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What's Your Favorite Joke?
subj.
don't bitch around if smth like this was already posted.. let's just have a new one...
Re: What's Your Favorite Joke?
| quote: |
| Originally posted by theEXODUZ subj. don't bith around if smth like this was already posted.. let's just have a new one... |
A middle aged single mallard duck waddles into a bar on a sunny afternoon (siesta time). The bar is called Bar Frank and is located somewhere in Barcelona. Now at this bar is a bartender, who name is boviosly frank, a soccar fanatic and a passed out drunk guy. Frank is an older guy with a mustacho and has a rather large beer gut. He stinks of spices and walks with a slight limp. Passed out on the counter is a drunk. He's out cold with his head folded in his arms. And lastly there is the soccar fan who's wearing a Man U jersey who's clearly from the enguhland. At any rate so this duck walks in yea. This gets everyone too look at him. To at which point he approaches the bar. Now once at the the bar he flies up onto the bar in front of frank the bar tender. (you with me so far?) Ok...so then Frank says "hey what will it be?" but in spanish cuz this joke takes place in spain. So the duck looks the guy square in the eye and asks...
Got any Quak-ers? ha ha ha ha ROFL ROFL OMFG ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFLOL ROFLOLROFLO lol ha ha h ke ke k tee hee cock it!!!!
Since the damn search function is broken I had to go back a far way to find this. Anyways the joke!
A man goes into a repair shop to get his watch fixed. But when he sees that the girl running the store is extremely hot, he unzips his pants and lays his johnson on the counter.
Sir, what are you doing? This is a clock shop! the shocked girl shouts.
I know, he replies. I'd like to get a pair of hands and a face put on this
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like Grandpa Fred.
Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
(repost)
I just posted this in the humor section
Situation: The captain of a plane just informed the passengers that they are going down, and will all die within 15 minutes.
At that moment, a young woman got up and said: "I am still young, and I do not wanna die. Isn't there anyone in here who can make me feel like a woman?"
To her response, a man starts unbuttoning his shirt while saying:
"Here, start ironing this."
You know what they say about people with big feet?
THEY WEAR BIG SHOES!!!
OMG!@!111 I BET U DIDNT SEE THAT ONE COMIN DID YA!! ! UAHDIHGADIUA MUAHAHA!
whats brown & sticky?
a stick.
badum tscchhhhhh
What does ADD stand for?
Attention Deficit... LET'S GO RIDE BIKES!!!!
Q: What do you when a chemist dies?
A: You Barium.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by Renegade What does ADD stand for? Attention Deficit... LET'S GO RIDE BIKES!!!! |
This is my favourite joke EVAR! I couldnt find it online so i had to type out from memory. Anyway see what ya think....
A duck walks into a bar and proceeds straight over to the counter to order up a beer. So he asks the barman for a pint of beer and continues on knocking them back as the night goes on. Eventually the barman begins to notice this duck is one unhappy customer so he asks him if everything is ok to which the duck begins to explain how he lost his job that day due to cutbacks in the company he's working for. He goes on to explain that he just doesnt know what to do? He has 12 little ducklings at home to feed and his wife looking after them. So the barman offers his sympathy and tells him if he hears of any work going he'll let him know. With that the duck waddles out of the bar and away home to explain to his wife about the dire situation.
Anyway later that night in the bar a clown walks in and up to the bar. The clown and the barman get talking and it turns out that the circus is in town. The clown also explains to the barman that he really upset because one of their best acts, a talking donkey, has just passed away. Suddenly the barman realises that this could be just the thing the talking duck would be suited for. So the barman explains this and tells the clown to come round tomorrow night and the duck might be in for a few drinks so they can have a chat.
The next night arrives and the clown is there in the corner having a few drinks but no sign of the duck. Just as he is about to give up all hope in arrives the duck. So the duck waddles up to the bar and orders a drink from the barman. At this stage the barman explains to the duck that the circus is in town and that there might be something good in it for him, he directs him over to clown and says good luck. The barman watches as the duck goes over and talks to the clown for a few minutes. Soon the duck returns to the bar with a disappointed look on his face. The barman is puzzled and ask what happened??? The duck sighs and says to the barman....
"what the f*ck would the circus want with a plumber?!"
Why couldnt Hellen Keller Drive.?
Cause she was a Woman.
this is from a movie hehehe...
Q: what's the best thing about dating a homeless woman?
A: you can drop them off anywhere
So this pedophile is leading a girl into the woods in the middle of the night. The little girl starts tugging on his sleeve "mister, mister, I'm afraid of the dark" to which he replied "you think you're scared? I have to walk back alone"
Q:How did a monkey get down from a tree?
A:He jumped off
I tried to sniff coke once.
But the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
| quote: |
| Originally posted by TweeK Q:How did a monkey get down from a tree? A:He jumped off |
why do farts smell?
so deaf people can enjoy them too
| quote: |
| Originally posted by fitom tiel why did the monkey fall from the tree? cause he was dead |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by TweeK i dont know which joke was funnier mine or yours |
| quote: |
| So this pedophile is leading a girl into the woods in the middle of the night. The little girl starts tugging on his sleeve "mister, mister, I'm afraid of the dark" to which he replied "you think you're scared? I have to walk back alone" |
| quote: |
| Originally posted by generic they were both shit |
One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the lawyer said. But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place - the grass is almost a foot high!"
Q: What did one luch plate say to the other?
A: Lunch is on me.
A stand up comedy act by Eddie Murphy from like.. the eighties is one of my favourites of all time!
[Singing AND Dancing] I've got some ice cream, I've got some ice cream! And you ain't got none, cause your daddy's on welfare![/Laughing my fricken ass off!]
He rules
If anyone knows what I am talking about, props to you
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