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-- International Rules of Manhood
International Rules of Manhood
01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at a football game, and your pies are getting wet, then for the eating period only it is permissible.
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcoh-pop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless super-model....and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever
a girl made these.
there would be a lot less rules if a guy did.
Always remember: tuck, zip only in that order.
Screw any chick you please. Only mention ones that you're willing to be seen with though.
wow, those are hilarious! i really like 02.
hahahah my favorite radio show in the morning read this a while back, i was laughing so hard on the way to work...
Re: International Rules of Manhood
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Illusion 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever |
Re: International Rules of Manhood
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Illusion 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever |
Re: International Rules of Manhood
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Illusion 08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. |
Hehe, i don't now... sounds like the rules to being a grunt american country boy
yea i don't think these rules apply to metros 
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Slylee yea i don't think these rules apply to metros |
metros are closet gays
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Slylee metros are closet gays |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Slylee metros are closet gays |
i was just kidding....metros are cute...as long as they don't act prissy or take it to extremes...
guys who like to shop and take care of themselves and look good are awesome...
guys who get manicures and pedicures and take more than 2 showers a day = 
eyebrow waxing...depends. only if he has a tacky unibrow...for shaping purposes, umm no.
i read this in a maxim
| quote: |
| Originally posted by eye_03 i read this in a maxim |
If you own a 2 seat car, you must keep cab fare in it at all times in case a mate is riding with you, and you hook up with a girl. If you are riding in your mate's 2 seat car and he hooks up, you are to accept said cab fare no questions asked.
me and my buddy were walking in the rain one night on the way to a club when we brought up a really good point, would you walk under an umbrella with another guy
now its official, you cant 
Bwaha excellent stuff
Re: International Rules of Manhood
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Illusion 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. |
| quote: |
| 03: Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates. |
those were great! 
...and now i'm bored again cuz i finished reading 'em, so i made up a multiple choice to pass the time
You're at a football game (semi-finals) with your friends and one of them falls over with a heart attack. You would:
I'd say a . cell phone... can dial and watch the game
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