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-- Funny Metaphors
Funny Metaphors
i'm sure people have seen this before but i want more!!!
These are (allegedly) metaphors from actual GCSE essays:
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hotgrease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19 p.m.at a speed of 35mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr.on a Dr Pepper can.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.
Even in his last years, Grandpa had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portionof Family Fortunes.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31p-a-pint night.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can'tBelieve It's Not Butter."
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Glenda Jackson MP in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Robin Cook MP, Leader of the House ofCommons, in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the suspension of Keith Vaz MP.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behindher, like a dog at a lamp post.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.
She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
now i want to hear some more ones - get some of the tranceaddict creative genius working - i'll start first
his mind was about as sharp as a grade 10 biology teacher's cardigan
Her nipples were as hard as industrial-grade plutonium...
this thread is as gay as whats inside TTA's closet. I have no sympathy for this thread like neo's weak ego. so im out like the fat kid in dodgeball..
my grip is tighter then amber's vagina
PSYCHE!
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Vivid Boy im out like the fat kid in dodgeball.. |
He was no good in poker. He folded faster than superman on laundry day.
Eric is one of the only people that I know that tries to make fun of you and then sends you a message to let you know about it. 
You better be glad that I like you Eric. 
| quote: |
| Originally posted by trancebrat Eric is one of the only people that I know that tries to make fun of you and then sends you a message to let you know about it. You better be glad that I like you Eric. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Vivid Boy this thread is as gay as whats inside TTA's closet. I have no sympathy for this thread like neo's weak ego. so im out like the fat kid in dodgeball.. |
especially to the TTAs closet thing...
| quote: |
| Originally posted by -=M=- that metaphor was messier than a result of a cement mixer falling into a beaver dam! |
haha :clueless: indeedy!!!
his responces were as sharp as a year 9 biology teachers cardigan
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Anomyst his responces were as sharp as a year 9 biology teachers cardigan |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Azz3D He was no good in poker. He folded faster than superman on laundry day. |
) and I said I "was folding more than the origami world champion."
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Fundamental That reminds me of when I was playing poker (check the poker thread - get in ) and I said I "was folding more than the origami world champion." |
That was a terrible boxing match. He went down faster than Paris Hilton in the mens locker room.
Meh.
I think the word you wanted was simile not metaphor by the way.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Radagast I think the word you wanted was simile not metaphor by the way. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Radagast He went down faster than Paris Hilton in the mens locker room. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Vivid Boy this thread is as gay as whats inside TTA's closet. |
yeah i pointed that out as well when i read the ones on essays
Making fiery love to her was like sexing up a red chocobo.
That's one for peole who like that game...what is it..Dungeons and Dwarfs or something. Go Frodo.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Vivid Boy this thread is as gay as whats inside TTA's closet. I have no sympathy for this thread like neo's weak ego. so im out like the fat kid in dodgeball.. |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Mr.Mystery You're about as useful here as whipped cream is in house building. |
Shes been on more laps than a napkin.
He wasn't the sharpest in the group... sharp as a marble, maybe, but not quite as sharp as a bag of wet hair.
I gotta get to work, so I'm out like Ellen
He was harder than Floorfiller when Theresa's online. 
I like cheese like a cheese liking machine
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Orbax Shes been on more laps than a napkin. |
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