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Ex's Friends - What to do?

Last night at work, a whole bunch of people came in and were like "YAY, it's Theresa! We gotta hang out sometime soon, what's your number? Blah Blah blah blah!"

These people are my ex's friends.

My ex and I rarely speak to each other, let alone hang out. Now my hanging out with his friends doesn't mean I will see him, considering he is never around - now that he has a 16 year old girlfriend to babysit.

I like these people (I would consider them my friends too, being that I hung out with them a lot during the relationship with my ex), and I wouldn't mind partying with them. They obviously would like to see more of me.

BUT, is this unfair to my ex? He barely hangs out with them anyway, but then again, they were originally HIS friends, and I don't want to kind of "step in on his territory."

I have considered talking to my ex to see how he feels about it, but in a way I wonder if I should bother? I mean, he can't tell me who I am allowed to be friends with or not, and then on the other hand, I do care about his boundaries *sorta*.

They want to hang out with me. They pursued me, not me on them. So it isn't like I tried to force my way in on his playing field.

P.S. This isn't the first time they have tried getting me to hang out with them. His one friend in particular calls me often and asks me to go out with her. And everytime I see some of the others, they are always asking me to come out to places with them. I often decline, but there has been a couple of times I have showed up to their parties or whatever.

One of the downsides for me is if I do choose to hang out with them, there is the possibility of my ex and his new GF showing up. I am almost 100% sure I can handle it, but it may be a bit awkward, and again, may piss him off.

What should I do?

By the way, if any of that didn't make a lot of sense, it's because I just got off of work, and I am exhausted! Sorry for being incoherent

he doesnt own them, you can be friends with whoever you like, specially if they like you n vice versa

Steal his friends, it's the only way to make an ex PAY!

i think it depends on how your relationship ended with him, like was it a good break up or messy with lots of yelling. but if they want to hang out with you then why should you care what he thinks?

As long as you want to hang ou with them I don't know what's the problem. They are your ex's friends, but how could this mean that they can't be friends with you and that you an enjoy going out with them?

And if your ex BF shows when you are with his (your) friends, just act like you normally do as if he is not there.

I think it made plenty of sense, and I agree that its a tough decision. Between work and ytour other friends, do you have time to incorporate another social gorup into your time? Is it fair for you to ask to them not have you out with the if Ex-BF is going to show up? You say you could probably handle seeing him and his new gf together, so that doesnt seem to be a likely problem, though theres obviously some potential there for resentment and anger much less, regret.

If you want my opinion, and you meet the criteria I listed, I say hang out with them. This really sold me

quote:

BUT, is this unfair to my ex? He barely hangs out with them anyway, but then again, they were originally HIS friends, and I don't want to kind of "step in on his territory."

When it comes to interpersonal relationships, there really is no "territory". If they invite you out, you have all the right to socialize without considering his benefit. Additionally, since the friends seem to be girls, theres no, my-friend-is-trying-to-fuck-my-ex factor. They could hate the new gf and be trying to play matchmaker, but thats not th e feeling I got from your post.




Summary of this post: The main problems here are , 'can you handle seeing your ex and his new gf together?', and 'do you have time to hang out with these people?'. If the answers are 'yes', i say, whats stopping you?

quote:

Originally posted by jonze234 i think it depends on how your relationship ended with him, like was it a good break up or messy with lots of yelling. but if they want to hang out with you then why should you care what he thinks?

It started off very clean, then once all the truth came out, it got very dirty...

After about a month of being broke up, we took some cleaning supplies and bandaids, and patched things up.

However, some wounds are steal healing.

Did you get that?

*JEEEEZ I AM TIRED!!!*

quote:

Originally posted by Theresa It started off very clean, then once all the truth came out, it got very dirty... After about a month of being broke up, we took some cleaning supplies and bandaids, and patched things up. However, some wounds are steal healing. Did you get that? *JEEEEZ I AM TIRED!!!*

well if things are still "healing" then maybe you should proceed with caution. i dont think hanging out with them a couple of times would hurt things but its hard to say since i dont know the guy. and you said that you've hung out with them at parties and that didnt bother him so i dont see how this would matter.

Re: Ex's Friends - What to do?

quote:

Originally posted by Theresa BUT, is this unfair to my ex?

Not at all.

quote:

Originally posted by Theresa He barely hangs out with them anyway

Then it's all good. Forget about the territory thing - they're people, not objects

My and my ex had alot of the same mutual friends. Alot of people that she know's now is because I introduced them to her. We had a pretty bad break up and alot of my original friends do not talk to her anymore. We still do have some of the same friends, we go to the same places, and it seem's right now that it has kind of split alot of our friends apart. It's a touchey situation, I would definitely proceed with caution. Whatever you might do with them, he's more then likely going to hear about. I personally wouldn't do it just to avoid any drama that might happen.

quote:

Originally posted by tribu I think it made plenty of sense, and I agree that its a tough decision. Between work and ytour other friends, do you have time to incorporate another social gorup into your time? Is it fair for you to ask to them not have you out with the if Ex-BF is going to show up? You say you could probably handle seeing him and his new gf together, so that doesnt seem to be a likely problem, though theres obviously some potential there for resentment and anger much less, regret. If you want my opinion, and you meet the criteria I listed, I say hang out with them. This really sold me When it comes to interpersonal relationships, there really is no "territory". If they invite you out, you have all the right to socialize without considering his benefit. Additionally, since the friends seem to be girls, theres no, my-friend-is-trying-to-fuck-my-ex factor. They could hate the new gf and be trying to play matchmaker, but thats not th e feeling I got from your post. Summary of this post: The main problems here are , 'can you handle seeing your ex and his new gf together?', and 'do you have time to hang out with these people?'. If the answers are 'yes', i say, whats stopping you?

Time to hang out with a different social group? Not a whole lot, but I try to make an effort.

His friend's being mainly girls = Wrong! There is ony one girl that is a friend of his that tries to hang out with me, all the rest are male (5-6).

I think I can handle seeing the ex and a new girl, so long as she doesn't give me attitude, because I know I would fly off the handle easily with her.

Seeing the ex without the girl, perfectly fine!

I think most of his friends are pretty sensitive to the fact that I don't want to be around him all too often, so I doubt they would invite me somewhere, and not tell me he was coming.

I really don't think they are trying to get him and I back together, and even if they were, it wouldn't happen in a million years. I cannot be with him again.

So, I think this concludes that I shouldn't feel guilty for hanging out with them if I feel like it.

However, I would like some more input if there is anyone who cares to comment.

not a good idea... you'll look like a leech

quote:

Originally posted by malek not a good idea... you'll look like a leech

Elaborate please.

quote:

Originally posted by Theresa Elaborate please.

no, i'm lazy.

quote:

Originally posted by malek no, i'm lazy.

You are the weakest link.

Good bye!

Look. I imagine this is the same asshole ex that checked your internet activity. If so, who cares what he thinks? Guys a prick and he can't prevent you from continuing relationships he introduced you to. I can understand avoiding him and his smurf girlfriend, but all you have to do is tell them that you would prefer to not be invited if he is going to be there. I say, if you like them, you further your friendships.

quote:

Originally posted by Theresa You are the weakest link. Good bye!

if you think you'll get comfort by posting this story over here, you are wrong.

And you know its not right to go out with your ex's friends when in fact you don't even see or want to see him.

You already know it's bad if you go with them, don't try to find an excuse...

also, how do you even know that these guys are genuine about wanting to see you?? maybe they wanted to seem nice? Maybe they want to have fun at your expense... don't forget its his friends and they may have sided with him.

blah

its called "making new friends"

quote:

Originally posted by malek if you think you'll get comfort by posting this story over here, you are wrong. And you know its not right to go out with your ex's friends when in fact you don't even see or want to see him. You already know it's bad if you go with them, don't try to find an excuse... also, how do you even know that these guys are genuine about wanting to see you?? maybe they wanted to seem nice? Maybe they want to have fun at your expense... don't forget its his friends and they may have sided with him. blah

I was only joking about the weakest link comment... it was a line from a game show, and I was teasing about you being too lazy to write an explaination.

However, I don't agree with you. I know that they are genuine people, and are not trying to "side" against me. I know this because I HAVE hung out with them before, after the ex and I broke up, and I had a great time.

I am certainly not trying to find comfort by coming here. TRUST ME! I know what this site is like, and I expected some flameage. LOL!

As for "knowing it's not right" because I "don't see him, or want to", that is wrong. I don't mind if I see him, in fact we have gone out for coffee, and have spoken since we have broken up, but it isn't like we hang out every chance we get.

Now someone else mentioned that everything I do has the prospect of getting back to him. To be bluntly honest, I couldn't give a shit. I am not trying to win him back, so I couldn't care less if he knew about what I was doing.

All I really wanted to know was if it was rude/disrespectful for me to hang out with people that originally were his friends.

Nite-mer, you are right, this is the asshole that did all the stupid shit. LOL! I suppose you have a point, that if it does bother him, too fucking bad.

HAHA!

quote:

Originally posted by Nite-Mer I can understand avoiding him and his smurf girlfriend

BAHAHAHAHA! That sincerely made me laugh!

i think it is fine to hang out with them. i also think you are extremely considerate and a good person to consider what his feelings would be.

the other thing is, if things get complicated, it's not like you are bound to them. you can just stop hanging out with his friends.

quote:

Originally posted by butterfly if things get complicated, it's not like you are bound to them. you can just stop hanging out with his friends.

Very good point, I hadn't quite put that into consideration.

quote:

Originally posted by Theresa BAHAHAHAHA! That sincerely made me laugh!

That's what I'm here for. I'll be here all week. Oh, hold on. Except the weekend, that is.

if he does get mad at you for hanging out with his friends then show him this thread and blame it on us.

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