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TA's lend me ur ears and wisdom

I need some help on a simple question do u guys believe its wrong to have sex with a girl who has a fiancee?

i mean this girl is tight and i want to and i can but is it worth killing the marriage? shes also 6 yrs older than me =(

should I or shouldnt I?


not to mention my girl wouldnt be too happy either that is if she found out =P

hmmm...a couple things:

maybe this girl shouldn't be getting married if she still wants to sleep with other people...the urge won't all of a sudden stop once she gets married.

and for you...it depends on what type of relationship you have/want to have with your gf. is it serious? or non-commital? or more of a "fuck-friend" deal? imo cheating is one of the worst things you could do to your gf/bf. so if you want to keep a trusting relationship with your gf, i would suggest not cheating on her.

k well #1 my girl and me are breaking up so like it makes no diff....
and #2 i dont think this girl has the urge to sleep with any other guy cept for me =(....like lets say her and her fiancee break up and now im dating her...I know for a fact im not staying with her forever...i can see myself dating her but not marrying her you know....so is it right to break up this marriage...or should i say fuck it and just let it be...? too confusing...it sux to be 19 =(

Do it, 'Enjoi' it, hey after its all done you got a story to tell the grandkids

heh....u know, getting with an older woman had [keyword: HAD] always been my fantasy...heheh...

but DONT do it is what i say. im no relationship expert, but just put urself in that guy's [her fiancee's] shoes for a second and see how you would feel if u caught ur gf [no, not the one u're breaking up with right now, but for the sake of discussion, lets say u had a gf u greatly loved and cared for]...enjoying w/ sum1 else....

i always believe that what goes around comes around, so my advice to u is to say no thanks...u'll find better, single women for sure man

my 2 cents

peace

quote:

Originally posted by AnotherWay83 heh....u know, getting with an older woman had [keyword: HAD] always been my fantasy...heheh... but DONT do it is what i say. im no relationship expert, but just put urself in that guy's [her fiancee's] shoes for a second and see how you would feel if u caught ur gf [no, not the one u're breaking up with right now, but for the sake of discussion, lets say u had a gf u greatly loved and cared for]...enjoying w/ sum1 else.... i always believe that what goes around comes around, so my advice to u is to say no thanks...u'll find better, single women for sure man my 2 cents peace

ya don't do anything that you don't want done to you...or something like that.

i say go for it. marriage is stupid so dont worry about breaking it up. theres like a 2/3 chance of it breaking up eventually anyway (at least i think thats the current nat'l stat).

but thats just my opinion.

Its a question of morals, I'm not one to preach, I'm a pretty nasty guy... BUT... I won't ever cheat on a girl, nor would I hook up with someone who is engaged/married...

In fact, if this situation happened to me, I would tell the guy she's getting married to! I would likely get her on tape, then expose her to him... I know that sounds harsh, but the bitch wants to do that shit to a guy who thinks he's madly in love with her, nasty nasty natsy....

There is no apology for that shit, hurting someone you supposedly care for is fucked up and I won't ever do it, nor should you excuse anything of the sort yourself.

Do that guy a huge favor and tell him whats coming if he marries her...

People sure don't have any clue what Marriage means anymore

........ thats truly sad.........

quote:

Originally posted by BLUEGIRL i say go for it. marriage is stupid so dont worry about breaking it up. theres like a 2/3 chance of it breaking up eventually anyway (at least i think thats the current nat'l stat). but thats just my opinion.

Thats really sad I'm marrying an Icelandic girl, nobody in North America takes marriage seriously anymore. How is it OK for you to cheat if others do it? I don't get it, where are you morals, your concience...

Sorry if I sound mad, but this shit really boils me. I mean that wanna marry a millionare show upset me so much, it still does. What the hell is good about marrying someone that you don't even know, just because he has money?!?! Its sick, sacrificing happyness, true love over some shit like money...

Each of us makes choices in life that effect everyone around us, if we behave a certain way just because others do, we are sheep

Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.....

quote:

Originally posted by Vivid Boy k well #1 my girl and me are breaking up so like it makes no diff....

Oh, so its a rebound thing. Dont try to prove anything to anyone, least of all to yourself about your self image. If you have a poor self image theres less involved ways of dealing with that and they wont hurt anyone else.

quote:

and #2 i dont think this girl has the urge to sleep with any other guy cept for me =(

Who are you trying to convince here?
Listen to what your conscience and common sense are saying!
READ BETWEEN THE LINES

quote:

....like lets say her and her fiancee break up and now im dating her...I know for a fact im not staying with her forever

A hypothetical situation juxtaposed with reality?
It's your life and things like this arent going to happen without your consent, you do have to live with your own moral standards though.
The fact of the matter is, you are thinking with your little head at this point in time.

quote:

...i can see myself dating her but not marrying her you know....so is it right to break up this marriage...

I dont know! You want our approval to go around wrecking marriges to justify your actions? Get some spine, make your own decisions and grow up, its your life.

quote:

or should i say fuck it and just let it be...?

Probably the safest bet because you dont know what you want.

quote:

too confusing...it sux to be 19 =(

Dont worry, its all downhill after 21

quote:

Originally posted by Vivid Boy k well #1 my girl and me are breaking up so like it makes no diff.... and #2 i dont think this girl has the urge to sleep with any other guy cept for me =(....like lets say her and her fiancee break up and now im dating her...I know for a fact im not staying with her forever...i can see myself dating her but not marrying her you know....so is it right to break up this marriage...or should i say fuck it and just let it be...? too confusing...it sux to be 19 =(

First, if u really care for her don't bother man. Getting laid is getting laid but i thought u said u were close. Second, what comes around goes around. If she is cheating on this guy then she will cheat on you. Last, do u really want to be responsible for breaking a marriage that she obviously has issues with and doesn't have the courage to speak?

Re: ........ thats truly sad.........

quote:

Originally posted by Thor Sorry if I sound mad, but this shit really boils me. I mean that wanna marry a millionare show upset me so much, it still does. What the hell is good about marrying someone that you don't even know, just because he has money?!?! Its sick, sacrificing happyness, true love over some shit like money...

Of course coming from a wealthy country you can afford to prioritize like that, if you were an unemployed single mom from, say, Ukraine, you'd probably see things differently.

Personally I don't think it's possible to love somebody your entire life, and as such marriage is a structure of out society whose main purposes are to ensure that nobody gets too lonely and to prevent us from using our energy on finding partners all the way through life.

So, getting to the point, the girl probably had a reason for getting married, and if that reason still is valid you shouldn't sleep with her. Otherwise you should tell her to end the marriage herself, and then you could have sex.

quote:

Personally I don't think it's possible to love somebody your entire life, and as such marriage is a structure of out society whose main purposes are to ensure that nobody gets too lonely and to prevent us from using our energy on finding partners all the way through life.

Well, I guess it's possible to love someone all your life, but probably no more possible than it is to be mad at someone for all your life or to be "happy" for all your life. Love, when you get down to it, is still just an emotion, no more immune from the ravages of caprice and still just as prone to change depending on the environment that you exist in, or the things you experience as you mature. Love isn't eternal, nor is it transcendant. It's a basic human response - just because we may not understand where it comes from, it doesn't make it a special, "mystical" phenomenon. It's probably there, but people place way too much emphasis on it. I think we've all been brainwashed by that Hallmark sense of over-sentimentality to tell you the truth.

And yeah, trancaholic, it's interesting that you should mention the societal influence when it comes to finding the "perfect" partner. I was reading a cultural anthropology website the other day (don't ask ) and it actually really opened my eyes to the amount of influence that our society has on the we express our......um....... "sexual desires" I guess. I mean we assume that the North American/European way of life - monogomous, heterosexual exclusivity - is the norm, and while a lot of cultures do demonstrate such a system, apparently "in a sample of 850 societies, less than 20% preferred monogamy over other marriage patterns". So I dunno, analysing things rationally, and judging from the behaviour of our primate cousins (who would share similar desires/instincts to us) I'm not sure that strict monogomy - as in all this "till death do us part" crap - is necessarily such a great option. It provides a greater feeling of security to the two individuals I guess, and probably is beneficial from an evolutionary perspective in terms of allowing offspring a greater chance of survival, but it's still a bit perculiar that humans fell so readily into this "I will love you for ever - you are my one and only" stuff. Marriage does not allow the individuals room to mature: sure they may have been in love when they were young and overflowing with lust, and had the same, basic interests (i.e. bonking like rabbits) but it would be naive to assume that this love should necessarily last for ever. I mean, look at the divorce rates in the US, and then look at all the people who by all means should be divorced, and then tell me that it's natural and the norm for people to fall in love forever.

Fuck, I didn't mean to get into all this.......where was I?

Ah yes, Vivid Boy. If you think it's the right thing to do (you feel that, overall, the pros outweigh the cons), and she feels the same way, then I fail to see the problem. No piece of paper, regardless of how legally binding it may be, has the right to tell people who they should and shouldn't have sex with. It's natural, and if you've both weighed up the options and in this current moment can honestly say that this is what you both want, and that the enjoyment that you'll get from the experience outweighs any possible repurcussions, then it's all good buddy. Jump right in.

Lilith first of all i can tell ur very against this whole situation for what ever reason...and i respect that but if u think i posted this message for approval ur totally wrong....I wouldnt even post this message if i thought it was 100% the right thing to do...i wouldnt even bother...but i do know its wrong and im totally thinking about that other guy that will be scared for life because of this. and this is a huge problem in my life and i wanted to get other ppl's views to compare them to mine and maybe i thought it would help make my decision. But on the other hand if i say fuck it and leave it alone this marriage will most likely break up anyways if this girl does not totally love this guy.. And i would be missing out on an oppurtunity, a mempory that would be sacred in my growing experience.... Fuck i mean this is all fucked i might as well do what tripple|six believes in go sleep with my teacher or something =P...i dunno this is too confusing well im gonna see this girl today so i guess whta happens is what happens either way ill defend my decision

I don't know what to say Vivid Boy. I have recently been cheated on, and it's NOT fun at all. Sure I'm fuckin sugar coating it to shit here, but what I think you should honestly do, is ask her how bad she wants it, and whetheror not it's more important to her than her fiancee, and if it is, then she should break up with him beforehand, keyword: BEFOREHAND. But we can't help you in this. You know that. You knew it before you started this thread. All our opinions even out and probably are making things worse for you. YOU and only YOU can decide what's best, everything happens for a reason, and if you make a mistake, you'll learn from it, most likely the hard way...

well i`d say dont do it!! but really if your both thinking of doing this dont you think you should ask yourself why?...i mean is there a deeper problem in her relationship that needs sorting out and is this just a result/manifestation of it?

she needs to sort thing out in her own head b4 she gets it on with you...or is this the 'one last fling' b4 she gets married??
and is this rebound from the break up of your relationship and most of all is it worth it??!!

*sigh* hmm...well on the other hand if u can both handle this e.g that nothing more may happen etc... well then go for it...but u mite all get really hurt by this...in the end only u can decide.

argh i think too much...

its not a rebound...u ppl dont understand what was up with me and my girl its very complicated pretty much we're breaking up not oficially yet but we will.....the thing is i love my girl with all my heart but i have noticed lately that she has problems...and until she can work them out i will not be her slave....I love the girl and she loves me but things arent working out..and this girl like i said is not someone who i plan on keeping a deep relationship with....I want to have a flaing with her but i dont want her fiancee going through a trumatic experience because of her...i dont even know her bf and he dosnt know who i am....but i dunno i prolly wont theres many fish in the sea and this fish seems to have some type of sea disease so i might as well going fishing for another...eventhough there isnt a fish like her in the entire sea =(

quote:

Originally posted by Vivid Boy ...eventhough there isnt a fish like her in the entire sea =(

then fuck the sea man...expand ur horizons...look in the OCEAN...

heheh sorry couldn't resist that one...relax u'll find sum

peace

ya man im going for sharks fuck look for rainbow fish.....err actually im staring at her right now in class and errrrr fuck man i like the sea i like this fish..i dont care if it already got caught ill just unhook it lead her to freedom! k fuck the metaphors i dunno what m gonna do ill figure things out

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