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Who should pay for the date? *UPDATED*

I just got into a big argument with a female friend of mine over this issue. She feels that guys are obligated to always be the ones paying for dates and spoiling the girls. And this is coming from an 18-year-old who drives a new BMW.

What the hell? Are we back in the 50's again? Do women not have jobs? Are they not capable of supporting themselves? Does the importance of gender equality go out the window with the promise of a free date?

For some reason, women feel their company is so precious that it's worth not only our company, but also our money! And while we're at it, we might as well buy them expensive gifts. This way they'll have something to laugh about with their friends, just like this very same girl did two weeks ago when some loser bought her an $500 cell.

I think today's 'men' are largely to blame for women's skewed perspective of the dating game. They call them 5 times a day, buy them flowers all the time, pay for their dates, buy them gifts, pay their damn bills and do everything imaginable to spoil them rotten.

I'm almost 21 and i'm proud to say that i've never paid for a date in my life unless i knew the girl would pay for half of it or would treat me next time. And yes, i've dated girls like my friend before, and converted them to my own way of thinking. They're so hung up on equality now that they even help me fill up with gas when we go places.

So how do you feel about all this? I wanna hear from both guys and girls. And please take the time to write out a thoughtful reply to really get your point of view across. Don't only tell us how you see it, tell us why! And guys, for fuck's sake, stop being such pussies. Next time a girl asks you to buy her a drink, ask her to buy you one first.




FURTHER THOUGHTS - AUGUST 5

Personally, i'd have to say this has little to do with money. I'm not rich, but i'd be lying if i said that i could even notice the impact of a few fully-paid dates on my monthly statement. So it's really the principle. Both of equality and of effectiveness. The first is obvious, so i'll elaborate on the second.

Paying for the first date is basically shooting yourself in the foot. It sets the wrong tone from the state. Think about it: you've just met and you're already doing her favors. And she knows why too - you're trying to win her over because you wanna have sex with her. This immediately makes you the pursuer, and places her ass firmly on top of your head (and i don't mean in the way you want either).

If you don't care about money, at least take the time to think where paying for even the first date leads. This paints the wrong (though often correct) picture for the girl and she'll treat you accordingly. If you're planning to show her that you're not the kind of guy to be used later, you'll be fighting an uphill battle because the foundation for your relationship was already laid and she's made up her mind about you.

Now, i understand how seemingly embarassing it may be for the guy to say "no" when the girl says she wants him to pick up the bill in the end of the night. But let's set some things straight here. You're a man. You're strong and unafraid to stand up for what you believe in. If she doesn't understand it and won't respect you for it, she's nothing but a spoiled, snobby bitch. Why would you even want to be with someone like that? Her (lack of) willingness to pay should be a way for you to test her worthiness, not a way for her to test yours!

But there's also an alternative path you can take to avoid unpleasant dates. Don't date her. If you call her and ask her out to dinner, she'll go into 'date mode' and start expecting things. Instead, ask her for coffee - you can even do this when you first meet her. Then you can convey your personality and vice versa. Tell her a story about your "friend's" run-in with a snobby bitch and make sure she understands that's not what you're looking for. If she likes you at all, right then and there she'll assure you that if she were in that situation, she'd love to pay for half.

spending time with me is that precious.

i agree diabolic

I don't think men SHOULD pay, but most of the guys I have dated still have some sense of chivalry and like to think of themselves as the providers, meaning, they always offer to pay, and only sometimes I insist on contributing.

So long as the couple agrees on who should pay between them, what's the big deal? If your friend finds a guy who wants to be like that, then that's perfect for both of them, and isn't really any of your concern.

Whoever asks for a date should pay for a date. IMHO that's fair. Thus if you are a guy and ask a girl for a date, expect to pay for it.

Once you are in a relationship; however, partners should take turns.

That's my 0.02c

I usually split...unless I'm feeling generous and sometimes pay for something...but if the girl insists taht I should be the one paying for her chances are I won't go out with her for long...

Precious time my ass...

quote:

Originally posted by Skipper I don't think men SHOULD pay, but most of the guys I have dated still have some sense of chivalry and like to think of themselves as the providers, meaning, they always offer to pay, and only sometimes I insist on contributing. So long as the couple agrees on who should pay between them, what's the big deal? If your friend finds a guy who wants to be like that, then that's perfect for both of them, and isn't really any of your concern.

yeah exactly, if you don't agree with paying then don't pay. find a girl that will pay for everything for you. but if you are a guy that is willing to provide at least for the first couple of dates then go right ahead. people get together no matter what, you just need to find a person that shares your views.

btw, once you are together for a long time, both of you pay since it's both your money. that's the situation i'm in now.

spending time with me or any other woman is actually worth a lot more than just a free meal.

If women expect me to pay for the date they better make DAMN GOOD breakfast

I find there aren't that many girls like this anymore. Usually the ones that are like this are girls you probably wouldn't want to get involved with anyways.

I have no problem paying for a girl that I care about, but if we are just starting to date to evaluate relationship potential, why should it be me that has to pay?

It's usually the lazy ass hoochies with no jobs that expect the guys to pay for them anyways. Why would you get a job when you have some poor loser who's going to pay your way for you?

My famous saying


"equality ends when the cheque comes to the table"

Women seem to want it (and they have it) both ways. They want all the trappings of feminism (and so they should have) such as equal pay and equal rights but when that actually becomes a disadvantage they all of a sudden become traditionalists. This is why i have obstained from dating canadian women for a while. Im sick of the double standard. Not all are this way but there are way too many "princesses" out there that forget how to treat their prince.


That old rap song said it best.... "this is equal rights..you can pick up the cheque"

I'll pay, I don't give a shit about the money, it's the principal/attitude behind it. Sitting back expecting me to pay all the time and that'll piss me off, honestly offering to pay when you can, makes all the difference, even if they don't end up paying. With my GF, I pick up the cheque more often because I make more money, but she doesn't expect me to pay all the time. She contributes what she can, so I don't mind really care if I spend more.

But in general, I'd pay for the first date, 2nd too, but after that (and especially if there was no offer to help in the first two). I'd be on the highroad out of there. Go find someone else to take advantage of.

Stereoprincess: a woman's time is worth more than a meal? Well so is mine... so what do i get out of this?

Me and my gf have been together almost half a year now... and we usually split things evenly... sometimes i pay for her, sometimes she pays for me...

i dont think guys should spend everything on women, and that it should be even, for the most part... i mean if the guy is spendin a lil more, i dont think its a big deal. however if its all one-sided, thats just ghey... therefore, i agree with you diabolic. if theres a girl that expects me to pay for eveything, and her stuff, well, IMO, thats goldigging, and i wouldnt waste a cent on her.

however, there are times where the guy should take the girl out, and pay for everything, u know, do sumthin special.

I'll always offer to pay for half, but I think it's nice when a guy pays for the first couple of dates. After you're officially a couple, you should either take turns paying or always split it, it's not right otherwise.

Re: Who should pay for the date?

quote:

Originally posted by d!abolic I think today's 'men' are largely to blame for women's skewed perspective of the dating game. They call them 5 times a day, buy them flowers all the time, pay for their dates, buy them gifts, pay their damn bills and do everything imaginable to spoil them rotten.

Guys like this make it tough for the normal honest guy. Whats worse is that these guys do it because they feel insecure about being with the girl.

STOP BEING PUSSIES!!!!

Men in Canada for the most part get what they deserve. Sadly it means the honest stiff has to go elsewhere to find women that arent so manipulative.

I'm fairly traditonal when it comes to dating I guess.. chivalry and all that..(opening doors, pulling out chairs, paying)

Haven't had to bust out those rules for some time though.

It's interesting the things you learn about your date once the check comes though... I always just go straight for the wallet, but nearly every girl I've dated has wanted to split it or pick up the tip.

And if a girl ever asked me to buy her a drink, I'd give her her my best smile, motion to the bartender, and pass her a cup of water, fresh from the tap baby.

quote:

Originally posted by crazedcanuck And if a girl ever asked me to buy her a drink, I'd give her her my best smile, motion to the bartender, and pass her a cup of water, fresh from the tap baby.

Hahhaha, yes!!

quote:

Originally posted by starsearcher I usually split...unless I'm feeling generous and sometimes pay for something...but if the girl insists taht I should be the one paying for her chances are I won't go out with her for long... Precious time my ass...

that is pretty much exactly my thoughts

if a girl ASKS me to pay, I likely will, but I will have issue with it.
I will pay for her no problem, but if she asks, thats kinda low.

Usually i pay the first date because im the one asking her out, but a girl will not get a second date unless she at least does "the reach" ... as in reaching for her purse. At least show the intention of wanting to take care of the bill. If that doesnt happen i feel as used as "yo mama on prom night" and shes not getting a second call.

LOL

quote:

Originally posted by Skipper I don't think men SHOULD pay, but most of the guys I have dated still have some sense of chivalry and like to think of themselves as the providers

If you were a single mother of four working for minimum wage, then the noble thing for the man to do may in fact be to pay. In that case, you would NEED his support. But in reality, you don't. There is no NEED for him to be a provider, and he's creating an artificial need to compensate for lack of other admirable qualities. Think about it, how is that different from the guy who constantly talks about himself and won't shut up about how much he makes, or how much he lifts or how well connected he is?

quote:

Originally posted by Durafei Whoever asks for a date should pay for a date. IMHO that's fair. Thus if you are a guy and ask a girl for a date, expect to pay for it.

The problem with this is that girls are usually too timid to make the move, so the guy usually ends up asking the girl out, even if she's actually more interested in him than he is in her. Of course, there are exceptions, but we're talking about MOST girls here.

quote:

Originally posted by starsearcher I usually split...unless I'm feeling generous and sometimes pay for something...but if the girl insists taht I should be the one paying for her chances are I won't go out with her for long... Precious time my ass...

I have this friend who always gets suckered into paying for dates. Whenever a girl even hints at the fact that i should pay, i always remember his pityful face and remember him say "i paid for everything and she didn't even say thanks... god i feel like such a loser!"

If a girl INSISTED i pay like it's my sworn duty and obligation, not only wouldn't there be a second date, but i'd just get up and walk away, leaving her to pay for the first. I think that'd be the last time she'd ever insist on that again.

quote:

Originally posted by Silver Bass If women expect me to pay for the date they better make DAMN GOOD breakfast

Hallellujah, my brotha.. HALLALLUJAH!

quote:

Originally posted by The Highroller I find there aren't that many girls like this anymore. Usually the ones that are like this are girls you probably wouldn't want to get involved with anyways.

Precisely. When the average guy gets a date with a cute girl, he immediately assumes she's perfect for him. Therefore, he goes on to do everything imaginable to prove himself worthy, and ironically enough, this results in him getting dumped. That guy should really be sitting there and thinking if she's good enough for him, not if he's good enough for her! Because there are so many pretty girls out there, but true men are as rare as supermodels. In fact, most of those girls have never even met one.

I had a talk with a girl like the kind you mentioned - no job and used to being supported by guys. We've gone out twice and i insisted that we split both times, so now she decides to start giving me a hard time about it and tells me how all the other guys always pay. At this point, i just looked at her and bluntly laid down my principles. She sat there looking at me for like 10 seconds. And then just says "WWOWW" and starts smiling and crying and telling me she's never met someone like this before.

diabolic: most canadian guys are too pussy to stand up for their principles and the ones who do usually get called cheap or whatever. The issue here isnt about money, its about respect. Obviously you dont respect me as a person if all you want is whats in my wallet just the same as how a woman would say that a guy doesnt respect her if all he wants is to get into her pants. I see absolutely no difference. To me, the guys who lay out all sorts of money on strangers are just as slutty as women who fuck every guy she meets.

You want equality? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ you just got it!

Yea, i'm with ya here Jay. I don't see the need for us to go after other women though. If we're strong enough, we can impose our will on the girls we date and get them to see things our way. And while i'd rather not have to do that, if i'm forced to choose between doing that and being her bitch, you're damn right i'm gonna do it!

quote:

Originally posted by tw1tch I'll pay, I don't give a shit about the money, it's the principal/attitude behind it. Sitting back expecting me to pay all the time and that'll piss me off, honestly offering to pay when you can, makes all the difference, even if they don't end up paying. With my GF, I pick up the cheque more often because I make more money, but she doesn't expect me to pay all the time. She contributes what she can, so I don't mind really care if I spend more. But in general, I'd pay for the first date, 2nd too, but after that (and especially if there was no offer to help in the first two). I'd be on the highroad out of there. Go find someone else to take advantage of.

my thoughts exactly..

quote:

Originally posted by d!abolic When the average guy gets a date with a cute girl, he immediately assumes she's perfect for him. Therefore, he goes on to do everything imaginable to prove himself worthy, and ironically enough, this results in him getting dumped. That guy should really be sitting there and thinking if she's good enough for him, not if he's good enough for her! Because there are so many pretty girls out there, but true men are as rare as supermodels. In fact, most of those girls have never even met one.

So true...

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