. |
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